Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

I was married to a guy like this, he's dead now.   I believe his meaness ate him up.   Same stuff, "you're fat, ugly,stupid.  The kids would be better off, etc."  So I finally woke up, got out, he got another wife, very pretty, who started to gain weight, same stuff, the only thing that saved her was her job took her away from him for several days each month.  They had no kids for her to worry about and then he died.  Oh yeah , he too had a double chin and a belly  the way bully husband looks from the picture.  (I bet he goes on a strict diet so he won't look that way on  TV.)  I hope she dumps him, she will realize that it wasn't love, but fear that he may be right that held her.       Been there, done that.

I'm sorry for your weight problems.  177 lbs for a girl your height is NOT fat- it took 9 months to put on the weight, and it takes 9 months to take it off. Some of it may never come off- but you are who you are. Its important to be healthy, not abused.  If you're good looking enough to model- there you go. He doesn't know what he has.

You're right, this is HIS problem and he has no right to try to put that on you.  Calling people names is what they did in grade school- were adults, lets evolve and BE adults.  Abuse isn't love-so why settle for it?

I did get out after 25 years - I was lucky to be able to support myself well, but still stayed all those years.

I learned of many more abuses that had been happening all those years as I went through the divorce.

I consider myself lucky that he will have nothing to do with me! because I still feel this love thing for him.

It can't be love. 

What is it? 

How do I get rid of it?

I have been out for 10 years.

Is this poster the real husband in this show? Or just some guy playing along?

I honestly hope it is the husband and he and Karen are getting help they both need.

Imagine being a kid with these conversations going on around you?? The sons would end up doing that to women and the daughters would expect to be treated that way. I would hope you want to be better role models for your children.

You never talk to you spouse or ex-spouse that way when the kids are around, they learn by what they see and hear. No matter what they are still part of each of you, so when you insult one of the partners you are also insulting your child as well!

Grow up!

Is this poster the real husband or someone pretending to be him?

If it is the real husband I hope you both get a ton of therapy to stop behaving like this. How can you speak to your wife, whom you supposedly love like that? How can you speak to your daughter like that?

Do you expect she will pick a good mate later in life when you have told her she's not good enough from the age of 4?

Children learn to live what they grew up with, so if your belittling your wife, the boy will be doing the same thing to his wife/girlfriends. Your beautiful daughter will pick men who pick on her and verbally abuse her too, cause that's what she's use to.

Don't show the children this behaviour. Show they love, kindness, affection, not anger or verbal abuse.

Grow up!

I was one of those wives bullied by her husband (back in 80's).  "Lose weight or get a divorce"......"I want you 140 and on a diet".  Looked at "beautiful" women while I was with him and would whistle at them.  Gawk at other women in front of me.  (and completely turn around to gawk at them more as they passed him).  His bullying was not only to me.  He badgered each of our 3 girls about something.  When I FINALLY left him (after 8.25 years of marriage and a year after a physical fight where I got 2 black eyes and the military really didn't do anything about it).....my 12 year old lost 30 pounds, my 6 yr old quit wetting her bed, and my 4 year old quit sucking her thumb.....all within THREE months of leaving and moving out of Hawaii to Arizona.  I was too busy parenting to bother with ME....but WE were happier....MUCH happier after the initial adjustment.  Sure, it's difficult, but you get through it.  I am, just now in my life, caring for ME.  I am 110 pounds overweight (and that's 50 pounds heavier than he ever saw me)....and having gastric bypass next month to HELP me lose my weight.  But, I had to finally get PAST all the belittling of myself and listening to his badgering in my mind over the years in order to do this.

LEAVE while you're "alive" to leave.  Because, even if you lose weight, he will find SOMETHING else to control you with.  He is a control freak.  And, he's using the child to tantalize the wife.  That is not LOVE and it doesn't matter how much you love him, you have to leave for the child's sake!....and yours too!  He's using mental sabotage to manipulate you (and, in the future.....your child).  And, YOU are teaching your daughter that it's ok to be bullied by a man.  IT IS NOT OK.  YOU should set the example and leave.  Struggle....but leave!  (And, do not belittle her dad to her.......you can say all you can on the side to others...but not in front of her).  Be the bigger person in the upcoming events.  You can stand tall and you CAN DO IT!  I held down 3-5 jobs in the first few years until things settled down....but I did it.

Why would Karen put up with such behavior?  Karen needs to reach deep within and find her self esteem,  stand up and be stronger for both she and the children.  Love doesn't destroy one person in order to boost the other's ego, Rick must have a pretty demented ego which would explain why he feels he must treat his wife this way.  The days of living under a bully husband's thumb should be long gone....  The children deserve much more!  The excuses for staying with him should pale in comparison to what is best for Karen and the children.....She should hit the door standing upright and proud with children in hand!

I agree, what a jerk! Give him a taste of his own medicine! Get rid of the guy, build up your self-esteem

and lose the weight and find the kids a new HOT daddy!! Ha!