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Topic : 02/22 Hell Weddings

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:54:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every bride wants to shine on her special day -- from wearing the perfect gown to hosting the most extravagant reception. But what happens when the dream of the perfect wedding turns into a nightmare? Janae knows about this pain firsthand. Her husband, Michael, got so drunk before the ceremony that he passed out cold after saying “I do” and didn’t wake up until the next day!  Janae attended the reception by herself and spent her wedding night with her bridesmaids at a hotel. Their wedding from hell took place two years ago, but she still tears up at the memory of that fateful day. Can she ever forgive Michael's mishaps, or is he doomed to the doghouse forever? Then, Angela is a self-professed bridezilla who makes no excuses for her demanding ways. She even created a newsletter for her bridesmaids with the rules and regulations they must follow to participate in her wedding! Her sister and maid of honor, Vanessa, worries that Angela's nitpicking will cause her fiancé, Marvin, to run for the hills. What's behind Angela's controlling behavior, and is she headed for heartache on her special day? Share your thoughts here.

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February 22, 2008, 8:02 am CST

02/22 Hell Weddings

Quote From: ramair

Makes me wonder just why Michael was so anxious. Was it just the wedding that un-nerved him? Or, the marriage that followed. Maybe Janae had held grudges in the past. Over much less seriuos issues than getting drunk. So, maybe Michael was having second thoughts about marrying her. Anyway, it's been two years since Michael got drunk. To continue holding a grudge is, IMO, awfully petty and mean of Janae. Especially if he hasn't had anything to drink since the wedding.  I just hope DR Phil doesn't "reward" her attitude with another "wedding."

" I just hope DR Phil doesn't "reward" her attitude with another "wedding."  "

Your "I just hope" happened! LOL, Sigh.

 

Especially since she was using the grudge to get her way on material stuff already, I was dismayed that she, in effect, got "rewarded" for 2 years' worth of it.

 

Prof

 
February 22, 2008, 8:38 am CST

02/22 Hell Weddings

The most beautiful, peaceful and loving wedding I've ever seen was my youngest daughter and son-in-law's. It was planned and carried out in two days, including the ring, dress, (which was gorgeous!), cake, food, minister and decorations! Everything just fell into place. It was an evening candlelight ceremony that took place in our lovely, but modest family room in New Mexico on December 27, 1990, with the fireplace going and a friend of ours playing the wedding march on the piano. It had snowed that day so everything was gorgeous outside too. Only close friends and family were there...which, in my opinion, is how it should be.

It worked because the marriage was...and still is...the most important thing; not the ceremony! They are still married and now have four beautiful children. 

 
February 22, 2008, 8:48 am CST

02/22 Hell Weddings

It is really sad to watch a young couple disagree over a wedding.  A one day event does not even come close to the trials and tribulations of a long lasting marriage.  My husband and I of 33 years worked from 8 until 4:30 pm on a Friday, went straight to the downtown Magistrate's office, got married and returned to work on Monday.  Wouldn't trade it for the biggest wedding in the world.  Our two children, now adults, think it was the perfect wedding for their Mom & Dad.  Our close friends then and now, did the same thing, on the same day.  So all four of us, including our kids, still laugh about it.   It worked out perfect. 
 
February 22, 2008, 9:03 am CST

Wow

If this is they was just one day is handled, I'd hate to see how the rest of there lives are handled.

I would think if she could get away controlling this one day, she would try to control a hole lot more

of there lives. Yikes!

 
February 22, 2008, 9:05 am CST

I so agree...

Quote From: gctate

Weddings are just a way of celebrating with friends and family your love and committment to each other.  I understand dream weddings, I had one myself. In fact, I had two weddings. My first one was absolutely beautiful, but 3 months later, the marriage went sour. My second wedding is still laughable till this day, but the marriage is wonderful. The wedding was plagued with everything imaginable. The cake was picked up by one of the bridesmaids in an effort to save money, but she left it in her car throughout the ceremony and it had to be rebuilt and refrigerated before it could be bought out. The musicians never showed at the church so we had to find a song for the procession. Try using the same song for the bridesmaids, bride and unity candle ceremony. The bartender forgot the date, so we had to get my son to tend bar. However, the food was awesome and the DJ magnificent, and the best part of the deal was the man I got. The best in the world. Moral...we put too much importance on the wedding and not enough on the marriage.

 To the woman whose groom passed out after saying "I do", well, he married you first (smile). So, go back and have another ceremony, now that the hard part is out of the way, have fun. 

Good for you that you know what's really important!

 

The wedding was awful for the first couple, but the marriage seems to be a good one...she does need to get over the whole thing and go on with life. Those were but a few short moments in the grand scheme of things!

 

With the second couple, she needs to learn the meaning of respect towards this man with whom she's going to (hopefully) spend the rest of her life. Does she really want  a man who never speaks up for himself? Or does she want a partner

 

I'm a little concerned over the physical violence that was mentioned by these two....(a baseball bat? Not a good sign!) Once you cross that line, it's easier the next time.

 

Please visit my website WWW.NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM and click on the article "But I Love Him"...maybe it will give some insight to those of you planning a wedding.

 
February 22, 2008, 9:15 am CST

02/22 Hell Weddings

Quote From: jaresto

These days it is hard enough having a successful relationship with someone with all their senses.  It is much harder, wait, impossible to have a relationship with a DRUNK.  This is then a one sided relationship, as the DRUNK, is really never there.  Please don't put this on the bride, if the groom could not accept a bride who obviously had high expectations he should have bailed out during the dating phase, not wait to emotionally detach by making himself so DRUNK, he could not even enjoy a wedding night. That is so sad!!!
I think you didn't understand the drunk thing....although it was horribly inconsiderate of him to have become drunk on their wedding day, it isn't something he did or does on a regular basis, and I don't see him as a "drunk". Big difference between getting drunk and being a drunk! Big BIG difference! And the marriage seems to be stong...that's the important part.
 
February 22, 2008, 9:15 am CST

respect

Quote From: cndrlla

Good for you that you know what's really important!

 

The wedding was awful for the first couple, but the marriage seems to be a good one...she does need to get over the whole thing and go on with life. Those were but a few short moments in the grand scheme of things!

 

With the second couple, she needs to learn the meaning of respect towards this man with whom she's going to (hopefully) spend the rest of her life. Does she really want  a man who never speaks up for himself? Or does she want a partner

 

I'm a little concerned over the physical violence that was mentioned by these two....(a baseball bat? Not a good sign!) Once you cross that line, it's easier the next time.

 

Please visit my website WWW.NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM and click on the article "But I Love Him"...maybe it will give some insight to those of you planning a wedding.

I get the idea that she does not respect anyone else's feelings; not just her future husband. If you care about people you don't ry to control their every move.  Why can't the bridesmaids choose the color of their nailpolish? And why can't they ear their hair in a way they fell comfortable?  She wants to shine above everyone else......does she feel insecure that someone is going to outshine her and steal the show?

 

The control issue is going to be a huge factor for years down the road if she does not fix it.  While she may feel that she is in control of her life, she will find people slipping away from her because of the attitude.

 
February 22, 2008, 9:51 am CST

02/22 Hell Weddings

Quote From: gctate

Weddings are just a way of celebrating with friends and family your love and committment to each other.  I understand dream weddings, I had one myself. In fact, I had two weddings. My first one was absolutely beautiful, but 3 months later, the marriage went sour. My second wedding is still laughable till this day, but the marriage is wonderful. The wedding was plagued with everything imaginable. The cake was picked up by one of the bridesmaids in an effort to save money, but she left it in her car throughout the ceremony and it had to be rebuilt and refrigerated before it could be bought out. The musicians never showed at the church so we had to find a song for the procession. Try using the same song for the bridesmaids, bride and unity candle ceremony. The bartender forgot the date, so we had to get my son to tend bar. However, the food was awesome and the DJ magnificent, and the best part of the deal was the man I got. The best in the world. Moral...we put too much importance on the wedding and not enough on the marriage.

 To the woman whose groom passed out after saying "I do", well, he married you first (smile). So, go back and have another ceremony, now that the hard part is out of the way, have fun. 

I agree with you, even if the celebration turns out to be just the two of you.

I've only had one wedding. It was planned 1 1/2 times. One half by my mother and once by me and my fiance. At the point where mom was picking out my flowers (after choosing the colors, the site, the bridesmaids, and their dresses) I called my soon-to-be husband and said, "I'm coming down there, make arrangements at the base chapel". So, it was us, the chaplain, a neighbor I had met two weeks before, and 5 people he knew from his tech class at the base. There would have been an organist but he chose that morning to commit suicide and at that time you couldn't just run out and get a tape player, so there was no music at all. The reception was everyone but the chaplain, a bottle of Jim Beam and two bottles of Coke.

The marriage, on the other hand, lasted 31 years. We went through better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health till death did we part. We got it all in and the farther we got from the wedding the less it mattered.

I don't know if I'll ever marry again. If I can have friends and family around, it will be a bonus. But really, when you say it's your day it's both of your day and everyone else just adds to the fun. So make it FUN.
 
February 22, 2008, 10:18 am CST

Wrong Title. Immature People is Better

It's shouldn't be titled "Hell Wedding." It should be titled "Immature People."

 

The REASON so many marriages fail is because so many people get married for the wrong reasons. They sould never have gotten married in the first place. It's time to GROW UP.

 

If you don't even date well, don't get married. When you're dating, you should be getting along great with both of you on your best behavior. If that's not the case, imagine how bad things will be when you get really comfortable with eachother!

 

You should not only love eachother, but LIKE eachother. And if you are already saying mean things about eachother you obviously don't respect eachother.

 

Take this from someone married 18 years....and VERY happy. Marriage is about LOVE and COMMITTMENT and GOD. It's about CHILDREN and EMOTIONAL SUPPORT and RESPECT. It never hurts. It's about good times and bad times...TOGETHER. It's about crazy in-laws, poor times and richer times. It's about job losses and job promotions. It's about miscarriages and the birth of babies.

 

I have gained 110 lbs since I met my rugged, handsome, professional, althletic, gentle husband (who's a super partner and father), but he has always called me beautiful and desired me. He spends his free time with me (and with our children). He is loyal and supportive and we have so much fun together.

 

We have given ourselves to eachother and to God. And our wedding day was BUT ONE DAY that cost less than $2000. If we had our way, we would have eloped and donated the money to charity!

 

Does anyone really believe Jesus would condone spending all that money on "stuff?" It's a shame we Americans are so selfish and shallow. If hubby and I had to do it over again, you can bet we would stand up to our parents and pay for our own SMALL wedding with a fun barbeque in the backyard!

 
February 22, 2008, 10:50 am CST

unhappy wedding

I really get upset when I see women who are so obsessed with perfection on their wedding day that they fail to view the whole picture.
Regarding the first woman who was still stressed out two years after her wedding day because her husband was drunk -- YES, it was embarrassing, but he did not do it vindictively, or because he was getting cold feet. He got caught up in the moment.  Though it did not make for a perfect wedding, there are women on the other end of the spectrum who would take something like that, send it to America's Funniest Videos and make money with it, while getting a good laugh.

I think every couple wants their wedding to be special, but humans aren't perfect, life isn't perfect, and weddings shouldn't be expected to always be perfect.  If your friends and family have a great time, isn't that the most important thing?  What really irks me the most about this woman is that she admitted that she had a dream marriage.  I would much rather have one embarrassing day against a lifetime of happiness than the truckload of other women who have the "perfect" wedding day, but a life of abuse, infedelity, and misery.  This woman should count her blessings.  I am also upset with Dr. Phil in that he rewarded her behavior by paying for a whole new wedding. It's like rewarding a child who cried because she didn't get her way. The only consolation is that it might get this woman off the poor man's back.  She should feel ashamed that money that could be used toward a woman's crisis center (for BAD marriages) or some other worthwhile service is being spent for something so frivolous. You'll have nicer pictures, but it won't erase the fact that your wedding day is still that first day you got legally married.  God forbid if anything goes wrong the "second time around".

My husband and I were in the Navy during the Viet Nam era when we got married.  I was going to "A" school for meteorology and was given the weekend off for our wedding.  My mother-in-law took charge of everything - including picking out my gown, which I didn't even like. She didn't care for my bridesmaid, and she was pretty rude to my family.  My poor Mom was sick the whole time. The photographer got so drunk that he messed up most of the pictures and we only had a few "proofs" of our wedding for remembrance.  The majority of the people at the reception had a good time, though, and we were happy with that.  Did I wish things had gone better and that I had a nicer gown and great pics to remember that day?  Of course!  But I've had a LIFETIME of good memories since then, and I built a nicer relationship with my mother-in-law.  Our family has also gone through -- and are still going through -- some horrible tragedies which makes the good memories all that more endearing.  So, that one day is just a drop in the bucket, and of so little consequence when pitted against the realities of life. 

Of course, we want these good memories in order to get through the bad times in life, but when it doesn't turn out JUST right, move on to other things. If this man turned out to be a drunk for the following 2 years, then that would be a problem to reckon with.  But, this woman isn't allowing herself to enjoy the wonderful man he appears to be because she is stuck on one moment of poor judgement. Most of us strive for perfection in everything that we do - school, tests, sports, work, etc.  If we don't succeed, we try to do better next time, but we seldom can take that same test, or run that same play in sports over again. It is part of our life experience.  The wedding day is just the first day of your entire marriage.  If the rest of the marriage is good, be grateful.  Unfortunately, there will probably be far worse things to come than that bad wedding day, and this woman has wasted two years already pining over it instead of enjoying the bliss that followed it.

As for the other woman who wanted to control everything in the planning of the wedding -- why is it always considered just the bride's day?  The man is getting married, too.  Though it might not mean as much to him -- per Dr. Phil -- then he probably wouldn't care what choices the bride makes.  But, if he has an opinion, then it should be heard because it is HIS day, too, and he is helping to pay for it.  And, unless he's asking to wear a gorilla costume, if he wants to wear a certain color tuxedo, then he should have that right to choose what he is wearing for HIS wedding day, if it is important to him.  My daughter and I both thought he looked "fly" (her words) in the beige suit.  If this bride thinks he is too dark, then all those "white" grooms shouldn't be wearing the black tuxedos! As my daughter has said regarding too much control, "If you squeeze the soap hard enough, it slips out of your hands".

Even at sixty-three, I'm still learning that if we spend too much time regretting something in the past, we might miss something good happening right in front of our eyes.
 
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