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Topic : 06/05 Family Court Battles

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:52:52 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/21/08) Stalking allegations, surveillance cameras, restraining orders. This may sound like a television drama, but it's the life of a mother and daughter who have declared war on each other! Rita claims her daughter, Lisa, is alienating her from her 13-year-old grandson, Koal, and is brainwashing him to hate her. Lisa says Rita is crazy and is using Koal as a weapon to hurt her. Lisa's ex-husband, Koal's father, says his ex-mother-in-law is a habitual liar and control freak. Neither parent believes Koal should be forced to visit with Rita. Accusations fly when mother and daughter face off. With all the finger-pointing, who's telling the truth? Dr. Phil drills down on the issues. You won't believe what he thinks may be at the root of this problem. Then, with seven lawsuits filed, Lisa and Rita have visited the courthouse numerous times. Rita won her grandparent's rights to visit with Koal, and she says she will stop at nothing until Lisa allows her to see her grandson. Plus, hear from the 13-year-old boy who's caught in the middle of this nasty family feud. His comments may shock you. And attorney Gloria Allred sheds light on who has what rights in this case. Can this family arrange a plan for peace? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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cndrlla

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February 21, 2008, 3:17 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: ladyvic1205

Did anyone hear that Rita said Cole has a place in her bed? Along with his Grandpa? Sounds very sick to me. What is a 13 year old doing sleeping in the same bed as his grandparents. Rita is one sick puppy. I have rarely respected the courts and this is one that emphasizes those true feelings. How could any court allow that child to be forced to see and stay with someone he doesn't want to. Why is it Dr. Phil that you could not pick up on the lies and malipulation from Rita. The rest of your viewers did. Going back to the courts, Rita should be investigated for abuse to her Grandson from Child Protective Services. Way to go Lisa for appealing that judge's decision.

Yes, I did hear that happy horse crap about the bed thing and I mentioned it in an earlier posting of mine....I thought maybe I hadn't heard right..but, others have mentioned it too.

Yuuuuuuuuck!!

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dschmuc

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February 21, 2008, 3:18 pm PST

A Message for Mom and Daughter

My thoughts are that both Mother and daughter are hurting and I have an idea that would bring all parties together. There seems to be great hurt between the mom and daughter. They are MOM and DAUGHTER. Sorry, but we all know there is a bond there. I had hurt in my childhood too as well as after childhood. Sometimes I had to put my mom on the "shelf" - no contact. But eventually I had to forgive and understand what made my mom act the way she did; her dreams, aspirations, tragedies and defining moments. I am strong enough to heal myself. I lost my mom several years ago, and I feel her loss. MOM this is for you!

This is YOUR DAUGHTER. You talked of the labor, been there. I may not like what my son does or even thinks, but I will love him and subject no harm ON him. If you can just love your daughter for being your daughter, this whole situation will mellow out and you will have a relationship with all your children and grandchildren. You KNOW you can't control people's emotions, get over it. Take care of you and the rest comes naturally. Be the best that you can be! It's your time.

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farygodmom

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February 21, 2008, 3:19 pm PST

A mother's instinct

Of course the child is of primary importance and should not be subject to the problems and disagreements of the adults. Of course sane adults would not engage at that level. Having said that, what is a mother do when she absolutely believes (and seemingly with good reason) that having her son visit his grandmother would be extremely detrimental to his well-being? Her son is being attacked. She WOULD and SHOULD fight back like a tiger!

I believe in respecting and trusting people until they prove me wrong. I had an angel of a mother, and although she’s been gone 10 years I still miss her. My best friend in high school’s mother was the devil incarnate---narcissistic, abusive, controlling, and mean. My friend is a sweetheart. She tried to please her mother until the day she died, but the woman remained nasty until the end. I can’t tell you how much Rita reminded me of my friend’s mother.

Rita is absolute poison. If the boy was mine, I’d have moved to another country by now.

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bluerabbit

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February 21, 2008, 3:21 pm PST

Yes, I agree

Quote From: bigkey75

I think the only people that should have the right to make decisions abouth the childs best intrest should be the mother and the father! If neither want the child to have contact with the grandparents then that shouldn't be an issue for the courts or anybody else! The only time the grandparents should have that right is if both parents are deceased or if neither are fit take care for the child! Sometimes I believe the court system has more control over your child than the actual parents! I think the only time the courts should be involed is in custody cases!

This is insane. Rita had her chance to raise a child and she has certainly not established a loving bond! I can't believe that nobody is protecting this poor young mother. I am closer to Rita's age, and I know that older people possess greater financial resources and saavy to navigate the court system. Why is the court even involved in this case? The boy is over 12 and he does not want to see Rita. That woman should get a life! There are so many other wonderful things to do. If she cannot be supportive of her adult daughter, she should leave her alone! Shame on the court system! Shame on you, Dr. Phil for not standing up for the parents.

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sportyster

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February 21, 2008, 3:23 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

I've had a very turbulant relationship with my mother my whole life, ever since I can remember she's done and said very hurtful things to me. As much as I've wanted to deny her a relationship with my daughter out of spite, it was that same feelings of spite that stopped me from doing so. I knew she expected me to do but I never did. As it turns out my mother was a pretty crappy mother but she's turned out to be a fantastic grandmother to my daughter. I can't forget what she's done and continues to do but I can forgive her for being the best grandparent my daughter could have ever hoped for.

To this day they continue to have a very special relationship, both are important to each other and this relationship has helped my daughter to grow into a beautiful, well adjusted young lady. I agree with Dr Phil that children should NEVER be involved in adult conflict by any party involved. I'd say both of these women, mother and daughter need to put aside their own bitter feelings and do what is right for the children. For what I seen on the show the issues between these two are nothing like the issues my mother and I have had through out the years. I have not seen or spoken to my mother for many years now but I am happy that I was able to put my hurt, pain and bitter feelings aside and do what was best for my daughter because at the end of the day, it only helped her blossom and be surrounded by people that loved her outside of my relationship with them.

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tlovesdolphins

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February 21, 2008, 3:25 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

The "Grandpa" isn't the child's grandfather, it's the boy his mom dated in high school that she's been with for 30 years.

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lorirose

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February 21, 2008, 3:25 pm PST

Disorder, disorder, disorder!!!

Quote From: anon_slc

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in self-image, behavior, moods, and interpersonal relationships. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity.

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

Why Is It Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex by Richard Warshak OR High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help: The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

Some of the story is typical: feelings of insecurity contributing to destructive behaviors such as promiscuity, manipulations, self-abuse, rage attacks, revenge, addictions, and eating disorders. The extreme behaviors of BPD constitute the high drama in the stories of those who endure its ravages.

Hope it helps!

I am so tired of people labeling their behaviors as disorders. The Lord calls them SIN. It's time people started taking responsibility for our sin and repenting and asking forgiveness and forgiving people.

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tlovesdolphins

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February 21, 2008, 3:25 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: farygodmom

Did Gloria Allred even WATCH the tape of the boy? She said something like "I'm sure the boy wants a relationshiip with his grandmother." Didn't she hear what he was saying?

I already think she's used up her 15 minutes of fame...

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bluerabbit

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February 21, 2008, 3:26 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

Quote From: jackie1212

Jane, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mother as well. But, my mother would have never disrespected my wishes the way Rita is doing. The relationship between this mother and daughter is toxic.

My mother loves me. She loves my daughter. She offered advice and worried, bless her, but she NEVER would have taken me to court and me me lose my house! She never would have demanded visitation. She loves me. She loves my daughter. Rita does not know the meaning of love. I feel sorry for her. She needs to find out who she is, apart from her children or grandchildren. I suggest meditation, an art class, or a good psychiatrist!

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bluerabbit

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February 21, 2008, 3:29 pm PST

02/21 Family Court Battles

I AGREE!! I am VERY disappointed in Ms Allred, and in Dr. Phil, as well. Rita is disfunctional, to put it mildly, and the boy wants nothing to do with her.

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