Topic : 02/19 The Dr. Phil House: Rules of Engagement, Part 2

Is this the last part of the Dr. Phil house, or is there an update?  I'd like to see who gets married and who, if anybody calls it off.

Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie.  You're driving away a good man- if you don't want him, there's a lot of other women who would.  Treat him like gold!  You can't expect to be waited on by any man, you'll be disappointed because men don't put up with that crap long term.  How's the princess way of life going to work if you have kids?  Hang on to a good guy.

Lacy, you desserve better than Kalin. I'm sorry, but him abusing you is unacceptable.  If my husband did that to me, he'd have to surgically remove my foot from his butt!  Maybe if he gets help and doesn't berate you, and wants to be a part of the children's life, then see how it goes.  But you're too young, pretty, smart and independant to put up with that crapola.  If you don't want to be with him, then get yourself a hottie that treats you well and doesn't cheat all the time.

Lily, you and Tim are in for a train wreck.   You're 19- you shouldn't be raising a kid and getting married. You should be on a beach in Rio or traveling the world or in college.  Babies are complicated enough when you HAVE all the resources, at your age, it's going to drain everything you have and require many things you don't.  If I were you, I would put the baby up for adoption, go to college, and THEN see if you still have feelings for each other.   By the time you have your first job, your money issues won't be as big because you have higher earning power. 

Scott-you're about to lose that woman.  You have no business being a chauvinist in this century.  You don't want a wife, you want a maid.  Look them up in the phone book, not on dating sites.  Wives aren't indentured servants and this one isn't going to stay long if you continue to treat her like one.

Anyway, this is what I think should happen for the couples, take it as unsolicited advice.  It'sjust what I would do, but people are going to do what they do.

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why Is It Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin MAYBE The Professional Bachelors Dating Guide:  How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho by Dr Brett Tate

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen AND Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

Hope it helps!

my husband of 21 years.  verbally abuses me.  he calls me a whore, ugly, stupid and fat. no matter what i wear he hates it.  i am a very thin person.  he i could wear almost anything. but if i do he tells me it looks horrible, or i look like a whore.  he thinks i am cheating on him when i go to work.

he has my selfasteem so low that i do not even want to go out any were.  i lost my job because of him.

he does not work and it is so hard dealing with this, we do not communicate at.

i know what i need to do, but it is so hard after 21 years...........but i am trying to get my self together.

Carol

Docor Engage House Ment Of Part Phil Rules Two. That is one thing that I will not do that is not to get ma-

rry at all. See you on Tuesday Feburary 19th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------------------------

Based upon how the couples have acted thus far, I believe the youngest couple is best fit for marriage.  Even though they are young, financially insecure, and expecting a baby, I feel their love for each other is strong enough to overcome anything.  I believe they have a strong foundation of trust, communication, and faith in each other.  These elements of a strong foundation are missing from all of the other couples.

In my opinion, none of the other couples should get married any time soon.  Honestly, I'm not sure if they should get married at all.  There's too much hurt between them.  One can forgive, but it's very difficult for one to forget.

I've been through abusive relationships as well--physically and mentally.  The best thing to do is break away before you are emotionally scarred any deeper.

I agree, leave the relationship, the sooner, the better.  He's going to keep doing this to you because he gets off bullying you.  It just hurts you more and more.  I wouldn't delay- there are wmen's shelters and maybe your parents could help until you get back on your feet! 

Or...I've got a hacksaw and a woodchipper....just kidding, not advocating violence. But seriously you need to move out and move on...it's not worth the damage he'll do to you if you stay.