Topic : 08/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Watching yesterday's show brought up feelings in me that I thought were dealt with.  Growing up, my dad (may he now R.I.P.) was an alcoholic--not to the lady's extent on the show, but he was an alcoholic.  So was my two older brothers.  So, I know what it's like to grow up in a dysfunctional family.  All of the arguments and fights.  All of the sadness and depression.  I struggled in school, because there was too much chaos to focus on my studies at times.  The older I got, the more I stayed away from home--just so I could have peace.  And I vowed to never marry a man who was an alcoholic.  I broke that vow to myself.  Not only did I marry a man who is an alcoholic, but he's also a drug addict, too.  Needless to say, we've had our ups and downs (more downs than ups, though).  I feel helpless and miserable at times.  But, through my faith in God, I'm surviving.  I don't want to leave my husband, because I love him--I just hate what he does, and the shape both of our lives are in at the moment.  It seems like we can't get ahead, no matter how hard we try.  I never thought that my life would be this way.  I'm so torn right now.

I must say I was quite surprised at how "angry" Dr Phil was with Joey. I think you still need to deal with your anger over your parents.

I am a recovering alcoholic and understand the need to "get the alcoholic" to face the "bottom" and see the path of destruction they have caused, but you didn't spend enough time talking about how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is. She has been an alcoholic from her first drink, all the desire in the world cannot help her to stop. You should have done more to address "the disease" she suffers from. Yes the family needs to stop enabling her, but do they understand the disease? How will they ever recover themselves? You didin't offer then any solutions to their anger.  You should have talked about "DT's" and what she will go thru, how she needs to be in an enviroment where it is safe and she can get the medical help she needs. The only line during the whole show that touched my heart was when the recovering alcolhic who works on your show said, "they loved me until I could learn to love myself."That made me cry, as this was true for me as well. Joey doesnt love herself either. i know how that feels and beating her up was not effective in my opinion. This should could have been done alot better.

P.s. I have been sober for 24 years .

Pam

I have often said that the selling of alcohol is one of the biggest hypocrisies in the US.  It is against the law to drink and drive...but you have to drive to get the bars and clubs.

Then there is the health issue.  Obviously thousands and thousands of people are addicted to alcohol.  They are on the slow path of destroying their bodies.  One can only imagine what the devastating cost adds up to for each and every one of us.  It impacts the cost to health insurance, it impacts auto insurance, it impacts welfare and social security.   Then consider the emotional damage it is doing to all of those around that person.  Young and old alike.   Life after life is destroyed not just by the user, but it includes their loved ones and the innocent children.

While it is wonderful to live a life of freedom....it just boggles ones mind when you consider what horrendous damage one little thing in a bottle can do.....and it's legal.

Just a thought.

 

    Your story sounds familiar. 

     After your childhood with alcohol, you can miss a lot of the signs.  He has a good job.  He is a good person when he is sober.  So, he can't be as difficult as your father. 

    There is a six-and-one-half ton pink elephant with fifteen feet long tusks in your the living room that you covered with a tablecloth and have been cleaning up after and trying to ignore.  It keeps you very busy.  Elephants make quite a mess.  Visitors to your home notice them, and you are trying your best to ignore the thing.  It is very difficult.  Meanwhile, you beg and plead with an alcoholic--a complete waste of time. You declare your love, reminding him that you have given up so much of your own life and interests for him.  Unfortunately, he loves Smirnoff more than he loves you.  He will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear--he will promise you anything.

     Why are you so concerned about what Joey wants and needs?  She doesn't care about people.  She loves booze.  She has been letting her daughter pay her bills, hiding from the cops, and having a high ole time.  Joey neither wants nor needs their support.  She wants booze.  After she gets out of Hacienda, she plans on moving back into that nice house her brother let's her live in for free and putting in a first class wine cellar.

      Her daughters?  They have to clean up the mess made by their own six-and-one-half ton pink elephant.  It keeps them so busy, they never get a chance to consider what they want and need.  Hopefully, Hacienda will pay a lot more attention to them.  It is a long hard road recovering from the elephant in the living-room.  

 

  

Hey Jeff>>>>.It's a very sad story you tell about your mom. I'm sorry too for what your going through. But you need to realize theres NOTHING you can do about it. You know she has to take the steps she needs to take in order to get sober. My thoughts are with you, believe me. But sometimes we have to learn to let go. And I think thats the hardest thing to do. Will you be sad ?>>YES>>>   will you be angry?>>YES>>  Go with your anger and sadness and realize theres nothing you can do. Unfortantly your just going to have to go through this.  I really hope in time you have a good life. I hope she makes the right decision and gets help. But if she chooses not to, it has nothing to do with you.

         GOOD LUCK     My thoughts are with you and expecially your mom

I am having a hard time feeling any sympathy for this mother. A woman just like her decided to drive drunk one night and hit my brother who was walking home with a friend. This woman was so drunk that she dragged my brother 300 feet before she stopped. She had to be told the next day what she had done because she couldn't remember a thing.

 

My brother was only 18 years old and had his whole life ahead of him.  Our family was never the same after that and even though 20 years have gone by since it happened I still feel such rage when I hear about someone admitting that they drive drunk like this women does. If she wants to kill herself thats one thing but she is putting other people at risk with her behavior....innocent people.

 

 

 

 

I related to the story in so many ways. I am the 25 year old daughter of a 44 year old alcoholic. I can vaguely remember when my mother did not drink. As for my 17 year old brother, it is all he can remember. The life we lived was a little different since she also did drugs and had physically abusive boyfriends. I have tried to overcome the life I had, even separated myself from it for a while. Now that my brother is struggling to find his path, I feel as though I need to interfere again. My mother has become a complete mess. She can't hold a job and she has been to the hospital three times in the last year and a half. All were alcohol related problems such as pancreaitis. Her blood pressure has always been very high so she blames her bizarre behaviors on that. Complete denial of her alcoholism. Rehab has never seemed to be an option to her. I tried to have an intervention with her last thanksgiving, but no one in the family takes this seriously or wants to get involved. I have a baby girl that she adores but cannot be trusted in her care. I have even tried to make her see that, but to no avail.

 

I now find myself fighting depression and anxiety. I just dont know what to do and it consumes me. It makes me hate her, and I don't want to hate. I am afraid that it may affect my ability to be a good mother,friend,or being and that is the worst feeling I can imagine. How can she not care that she is not a good mother.

Watching sober up or else brought back a flood of painful emotions about my alchoholic father who never got sober. He died of his drinking days after his boss caught him drinking on the job. We found out only a day or two after his funeral that his boss was getting ready to fire him over the  drinking issue. There was  so much denial going on in our family that it stank! I  have two siblings. Myself and one other sibling are in recovery from alchoholism. My sibling has over 30 years of  sobriety, I have soon to be 10 yrs.We will always be grateful for what AA has helped us to accomplish! Alcholism is such a stealthy disease! It will creep up on a person faster than any rattlesnake. I think that is especially true, the greater the amount of denial occurring in a family. The AA program is such an eye-opening experience. Not only has the program helped  my sibling and I to understand the whys and wherefores of our own drinking; but also to understand the dynamics of what was happening in  our father's life. The  Adult Children of Alchoholics movement  has also helped me greatly in understanding why I cope with things the way I do. I have learned how being  an adult child of an alchoholic has shaped my life in ways I wouldn't perhaps have realized, had I not gone into recovery myself.

I tape it every day - not as advantaged as you with TIVO - like I said, I read the on-line story and then just skip through the commercials.  But - as someone said, there were 22 minutes of commercials.  How much more help could he have given if there had been less commercial time, advertising for future shows, etc.  After all, it's about him helping people - not promoting upcoming shows - we can see that when we watch!  Could be much more beneficial if it weren't for all the commercial time.