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Topic : 02/27 Internet Cheats

Number of Replies: 105
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Created on : Friday, February 22, 2008, 12:13:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil talks with an engaged couple who can’t agree on what is appropriate online behavior. Tameka wants her fiancé, Keith, to shut down his three MySpace profiles that she says he uses to flirt with other women. She says he’s addicted to the social networking site and has already cheated on her twice with women he’s met online. Keith says he uses his profiles to promote his business as an entertainer, and flirting is just part of the job. He says getting rid of his profiles would be like cutting off his arm! What happens when Tameka creates her own provocative profile? Will it give Keith a taste of his own medicine? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with this couple one month later. Tameka says she’s still suspicious of Keith’s fidelity. Keith says he’s willing to do anything to prove that he is being faithful, but will he take Dr. Phil up on his offer to take a lie detector test? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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February 27, 2008, 5:12 pm CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: sweetpea513

     When I confronted him about it he says he's always been more confortable talking to women.  He denies flirting.  But I know better,  he thrives on the attention.
Well, in my opinion, the boy needs to be a lot more concerned with what YOU'RE comfortable with, than what HE is comfortable with. Don'tcha think? 
 
February 27, 2008, 6:00 pm CST

I dont see why you cant both have a my space.

  Having a my space is not against the law?  Does my space restrict you to one account?

 

 I think she said she wanted to get married but he didn't want to. Last I heard It takes two people to agree to get married in order to be engaged.  I heard when they do get married the man has a bachelor party where a girl pops out of the cake for one last fling before a commitment.

 

  There was something said about putting single down on the my space. Both of you are single. you are not married both of you are  eligible free and single.  and each of your my spaces should be your own business unless it is something againt the law.

 
February 27, 2008, 6:02 pm CST

Wow, be careful!

Quote From: dnd247

I found out about 4 weeks ago that my husband of 4 1/2 years had been carrying on an internet/texting relationship with his ex-wife for almost a year.  Messages with sexual undertones, terms of endearment, and other inappropriate conversations were exchanged. They also discussed our marital problems and a serious contemplation of proceeding with a sexual affair.  The discovery itself was disturbing, and after speaking with him, we have taken a "break;" therefore, I've been visiting family across the country.  But what is more disturbing is:

1. He doesn't feel he did anything wrong. He feels he was on a rapid path to doing something wrong but that his actions were not a big deal and that I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

2. He has repeatedly expressed that he doesn't miss me or our 2 youngest children

3. He and his ex-wife have 2 older children who I have been responsible for raising and both parents had a total disregard for how this situation would affect them.

 

I'm not sure how to proceed.  I can forgive the betrayal, but I'm having trouble getting past the idea that he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong. Also, he's really "enjoying" his break from us and has said that "our plane could crash with me and our two children and this would all be over." He refuses marriage counseling...I just need some advice, even though I know in the end, I'll be responsible for the decisions I need to make. Thank you.

 

 

He really said that your plane could crash with you and your two children and this would be all over?

 

Honey, I'm going to give you some advice. Stay where you are, don't go back to that house, and I'm sorry for those two older kids, but they are his and his ex wife's responsibility. Your two children have no one they can depend on but YOU. This man sounds like he could kill you and your kids. I watch a lot of forensic show, the real ones, on the Discovery Channel and I'm telling you, he's saying that he wants you to take your kids and GO AWAY. Be smart! He DOESN"T thinks he's done anything wrong. He DOESN"T care if he has hurt you and he DOESN"T care about your kids!

 

It sounds like you just need to let him go. Can you stay where you are? You sound like you are just where you need to be. This man doesn't want you back! Don't try to force it!

 
February 27, 2008, 6:06 pm CST

GOOD ONE!

Quote From: mariaka

Sister, sister, sister!  Take it from me, someone who walked in the shoes you're now walking for 10 years before I arrived at the realization that the man I was married to was (still is?...) a sexual addict, and would resort to whatever lie he had to to get away with his antics. I was never at peace, and I chased him constantly (sometimes even physically) to try to find out the truth. Even then, but especially now, I realized it was self-degrading and unhealthy behaviour. After many years of this chaos, I asked myself if I wanted to do it any more. I made the decision to let my husband go and do what he obviously wanted to do (he was showing me all along he wanted lots of women at once, while living with me and all the fringe benefits that came with that. I realized I was playing the fool, and looking pretty bad I'm sure in a lot of people's eyes, and I got out. It was hard for me to do that, and to not slip back into bad habits. But now, a year and a half later, I can honestly say that even though I live alone with our daughter, it's way better this way than the way it used to be. I have peace now. And I have purpose now. I was lost, but now I'm found. And nobody was going to do that for me, except me. Please Tameka, love yourself enough to let Keith go. He only tells the truth when he's forced to. Do you want to spend, actually waste your time with a man like that? Life's too short Sister. And you've got a daughter (I think I heard that on the show) who's watching you, and learning from you. Teach her what self respect is. Show her what it is. I believe you will make it through. Bless you.

Good for you. I bet you ARE happier. I know you must have more peace, and you can't have any real happiness without peace.

 

My stepdaughter was telling me one day she couldn't decide whether or not to leave her husband. She was telling me that she needs a kind of love she can't get from her children, and she can't live without the touch of a man. I know it's lonely to live like that sometimes, and there is something missing without that, but the love of a man isn't everything! You can have the love of a man, or what he deems is enough love, and you can be horribly miserable and hating every minute of your life. Life IS too short to waste that kind of time! No man is worth that kind of misery.

 
February 27, 2008, 6:09 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: wavdancr

If it was me, I'd leave him to his virtual fantasies and find a great guy who will treat me right.
My husband isn't comfortable with computers, but he doesn't look at porn on movies or magazines either. There are some things about my marriage I'm not happy about, but I tell you, I couldn't stand for the man who is supposed to love me above all other women constantly looking at other women! I'd rather be alone that put up with that. I would, too. I wouldn't stand for that mess for anything.
 
February 27, 2008, 6:11 pm CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: bridget64

I feel bad for this poor woman and if i could say just one thing to her it would be run for the hills.  I just wish i had listened when i was told the same thing.  My husband is addicted to the internet big time.  He only talks to women, never men.  We are both retired and could be enjoying these remaining years but he can't leave his computer.  I have snooped also and boy did i regret what i found out.  I question myself every day as to why i don't kick his ass to the curb.  We haven't been married very long and this hurts more then i can or will admit to him.  I could use some advice from Dr. Phil myself.

     I'm not Dr. Phil, but I can still give you a perfectly good opinion.

     Make yourself a list of "three things that I love about my husband."  If it takes more than 5 minutes to decide, you have your answer.

      And then, you have to decide whether you are in a marriage by yourself.  It sounds as if he is off in La-la-land.  Then, you have to decide why you allow him to decide how you will live your life.  He is not going to change.  He is happily on-line with all the fantasy women he wants. 

 

 
February 27, 2008, 6:20 pm CST

Keith Was Doing The Same Thing

Quote From: big_ken

I felt Keith could have been honest with the fact that he was in a relationship on his myspace. I have a myspace and everything else out there and I am honest with my relationship status. You are still gonna get those women that will still flirt with you and stay dirty things to see what they can do. You just have to have control of self in order not to cheat.

As far as Tameka, Keith was right about a comment he made. She was using Myspace as the focal part of the problem. I think the problem was deeper than MySpace. He would have cheated myspace or no myspace. You can't blame a website for your mate cheating. Its in him to do it no website, chat or web community will make you cheat.

Tameka didn't understand that her page was different than what Keith was doing. She was putting herself out there to flirt. Keith just let the flirting on his page get him in trouble, but her page draws the wrong attention and isn't a way to get back at someone.

I hope Tameka doen't come out this situation thinking that someone that is on a chat or web site has to let it go in order to be in a relationship with her. Its not about the site its about the man that a woman is dealing with that is the major concern.

He said his pages are for business but that's just a load of crap. He may do business on his MySpace pages, but those pages exist for him to meet women. I'm glad she had a page. Maybe she'll meet someone nice on it! He sure freaked out about it - and I'm proud of her for not getting rid of it.

 

What she needs to get rid of is his lousy ass! Girl, you can do BETTER!!!!!!!!! A lifetime ALONE would be better than putting up with all that mess!!!!!!!!

 
February 27, 2008, 6:22 pm CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: allmac88

Please be OK!  You sound as though you need immediate pro. help!  She's not worht it, so eat well and move on.  God bless.

   I agree that a professional counselor will be helpful. 

   When my first marriage broke up, I was that upset myself. Basically, I lost my appetite.  I lost 40 pounds in three months.  When my second marriage broke up, I didn't care much if I lived or died--but I hated the idea of killing myself and missing the 2006 Olympic Games.  I cared about figure skating.      

 
February 27, 2008, 6:35 pm CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: sweetpea513

I have had a Internet profile for a couple of years.  The original reason for setting it up was to keep in touch with my family that lives out of state.  Since then I have come into contact with a few people that I went to school with.  It's very interesting sending messages back and forth,  finding out how one another's lives have turned out.  I have also accepted friends requests of people I don't know.  But we never disclose any personal information.  We just sent comments and short messages, like:  happy holidays, have a nice day.  General stuff like that.  I have never kept my profile or the password from my husband.  I don't have anything to hide.

  Well a few months ago my husband had me to help him create a profile.  I enjoyed working with him on it.  I actually thought it was a good thing that we could keep working together on.  Well at first it wasn't too bad.  Then he and one of his female friend began to get a little too friendly.  It may have been just joking,  but still, in my opinion it was inappropriate.  I explained to him how I felt. He told her that I was making him delete her. (He sounded like a scolded child). He has made other female friends since then.  He changed his password. He told me to stay out of his profile.  I have seen some of the comments he sends to them, like:  "SENDING YOU HUGS", "HELLO TO MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND". Those are just the comments that he posts on some of their profiles.  Some of them I can't see, because their profile is set to private.  And their is no telling what they write back and forth in messages. 

  Some may think that I just sound like a jealous over bearing wife.  But he has cheated on me in the past with women from work, so it's not like he's not capable. 

  I believe that his only contact with these women has been online.  I just don't feel right about the fact that he has relationships with these women, (even if it is just online),  and he denies me access.

 
    To quote Oprah:  "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, and it tastes real good with plum sauce . . . it isn't a rhinoceros.  
 
February 27, 2008, 7:03 pm CST

Dr. Phil Does have a myspace!

Well When I looked on myspace music dr. phil does have a profile.  Take a look at this url to see for yourself.  He doesn't run this myspace though, it is fan run.

 

www.myspace.com/drphilfansite

 
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