Topic : 02/22 Hell Weddings

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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:54:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every bride wants to shine on her special day -- from wearing the perfect gown to hosting the most extravagant reception. But what happens when the dream of the perfect wedding turns into a nightmare? Janae knows about this pain firsthand. Her husband, Michael, got so drunk before the ceremony that he passed out cold after saying “I do” and didn’t wake up until the next day!  Janae attended the reception by herself and spent her wedding night with her bridesmaids at a hotel. Their wedding from hell took place two years ago, but she still tears up at the memory of that fateful day. Can she ever forgive Michael's mishaps, or is he doomed to the doghouse forever? Then, Angela is a self-professed bridezilla who makes no excuses for her demanding ways. She even created a newsletter for her bridesmaids with the rules and regulations they must follow to participate in her wedding! Her sister and maid of honor, Vanessa, worries that Angela's nitpicking will cause her fiancé, Marvin, to run for the hills. What's behind Angela's controlling behavior, and is she headed for heartache on her special day? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.


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February 22, 2008, 9:15 am PST

respect

Quote From: cndrlla

Good for you that you know what's really important!

 

The wedding was awful for the first couple, but the marriage seems to be a good one...she does need to get over the whole thing and go on with life. Those were but a few short moments in the grand scheme of things!

 

With the second couple, she needs to learn the meaning of respect towards this man with whom she's going to (hopefully) spend the rest of her life. Does she really want  a man who never speaks up for himself? Or does she want a partner

 

I'm a little concerned over the physical violence that was mentioned by these two....(a baseball bat? Not a good sign!) Once you cross that line, it's easier the next time.

 

Please visit my website WWW.NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM and click on the article "But I Love Him"...maybe it will give some insight to those of you planning a wedding.

I get the idea that she does not respect anyone else's feelings; not just her future husband. If you care about people you don't ry to control their every move.  Why can't the bridesmaids choose the color of their nailpolish? And why can't they ear their hair in a way they fell comfortable?  She wants to shine above everyone else......does she feel insecure that someone is going to outshine her and steal the show?

 

The control issue is going to be a huge factor for years down the road if she does not fix it.  While she may feel that she is in control of her life, she will find people slipping away from her because of the attitude.

 
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February 22, 2008, 9:51 am PST

02/22 Hell Weddings

Quote From: gctate

Weddings are just a way of celebrating with friends and family your love and committment to each other.  I understand dream weddings, I had one myself. In fact, I had two weddings. My first one was absolutely beautiful, but 3 months later, the marriage went sour. My second wedding is still laughable till this day, but the marriage is wonderful. The wedding was plagued with everything imaginable. The cake was picked up by one of the bridesmaids in an effort to save money, but she left it in her car throughout the ceremony and it had to be rebuilt and refrigerated before it could be bought out. The musicians never showed at the church so we had to find a song for the procession. Try using the same song for the bridesmaids, bride and unity candle ceremony. The bartender forgot the date, so we had to get my son to tend bar. However, the food was awesome and the DJ magnificent, and the best part of the deal was the man I got. The best in the world. Moral...we put too much importance on the wedding and not enough on the marriage.

 To the woman whose groom passed out after saying "I do", well, he married you first (smile). So, go back and have another ceremony, now that the hard part is out of the way, have fun. 

I agree with you, even if the celebration turns out to be just the two of you.

I've only had one wedding. It was planned 1 1/2 times. One half by my mother and once by me and my fiance. At the point where mom was picking out my flowers (after choosing the colors, the site, the bridesmaids, and their dresses) I called my soon-to-be husband and said, "I'm coming down there, make arrangements at the base chapel". So, it was us, the chaplain, a neighbor I had met two weeks before, and 5 people he knew from his tech class at the base. There would have been an organist but he chose that morning to commit suicide and at that time you couldn't just run out and get a tape player, so there was no music at all. The reception was everyone but the chaplain, a bottle of Jim Beam and two bottles of Coke.

The marriage, on the other hand, lasted 31 years. We went through better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health till death did we part. We got it all in and the farther we got from the wedding the less it mattered.

I don't know if I'll ever marry again. If I can have friends and family around, it will be a bonus. But really, when you say it's your day it's both of your day and everyone else just adds to the fun. So make it FUN.
 
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February 22, 2008, 10:18 am PST

Wrong Title. Immature People is Better

It's shouldn't be titled "Hell Wedding." It should be titled "Immature People."

 

The REASON so many marriages fail is because so many people get married for the wrong reasons. They sould never have gotten married in the first place. It's time to GROW UP.

 

If you don't even date well, don't get married. When you're dating, you should be getting along great with both of you on your best behavior. If that's not the case, imagine how bad things will be when you get really comfortable with eachother!

 

You should not only love eachother, but LIKE eachother. And if you are already saying mean things about eachother you obviously don't respect eachother.

 

Take this from someone married 18 years....and VERY happy. Marriage is about LOVE and COMMITTMENT and GOD. It's about CHILDREN and EMOTIONAL SUPPORT and RESPECT. It never hurts. It's about good times and bad times...TOGETHER. It's about crazy in-laws, poor times and richer times. It's about job losses and job promotions. It's about miscarriages and the birth of babies.

 

I have gained 110 lbs since I met my rugged, handsome, professional, althletic, gentle husband (who's a super partner and father), but he has always called me beautiful and desired me. He spends his free time with me (and with our children). He is loyal and supportive and we have so much fun together.

 

We have given ourselves to eachother and to God. And our wedding day was BUT ONE DAY that cost less than $2000. If we had our way, we would have eloped and donated the money to charity!

 

Does anyone really believe Jesus would condone spending all that money on "stuff?" It's a shame we Americans are so selfish and shallow. If hubby and I had to do it over again, you can bet we would stand up to our parents and pay for our own SMALL wedding with a fun barbeque in the backyard!

 
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February 22, 2008, 10:50 am PST

unhappy wedding

I really get upset when I see women who are so obsessed with perfection on their wedding day that they fail to view the whole picture.
Regarding the first woman who was still stressed out two years after her wedding day because her husband was drunk -- YES, it was embarrassing, but he did not do it vindictively, or because he was getting cold feet. He got caught up in the moment.  Though it did not make for a perfect wedding, there are women on the other end of the spectrum who would take something like that, send it to America's Funniest Videos and make money with it, while getting a good laugh.

I think every couple wants their wedding to be special, but humans aren't perfect, life isn't perfect, and weddings shouldn't be expected to always be perfect.  If your friends and family have a great time, isn't that the most important thing?  What really irks me the most about this woman is that she admitted that she had a dream marriage.  I would much rather have one embarrassing day against a lifetime of happiness than the truckload of other women who have the "perfect" wedding day, but a life of abuse, infedelity, and misery.  This woman should count her blessings.  I am also upset with Dr. Phil in that he rewarded her behavior by paying for a whole new wedding. It's like rewarding a child who cried because she didn't get her way. The only consolation is that it might get this woman off the poor man's back.  She should feel ashamed that money that could be used toward a woman's crisis center (for BAD marriages) or some other worthwhile service is being spent for something so frivolous. You'll have nicer pictures, but it won't erase the fact that your wedding day is still that first day you got legally married.  God forbid if anything goes wrong the "second time around".

My husband and I were in the Navy during the Viet Nam era when we got married.  I was going to "A" school for meteorology and was given the weekend off for our wedding.  My mother-in-law took charge of everything - including picking out my gown, which I didn't even like. She didn't care for my bridesmaid, and she was pretty rude to my family.  My poor Mom was sick the whole time. The photographer got so drunk that he messed up most of the pictures and we only had a few "proofs" of our wedding for remembrance.  The majority of the people at the reception had a good time, though, and we were happy with that.  Did I wish things had gone better and that I had a nicer gown and great pics to remember that day?  Of course!  But I've had a LIFETIME of good memories since then, and I built a nicer relationship with my mother-in-law.  Our family has also gone through -- and are still going through -- some horrible tragedies which makes the good memories all that more endearing.  So, that one day is just a drop in the bucket, and of so little consequence when pitted against the realities of life. 

Of course, we want these good memories in order to get through the bad times in life, but when it doesn't turn out JUST right, move on to other things. If this man turned out to be a drunk for the following 2 years, then that would be a problem to reckon with.  But, this woman isn't allowing herself to enjoy the wonderful man he appears to be because she is stuck on one moment of poor judgement. Most of us strive for perfection in everything that we do - school, tests, sports, work, etc.  If we don't succeed, we try to do better next time, but we seldom can take that same test, or run that same play in sports over again. It is part of our life experience.  The wedding day is just the first day of your entire marriage.  If the rest of the marriage is good, be grateful.  Unfortunately, there will probably be far worse things to come than that bad wedding day, and this woman has wasted two years already pining over it instead of enjoying the bliss that followed it.

As for the other woman who wanted to control everything in the planning of the wedding -- why is it always considered just the bride's day?  The man is getting married, too.  Though it might not mean as much to him -- per Dr. Phil -- then he probably wouldn't care what choices the bride makes.  But, if he has an opinion, then it should be heard because it is HIS day, too, and he is helping to pay for it.  And, unless he's asking to wear a gorilla costume, if he wants to wear a certain color tuxedo, then he should have that right to choose what he is wearing for HIS wedding day, if it is important to him.  My daughter and I both thought he looked "fly" (her words) in the beige suit.  If this bride thinks he is too dark, then all those "white" grooms shouldn't be wearing the black tuxedos! As my daughter has said regarding too much control, "If you squeeze the soap hard enough, it slips out of your hands".

Even at sixty-three, I'm still learning that if we spend too much time regretting something in the past, we might miss something good happening right in front of our eyes.
 
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February 22, 2008, 11:32 am PST

this was my thought too

Quote From: momnique

Michael, got so drunk before the ceremony that he passed out cold after saying I do.

I do believe that in most states, you have to be sober, not have been forced or coerced,  in order to sign a marriage contract, otherwise the contract is invalid.  The way I see it, the contract is invalid and they are not legally married.
The program here hasn't aired yet but when I heard this in the coming attractions during the week that comment was part of it "Michael, got so drunk before the ceremony that he passed out cold after saying "I do."   And I was always under the impression that a contract signed while someone is intoxicated is nule & void right?  I also thought it was part of the direction given during the ceremony that marriage should be entered unto soberly, and so of course even people taking vows will break them etc. but the *legal* part of it which is the signing of the marriage license is a legal contract that is subject to laws & such right? 
 
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February 22, 2008, 12:01 pm PST

Hell Weddings

Quote From: wannabewrriter

I really get upset when I see women who are so obsessed with perfection on their wedding day that they fail to view the whole picture.
Regarding the first woman who was still stressed out two years after her wedding day because her husband was drunk -- YES, it was embarrassing, but he did not do it vindictively, or because he was getting cold feet. He got caught up in the moment.  Though it did not make for a perfect wedding, there are women on the other end of the spectrum who would take something like that, send it to America's Funniest Videos and make money with it, while getting a good laugh.

I think every couple wants their wedding to be special, but humans aren't perfect, life isn't perfect, and weddings shouldn't be expected to always be perfect.  If your friends and family have a great time, isn't that the most important thing?  What really irks me the most about this woman is that she admitted that she had a dream marriage.  I would much rather have one embarrassing day against a lifetime of happiness than the truckload of other women who have the "perfect" wedding day, but a life of abuse, infedelity, and misery.  This woman should count her blessings.  I am also upset with Dr. Phil in that he rewarded her behavior by paying for a whole new wedding. It's like rewarding a child who cried because she didn't get her way. The only consolation is that it might get this woman off the poor man's back.  She should feel ashamed that money that could be used toward a woman's crisis center (for BAD marriages) or some other worthwhile service is being spent for something so frivolous. You'll have nicer pictures, but it won't erase the fact that your wedding day is still that first day you got legally married.  God forbid if anything goes wrong the "second time around".

My husband and I were in the Navy during the Viet Nam era when we got married.  I was going to "A" school for meteorology and was given the weekend off for our wedding.  My mother-in-law took charge of everything - including picking out my gown, which I didn't even like. She didn't care for my bridesmaid, and she was pretty rude to my family.  My poor Mom was sick the whole time. The photographer got so drunk that he messed up most of the pictures and we only had a few "proofs" of our wedding for remembrance.  The majority of the people at the reception had a good time, though, and we were happy with that.  Did I wish things had gone better and that I had a nicer gown and great pics to remember that day?  Of course!  But I've had a LIFETIME of good memories since then, and I built a nicer relationship with my mother-in-law.  Our family has also gone through -- and are still going through -- some horrible tragedies which makes the good memories all that more endearing.  So, that one day is just a drop in the bucket, and of so little consequence when pitted against the realities of life. 

Of course, we want these good memories in order to get through the bad times in life, but when it doesn't turn out JUST right, move on to other things. If this man turned out to be a drunk for the following 2 years, then that would be a problem to reckon with.  But, this woman isn't allowing herself to enjoy the wonderful man he appears to be because she is stuck on one moment of poor judgement. Most of us strive for perfection in everything that we do - school, tests, sports, work, etc.  If we don't succeed, we try to do better next time, but we seldom can take that same test, or run that same play in sports over again. It is part of our life experience.  The wedding day is just the first day of your entire marriage.  If the rest of the marriage is good, be grateful.  Unfortunately, there will probably be far worse things to come than that bad wedding day, and this woman has wasted two years already pining over it instead of enjoying the bliss that followed it.

As for the other woman who wanted to control everything in the planning of the wedding -- why is it always considered just the bride's day?  The man is getting married, too.  Though it might not mean as much to him -- per Dr. Phil -- then he probably wouldn't care what choices the bride makes.  But, if he has an opinion, then it should be heard because it is HIS day, too, and he is helping to pay for it.  And, unless he's asking to wear a gorilla costume, if he wants to wear a certain color tuxedo, then he should have that right to choose what he is wearing for HIS wedding day, if it is important to him.  My daughter and I both thought he looked "fly" (her words) in the beige suit.  If this bride thinks he is too dark, then all those "white" grooms shouldn't be wearing the black tuxedos! As my daughter has said regarding too much control, "If you squeeze the soap hard enough, it slips out of your hands".

Even at sixty-three, I'm still learning that if we spend too much time regretting something in the past, we might miss something good happening right in front of our eyes.
I, too, am unset with Dr. Phil for rewarding this woman with another wedding.  Why should he use money that could be used for a good cause to give her another wedding.  If she thinks a new wedding will solve her problems, let her pay for it - she doesn't look like a person who needs this financial help.  A small wedding when planned properly can be very inexpensive and the marriage will last as long if there is love and commitment between the husband and wife.  Expensive weddings are a one day event but a marriage should last until "death do us part".
 
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February 22, 2008, 12:07 pm PST

What is WRONG with these people?!?

When are people going to realize the difference between a wedding and a marriage? Surely to goodness the bride of the drunken groom must have interpreted his behavior as his way of saying, "I don't want to do this!" Had I been her, the wedding would not have happened and not because I was embarrassed. I'd have called it off because it was an obvious death knoll for the resulting MARRIAGE!

Similarly, these so-called "Bridezillas" appear to get so hung up on the perfect wedding, they don't even realize they're decreasing the odds of their marriage succeeding exponentially. The grooms of these monsters must be thinking, "Gawd, if she's so hung up on the details of this "ceremony" that she's willing to kill to get it right, how's she going to handle my snoring? Lemme out!!!"

The brides and grooms involved in these "hell weddings" better stop all proceedings in their tracks until they're sure of the following two things:

  1. They actually want to get MARRIED, and not just have the "perfect party".
  2. See item 1.

 

 
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February 22, 2008, 12:24 pm PST

Blame the groomsmen!

It's natural for the groom to be nervous and accidentally drink too much, that's why it's the best man's job to see to it that the groom makes it to the wedding on time and sober. The fact that his friends failed to do that and then stood around at the wedding laughing would make me furious.

My wedding was ruined because my groom couldn't stay focused on me for one second, but devoted all his attention to his visiting sisters, right up to looking at them during the vows and leaving me to open the wedding presents by myself while he giggled with his favorite sister in another room.

Weddings! I hate them. I've been married twice and two of the worst days of my life were my two wedding days.
 
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February 22, 2008, 12:31 pm PST

Could be worse

Yes what he did was a stupid mistake but it was a forgivable one.  He did at least sound sincere when he he spoke about how sorry he was and how bad he felt about it.  I unfortunately married an alcoholic who was sober on our wedding day.  I would trade a drunk groom on my wedding day for a sober husband for the rest of my life any day of the year.  Count all of your blessings, try not to focus on one drunken mistake and enjoy the rest of your married sober life Janae.
 
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February 22, 2008, 12:33 pm PST

My Pondering Thought

In regards to the groom that got drunk pre-wedding ceremony...

 

Was she actually in love with him or was she actually in love with the "wedding"?

 

If she really was in love with him, she should of been able to forgive him. I'm not condoning what he did and it was very wrong of the groomsmen to instigate it all, however, after hearing what happended, if she really loved him then she would forgive him and move on and just be happy that they ARE married.

 

I just now saw where Dr. Phil offered to give them another wedding and reception, she immediately said yes and then she was now able to basically forgive her husband! That tells me right there she was more in love with the actual wedding.

 

Just my thought and two cents on this.

 

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