I watched the show yesterday because I mostly wanted to hear if Dr. Phil would describe what really happens to a person who lives this life. As my life has become isolated, kids gone, long work hours & little time & energy for anything else I have time to think rationally. To all that think Karen should leave - these men suck you dry. The times you attempt to talk it out you are left so emotionally sucked dry you just don't have the energy to breath some days. Sometimes you just think that leaving him will add your list of faults and it's too unbearable to think of. And they do offer some good things. I always remember an Oprah show where she said something about there has to be something good about them otherwise nobody would like them. When you're at your lowest and really feel this is all you can take they have an incredible radar and they turn on the charm. They do an extra chore, they share something with you, they have this radar that picks up that you're not buying it and they turn it all on again to win you back.
Lately I've been riding out the charming times and recognize that the indifference, ignoring and little insults slilp right back into full swing in no time. In fact it's kind of a game to see if I respond even slightly how quickly we get back into pattern.
Today is my 27th anniversary and it's really sad because I've spent the past week trying to think of a time in the 27 years that I felt easily, comfortably, calmly at peace with my husband. Three kids, all those holidays, vacations, those family times and the past 5 yrs just us. There are some great memories of really good times. We're grandparents and our happiest moments are with the kids, we make a great team of loving them.
It's still what I feel in my soul. I think about the rough times & there were plenty & I realize that he never, ever turned to me. I try to think of when I was pregnant, new babies, money struggles, lose of jobs, illness, rough times with teenagers - he never turned to me, he always turned out to someone else. How'd I forgive that? Well, I always found out way afterward when he was loving me again (the crisis was over) and it was all so good "now" why not try. He'd never spend money or not come home or physically abuse me or outwardly, boldly emotionally abuse me. He's good at his game, he is a master. He is the one that knows it all.
This past Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year but I've martyred it for years cooking for everyone and entertaining the dysfunctional family he did his head game & ended up calling me the worst name ever -beginning with f and c. It absolutely ruined my holiday no matter how much he apologized and begged for forgiveness. He didn't know I was onto his pattern. His words still hurt but only on the surface.
We don't leave because we're tired, worn down and just not strong enough. Send Karen your strength in your thoughts, not your anger. She really doesn't need to hear she's spineless too.
(Original Air Date: 02/20/08) Dr. Phil takes on a couple whose story will shock you. Karen says she’s tired of being degraded and controlled by Rick, her husband of six years. She says he calls her “fat pig” and “fat whore,” criticizes her makeup, makes fat jokes and puts photos of nearly naked women on their computer and exercise machine to motivate her. Karen says if she tries to get close to him, he pushes her away and says, “Don’t even touch me until you’re under 200 pounds.” Rick says when he married Karen, she was within his standards, but now she definitely isn’t. He says he’s just trying to motivate his wife, but says it’s a good thing when they fight physically because it’s good exercise “when the beast wails her arms.” Karen says she puts up with the mental abuse because they have two children, and as crazy as it sounds, she still loves him. Is there a chance to salvage this relationship? Tell us what you think!
