Topic : 06/05 Family Court Battles

Both my parents and may husband's mom have not been the best parents. I attempted a reconciliation with my parents when I was pregnant with my first child. Even though they had disowned me at 20. Seven years later I swallowed my pride and gave them a chance to be grandparents. It took a year before I gave up. They were religious nuts and control freaks and did not approve of my husband, my friends, the way I was raising my daughter, my daughter and my sister. Nothing had changed. When my mom told me not to bring my daughter over or my husband I was done. I told her she needed help. My daughter tried to get a hug from her when she came home from work and she was screaming at my other sisters in front of my two-year-old daughter "What the Hell is she doing Here!" I told her to get some mentel help and that I wanted an apology. I haven't heard from either my mom or dad since then. My children are grown now and I have told them they can contact their grandparents if they wish to, but hey, they weren't interested in establishing a healthy relationship with them, so my kids are not interested. My son is proud that his grandpa worked on planes in the Air Force. I did tell them nice things about their grandparents as well as the bad. Now my son is proud to work on 737s at Boeing just like the grandpa he never met. Anyway, if you make your bed a mess, your the one who will have to lie down in it.

I would just like to say that when grandparents are part of their grandchildren's lives and then they are cut off from building a caring, resourceful and loving relationship, because the mom all of a sudden has been found out to be violent and abusive and blames her problems on her in-laws, and denies access to the children and won't even talk to the parents in-inlaw, then asking a judge to help is almost neccessary. The only other solutions I could see, would be to accept and give time for your heart to heal and hope for the children to be okay, or to hope your abused son, one of the childrens father, will be strong enough to stand up for what's in the best interest of the children and his parents. I can believe that sometimes when alcholism and mental illness are main factors, that it only takes one to destroy relationships. I have proof.

 

 

My Dad's mom alienated our part of the family- she was just straight up mentally ill.  She'd have mood swings and alienate us.  Then she'd turn around and be hunkey-dorey, smiles and sunshine.  Plus she was manipulative and had a relationship with us when it was convenient for her.  A nut to the core.

 

Point is, that a grandparent relationship isn't always a healthy one.  I hope that if the grandma was lying that the mom would be able to prove that in court so they can spare the child being used as a pawn to hurt the parents.  If not, those people are going to have to find a way to conduct themselves as adults for the sake of the boy. 

 Now just a question,
Why do grandparents have "Right" to their grandchildren ?  Isn't and shouldn't it be up to a child's PARENTS who a child has contact with ?
In some cases the children are much better off, remember Saving Grace, WITHOUT them, in some cases its wrong to keep them away (like petty bickering.)
And at thirteen, isn't he old enough to CHOOSE whether or not he wants to see Grandma ?
I'm guessing the poor kid just wants these so called adults to GROW THE HELL UP.
Well wait and see I guess, this one should be interesting, but I will bet the boy will be acting more mature than any of the adults.

This poor child....caught in the middle.

She has four other grandkids and doesn't see them....can't the court see she is messing with these people....and if the house is sooooooooo unsafe then way isn't she fighting for the other grandchildren in the home??

Sounds like she wants to stick it to her daughter at any cost....i say should have to pay there legal fees and let them gain some of what they have lost back.

and i say they should listen to the child...and yes he should hear his parents talk about court but you know 13 yo have a way of listening and hearing things they should with out parents knowing.  Now if they are talking about in front of him they should stop.  And kids know when a mother is stressed they can feel it and see it.

And to Koal I know you are probable not going to see this but if your mothers does I she tells you.  you are a great kid,  and none of this is your fault.  There is something else that is fueling this.  I hope the court gives you someone to talk to so you can get your feelings and thoughts heard.

personaly i think these people are ALL acting worse than ANY 5 or 6 yr olds i ever saw,{ as a child growing up we saw our grand parents at thanksgiving every year at the family reunion, at grandmothers and grandfathers house, we saw them at Easter as well, } the rest of the year we stayed home, you never in hell heard of mothers and grandmothers batteling over visits from the grand children, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK DR PHIL? i think this country has gone to hell in a damn handbasket and were all to damn blind to even see it, were living in a time when more people try to abuse the courts with pure bulls#@&, such as this crap we going to see here today, the grandmother should go on with her life and let her daughter go her own way,  family court battle my ass, this IS BULL S#^&!!!

It is maturity that the mother needs for the sake of her son.  Even if that mother is still bitter about the old boyfriend stuff...the son should not pay for that and that is the root of the entire problem.  The mother is trying to make her mother pay for what she still feels because the mother married the man she still has an emotional tie to.  So what if the man is 18 years younger, they have been married for 30 years and that is their business.  But the mother is trying to punish her mother by using her grandson as a pawn because she knows how much her mother wants a relationship with her son.    Even to the point of trying to make something sinister abou her brother lying on his mother's bed...how sick and how far would she go to discredit her mother.  A grandmother's love cannot be matched with any other and if the mother distorts that, one day she will reap the bad seeds of trying to break that relationship. 

 

Dr. Phil, I think you were off base and definitely bias.  You may not see it, but your anger toward the grandmother was very obvious and distasteful.  Sometimes you are slightly off the mark and this in my opinion was off base.  You should have been a little more empathitic toward the grandmother.  Couldn't you see what was behind the mother's anger...the man her mother got and she still feels he is hers even when he never was hers.  The son will grow up and eventually see the truth and those responsible for all the ill feelings will be told by Cole.  It will only take 5 years and all this mess will bring forth its own fruit.  Mark my words Dr. Phil...you weren't as philosophical as you should have been.  Well that's my unprofessional opinion, but I've been there before as a grandmother and still have to fight to see and talk with my grandchildren.  But it is because of a domineering step-father who has my daughter so under his control she is blinded.   I sit back because my grandchildren have asked me too because he makes life unbearable for them.  So I as a grandmother have no rights and all I can do is pray.  Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to go to court and present information to the court, but I know it would do exactly the same thing to my daughter as it has with your mother and daughter.  They will probably never have a good relationship.  You did not approach this problem from the right perspective...Cole.  You just didn't! 

  

         Family squabbles only become worse when the legal system is drug into the midst. 

         This problem goes on in my family also.  My brother--who is 48--is now in the middle of a squabble with his stepson and his wife over the children.  Half the time, my brother, Ralph, has custody of his grandchildren.  The state of Washington has agreed that children's best interest are not  are with their natural parents.  My brother and my sister in law have accused the natural parents, their children, of everything from neglect to drugs and thievery, Ralph and Holly expect to have a good relationship with everyone involved. 

           It isn't easy.  It sure isn't realistic.

           I believe that women have a competitive nature.  We compete with one another over some of the most inane things.  My mother loves a good competition with me over who is the best parent.  And, nothing makes her happier than my unhappiness.   She gets to lord it over me to her heart's content.           

 

 

      

 

 

 

 

    

Being a grandma gives you no right to be hateful or vindictive.  That woman has a screw loose.  she is lying and if the cops have any part of this, they need to keep that crazy old bat far, FAR away from Lisa and her son.  The problem is she has severe mental issues, because she believes every filthy lie that comes out of her mouth.  My ex mother-in-law is the exact same woman.  They both have built their role as the pathetic victim up in their own minds when the truth is they are the perpetrators.  If that woman had any love for her grandchild, she would get a life and leave them the heck alone!  And try a little therapy while you're at it!  You need serious help!