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Topic : 06/05 Family Court Battles

Number of Replies: 484
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:52:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/21/08) Stalking allegations, surveillance cameras, restraining orders. This may sound like a television drama, but it's the life of a mother and daughter who have declared war on each other! Rita claims her daughter, Lisa, is alienating her from her 13-year-old grandson, Koal, and is brainwashing him to hate her. Lisa says Rita is crazy and is using Koal as a weapon to hurt her. Lisa's ex-husband, Koal's father, says his ex-mother-in-law is a habitual liar and control freak. Neither parent believes Koal should be forced to visit with Rita. Accusations fly when mother and daughter face off. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Dr. Phil drills down on the issues. You won't believe what he thinks may be at the root of this problem. Then, with seven lawsuits filed, Lisa and Rita have visited the courthouse numerous times. Rita won her grandparent's rights to visit with Koal, and she says she will stop at nothing until Lisa allows her to see her grandson. Plus, hear from the 13-year-old boy who's caught in the middle of this nasty family feud. His comments may shock you. And attorney Gloria Allred sheds light on who has what rights in this case. Can this family arrange a plan for peace? Join the discussion.

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February 21, 2008, 8:04 am CST

That's No Grandma!

If I do the math correctly, the "grandma" had her daughter when she was just a teenager, at 16 I believe.  I think that explains a great deal.  If you watched the dynamic between them they were almost like teenaged sisters going at it.  And stealing your sister's boyfriend sorta kinda goes with the territory, which is what the "mom" did to her daughter, taking her 14 year old daughter's boyfriend from her.  Then later she tries to cause trouble between the daughter and the daughter's first husband by insinuating her tried to get into her bedroom, was peeping under the door, etc.  Again, more like teenage sisters going at it that can't stand each other.  Could it be that the mother resents her daughter for "taking" her own teenage years away from her? And now in retaliation she takes from the daughter--her boyfriend, her marriage, her son?  I saw absolutely NO maternal feelings coming from the mother, none.  And if she doesn't know how to be a mother, if those feelings are alien to her, then she certainly doesn't know how to be a grandma.  I suppose is the Biblical conundrum of cutting the baby in half were placed before this grandma, she'd say, sure, cut the kid in half, only make sure I get the bigger piece!  She showed her true self towards the end when she said the boy was the key to fixing all her relationship problems.  She is an evil shallow cold hearted woman.  She is no mother and no grandma.  Shame on her!
 
February 21, 2008, 8:08 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: shadycat1

 Now just a question,
Why do grandparents have "Right" to their grandchildren ?  Isn't and shouldn't it be up to a child's PARENTS who a child has contact with ?
In some cases the children are much better off, remember Saving Grace, WITHOUT them, in some cases its wrong to keep them away (like petty bickering.)
And at thirteen, isn't he old enough to CHOOSE whether or not he wants to see Grandma ?
I'm guessing the poor kid just wants these so called adults to GROW THE HELL UP.
Well wait and see I guess, this one should be interesting, but I will bet the boy will be acting more mature than any of the adults.
both the mom and daughter should never have had any children from what i saw, nether of these two women make a good roll modle for any child to learn from, both just enjoy the hell out of being in a spot light , they both need to be taken out back to the wood shed!!!!!!!
 
February 21, 2008, 8:16 am CST

Gloria Alred

How does Gloria have the right to say that the grandchild actually does want to see his Grandmother when on the tape he was so against it. Can she not hear?

I feel so sorry for the child, the parents and the step parent in this situation. The Grandmother is way unstable and out of control.

I am so glad I am not that mother and the grandmother should be glad I am not her daughter.

 
February 21, 2008, 8:26 am CST

You have to be a Parent before a Grandparent!

I am appalled that Dr Phil seemed to lay as much blame on the mother in this case as the Grandmother who is clearly the instigator and a very emotionally unstable person.  Clearly the Grandson stated he did NOT want a relationship with his Grandmother so the courts should validate his feelings and request.  If Dr. Phil said "listen to what he (Grandson) is saying", then why should there be any question at all regarding a grandparents right, especially with a child the age of almost 14. 

I am a firm believer that you have to be a parent FIRST in order to be a Grandparent.  It is quite clear by the dynamics of this family that the "Grandmother" and I use that term loosely, needs to back off and if the Grandson wants a relationship, he is old enough to pursue one.  And if there are other grandchildren, why only pursue a relationship with one - that clearly shows her (Grandmother) inability to truly give unconditional love and shows she is the one using the child as a pawn.  To me the Mother is only trying to protect him and adhere to his wishes by appealing the case.  Even in a custody case a child at the age of only 11 has some say in who is their custodial parent and visitation.

If the Grandmother truly loves him, then she should step back and only send him notes, cards and perhaps call him to try to establish a healthy relationship and then after that, encourage him to get together at which point, he is interested in more contact.

This entire episode sickened me that a seemingly good and loving parent(s) would have to exhaust their finances to stand up for their child's well being, and what parent wouldn't be stressed by that.

I hope the courts re-evaluate their decision and allow the Grandson to choose with whom he would like to spend his time with.  And I think it would also be a good idea to have psychological evaluations on all parties which would include observing their interactions with the child - any good psychologist can see the true natures of those involved and will find out who has the child's best interest and with whom the child feels most secure, safe and comfortable with.

 

 
February 21, 2008, 8:30 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Grandma Rita has some issues as does the daughter as Dr. Phil pointed out.  My question is Rita has another daughter and other grandchildren so what is so important about Koal???  Does she not want to see the others????  Not once did she mention wanting to see any other grandchild!!!  I feel very sorry for Koal it is obvious to me he does not want to see her at this time.  I feel like Rita is using him as a pawn against her daughter to get back at her for something and that is wrong!!!!  That young man is a puppet in a game with mom and grandma holding all the strings!!!!  I will be praying for that young man and his family and I hope that Dr. Phil can get him  the help he will need.  I feel his grand mother is beyond help!!!!!

 
February 21, 2008, 8:32 am CST

What is really going on here?

Here's the deal.  I really don't think anyone has really listened to Koal.  At 13, in my state, he would have the right to choose if he eanted visitation.  Koal sees how upset his mother is and wants to try to ease her pain  in this terrible situation.  Maybe he doesn't want to spend time with Rita.  Maybe he does.  Who really knows. Koal voice should be heard in this matter and his wishes abided by.  I think Rita needs to think more of Koal's rights and less of hers.  Just because you have children, care for and raise them, does not give you the right to bully them into seeing grandchildren. 

 

Rita...this is my advice to you.  What you are doing by persuing this court battle, is alienating yourself from your grandson.  You are forcing him to choose between his mother who has raised him since birth and the grandmother who forces him to see her.  And because you are dealing with a teenager, do you get that he sees you as the villian because you continue to hurt his mother.  He will always choose her over you.  Do you get that?  And frankly, that is the way it should be (in most cases). It must be a wonderful feeling for Koal to come to your home knowing you are forcing him too.  It is you that is forcing him too not the court.  That was just your means of getting your way.  Forcing this issue in such a manner, you only hurt Koal the most and not Lisa.  How would you feel, if the shoe was on the other foot?  Is it really worth the love of child to prove that you are right? 

 

One day Koal will be grown and if you let this go, maybe he'll come to you and ask what happened.  Then you have the chance to tell "your side".  Maybe you'll have a chance to rebuild a relationship with your grandson.  You may have lost out on the past knowing him but you may a chance to know in the futre. If you persue this matter in the way you have been, you kiss any future adult relationship GOODBYE!  Perhaps it is time to act like an adult!  Perhaps it's time to act like a loving grandmother.

 

Now Lisa...As I told Rita...One day Koal will be grown and able to make his own decisions.  If you are poisoning the well now, in regardings to Rita, it may come back a bite you one day.  He will blame you for not giving him a chance to know his grandmother.  Then you may be the one who has no relationship with in. You are trying to protect him from what you see as a threat.  I completely understand.  But you must also support him if it is his wish to spend time with Rita.  You have to put your own feelings for Rita aside when it comes to Koal.  

 
February 21, 2008, 8:34 am CST

Family Court Battles

Quote From: mssylady1

It is maturity that the mother needs for the sake of her son.  Even if that mother is still bitter about the old boyfriend stuff...the son should not pay for that and that is the root of the entire problem.  The mother is trying to make her mother pay for what she still feels because the mother married the man she still has an emotional tie to.  So what if the man is 18 years younger, they have been married for 30 years and that is their business.  But the mother is trying to punish her mother by using her grandson as a pawn because she knows how much her mother wants a relationship with her son.    Even to the point of trying to make something sinister abou her brother lying on his mother's bed...how sick and how far would she go to discredit her mother.  A grandmother's love cannot be matched with any other and if the mother distorts that, one day she will reap the bad seeds of trying to break that relationship. 

 

Dr. Phil, I think you were off base and definitely bias.  You may not see it, but your anger toward the grandmother was very obvious and distasteful.  Sometimes you are slightly off the mark and this in my opinion was off base.  You should have been a little more empathitic toward the grandmother.  Couldn't you see what was behind the mother's anger...the man her mother got and she still feels he is hers even when he never was hers.  The son will grow up and eventually see the truth and those responsible for all the ill feelings will be told by Cole.  It will only take 5 years and all this mess will bring forth its own fruit.  Mark my words Dr. Phil...you weren't as philosophical as you should have been.  Well that's my unprofessional opinion, but I've been there before as a grandmother and still have to fight to see and talk with my grandchildren.  But it is because of a domineering step-father who has my daughter so under his control she is blinded.   I sit back because my grandchildren have asked me too because he makes life unbearable for them.  So I as a grandmother have no rights and all I can do is pray.  Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to go to court and present information to the court, but I know it would do exactly the same thing to my daughter as it has with your mother and daughter.  They will probably never have a good relationship.  You did not approach this problem from the right perspective...Cole.  You just didn't! 

Did we watch the same show??????
 
February 21, 2008, 8:39 am CST

Family Court Battle

Quote From: afraid

both the mom and daughter should never have had any children from what i saw, nether of these two women make a good roll modle for any child to learn from, both just enjoy the hell out of being in a spot light , they both need to be taken out back to the wood shed!!!!!!!
I think you are misguided with your thoughts. If you are a parent you know that no matter what, you will fight for the safety and happiness of your child. I believe the mother has been pushed for so many years she is fed up and I do not blame her. She was barely able to talk during the show. Did you watch the same show???
 
February 21, 2008, 8:39 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

This show actually was very personal to me simply because I was the grandchild in the middle at one point in my life. I would say just from my own experience that the grandmother has some issues that she needs to deal with. My grandmother was a cruel woman who did exactly what this woman did. Everything was a lawsuit. I mean some real red flags are coming up here. She sleeps with an 18 year old that her daughter liked.  What mother does that. A cruel person that simply has not regard for her own children's well being. She is always the victim, and everyone is lying.  She is just trying to be a good person and has said nothing about her daughter or anyone else. What a load! That is what my grandmother would have done. I think the grandmother is 100% at fault. She is the one stalking them and harrassing them.  She has other problems with her other relationships like her own mother, daughter, and grandchildren. They can not all be wrong. Some people should never be parents and clearly this is one. I am sure her daughter needed her at times, but people like that take those moments of weakness and live off of them. 

I thought it was most interesting that all the things that she accused her daughter were just simply far fetched. To pray every night that the witch leaves them alone, destroying clothes, almost raping someone. all of that is someone that clearly needs attention to make her life happy. She is using this grandchild (that she called a liar) for her own personal vendetta to simply keep things going. She does not like that her daughter is away from her so she will hurt her until she gives in. These people have no hearts and from my experience will never say they are sorry. It is sad, but it totally happened to me.

 
February 21, 2008, 8:45 am CST

You Have Seen It Already?

I am just wondering from the comments of a few folks...how do you know so much about the program before it has been aired?

Were you in the audience for the taping or something?

Thanks in advance for any insight :-)

 
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