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Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:51:34 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/20/08) Dr. Phil takes on a couple whose story will shock you. Karen says she’s tired of being degraded and controlled by Rick, her husband of six years. She says he calls her “fat pig” and “fat whore,” criticizes her makeup, makes fat jokes and puts photos of nearly naked women on their computer and exercise machine to motivate her. Karen says if she tries to get close to him, he pushes her away and says, “Don’t even touch me until you’re under 200 pounds.” Rick says when he married Karen, she was within his standards, but now she definitely isn’t. He says he’s just trying to motivate his wife, but says it’s a good thing when they fight physically because it’s good exercise “when the beast wails her arms.” Karen says she puts up with the mental abuse because they have two children, and as crazy as it sounds, she still loves him. Is there a chance to salvage this relationship? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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readytolearn12

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February 21, 2008, 10:19 am PST

Why Why Why

I still to this day do not understand why anyone has to be a bully & just down right a beep to any other human being. This guy & his power hungry way. If there was a list even given to me like it had been to Karen it would have been thrown into the garbage can. I'm glad you suggested seperate counseling at first then Karen can say what needs to be said without her husband (even though to me he is at this point those eggshells that she has to walk on) being around & making those smirking faces at her. I'm sorry but what a jerk he is. He really actually believes what he is saying - HELLO - how would you like to be treated like that. And to top it off she also works & takes care of those kids-No way would I let him be alone with those 2 children. Calling the 4 year old a name. I can hear it now first day of school Hi My Name is Bitch. I'm so emotional about this-I was in a bully relationship & I finally just said Hey you don't want to change well fine & left & to this day that man is not one bit happy-quite depressed actually & still after 26 years not doing anything for him. I guess deep down I hope the husband gets help - but really think it is going to take years & really even though he may have been raised to be like he is which I really doubt he knows better-your wife is depressed. My brother is going through this with his wife & seeing what is happening to him being a man. Not good.... Wish the best of luck to you Karen

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grannykay

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February 21, 2008, 10:24 am PST

Its not about weight

Quote From: juliebgg

Just from reading the preview..this woman needs to get a backbone and fast!!!!! Quite frankly, based on the descrition of what this guy has done and the put-down comments he makes, I'd have taken the kids and run for the hills a long time ago if I were Karen. No one deserves to be called names for being overweight, and pointing to other women (attractive and skinny I'm sure!) and asking the kids if they want her for their new Mommy is unconscienable. And whether he realizes it or not, he is not motivating his wife with his insults. He is making her miserable and she is probably turning to food to fill the huge void. And what message does this send to the kids? Hope she has some extended family support she can count on, and that she gets herself and the kids out as soon as possible.

If you listen closely its not just about the weight. He also complains about the house is not clean and the clothes are not folded. She has no maternal instincts. He said if he doesn't do it , it won't get done. There would never be any satisfying him. He is too superior. He will move from subject to subject forever. She works outside the home but he thinks its the woman's job to do the household chores. Not once did he say he was helpmate with the kids. He brought her on the show to have Dr. Phil fix her. I have been in her shoes. I know what she is feeling.
These types drain you. You walk on eggshells, trying to stay under the radar, but it doesn't matter. He will find you and still pick on something. It never ends. I was a strong self assured woman until my ex got ahold of my self esteem. It comes on so gradual. If you saw it all at once you would never have married him. Then before you know it you are in an emotional prison. Until you have the LIGHT BULB moment and have the courage to leave, it will stay status quo. Run Karen.

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readytolearn12

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February 21, 2008, 10:25 am PST

Unhappy women

Quote From: angelsstar912

I think she needs to wake up. She should of taking the opportunity on the show to tell him how she felt and all she did was sit there. When i was watching the show I wanted to go into the TV and smack the crap out of him. How can you say anything about your wife being to heavy ,or any body else when you are heavy yourself.I felt so bad for her the way he put her down over and over again. I don't think anyone should take abuse like that ever . I hope she gets all the help she needs for her and her children because father or not there is no excuse for the way he is treating them all.

I noticed too that Karen was just sitting there & yes saying a few things but the husband being the way he is has made her to be just so afraid of him & everything that after being through that myself being with a bully & someone that I let take over my life you don't say everything that you wish you could say. Then you keep everything inside & get sick over all of this. Glad that Karen did go on the Dr. Phil show & that was her

way of in her own way speak up. Yeah the guy is heavier then she is but she looks to me great after what she has been through.

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greenwichg

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angry

February 21, 2008, 10:28 am PST

This BULLY is a coward and I know cowards!

My own father is a bully and has been a bully for years. He talks to all of in in a degrading, aggressive and intimidating manner. I have come to realize that underneath he is a coward! he is afraid of everything and in order to gain control he has to dominate his family. He has degraded my mother for years-calling her stupid, talking to her in the most disrespectful way and doesn't even care. Finally at 43 years old, I have severed all ties with my father. My parents have been married for 48 years and this is my mothers way of life. Although he has never been physically abusive, I believe when people are capable mental abuse, physical is always there. I would love to face-off with this jack-ass! I have ZERO tolerance for this behavior. His wife is a poor soul. Getting a backbone is not the answer. She has been emotionally beaten down. This takes years of undoing. If I was a guy and over heard this idiot speaking to his wife, I would smash his face in. He is a coward and underneath and this is his only way of feeling in control.

As a daughter, I have eliminated this toxic, destructive person in my life and I am at peace with my decision. I wish everyday that 1. My mother would leave him, or 2. My father dies before my mom.

I hope any person that watched that show can find the strength to look within themselves and find value and self worth. Remember, these people are cowards!

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auburnjenn

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February 21, 2008, 10:29 am PST

02/20 Bully Husband

Quote From: punkinzlazy

I felt horrible for Karen too because I am also 3 months into my divorce from my husband of 22 yrs. After finding out my husband had been cheating on me I was so traumatized that I said we had to go to counseling. Luckily we did. I say luckily because the psychiatrist we went to was is a wonderfully caring man who used to be the pastor of a church I attended several yrs ago. After a couple of sessions together & some testing he began to see us separately. My husband was diagnosed as schizophrenic, ADHD, Depressed & I believe he has some bipolar issues too. Of course I was depressed & had been for years. Finally Like Karen I had someone (not as abruptly as Dr Phil) saying he has some serious problems too. My husband did not straight out call me names. He played mind games. I also realize now I was his caretaker/codependent. I was worn out mentally. I married him at 18 and had my son right away. I didn't know who I was without him. I had isolated my self and didn't talk to anyone about our problems. Everyone thought my husband was a great guy and we had the perfect marriage. I was tied to him in so many ways. He had us on the brink of bankruptcy at one point. Luckily we turned that around before the the big shock. We had our business together. Our son was in college. My family all live 12 hrs away. My mother died many yrs ago so I couldn't run home to mom. I felt stuck and scared to death. I was strong many yrs ago but I was beaten down. I thank god I had the doc to talk to. Some one to finally tell my story to. Some one who had the training and experience to help me come out of the fog. My eyes are wide open now. By being able to talk about it all I realized I didn't want to live like this any more. That I would be better off with out him. He is a Narcissist and didn't get it. The counseling didn't help him but it helped me tremendously. It took five months for me to come to that conclusion and tell him I wanted to separate. He moved out three months ago & I filed for divorce. It was not easy. He got very mad & quit taking his medication. I have minimum contact with him now and am SO relieved I don't have to see him and put up with his craziness every day now. One day at a time I am finding who I am. I could see that Karen is also beaten down and afraid to go out on her own. She like myself just wanted things to get better. Unfortunately with a Narcissist they don't GET IT and maybe never will. She like Dr Phil said needs individual counseling & time to think through all that she has been through and is going to go through. She need supports from family and friends. It is doable Karen.

Hello, I enjoyed your post very much and wondered if I could talk to you off the message boards? I have some similar issues and had a couple of questions if you would not mind? I can give you my email address if that would be okay.

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abbey123

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February 21, 2008, 10:54 am PST

I feel for Karen

I watched the show with my husband who has abused me almost incredibly identical to what was decribed by Karen. I have been reading these blogs and I can say to those who call her an idiot until you have walked in her shoes you cannot judge her. My husband knows he is mentally and emotionally abusing me, but he continues to do it anyway. My heart hurts in the marriage that I am in. My self esteem is very low, and yes I am overweight after having children. Getting called names and being belittled must be as bad as physical abuse. I am an educated woman that is not afraid of being by my self, but I do feel very isolated right now. Before the show aired I told my husband that he could leave when he started his threats and abuse and guess what he didnt leave. I am going to try to find a professional to talk to even if he wont go with me. I use my GOD to talk to and help me every day and I pray that anyone out there that reads this does the same. Thank you Dr Phil for airing this show it is making me face up to doing something that has long been over due for me and my family.

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diamondhead

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February 21, 2008, 11:08 am PST

good for you

Quote From: marthapax

I never understood how someone could stay with someone who treats them this way. If someone loves you, they wouldn't say and do these kinds of things. The woman on the show seem like a sweet lady and he just used her for a door mat! I didn't see anything wrong with her looks-half the women in the US are overweight-what's the big deal. She is still clean and attractive.

My first husband was like this. He did not want me to work, I stayed home because he sold my car after we were married. He "instructed" me that he could call home at any time through the day, and I had better answer that phone by the third ring or he would come home and give me hell. He watched me in the shower, nothing I did was right and I was never thin enough. My wedding dress was a size 16 and when I left him I was in a size 5 jeans, but I was still "fat" to him. He became physically abusive and once threw a tool through the window at me! He was high one night and became very abusive and I called the police. He was chasing me around in a parking lot and the police officer, who was alone, told me to get into the back of his car until he could talk to him and other units could arrive. My husband got away from the officer, opened the door to the police car and came in after me! I kicked him in the head in the back of the police car while the officer pulled him out by his belt!

I left him 25 years ago and I had a hard time getting him to let me have a divorce. He kept apologizing and begging me not to go, and was pulling on my suitcase as I was leaving and police officers had to hold him off! This abuse went on for over a year and I would not put up with it. He hit me with his belt buckle once and I kicked him in the *(@(s when he came back to apologize.

This crap never gets better-they can apologize all they want-but it gets worse and worse every time. I didn't deserve that type of treatment and wouldn't stand for it. I haven't seen or talked to him in 25 years, but I learned recently he has become the town drunk.

You said you don't understand why these woman stay in a relationship like that. I feel the same way, but the answer is this. It just tells you how they really feel about themselves and whats going on with them from the inside. They don't like themselves and somehow feel like they deserve this kind of treatment. If you don't love yourself, then no one else is going to be able to love you either. I honestly feel that you have to love yourself first and foremost. And good for you for getting rid of that husband you were married to. Now pass on your knowledge to other woman out there. Maybe they'll learn something. Good luck to you.

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bling202

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February 21, 2008, 11:14 am PST

bully husband

I feel for Karen, she reminds me of myself few months back after 20 years of going back and forth in relationship believeing things will change. Karen abuse get to a bigger level and your life will be in danger. These guys have no empthy and compassion. You look numb to me and I do know how that feels. I know Dr. Phil will help you in your recovery out of your fog. Look at whats good in your live, your children, count your blessing daily and you will be strong.

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juliebgg

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February 21, 2008, 11:16 am PST

to grannykay

Quote From: grannykay

If you listen closely its not just about the weight. He also complains about the house is not clean and the clothes are not folded. She has no maternal instincts. He said if he doesn't do it , it won't get done. There would never be any satisfying him. He is too superior. He will move from subject to subject forever. She works outside the home but he thinks its the woman's job to do the household chores. Not once did he say he was helpmate with the kids. He brought her on the show to have Dr. Phil fix her. I have been in her shoes. I know what she is feeling.
These types drain you. You walk on eggshells, trying to stay under the radar, but it doesn't matter. He will find you and still pick on something. It never ends. I was a strong self assured woman until my ex got ahold of my self esteem. It comes on so gradual. If you saw it all at once you would never have married him. Then before you know it you are in an emotional prison. Until you have the LIGHT BULB moment and have the courage to leave, it will stay status quo. Run Karen.

Hi grannykay. Yes, I certainly agree that it is not just about the weight. I wrote that original post based on the description of the show before it aired because I was so appalled by the guy's attitude. As the show aired more and more came out; complaints about the housework, her parenting skills, cheating, and the way he treats his kids. The more I heard, the worse he became in my eyes. And no matter what he was told, he just did not "get it".

I am sorry that you had a bad experience as well. But I am glad to hear that you got out. Hopefully Karen too will be out of her situation someday soon.

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princessgina

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angry

February 21, 2008, 11:23 am PST

Agreeing with you totally

Quote From: angelsstar912

That guy on there made me more mad then I have ever been at someone on this show. Where did he get off calling her big when he was clearly larger then her. She had 2 babies what does he expect to happen?? This guy needs to be taken down a few pegs. I like you wanted to jump in the tv and beat the crap out of this guy.

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