Message Boards

Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

Number of Replies: 1023
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:51:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/20/08) Dr. Phil takes on a couple whose story will shock you. Karen says she’s tired of being degraded and controlled by Rick, her husband of six years. She says he calls her “fat pig” and “fat whore,” criticizes her makeup, makes fat jokes and puts photos of nearly naked women on their computer and exercise machine to motivate her. Karen says if she tries to get close to him, he pushes her away and says, “Don’t even touch me until you’re under 200 pounds.” Rick says when he married Karen, she was within his standards, but now she definitely isn’t. He says he’s just trying to motivate his wife, but says it’s a good thing when they fight physically because it’s good exercise “when the beast wails her arms.” Karen says she puts up with the mental abuse because they have two children, and as crazy as it sounds, she still loves him. Is there a chance to salvage this relationship? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 16, 2008, 7:02 pm CST

We Learn What we Live

I really feel for this woman, and I think there is something in her past that is allowing her to continue to be a victim. there is no way that people should put up with abuse such as this. That she still loves him, indicates to me that either her Mom or some authortive figure played the victim role in her life, and she is mimicking that role. As children we learn what we live. She absolutely needs therapy and help to find out why she allows herself to be treated in this manner, and its not because she has children, If she were thinking straight she would realize that children living in an environment like this only breeds repetion in the future for  them, and is actually hurting them. She needs to start to respect herself and demand respect, and it seems this man is so abusive becasue of her being overweight, that I really feel if she were as thin as a model, he would be abusive in a different manner. Its in his blueproint to be this way,,, I would suggest therapy for the both of them, maybe as a couple, but she will know in time if it doesnt help him, then she needs to make a decision to leave, it will help her get back her self esteem and it will also help the children.

 
February 16, 2008, 7:38 pm CST

Fat thin poor rich this guy will find a reason

My oldest kid resents me. RESENTS ME!  to this very day for not leaving when i did and for allowing to be hurt yelled at be-littled in front of him and his two siblings when they were small. He has not forgiven me and as he says "NEVER WILL"  my younger son adores me. BUT, he treats women as lower life forms. Makes jokes about them and will not ever look at any one woman as a humn or an equal ever. Why should he? We are to be hit when we talk back or to be suspected when we leave the house of cheating. We get fat when we have children and we are not pretty as we get older. He does not clean and will not. He refuses to allow his "woman" to get pregnant as she will get fat. I left the ego crap when they were young the oldest is now 34 the youngest 29. This is what you bare and this is what we teach as you allow to be abused for the beat of the children and believe that you should stay for them.

 

DO NOT STAY FOR THE CHILDREN. THEY WILL EITHER END UP HATING YOU OR END UP HATING EVERYONE ELSE, OR BEING THE ABUSER OR THE ABUSED. GET OUT GET HELP AND NEVER LOOK  BACK!

 
February 16, 2008, 8:23 pm CST

Speechless...but not...

WOW. This fellow needs a bit of a wakeup call. Motivating somebody does NOT include humiliation, bashing, degrading, belittling, or using children or others to mentally abuse someone, because that's exactly what it is, abuse. Not even close to "motivational", and is wrong on every level. 

 

I can only surmise that he has extremely low self-esteem and needs to put his wife down simply to make himself feel better. On top of his poor as heck behavior, he then involves their daughter?! I'm agitated just sitting here thinking about how this guy could think that this type of action is in any way, okay to do. I mean come on!

 

Not only does this man need to attend some serious spousal abuse groups, he needs to take his being a role model for his young child, and take parenting classes...a lot of them. This man has a very long way to go...or If she was smart, she would tuck-tail and call that marriage a day...and take custody of the daughter. Obviously he is in no way even close to being a good father, or husband.

Long way to go my friend, long way to go. Good luck family.---Matt

 
February 16, 2008, 8:35 pm CST

This guy needs a reality check

 Reading about this couple really got my blood boiling. This beautiful woman was good enough to carry his 2 children. Who does he think he is? Did he not take wedding vows? NO matter what he should be supporting her and praising everything she does to build her self esteem. This poor woman probably feels no self worth thanks to him, What about what is on the inside? IS it all about looking like a Barbie Doll to him? He is certainly no Adonis. She needs to pack herself and those children up and make a life for herself. If she has family that can help her get on her feet, she would feel 10 feet tall just being away from the mental abuse. He is the one that needs the help. I was in a similar situation and it came to a boiling point where I Just could not take it anymore and left with a 6 month old, 2 year old and 7 year old and started over. IT was not easy at all but I felt empowered for I was able to buy us our own home in my name only which made me feel wonderful. I was forced to work 2 jobs for a long time for he did not pay child support. i Missed my children so much but i Was very careful about hiring child care. I was able to get my children involved in activities like gymnastics, soccer. t-ball and soon I only had to work one job. I Have been divorced for 21 years and my children are all in their 20's and have never seen him since our divorce. i feel as though he was the loser for I have 3 beautiful children that I was so Blessed with. I Don't think that I Could ever really trust a man again after so much abuse. This woman needs to get out before she is so emotionally scarred just as those children will be. I wish her only the best and to be strong.
 
February 16, 2008, 9:00 pm CST

02/20 Bully Husband

My husband says the reason he has not so much as touched me in the last 7 of the 14 years we have been married  is because he is not attracted to fat women. I was thin up until 9 years ago when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and had to leave work. I am on disability. A year and a half ago I had lap band surgery and have lost 70 lbs. Now my husband has decided that he just doesn't love me anymore. I do not get much money for disability so I cannot support myself. I have talked to a attorney and my husband has everything worked out to where I will get next to nothing. I am deeply depressed and feel like my marriage is making my health problems even worse. Due to chronic fatigue syndrome I have gone from someone with a very clean house to very unkept and I can't get anyone to help me. My husband's friend says that I'm just "a fat lazy bitch". My husband agreed with him. 
 
February 16, 2008, 9:43 pm CST

He is not a pick of the litter!

Who is this guy to say she doesn't fit his expectations when she has borne him children?  I'd say he has failed in her expectations as a MAN who is supposed to be the head of his household and a proper example to his children.  Life is not always pleasant and we need to love our spouses for who they are, not our fantasy woman or man.  If my husband put up pictures of other women "to motivate" he'd better know that I could do the same but I think the best way to stop that behavior would be to take a hammer to whatever object is displaying those picture examples.  She is a beautiful example of someone who needs to think of herself and not the slob who seeks perfection in an imperfect world.
 
February 16, 2008, 10:24 pm CST

Run!!!!

You need to get out now. This man does not derserve you and those girls. Walk you can do this Karen. Be strong and go now not for yourself but for those kids. He does not deserve a second change. He does not love you and you will never be good enoungh for him no matter what you did. Get out now and get a life for yourself. It will be hard but you can do it. I am a very strong independent woman and although I am married I depend on no one but my self. I have raised three boys you might say by myself because my husband was a truck driver and gone most of the time so I had to be the role of both mother and father in there lives.  I would of walked so fast it would make his head spin and I would never look back. Good luck!!!! I wish the best for you and tthose childern and God be with you and your family.
 
February 16, 2008, 11:53 pm CST

LOSE WEIGHT YOURSELF

GO AND HAVE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT YOURSELF AND SAY ALL THAT STUFF YOU HAVE BEEN SAYING TO YOUR WIFE TO YOURSELF AND LEAVE HER ALONE - IF YOU BOTH START CHANGING YOUR DIET AND FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF NEGATIVES YOUR MARRIED LIFE WILL HAVE A CHANCE............IF YOU DONT WANT TO TRY HUSBAND GET OUT AND LEAVE HER ALONE.......

 

YOU ARE LUCKY SHE LOVES YOU BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WOULD BE...

 
February 17, 2008, 12:57 am CST

Better or worse until death do us part

I truly believe this man needs his head knocked the way he is abusing his wife instead of belittling her he could up lift her and work along side her.  If he believes in God which I doubt he does he would love his wife like Christ loved the Church and gave his life for the Church.  I am ashamed he can even call himself a man and treat his wife with no respect.  So she put on a little weight.  What if the shoe was on the other foot would he want his wife treating him like he has been treating her.  No he probably would blow a fuse and start abusing her go and find some one else that would love him for him not pushing him away if she was to treat him like he treats her.  So she has a little more to love big deal.  If  I were to treat my wife like that she would knock me in the head get a lawyer and wipe me out in court.  I bet he has a lot of flaws and he probably treats her so bad to not to think of his own failures.  What I would not give to see him face to face and tell him a few things.  He goes to Church he better start repenting of his sins.  What he is doing is a sin and until he ask forgiveness he will surely not enter the gates of heaven.
 
February 17, 2008, 1:13 am CST

I know where you are coming from

Quote From: antonoffa

hello there..I am really and truthly understand feeling of this woman.  because my husband did same things with me..after having baby I oput on weight...and I was around 230 pound but I am 5'10'' . I was big   but not the most ugly. Now I am weighting 177 and I am still not good enoght for him.

I am modeling sometimes. And for him it not enoght to acceped me as a good looking woman . I am not perfect. But I dont think I should to have a bonus from him. We never was closer seance I get pregnant. So...I dont think something really wrong with me or with this woman on Dr.Phill show.he has big problem. So dear..Be smart. And movied on. Make yourself happy. Make yourself healthy. Dont think somebody else can do it for you. Just you. and this is your life. Sorry for my English!

I am from Ukraine. But now I am in Canada! Good luck!

I know where you are coming from.  After my accident in 2003 which left me disabled and changed many things in my life.  My wife has yet to call me a fat pig or worthless and if she ever did our marriage would be over in a heart beat.  The only thing she insults is my ability to perform successfully as a man.  I am in pain all the time and when you are in pain you can not focus on performing to well.  I truly believe for better or for worse, but when they start insulting you on your looks it is time to cut the string and send them some where else.  You are right to give the advise to the lady with the abusive husband do for herself not for him.  He does have some thing wrong with him.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last