Message Boards

Topic : 08/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Number of Replies: 429
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:47:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/18/08) Living with an alcoholic parent is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching experiences a child can go through. Heather, 28, and Alexandra, 21, say their mother, Joey, is a pathetic drunk, and if she doesn’t get clean once and for all, they will walk away from her forever. Joey says she had her first drink at 7 and was drinking heavily every weekend by 15. She’s now 54 and about to lose everything she holds dear. Former guest and drug addict Joani began documenting Joey’s addiction a month ago. Faced with home video footage and testimonials from her family members, will Joey have the courage to take a step toward sobriety, or will she cave in to her addiction like she did after her previous stints in rehab? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 17, 2008, 10:25 pm CST

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

Quote From: quay20

I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, and I have been where she is at but it CAN get worse!  I used for 23 years, I lost everything, my family, my children, my freedom, and my self-respect, I should be one of those people you see on the corner talking to the sky (wet-brain)  The one thing that impacted me the greatest was losing my son's respect, and setting myself up to lose my daughter to a manipulative, pathological state worker.  My addiction harmed my family the greatest because the alcohol and drugs were more important to me than anything, I will be doing damage control for the rest of my life.  NOBODY, could tell me anything, I was a angry, selfish, self-centered dope-fiend and thought I was above everything...NOTHING could touch me, I was invincible.  WRONG!  Famous last words, that will never happen to me, I can handle it....I won't get caught,  the next thing I knew, I was in a state vehicle heading the the woman's correctional facility.  The day I hit my bottom, and I remember it like it was yesterday, I was homeless (or chose to be)  I had pushed everyone who mattered to me as far away as possible, I was self-loathing, miserable, and felt that the world was better off without me.  I was at that point on the Janek chart, where you have 3 options, Insanity, Death, or Recovery.  You have 3 choices, no sub-categories.  Most of the people I drank and got high with chose death, I chose life. By the Grace of God, there go I. 

I never want to experience those feelings again! but it took that much.  I believe as a helper of the people and a recovering person, that this woman needs to wake up and see the light!  She needs to take ownership of her actions, and this can only be done if she is ready.  SHE has to want to get better.  The first step to recovery, is admitting you are powerless over alcohol.  I she can do this, then she just might have a chance, but remember that the statistics are against us...only a few will get sober and stay sober.  You have to want what other sober people have.  I all but destroyed all that was precious to me, so today I do not take anything for granted, especially my family.  All those promises in the Big Book, they do come true ...my life is wonderful now, I have my daughter back in my life and she just gave me my first grandson on February 14th, and my son and I have rebuilt our relationship.  I went back to school and will hopefully have my Master of Social Work this spring.  My family is healing, I am healing but it takes hard work and alot of changes!  Footnote:  Now, I am hardcore, I believe that is no other way but total abstinence.  I feel that if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes.

Your story touches my heart and gives me additional hope...thank you so much for caring enough to share to others your road back to reality...

 

We really sometimes feel that the only power that is available to us, is the power that the bottle brings to us that helps us numb up to the reality of what it is that we are a handling at the time.  I know that you know what I am a talking about.

 

Forgive yourself totally for those moments that you knew not what was real...gather strength in knowing that God forgives you for all things...that you had no idea was real...that which you did and still proceed ahead with...He still will forgive you those transgressions...Our God is a loving God and He wants us all happy...without Him in our life, there is no happiness as I am sure that you have already discovered...

 

For He is the only power source that we have that is real...I know this from the depths of my heart and when I reach out and forgive all others locked into this same perceptional picture of addiction...I find that I benefit more than the forgiveness that I extend to them..."that which you do for others, you do for yourself."

 

Your story is wonderful and I am grateful that you are moving forward...your story is an inspiration to those still lost and a wondering if what I wrote is real or not...

 

Life is good.

Seek it life encompassing moments that do pass ever so quickly...

 

Again, thank you for your caring to share these personal moments that we would have missed had you not reach out of your silent world and spoke to us...

 

May You Be Blessed Always

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 
February 17, 2008, 10:32 pm CST

Dear One

Quote From: cristobel

Since Pathological Liars are ADDICTED to the behavior, please help me get them to be mandated to be "registered" ........ just like sex offenders.

 

prayerfully and gratefully,

 

Oh my goodness, were we to have a register for pathological liars who are addicted to the behavior...it would be so long...

 

Thanks for your input...without God in their life...the path of lying seems their only way of expressing that which is real to them...

 

They lie so much that lies become their reality...are you talking about the show on liars?

 

 

Those are my thoughts...

 

"The weave we weave, when we practice to deceive"...this too is a disease state isn't it doc?

 

 

Truth and reality becomes a million miles apart...yet the lie weaver has forgotten that...sad, so very sad...lies created becomes their reality...lost souls...God is the only answer...there is.

May You Be Blessed

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 18, 2008, 6:21 am CST

She needs a puppy (7week old Wiemeraner music video!)

I have struggled recently w/ addiction of pain killers and xanax. We were blessed to beat it after 3 months of "pain". We just got a family Weimeraner puppy. It has made me forget the past and live for now. I made the puppy video for your awesome fans! We love your show!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOxjSDL3i7w

 
February 18, 2008, 7:03 am CST

Alcoholic Mothers

I just watched the show about alcoholic mothers. I wanted to grab Heather and just hold her and tell her it would all be ok. That would be a lie of course because it won't be, not yet. It was so surreal watching that show today because I was Heather. My mother had lost my father to cancer and she fell into a bottle and never came out. I have two younger sisters that were 12 at the time and still needed someone to take care of them. I did the best I could. I raised them and paid my mother's bills. I wish to God that we would have done an intervention. But we were all so scared of her. I really don't understand why. She had stopped eating and was doing more drinking and was only 90 pounds soaking wet. But we were always just so scared of her. If we would have done the intervention and had gotten her to quit drinking then maybe we would have recognized the fact that she had a brain tumor. No sober person  would've acted that way. We just explained all the weird behavior away on her being drunk. My family is completely destroyed. Since the death of both my parents all of us six children have all gone our separate ways. Only a select few of us still talk and that is so sad. I fell down crying watching this show today, not just for Heather, but for what my family has endured, and still is. I mourn the death of what my family could have been. It is for this  reason that I have chosen to stay away from alcohol. I will never do this to my son.
 
February 18, 2008, 7:07 am CST

Sober Up Or Else??????

I watched the show, listened to everyone's comments and complaints, and while I do not condone alcoholism, I do understand the struggles it takes to quit. One problem I have with the show was that it was revealed that the lady started drinking around age 7 or 9. To me, that takes the blame out of her hands. At that age, she was not a willing participant but a victim. Not one time did I hear any mention as to who gave her the alcohol and what was their punishment. While you may not think this is a relevant question, it may be detrimental to her recovery. Unfortunately, alcohol is all she has known since a child and she may very well be dealing with some deep rooted "abuse" issues. When alcohol is given to a minor, usually it's to cover up something else, such as child molestation. Did her daughters ever even stop to question the why behind their mother's drinking? One of the daughter's said she wanted her mother back. It's hard to get back something you never really had. Instead of backing away and adding to her mental anguish, maybe a little compassion would help. My prayer is that she will recover and fnally be able to put her past behind her. And that while she is in treatment, her daughters will seek therapy for themselves. This is truly a family who needs it.
 
February 18, 2008, 7:15 am CST

Drunk Mom

Dr Phil did a great job of having her admit she needed help. I think that was very helpful. I used to drink in excess at least three times a week. My drinking problem disappeared when I received help for my Persistant Anxiety. I was 55 years old before I found out why I drank so often. I spent all those years trying to find help, and not knowing why I had to drink. All I knew was I needed alcohol to calm the butterflys and the anxiety. After I started treating my anxiety, It took two years to eventually quit drinking all together, but I was just operating out of habit. I didn't need to drink once I brought my anxiety level down to "almost" normal. I don't think my anxiety level will ever be normal. Being a child in abusive relationship, sexual and physical, kept my brain in high gear all the time. The medication helped with that. Even after the help, it took me ten years to find a medication that agreed with me, I take 5 mg. of generic Celexsa(spelling) once daily. I have tried all the others, they put me to sleep or gave me all kinds of bad side effects. 

My wish is that Dr. Phil would explain that anxiety and depression can cause alcoholism and drug abuse, not always DNA. But then I am not sure if Dr. Phil would agree with me, I sure would hope so because he is in a position to help so many who might never get help.

I have known people who spend the rest of their lives going to AA, every night, in some cases. To me they are just substituting one addiction for another. They are not getting to the cause. People who have never had persistant anxiety can never understand how debilitating it can be. Imagine you are in a speeding car, that is 10 ft. from crashing into a brick wall, the way you would feel is how a person with persistant anxiety feels ALL THE TIME!  God Bless you all, and help pass this on to those it might help. M

 

 
February 18, 2008, 7:36 am CST

Is there such thing?

Hmm...let's see here..

 

Both parents are alcoholics, older brother-alcoholic-younger brother-drug addict- younger sister-drug addict and me, the second oldest, a recovering compulsive gambler-recovering alcoholic...

 

Whew just writing that out makes me want to find the nearest bridge and be done with it. I watched my parents for 2 decades drink, fight. and forget they even had kids. I grew up doing just what I learned and it has taken so long to learn new ways of living. Sometimes I honestly believe it is impossible. Add abuse by two alcoholic grandfathers to the mix of crap I have had to deal with and staying in recovery gets harder.

 

It is a day to day constant battle with demons I never invited into my life to begin with. Taking responsibility for my actions is about the only thing I have going in my favor. LOL Of course I still like to lean against "It's all their fault I turned out the way I did."

 

Yeah well life goes on and I will stay sober and not roll the dice again or I won't. Either way life continues to be a struggle.

 
February 18, 2008, 7:47 am CST

I was addictived to credit cards

Like this woman who has a drinking problem I had a addiction myself to credit cards and like alcochol it can tear famiiles apart my relationship and I'm being put to the test myself with my brother and sisters

right now and it's in terribble danger of being destroyed beacause of my addiction and she better open her eyes and her heart I know from experience her and my health phyacal,emotionaly, and men mentally is in terribble danger she has got to understand she can hurt not only her famliy, but someone else for me i was thousands of dollars of in debt because of credit cards and thanks to my brothers warnings and my doctors  I'm scared very scared to death and I can tell STOP IT STOP DRINKING RIGHT NOW before it is to late or like me lose everything you have your home,money,health,and most of all your family I wish I could meet you and tell you what it is like being addictive to someting from experience about being it grave danger of losing your family.

 
February 18, 2008, 8:21 am CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

I clicked on the "alcoholism quiz" link. And, noticed that there weren't any questions, just "yeses" and "noes" to check off. Dr Phil's staff needs to look into this.
Anyway, is there really that much difference between "social" drinking and alcoholism? How many alcoholics started out as "social" drinkers?  In their teens, even? To fit in?
And, at any age, "social" drinking can be problem drinking. Even if it's just weekend binge drinking, it's bad for the brain. And, liver.


 
February 18, 2008, 8:41 am CST

I pray for you to educate yourself.....

Quote From: loveanime

 

I have no tolerance for people who abuse themselves with drink AND drugs.  My youngest brother was both an alcoholic and drug addict.  At the tender age of 43 had to get an emergency heart operation.  It ended up with him getting a quadruple heart bypass.  He's 54 now.  He doesn't do drugs or alcohol since then because the doctor told him he won't get a second chance. He still smokes though and drinks several cokes a day.  Got quite a pot belly on him that one.

 

I worked for a gas station that sold beer and believe me it brought in all of the undesirable element.  There's nothing worse than telling a person who's had one two many and trying to buy beer that they can't have anymore.  I refuse them of course but, oh, the grief I get from them.  I would follow them outside and if they got behind the wheel of a car I immediately would call the police and give them the license number of the vehicle.  I am, if nothing else, a conscientious person.  I would think of the innocent people out there in their cars and some drunk behind the wheel. 

 

Despite all the DUI laws there will always be people drinking and driving.  Because there are people out there who think of no one but themselves and think nothing of putting their lives and the lives to others in danger.  I really don't know what we can do to stop drunks from driving short of  installing those devices in vehicles that can detect the scent of alcohol and therefore preventing someone drunk from driving.  Some people would argue it violates the rights but what about the right of others to drive without the fear of drunk drivers.  I feel that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the idiotic few.

 

Hope that mother chooses her family over the booze.  Booze cannot love you or keep you warm at night.

 

 

  I don't think you understand that no one wants to be an alcholic.....In reading your perspective it seems you think that a person just wakes up one morning and says to themselves,"Well, hell you know I think I will go get drunk today, and everyday until I have lost everyone and everything in my life that I love.  Alcholisim is an addiction.  It is a disease and has been proven over and over that it is also genetic.  I agree that the addict must want to help themselves and must do it only for their own health.  Search your heart for some sort of empathy.........not sympathy.........have some compassion for mankind.  .  By the way, what your brother did took strength and detirmination no matter how or what it took to open his eyes.  I am proud that your brother is still sober today.  So what if he has a pot belly or drinks a coke.  SURE BEATS A BEER!!!     
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last