Topic : 07/16 Bully Husband

I was so angry at this man it took all my strength not to hurl my mug of tea at the TV. But I was impressed with Dr. Phil's analysis of this man as being narcissistic. My father in law has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This is a mental illness whereby someone needs to delude themselves 24/7, to puff themselves up, or else they may commit suicide. There's no reasoning with someone with this disorder, for their brain's genuinely screw up reality in their favor. This is why the man could so boldly declare all the awful things he'd done to his wife without a hint of contrition or remorse. His brain justified the things he had said & done, to match up with his version of reality. It was only as the show progressed & he realized that he wasn't in favor with the audience or Dr Phil that he showed any kind of remorse. But it wasn't true remorse. The important thing in his mind is to be liked & respected & he will automatically say what he has to. If he can't get away with saying certain things, he'll say something else. People with NPD are arrogant & will only associate with people they believe "worthy" of them, yet like Dr Phil pointed out, at the root of this condition is total, complete insecurity. My father in law abuses me when I'm around him. He's endangered my life, yelled at me in restaurants, belittled me, put me down repeatedly. When my husband confronted him my FIL refused to apologize & even went so far as to say that the events didn't even happen! He's a very sick man. My husband & I haven't visited with him now in almost a year & I dont care if I ever see him again. Here's the punch line: my father in law is....a psychologist! So be careful who your mental health providers are. Check their background if possible.

Rick, is that his name???  I believe that he sincerely wanted help from Dr. Phil.  I think he came on to see what it is that he's doing wrong that won't make his wife ms. perfect.  He just needed advice on how to get her to clean, lose weight and be his fantasy.  He really believed himself and his sincerity of all he has done.  The world just doesn't understand that she just doesn't get it.  He believes in her to be perfect and he just wishes she would see all his good intentions behind his "help" he's giving her.  He does it all or it doesn't get done.  He loses weight, he cleans the house to show her the way.  He only looks at other women because he doesn't have a wife he lusts after - she could fix that.  She could do so many things & then they would have the perfect marriage. 

But in effort to be "trying" at this marriage he will whine about his job, his life, him.  He'd have a pity party about how certain things just aren't the way he expected it to be.  He'd start to tell the sad story of his childhood, his crushed dreams and think he's being intimate with her.  He'd just give up in disgust that he tries to open up to her and she's a witch.  If she could just appreciate all that he does, all that he's given.  He might even shed a tear or two at his sincerity of not being all that he wants to be.  He'll be humbled, so to speak.  And what a cold hearted person she is for not trying.  She should think about the kids, their life, their history.   He just wants the best for her, for them.  He wants the family that he never had or had or wished he had doesn't she share his dream?  Tears will fall as he tries to open up.

Don't mind her.  She's just lonely and sad because she wallows in self pity according to him.  She has her friends, kids & family and job to keep the pain at a distance.  She'll not be a woman struggling out there with all of the responsibilities on her shoulders.  At least she doesn't have a huge financial worry on top of all of this.  Besides she's pretty incompetent by now anyways.  And she doesn't want pity from those that will see.  And it's gotta take a lot of strength to start completely over.

You have to leave in the middle of night and you have to leave with nothing - at least that's what you say.  They are so mean when they want to be.  So you'll show him and the world you do have a backbone.  Only he has it held hostage in the closet of his mind and he'll beat you with it verbally if that's what it takes. 

Yeah this fella wanted help.  He wanted to be told he's entitled to what he wants in this world.  He only listens to half the messages about postive thoughts, good thoughts, he listens to how someone should love and just can't get it that he isn't loved that way.  Oh Dr. Phil please help he see, it's his world we are just in it.

Karen, RUN.

I clearly heard him say that he came on the show so his wife could get the help she needed.

Narcissists set the bar so high that no one can meet it,

and they just keep moving it higher and higher.

In the end, you get nothing of value from them. 

They are heartless, "empathy impaired", lacking true empathy and consideration

for anyone but themselves.  They are virtually without a soul.

Yeah, I heard it too.  He wanted her to get help.  You are so right in what you say.  I was trying to be sarcastic in the manner that the jerk wanted us all to "understand" him.  He actually didn't take Dr. Phil's flip remarks as insults.  That was crazy.

This guy sees the world through a completely different set of lens.  Because he so firmly believes it he can actually convince his wife it's true and that's the sad part.   It was almost what made him a comedy on the show.  He was completely convinced that they both needed help.  He really thought Dr. Phil would help her see her faults and help him fix her.   Help him fix what he's doing wrong, because his intentions are there.  He believes this. 

Empathy impaired is so right on the mark.  It's all ultimately how they feel that matters. 

Counseling won't last more than 3 visits and he won't feel anything unless God forbid he hits bottom all by himself and he gets to see just how much he has hurt others on his path of self righteousness.