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Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

Number of Replies: 1023
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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:51:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/20/08) Dr. Phil takes on a couple whose story will shock you. Karen says she’s tired of being degraded and controlled by Rick, her husband of six years. She says he calls her “fat pig” and “fat whore,” criticizes her makeup, makes fat jokes and puts photos of nearly naked women on their computer and exercise machine to motivate her. Karen says if she tries to get close to him, he pushes her away and says, “Don’t even touch me until you’re under 200 pounds.” Rick says when he married Karen, she was within his standards, but now she definitely isn’t. He says he’s just trying to motivate his wife, but says it’s a good thing when they fight physically because it’s good exercise “when the beast wails her arms.” Karen says she puts up with the mental abuse because they have two children, and as crazy as it sounds, she still loves him. Is there a chance to salvage this relationship? Tell us what you think!

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February 16, 2008, 8:18 am CST

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS - INCLUDING FAMILY MEMBERS

In general, we don't learn much about healthy communication skills and interaction techniques in school or in our culture.  The only way we learn how to communicate and interact in relationships as adults is by what we see in our homes as we are growing up. 

 

 

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS (including family members): 

 

1.  Be kind, think kind thoughts, and use kind words

2.  Be gentle

3.  Take turns, be fair and share

4.  Be polite

5.  Care about others

6.  Be helpful

7.  Listen attentively  

8.  Respect the thoughts and feelings of others

9.  Give encouragement 

10. Cooperate with others

10a. Set healthy boundaries and be a worthy confidant

 

How to get posters for your family:

www.teachchildren.com/0768213932.html  

 

 

If you grew up in a family where you had to yell to be heard or acknowledged, while your partner grew up in a family where emotional outbursts were ignored or not tolerated, your divergent communication and interaction styles are going to get in the way of your long-term healthy bonding (with your partner and others). 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 
February 16, 2008, 8:33 am CST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

I think he LIKES her fat, that way, she wouldn't be attractive enough to leave him for someone else.  That's why he's so emotionally abusive, I think that he knows at some level that being abusive is going to drive her to eat more, and keep her fat and at home.  If she DID leave him, how many supermodels would he REALLY attract?  This is just a mirror of his own self dissatisfaction and he's not man enough to deal with his self esteem problems.  So he makes Karen deal with it, what a loser.

You're right. Many a husband will  "gripe" about his wife's excess weight. But, when she tries to lose weight, he will do everything within his power to sabotage her efforts. He's in his "comfort zone" with a fat wife. But, not with a wife who loses weight and becomes attractive to others. Then, he'll have to change. Maybe even lose his own excess weight. Or, risk losing her to someone else.
 
February 16, 2008, 8:49 am CST

Karen, get out before you make any new babies

Karen, get away from this worthless human who calls himself a man.  I believe in marriage.  I don't really believe in divorce but in your case I think divorce is the only choice.  This jerk is not going to change.  You and your children deserve a better life than with this monster.  Do you want your daughter to be treated this way?  She is going to wind up marrying a man just like daddy if you continue to stay with him.
 
February 16, 2008, 8:58 am CST

sooo familiar

This sounds very familiar.  I was in a similar marriage for way too long (27 years).  What you all don't understand about women like us are the mind games the men play.  I felt that I couldn't leave.  My ex has been pulled over several times for speeding and has always talked himself out of the ticket.  He always threatened that when he was through with the judge I would have nothing - not even my kids.  I stayed out of fear.  I did lose the weight he wanted but the put downs would be for other things.  he would point out attractive women in public.  he would point out pictures of movie and tv stars that had children but still had perfect bodies.  He demeaned me for years and when the children were grown and gone he had an affair and rubbed that in my face.  I finally got up the nerve to leave.  All the threats didn't happen.  Did I get much from the marriage - no.  The debt was unbelievable - I traded alimony for him owning HIS debt (he owned four cars when I left with car number 5).  Don't be too quick to judge this woman - the mind games are unbelievable.  I didn't know verbal/emotional abuse had a name.  My children thought he was the perfect father.  I fear for their relationships.

 

God bless this women - I hope she gets help. 

 
February 16, 2008, 10:36 am CST

Bullie

I was married to a bullie for 16 years!  They never change!  I was all of 110 pounds and I was fat, stupid, lazy (even though I worked very hard) dirty and the topper a drug addict (have to take medication).  He was cold and even treated the children with no respect.   He was selfish and of course always right.  I could go on and on but the bottom line is LEAVE HIM.  No matter who you are you are better off on your own and remember there is always someone out there that will be the right person for you.
 
February 16, 2008, 10:46 am CST

Leave the jerk for your daughter's self esteem

Oh my goodness!  All of us that are a little on the "full figured" side have struggled with self esteem issues, but this is ridiculous.  My mother has lived her whole life with a jerk like this.  She is just an empty shell now.  Become the SUPERwoman you still have the opportunity to become, before it is too late.  He is only making your self esteem worse.  Furthermore, if you can't leave him for yourself, then do it for you daughter!  He is going to do the same to her, if he isn't already.   I grew up wih a dad who called me names and told me I looked fat when I was 5'8" and 120 pounds in high school (among other horrible names).  It messed me up big time!  Trust me, you DO NOT want that for your daughter! I am blessed now to be married to a wonderful man (after dating a few "Ricks") who loves me unconditionaly and I am motivated to lose weight so that I can be healthy and active enough to keep up with my 4 boys.  Being his "perfect" wife has NOTHING to do with it.  I already know I am!  He is simply not worth the energy you are exending on him.  I hope Dr. Phil sends you away to some luxury spa, you come back a supermodel with over-the-top self esteem and show up on your soon-to-be ex-husband's doorstep to serve him divorce papers in 4-inch heels and the sexiest red dress anyone has ever seen!  I would pay a million dollars to see that!!
 
February 16, 2008, 10:52 am CST

Doctor Phil Show

Bully Doctor Husband Phil. I was never was a bully in my life but however there are some husband that do

being a bully andthat is not right at all. See you on Wednesday Feburary 20th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russ-

ell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
February 16, 2008, 11:24 am CST

Loser

I can't believe this guy! Who does he think he is to criticize anyone else's looks! He needs to take a good look at himself before he calls his wife a fat pig. He is disgusting and unattractive. I guess he thinks it's OK for him to be fat, but not anyone else. Since when does calling someone names and degrading them act as a motivation? He doesn't deserve to have Karen as his wife. He also calls his four year old a bitch?! Unbelievable! He is an abuser of the worst kind and he needs to wake up. Karen should leave him pronto. She says she loves him. Please! What exactly is there to love? I think she loves the man who she wishes he would be. Sorry, he is never going to be that man! I hope she realizes that she is actually damaging her children by staying with him. No child wants to live in a home like that, being called names and witnessing their mother being abused. I had an abusive father and when he abused my mother, it hurt more than anything. I hated it! I hope Dr. Phil talks some sense into Karen and really lets this jerk have it. I also hope Rick reads all these posts so he can realize what a moron he is and that the world thinks he is scum.
 
February 16, 2008, 11:35 am CST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: juliebgg

Just from reading the preview..this woman needs to get a backbone and fast!!!!! Quite frankly, based on the descrition of what this guy has done and the put-down comments he makes, I'd have taken the kids and run for the hills a long time ago if I were Karen.  No one deserves to be called names for being overweight, and pointing to other women (attractive and skinny I'm sure!) and asking the kids if they want her for their new Mommy is unconscienable.   And whether he realizes it or not, he is not motivating his wife with his insults. He is making her miserable and she is probably turning to food to fill the huge void. And what message does this send to the kids?  Hope she has some extended family support she can count on, and that she gets herself and the kids out as soon as possible.

I can only agree with what everyone else has said except the wife needs a good talking to for allowing her kids to endure this abuse.  When he is abusing her, he is abusing them!!!!  Maybe she dosen't see that though, althoughI dont know how, she's got a brain !  If it hurts her, it hurt them!!!!

God help those children.

I know Dr. Phil will help her with her self-esteem issues and give her the courage to leave his sorry ass .

One thing is for sure, I wouldn't stay with him irregardless of how much "therapy" he agreed to.  If he has this much meaness in him now, he always has and always will.  I don't believe the basic personality changes that much.

He is so ugly anyway, who would want his disgusting self.  I agree that he projects his own self hatred onto her but that would be his problem, not mine.

Like I said, God help those children and may she be a better Mother than subject her children to such a hate filled and miserable life. 

 
February 16, 2008, 11:49 am CST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: michiganderres

Not impossible.  What Karen needs is a husband who loves her no matter what.  I know Karen personally and I won't reveal too much, but she is a wonderful wife to this IDIOT!  She does not deserve his treatment.  She's putting up with it just for the kid's sake, which I feel to be for the wrong reason.  If they grow up to witness this treatment throughout their lives, they too will inherit the disease, which is not fair to them.

 

 If there are any single, decent, honest, not necessarilty good looking men out there who needs a nurturing wife, she is the one!  Her kids are so well mannered and adorable, it would be hard not to love them.  Even if not your own.  Believe me, there is some lonely man out there that would appreciate the kind of life that she can give.  She needs a rescue!

I don't want to sound insensitive to Karen, but she does not need to be rescued,she needs to rescue herself and know her self worth. Her children will grow up thinking that a "knight in shinning armor" will save the day. She has to save herself and her children. They will have a role model to look up to and immulate. Never having to take abuse from any man for any reason.

I do hope Dr. Phil won't offer any help to this horrible man, he is so mean and evil and no, I don't care what his childhood was like. When you grow up, (despite your childhood,) there comes a time to say "I will never live that life again and it changes with me !" How does one not know if they were happy or not in childhood? That is just an excuse to treat others with intense cruelty and get by with it !

Kick his fat ass to the curb,Karen and you and your girls go live a happy life!  You do not need a man to validate your existence. One day, you will meet someone that YOU want to share a life with but only after you know yourself well enough and feel strong in who you are. I'm sure you are a beautiful, loving and caring woman. 

 
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