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Topic : 06/05 Family Court Battles

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:52:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/21/08) Stalking allegations, surveillance cameras, restraining orders. This may sound like a television drama, but it's the life of a mother and daughter who have declared war on each other! Rita claims her daughter, Lisa, is alienating her from her 13-year-old grandson, Koal, and is brainwashing him to hate her. Lisa says Rita is crazy and is using Koal as a weapon to hurt her. Lisa's ex-husband, Koal's father, says his ex-mother-in-law is a habitual liar and control freak. Neither parent believes Koal should be forced to visit with Rita. Accusations fly when mother and daughter face off. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Dr. Phil drills down on the issues. You won't believe what he thinks may be at the root of this problem. Then, with seven lawsuits filed, Lisa and Rita have visited the courthouse numerous times. Rita won her grandparent's rights to visit with Koal, and she says she will stop at nothing until Lisa allows her to see her grandson. Plus, hear from the 13-year-old boy who's caught in the middle of this nasty family feud. His comments may shock you. And attorney Gloria Allred sheds light on who has what rights in this case. Can this family arrange a plan for peace? Join the discussion.

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February 21, 2008, 8:46 am CST

Family Court Battles

Quote From: KZPWSD

I am appalled that Dr Phil seemed to lay as much blame on the mother in this case as the Grandmother who is clearly the instigator and a very emotionally unstable person.  Clearly the Grandson stated he did NOT want a relationship with his Grandmother so the courts should validate his feelings and request.  If Dr. Phil said "listen to what he (Grandson) is saying", then why should there be any question at all regarding a grandparents right, especially with a child the age of almost 14. 

I am a firm believer that you have to be a parent FIRST in order to be a Grandparent.  It is quite clear by the dynamics of this family that the "Grandmother" and I use that term loosely, needs to back off and if the Grandson wants a relationship, he is old enough to pursue one.  And if there are other grandchildren, why only pursue a relationship with one - that clearly shows her (Grandmother) inability to truly give unconditional love and shows she is the one using the child as a pawn.  To me the Mother is only trying to protect him and adhere to his wishes by appealing the case.  Even in a custody case a child at the age of only 11 has some say in who is their custodial parent and visitation.

If the Grandmother truly loves him, then she should step back and only send him notes, cards and perhaps call him to try to establish a healthy relationship and then after that, encourage him to get together at which point, he is interested in more contact.

This entire episode sickened me that a seemingly good and loving parent(s) would have to exhaust their finances to stand up for their child's well being, and what parent wouldn't be stressed by that.

I hope the courts re-evaluate their decision and allow the Grandson to choose with whom he would like to spend his time with.  And I think it would also be a good idea to have psychological evaluations on all parties which would include observing their interactions with the child - any good psychologist can see the true natures of those involved and will find out who has the child's best interest and with whom the child feels most secure, safe and comfortable with.

 

I could not agree with you more.  
 
February 21, 2008, 8:48 am CST

Not about the Adults(?)

Quote From: mssylady1

It is maturity that the mother needs for the sake of her son.  Even if that mother is still bitter about the old boyfriend stuff...the son should not pay for that and that is the root of the entire problem.  The mother is trying to make her mother pay for what she still feels because the mother married the man she still has an emotional tie to.  So what if the man is 18 years younger, they have been married for 30 years and that is their business.  But the mother is trying to punish her mother by using her grandson as a pawn because she knows how much her mother wants a relationship with her son.    Even to the point of trying to make something sinister abou her brother lying on his mother's bed...how sick and how far would she go to discredit her mother.  A grandmother's love cannot be matched with any other and if the mother distorts that, one day she will reap the bad seeds of trying to break that relationship. 

 

Dr. Phil, I think you were off base and definitely bias.  You may not see it, but your anger toward the grandmother was very obvious and distasteful.  Sometimes you are slightly off the mark and this in my opinion was off base.  You should have been a little more empathitic toward the grandmother.  Couldn't you see what was behind the mother's anger...the man her mother got and she still feels he is hers even when he never was hers.  The son will grow up and eventually see the truth and those responsible for all the ill feelings will be told by Cole.  It will only take 5 years and all this mess will bring forth its own fruit.  Mark my words Dr. Phil...you weren't as philosophical as you should have been.  Well that's my unprofessional opinion, but I've been there before as a grandmother and still have to fight to see and talk with my grandchildren.  But it is because of a domineering step-father who has my daughter so under his control she is blinded.   I sit back because my grandchildren have asked me too because he makes life unbearable for them.  So I as a grandmother have no rights and all I can do is pray.  Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to go to court and present information to the court, but I know it would do exactly the same thing to my daughter as it has with your mother and daughter.  They will probably never have a good relationship.  You did not approach this problem from the right perspective...Cole.  You just didn't! 

This has nothing to do with the right's of the grandmother.  It has everything to do with the right's of the child.  He said on tape that he wished Rita would leave his family alone.  How much clearer could it get?  Even if, the mother is distorting this boy, he will be grown one day.  He will be able to freely question and come to his own conclusions. 

 

Your grandhildren have asked you to back off and you have for "their" sake.  And even though you are not happy with the current sistuation, you have.  Respecting your grandchildren's wishes only endears you to them more.  They know that if they ever needed anything they will be able to could on you.  Should Rita not do the same for Koal?  If she did, she might be able to have some type of relationship with Koal. 

 

 

 
February 21, 2008, 8:50 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

I think this whole family is a mess...completely selfish and immature. 13 year old Koal seems to be the only one who has any maturity....and no one seems to be listening to him. I think he's real clear that he doesn't want a relationship with his grandmother.

 

And I have to wonder what the grandmother's motive is for pushing and pushing this issue...I thought I heard something about Koal being in the bed with the grandparents....did I hear right? No one seemed to address that. Is this grandmother wanting to cultivate an unnatural relationship with this boy? I don't think Koal would put up with that...maybe he senses something wrong and that's why he doesn't want to be around her.

 

Any way you look at it, the whole thing is sad.

 
February 21, 2008, 8:59 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: dogdoc4

I think you are misguided with your thoughts. If you are a parent you know that no matter what, you will fight for the safety and happiness of your child. I believe the mother has been pushed for so many years she is fed up and I do not blame her. She was barely able to talk during the show. Did you watch the same show???
nha im not misguided, hell i would put a few more miles between me and my mother if i were having these problems , both mom and daughter need a trip to the wood shed. cant put a fire out with gasoline, the daughter seems to keep a 5gal can very handy, going to judge judy? come on that is not protecting the child in any way, court battle after court battle come onnnn, how is this helping the child? what mom and dad say goes no matter what!, like i said mom and daughter both enjoy the sope light  just as much as the other, nether of them seem to have enough going on with there own life so they create all these problems to keep busy. change the location of where you live lock the doors and change the phone# it works just fine, thats how to solve a problem like this with out hurting that child any ferther, hell from what i saw the child is the ONLY one gettin hurt. both mom and daughter were having a blast.
 
February 21, 2008, 9:22 am CST

Lucky one

I have to say I have an amazing grandmother! We are actually more like mother and daughter, I don't know what I would do with out her!

I can not imagine having this crazy vindictive vile woman as a grandmother!!!! How horrible!!

 

 
February 21, 2008, 9:38 am CST

Face it Rita............

Quote From: cndrlla

I think this whole family is a mess...completely selfish and immature. 13 year old Koal seems to be the only one who has any maturity....and no one seems to be listening to him. I think he's real clear that he doesn't want a relationship with his grandmother.

 

And I have to wonder what the grandmother's motive is for pushing and pushing this issue...I thought I heard something about Koal being in the bed with the grandparents....did I hear right? No one seemed to address that. Is this grandmother wanting to cultivate an unnatural relationship with this boy? I don't think Koal would put up with that...maybe he senses something wrong and that's why he doesn't want to be around her.

 

Any way you look at it, the whole thing is sad.

I think that what is going on is clear.... Rita can't stand or face growing older. when she was 30 she went after a young boy. Now that she's old enough to be passed child baring years she is trying to take Cole away from his parents so she can play mommy and convince herself she's still young.

 

It is so sad (and pathetic) I feel for all of them except Rita. I just can't believe how much Rita has cost this poor family.

 

~Nixi

 
February 21, 2008, 9:47 am CST

SHAMEFUL HUMAN BEINGS...BOTH OF THEM!

SADLY anxious to see this show.

 

I shall give my UNPOPULAR personal opinion...

No woman can lead a fully normal, happy life when she is at war with her mother. There is something UNNATURAL about a mother/daughter not being bonded together. When the bond is broken or cracked, life for both the mother and daughter is not good. They may pretend it's good, but it's really not. Mothers and daughters, by nature and by God, were meant to be soulmates. They were meant to be close.

 

As for the show, how PATHETIC that two ADULTS have ALLOWED their lives to DETERIORATE to this and how PATHETIC that they've allowed an innocent child to suffer. And he IS suffering, regardless of what he says (or they say).

 

They are obviously BOTH selfish, cruel, immature, irresponsible and PATHETIC human beings!

 
February 21, 2008, 10:01 am CST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: cndrlla

I think this whole family is a mess...completely selfish and immature. 13 year old Koal seems to be the only one who has any maturity....and no one seems to be listening to him. I think he's real clear that he doesn't want a relationship with his grandmother.

 

And I have to wonder what the grandmother's motive is for pushing and pushing this issue...I thought I heard something about Koal being in the bed with the grandparents....did I hear right? No one seemed to address that. Is this grandmother wanting to cultivate an unnatural relationship with this boy? I don't think Koal would put up with that...maybe he senses something wrong and that's why he doesn't want to be around her.

 

Any way you look at it, the whole thing is sad.

Ok I finally caught that whole "in my bed" thing ....What the H*ll??????? "Cole knows he always has a place in my bed" ...????????????? How creepy!!!!!! Not cole knows he always has a place in my heart or home but in her bed?? That is really weird!!!!!!

~Nixi

 
February 21, 2008, 10:45 am CST

Rita is a Nutjob


Rita, Rita, Rita!

 

Back off sister - you're way out of line.  This shouldn't be about you.  You've got to be one of the most misguided, selfish people I've ever seen. 

 

Take a tape of Dr. Phil's show to court and show the judge - it'll give him a big clue as to how sick Rita is and perhaps give him the wisdom to reverse the order giving Rita visitation rights. 

 

It's unbelievable to me how incredibly sick and selfish people can be.

 
February 21, 2008, 10:48 am CST

Unbelievable

   I am in absolute shock over this this entire situation. As I am sure many of you will agree, I think it's pretty ridiculous that our legal system would even allow this back & forth with the court system. I believe that their has to be some truth to what the parents are saying, although divorced they still stand united. They both seem to be giving the same story & consistent. When is our legal system going to say enough is enough Kole is definitely old enough to choose what he would like.

   To me it seems that Rita is just doing this to be spiteful. Does this woman not have a job, hobbies,  a life. Watching the show, I got the impression that other than her son, she doesn't seem to have a good relationship with her children.  When is enough going to be enough....

 
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