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Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:51:34 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/20/08) Dr. Phil takes on a couple whose story will shock you. Karen says she’s tired of being degraded and controlled by Rick, her husband of six years. She says he calls her “fat pig” and “fat whore,” criticizes her makeup, makes fat jokes and puts photos of nearly naked women on their computer and exercise machine to motivate her. Karen says if she tries to get close to him, he pushes her away and says, “Don’t even touch me until you’re under 200 pounds.” Rick says when he married Karen, she was within his standards, but now she definitely isn’t. He says he’s just trying to motivate his wife, but says it’s a good thing when they fight physically because it’s good exercise “when the beast wails her arms.” Karen says she puts up with the mental abuse because they have two children, and as crazy as it sounds, she still loves him. Is there a chance to salvage this relationship? Tell us what you think!

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lvacffeshp

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Mellow

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February 19, 2008, 8:25 am PST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: ramair

Even though all we see of Rick is his head and upper chest, the picture suggests that he could be even fatter than Karen. For physical and mental health purposes, she does need to lose some weight, beginning with the first 200, maybe 300, pounds of blubber, Rick! With him, and all that junk I suspect he eats, out of the house, Karen can begin losing her own weight.

Ramair... I so rudely agree with you.... Rick needs to look at himself in the mirror before he tries to fix Karen. Karen... you need to divorce him... you can do better. Your 4 yr old daughter will be brainwashed by him if you don't.... at least you have a chance now. Rick will not change enough for you to recover if you stay with him.... Dr. Phil has said something to the effect of: YOU NEED 1,000 compliments or possitives to counteract every 1 negative...... and everyday you stay with him you add to the negative list..... YOU DON'T DESERVE IT... and you will NEVER LOSE WEIGHT listening to his continual put downs... You will probably lose weight after you leave him.... and be able to share a life with someone who treats you right and will be in your corner and supportive of you in every way..... and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Throw this one back for your sake and for the sake of your kids....

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princessgina

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Relaxed

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February 19, 2008, 11:32 am PST

Agreeing with you

Quote From: lexgabella

Or worse than that- he could be modeling that behaviour and if the daughter isn't thn enough- then thinking she isn't pretty or good enough and turning to an eating disorder. How horrible would that be if he inadvertadly (sp?) caused his daughter to be bulimic or anorexic? And if he has a son, then he's teaching that boy that women are nothing more than arm-candy- how horrible would that be instead of meeting a deep, caring, fun and happy woman finding someone who fits the 'mold'. Aigh.

I totally agree with your statements. I believe he is going to cause his daughter to end up sick with eating disorders. Of course he'll probably blame the wife. The wife neeeds to take the kid and run!!!!!

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mandissa77

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Distressed

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February 19, 2008, 11:38 am PST

He chose her, and...

What a sad jerk this guy is. He can't figure out that the happiness and condition of his family, especially his wife, is a direct reflection of HIM! If he were exercising proper treatment of his wife, it would show. Right now she is in need of his support. By calling her names, he is actually pointing right back at himself.
What if tomorrow he found out he is a diabetic and will need to take insulin, and that his weight becomes extremely hard to manage? It's more than just a little bit possile. Will he have a wife whose help he can count on then? Maybe not. Maybe he will have pushed her so far that she is long gone, and being away from his abuse, possibly is able to get control of her weight and her life back. Abuse is never the answer. Never. He might only realize it when he starts reaping the results.

Mandissa77

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whitediva

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Peaceful

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February 19, 2008, 2:20 pm PST

She needs to take care

Well,she needs to figure out what she wants in life.She needs to take care of herself.forget what he says or thinks.Yes,they need counseling but most of all she needs to make herself happy.Anyone who lives with someone like that and continues to let them treat them that way has some isuues with themselves.She needs to get herself healthy mentally,emotionally and physically and get away from him.I can say this because I was once in the same stiuation,I got myself healthy and got away from him and now I feel stupid for living with a slong as I did,but most important I got away and got help and then got healthy and happy....

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ritazaccardi

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Happy

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February 19, 2008, 2:53 pm PST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: daydreamer

I think it's the husband w/ low self-estem,so breaks down his wife and controlls her so she won't leave him. I'm pretty sure she could be happy without him..LEAVE HIM WOMAN, HE MAKES YOU MISARBLE, HE CAN'T MAKE HIS WIFE HAPPY..WHAT A LOSER...You don't need him, be free from this ugly pathethic man.

This husband has more than issues, he got a whole subcription!

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meatcove

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Good

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February 19, 2008, 3:36 pm PST

bully husband

i think that keren should kick rick to the curb. he is no kind of a husband or father. i think that karen could do much better, and should set her standards higher. women should not have to take that kind of crap from a man. no one deserves to live daily humiliation and degradation from a significant other. certainly it is unconsionable that he should involve a 4 year old child in his disgusting treatment of her mother. if rick thinks that she is not up to his standard, perhaps he should look in the mirror. he is no catch. he doesn't deserve pamela anderson. i wasted 10 years of my life with a man who treated me like crap. trust me life is much better with out him.

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momakababe

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Happy

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February 19, 2008, 10:36 pm PST

Bingo!

Quote From: gwarrior6

I think he LIKES her fat, that way, she wouldn't be attractive enough to leave him for someone else. That's why he's so emotionally abusive, I think that he knows at some level that being abusive is going to drive her to eat more, and keep her fat and at home. If she DID leave him, how many supermodels would he REALLY attract? This is just a mirror of his own self dissatisfaction and he's not man enough to deal with his self esteem problems. So he makes Karen deal with it, what a loser.

I think you hit the nail on the head here & in reality they're all just cowards using verbal abuse as a means of control. It's sad & angering all at the same time.

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momakababe

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Happy

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February 19, 2008, 10:41 pm PST

02/20 Bully Husband

wouldn't it be a hoot to see this woman start pointing out some really hot & well built guys & start asking the kids "Hey kids how would you like that strong guy for your dad?" ROFL Sorry I'm so sarcastic I wouldn't last not 5 minutes with a guy like this. And if someone ever left me a "list" of stuff to do & what he wanted cooked etc. I'd probably be ordering out & hiring household help to clean while I went out shopping with the kids & the rules would be totally different when he got home. He'd be lucky if I was every home when he got there.! I'd give him something to REALLy whine about.

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momakababe

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Happy

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February 19, 2008, 10:44 pm PST

yea

Quote From: meatcove

I think she should go to the nearest gym & find the most fit personal trainer & have him ummm train her. :) Some times we just need to get a professional to help show us the way rather than a fat old man beotching at us like he's one of the kids. Imagine how much more movtivating it would be to have a reall fit muscular guy taking her through the steps to get her fit? Sounds like fun to me.

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momakababe

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Happy

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February 19, 2008, 10:57 pm PST

that's not all she's being set up for

Quote From: princessgina

I totally agree with your statements. I believe he is going to cause his daughter to end up sick with eating disorders. Of course he'll probably blame the wife. The wife neeeds to take the kid and run!!!!!

verbal abuse if often a precursor for physical abuse & really I believe that verbal & emotional abuser is a normal start to the physical stuff. here's a couple of web sites on the subject

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/

This is from the emotional abuse site I gave the URL for above.

Addendum:
I've seen variations of the below text on MySpace. It wasn't written specifically about this problem, but it struck me as a fairly accurate description of how impossible it is to interact with an emotional abuser. (Damned if you do, damned if you don't.)

If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.
If you're quiet, he argues with you anyway.
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy.
If he calls you, he thinks you should be grateful.
If you don't act like you love him, he'll try to win you over.
If you tell him you love him, he takes advantage of you.
If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut.
If you don't dress nice, he says you look bad.
When you don't sleep with him, he says you don't love him.
If you do sleep with him, he only does it the way he likes it.
If you tell him your problems, he says you're bothering him,
If you don't, he says you don't trust him.
If you try to bring up a problem, he says you're bitching.
If he brings up a problem, he yells.
If you break a promise, you "can't be trusted".
If he breaks it, it's because "he had to".
If you cheat, he wants to punish you by locking you up or beating you.
If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance.

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