Topic : 02/22 Hell Weddings

I agree with you.  I don't think that anyone who felt Janae needs to just "get over it" is saying that Michael was right for getting so plastered that he was passing out at the alter!   And I heard someone else also say that it was probably from "nervousness on his weeding day that he made this mistake"  and I agree with that statement too.   I seem to recall my mother *insisting on me & my girlfriends eating on my wedding day for fear of a "glass or 2 going straight to your head" and she was right!   It hadn't occured to me to eat because it wasn't just nervousness but excitement that I was going to walk down the isle etc.  And being with my girlfriends as we dressed we did have a glass of wine as they toasted me privately prior to all the whopppola starting with everyone else.  I can see how that could get carried away if there wasn't someone really on top of things.   AGain I don't think he was right either but it's those who do NOT drink often that tend to get drunk on much less that much quicker.  Hubby & I are anything but drinkers & so 1 shot or 2 shots of something could impair our judgement to the point of yes making the HUGH mistake that Michael did.  Well actually I'd never "do a shot".  but this is why we are NOT drinkers.  :)  but on a wedding day the idea of *A* drink I could see it happening & turning into something else.  And I disagree that this guy did this with "indifference to his bride or as a show of disrespect"  I don't believe there was any thought there at all not even as far as there was any malace in it thinking "aww to hell with her".  I think he was excited/nervous had *A* drink & then he wasn't using any judgement.  Stupid yes malace & indifference NO!  This was not something he did "to her" And like you said I think she was just ticked off that her wedding wasn't to her standard and she wanted another big new shiney wedding.  If she really was THAT upset & felt he'd done this "to her" then she shouldn't be with him!  But suddenly another wedding is going to change all that?  And boy those no show tears that she was dabing from her face stopped the moment Dr. Phil made the offer for the "best country club party".   And as far as the friends and his father could you imagine what the lovely blushing bride would have said if the father had said "hey he can't get married he's 3 sheets to the wind here"!   She'd have had a fit that he'd "left me at the alter.  WAAAAAAAAA"    Of course just because I can *see how it happened* does not mean I condone what he did.  I too would have been REALLY PO'D but I wouldn't be holding it over him to just get some STUFF from him. 

 And when I hear people say they would have been out of there & "ran for the hills" to me this means they wouldn't be right for their spouse anyway.  I could not imagine "running for the hills" from my husband.   Loving him & *respecting HIM* I wouldn't run just because of a stupid mistake.  It would be different if there were other things of disrespect or if he'd had a drinking problem but I agree with you I think this was just something to hold over the guys head for 2 years now & to get "STUFF" with. 

Life is not perfect and she is not a child to be pouting & having a hissy fit until someone sticks a much larger better candy stick in her mouth to make her pout turn to a smile.  If she was really upset & emotionally distraught then Dr. Phil suddenly saying "We'll help you with a brand new wedding" isn't something that would help either.   And if it was something where she thought she had a need to take vows with him again to "recreate the moment" she would have just wanted a subdued ceremony etc.  That is a REAL simbole of them uniting etc.  The wedding is just a uniting of 2 people & them wanting to share it with friends & loved ones.   If a woman is still confused about the fantasy thing they gew up on they are to IMMATURE for marriage.  IMO   As a grown up we see what reality is & understand that fantasy & fairy tales are just that & not reall. 

I can't believe there are so many that actually back this woman up on her emotional blackmail of this poor man who has seeminly been trying to make it up to her for 2 years. now?!   If he hasn't been able to make it up to her in that time for her to be able to forgive him Then she should have let him go because he shouldn't have to have a life sentnce for a stupid mistake.  I'm sure she was "humiliated" but this was HIS DAY TOO!  People seem to forget this & he had already been punished enough by missing the day & knowing he was responsible for the day not being what *THEY had dreamed*.  Men don't dream of their day from the time they're little, but when they propose & the plans are being maid they are anticipating a day where they're going to have a beautiful bride who's in love and happy with them.   So their day wasn't right & the last 2 years have been miserable & he's been punished ever since?  Seems harsh to me.  If she was that upset she should have let him go. 

And this post is too long to even comment on the other couple except to say I hope that guy ran as fast as he could from this controlling wacko!   3 kids & she wasn't a big expensive wedding?  ridiculas!

see that's where you're confused though because when you say "He drank with his friends without any concern as to how it would affect his wife to be and their wedding day."  That is true he wasn't concerned because he wasn't *thinking* & people who make a mistake are often not using their heads!   When she would speak of how humiliated she was she kept saying "I couldn't believe he'd do this *to me*" and she took it as though he'd done this with *indifference to her* & that is not the way it sounded & if it was the way it was why would he be so remorseful?   People who are indifferent or who "don't care or are "unconcerned for the persons feelings" don't have remorse! 

Was it a stupid thing he did?  Yes it was but those "few drinks" you & yours had that had you "feeling good" would put *me under the table* & after the 1st 2 "few drinks" I wouldn't be using my head either & THAT is how this young man got into trouble! 

If she felt he was so indifferent to her to be "unconcerned for her feelings" or that he was cold & indifferent she should not have continued to be married to him period.  If she felt she was "so emotionally upset that she could not forgive him" she should have let him go!   To *punish your husband* the one you say you love for 2 years is outragious.  And the idea that she pulls this out every time she wants something that is a expensive material thing shouts this isn't about her being "upset" any more at all but being a pouty selfish brat.  

And this person you're addressing commenting on the REAL issues of life makes PERFECT sense!  If this woman does not have the emotional intelligence to get beyond a *wedding day that wasn't purfect* she will not EVER be able to handle the REAL crap that life hands them individually or as a couple.  This person went on to list the things that had happened in her life that were a REAL emotional trauma & those are the things to be really emotionally distraught over not because your husband had too much to drink ONE day that impaired his judgement to allow him to continue to make an even BIGGER mistake!    He MADE A MISTAKE!   Now if he'd gotten in a car & killed someone this "mistake" would be a horse of a different color but this man did not kill or mame someone.  If your spouse make a mistake that was upsetting would you punish her for 2 years whill using emotional blackmail to get "STUFF"?  The emotionall pain that he had caused her was not intentional or something he realized was going to happen because he was "impaired" but her inability to forgive him & her punishment of him all this time is something she KNOWS is hurting him & she IS INDIFFERENT to him.

She just wanted a country club wedding out of this because the house & the SUV wasn't enough.....  

Sure she will because it wasn't "Michael" that was able to "give her her day back" but Dr. Phil  and once she's had the "day to shine" she go back to complaining that the original day Michael got drunken, passed out and was not there for their wedding night.  This will be something she will milk for the rest of their lives..........    

One would think she'd stop at this point realizing that this man may get sick o f all this childishness & may say "hey wait if I was drunk while I signed that paper maybe that means it's not a binding contract" & split completely on her!   Who the heck could blame him at this point.  I wonder if they're going to go through the whole thing of making it legal with the 2nd wedding?   It isn't the "story book" ceremony that makes it legal but the contract you're suppose to be sober signing.  Maybe he'll wake up before he signs another?

No it isn't the rational getting married & celebrating joining together that are "silly"

But I take issue with you assesment of marriage.  I don't know about YOU but in reality I was already joined with my husband prior to marriage & was there for "better or worse" & that would include him having made A MISTAKE!   It would have been SO easy for me to be that intoxicated at my wedding because simply I cannot hold my alcohol!  Yet the idea of a drink to celebrate when you just don't realize how it is going to effect you to me is a reasonable mistake!  I don't even BELIEVE that this man did this with indifference to his wife's feeling!   It would be VERY easy on a wedding day to not eat enough & then have a glass or 2 in clebrating with your friends prior to the ceremoney & have that snow ball.  And if it is other wise then that is a whole different animal!   No new wedding would fix that! 

It wouldn't be who's "in the audience" that would have me marry or not marry and so the idea of her having married because of the audience means she didn't marry because she wanted to be married to HIM.  "I would have left him in the yard".  I would not EVER walk away from my husband because of a mistake!  If this was his "history" then I wouldn't be there at the wedding to start but if it is not a history &/or he's normally a loving & respectful person then this is a MISTAKE & if my husband was drunk beyond imagination I'd be WORRIED about someone I LOVE I wouldn't be at a wedding whining he's not there!!!!!! 

I believe it was another post you said that "most women grow up believing they're going to have a story book wedding"  Well that may have been the reason you married but it wasn't for me!  Did I feel like a "princess"?  yes I did but that's because I loved and admired my husband so much I was tickled giddy to become his wife.  The dress, flowers, church & sharing it with friends was all icing on the cake!   And still it didn't go "perfect" & I knew it was no "story book wedding"  because it was REAL & therefore it was BETTER than any FAIRY TALE I ever read as a child!  That was not because of the wedding that was because of the MAN I married!   If a *grown womany* is still having a FANTASY of a story book wedding without any reasoning of reality she's too immature to get married!!!!!!    We all believed in Santa as kids too but we know better now don't we? 

If she felt this man went drinking because he "just didn't care about her" then that means she doesn't really believe he cares for or about her & no new wedding is going to change that! 

You're right we SHOULD know this person who we are marrying & so if your husband showed up drunk for your wedding you'd *suddenly* be so angry you wouldn't marry him?   So that means that if he said "Hey honey I don't know what I was thinking.  I'm not use to drinking & we all thought a shot would just loosen us up cause I was real nervous & then before I knew it I'd had 3  because the 1st shot had me impaired & I'm really so sorry because I would never have done anything to hurt you."   If your husband The husband YOU KNOW said that are you saying you'd "not have married him" ?  When I look at my husband "the man I know" I can't imagine any mistake that he'd make that could have made me so angry with him that I would have not married him. 

"he knew what he was doing & didn't care how it LOOKED"   While I would have been angry with my husband it would NOT have been because he did it knowing the "way it would look"?  Why gives a whoie how it LOOKS?  I really don't care if the Pope is sitting there & if he thinks hubby is the devil in diguise!  It's what I THINK & how I feel that is important & the idea that hubby had too many drinks because he was acting like a foolish *ss on his wedding day isn't something that would make me suddenly not love him!  Whe we married "for better or worse" that is in the face of our spouse making mistakes too.  & those mistakes are often hard to take!!!!!!!!!!!  That's why we take the vows!!!

And so you're there for "better or worse, sickness & in health till death do you part" unless your husband makes a mistake that makes you feel like you've got egg on your face?   I'd wear whatever egg I needed to for my husband.  No matter what mistake he's ever made it's the rest of the things that he says that says what he really things of me & that he does that says he does in deed care & LOVES me.  No mistake could change who he really is, I know him now & knew him then & if he was intoxicated on a wedding day PO'd or not I'd still love him & would have been CONCERNED about him!   I would have been worried he'd had alcholo poising!  Not "leaving him on the lawn"! 

And if she was that upset for the reasons you've said a new country club wedding would not change any of this......