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Topic : 02/27 Internet Cheats

Number of Replies: 105
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Created on : Friday, February 22, 2008, 12:13:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil talks with an engaged couple who can’t agree on what is appropriate online behavior. Tameka wants her fiancé, Keith, to shut down his three MySpace profiles that she says he uses to flirt with other women. She says he’s addicted to the social networking site and has already cheated on her twice with women he’s met online. Keith says he uses his profiles to promote his business as an entertainer, and flirting is just part of the job. He says getting rid of his profiles would be like cutting off his arm! What happens when Tameka creates her own provocative profile? Will it give Keith a taste of his own medicine? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with this couple one month later. Tameka says she’s still suspicious of Keith’s fidelity. Keith says he’s willing to do anything to prove that he is being faithful, but will he take Dr. Phil up on his offer to take a lie detector test? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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February 27, 2008, 8:24 pm CST

Philadelphia

Quote From: britt45

hey does anyone know what state they  live in? i wanna look his band up.. not to hit  him up either lol. screw that guy Tamika can get 100 times better and she deserves it.
They live in Philadelphia, PA.
 
February 27, 2008, 8:41 pm CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

No. Hacking into myspace is illegal and you could get fined.  You're better off recognizing the "red flags".  If he did this once, he's probably doing it now.  I say move his butt out and find yourself someone who'll treat you better.

  I wouldn't have a clue how to hack into something even if I wanted to.  Thanks for the reply.
 
February 27, 2008, 9:02 pm CST

Dump The Chump

I hope that Tameka dumps this chump.  First I want her to know she does NOT look old enough to be a grandma!  She is beautiful!  She deserves so much more than this creep!  Tameka....go out and find you a real man, this guy is going nowhere, with or without you.  He deserves to find some loser that will take him for what he's worth....nothing!  That's all I want to say.  I hope Tameka reads the comments, as I want her to know she is worth all the gold in the world.  I hope she keeps in touch, and let's us know what she does.  I hope she's not one of these weak women who stays for whatever reason she finds.  GO FOR IT GIRL!  KEEP US POSTED!
 
February 27, 2008, 9:45 pm CST

Fantasy life online

I am bummed that I missed this show.  I can relate.  I am the one with the problem.  I am 41 years old, well educated,  married and have a  13 year old daughter.  I have an addictive personality.  It all started with my compulsive shopping ( I am in DEBT).  To ease the pain of that, I turned to eating.  I have gained over a 100 pounds!  To escape the debt and the weight gain I turned to internet blogging.  This started about 2 years ago.  I created a Yahoo 360 page.  I found some pictures of a beautiful woman and used those pictures as my own.  I created this fantasy life online.  I became someone that I wanted to be......beautiful, successful, had it all together, etc.  Some of what I blogged about was true, but there was a lot of exaggeration as well.  I thrived with the online attention from men.  I flirted with many men.  I did the cybersex thing with a few of them.  I craved the attention that I was not getting from my husband.  I loved all the comments from men.........telling me how beautiful I was.  Deep down......I knew this was obviously NOT true, but I loved it any way.  Over time, this internet behavior consumed me.  I was online most of the day and well into the night.  I blew off most of my "real life" relationships for my interent relationships.  I was consumed by the drama that is rampant in these online communities.  I became quite popular.  It's so easy to be someone you're not.........like the song by Brad Paisley......."I'm so much cooler online". LOL  In real life, I am shy.  But online.........I became a totally different person...outgoing and fun.  Many men wanted to meet me, but I always had an excuse.  Obviously, I could not meet anyone since I was using fake pictures to portray myself.  Many men wanted to "cam" with me, but again I had an excuse for that.  Yes, there were men I was very attracted to and if I did look like the beautiful woman I used in my pictures, I would have probably had  a real affair. 
The sad thing is that my daughter knew about my alternate lifestyle online.  She kept it a secret from my husband.  He suspected, but didn't come right out and confront me about it. 
I would avoid going out with friends or family because I didn't want to be away from my computer.  I didn't want to miss a thing.  I know........this all sounds pathetic and it truly is.
It truly is an addiction....just like alcohol or drugs.  It takes over your life.  It ruins your real life relationships.  It messes with your mind.
One thing I did find........most of the men (and women) I met online were married.  Most were lonely and in bad marriages.  Most were there to escape.  Many were there for the cybersex or to flirt.  Many do use fake pics.  Many want to portray themselves as someone else.  It is an escape from reality.  You know you're in trouble when your internet relationships take priority over your real life realtionships with friends and family. 
I became isolated.  I withdrew from friends and family.  I stayed home all day.  Half the day I would sleep and the other half I would be online.  I gained even more weight during all of this. 
I knew what I was doing was bad.  I felt guilty and ashamed.  Many times I wanted to quit, but I couldn't get up the nerve to give up my fantasy life and deal with reality.  I so loved the attention.
Finally............all of this blew up.  I was in debt big time, overweight and depressed.  I was wiped out physically and emotionally.
I told my husband about the debt and the internet problems. He was not a happy camper.  He was deeply hurt and no longer trusts me.  I can totally understand why.  I started therapy.  I am now on some meds that are really helping me deal with all of this.  I am trying to dig myself out of the debt.  I shut down all my blogs about 3 months ago and I have not looked back.  I have NO desire to go back to that lifestyle.  I will never do another website like Myspace or Yahoo 360.  I rarely chat with anyone from that time...I still hang on to a few, but I know that this is not right.  Over time........I want to be free of that too. 
I also joined Weight Watchers and I am working out at the gym.  The weight is SLOWLY coming off. LOL  I feel like I am digging myself out of a deep, dark hole.  I am feeling better, going out with friends, talking more with my husband.
I can't believe how much time and emotional energy I wasted on this internet addiction.  It will truly ruin your life, if  you let it.
 
February 28, 2008, 12:50 am CST

Here's Keith's Myspace Page

http://www.myspace.com/keithfromupdablock  
 
February 28, 2008, 5:39 am CST

Tameka is not alone

I'm sure there are lots of women out there in the same situation as she is.  I am one of them. My "fiance" has chat buddies and others he exchanges emails with. Strangely, they are all female.  I have confronted him many times and just like the guy on the show he claims that they mean nothing. When Dr. Phil told the guy that he was addicted to female attention, a big light went off for me.  My man is very attentive, loving, caring and affectionate. But after I stumbled onto some messages, I had to wonder.  Just like Tameka, I have become a CSI and monitor communications. I'm keeping my cool, printing out the evidence and when I get my ducks in a row, I will be gone.  When he asks why, I'll show him.

 

Sometimes it seems like there is someone else that comes into my home and uses the computer to send these messages and emails from his address.  It won't be long though.

 

I moved an hour away from my family to be with this man for love.  I now have to plan a way back home ie: look for an apartment and a new job.  I'm working on that now.

 

So, my message for Tameka is not to let this guy get her down or deceive her any longer.  Keep your head up and move on.  You are not alone in this type of situation.

 
February 28, 2008, 6:08 am CST

"Conversate" is not a word!

Argh! "Conversate" is NOT a word! You can converse, and you can have a conversation, but you cannot conversate! It may be bad American slang, but it is not in the dictionary (and hopefully will not be, although we can all "dialogue" about it.). Argh!
 
February 28, 2008, 6:14 am CST

waste of time

What a waste of a good hour, Dr. Phil.  Thank goodness for 'fast forward".  They were giving me a headache.  I really hate it when you let idiots like that go on and on a you don't cut them off.
 
February 28, 2008, 6:34 am CST

02/27 Internet Cheats

Quote From: str8fan

I am bummed that I missed this show.  I can relate.  I am the one with the problem.  I am 41 years old, well educated,  married and have a  13 year old daughter.  I have an addictive personality.  It all started with my compulsive shopping ( I am in DEBT).  To ease the pain of that, I turned to eating.  I have gained over a 100 pounds!  To escape the debt and the weight gain I turned to internet blogging.  This started about 2 years ago.  I created a Yahoo 360 page.  I found some pictures of a beautiful woman and used those pictures as my own.  I created this fantasy life online.  I became someone that I wanted to be......beautiful, successful, had it all together, etc.  Some of what I blogged about was true, but there was a lot of exaggeration as well.  I thrived with the online attention from men.  I flirted with many men.  I did the cybersex thing with a few of them.  I craved the attention that I was not getting from my husband.  I loved all the comments from men.........telling me how beautiful I was.  Deep down......I knew this was obviously NOT true, but I loved it any way.  Over time, this internet behavior consumed me.  I was online most of the day and well into the night.  I blew off most of my "real life" relationships for my interent relationships.  I was consumed by the drama that is rampant in these online communities.  I became quite popular.  It's so easy to be someone you're not.........like the song by Brad Paisley......."I'm so much cooler online". LOL  In real life, I am shy.  But online.........I became a totally different person...outgoing and fun.  Many men wanted to meet me, but I always had an excuse.  Obviously, I could not meet anyone since I was using fake pictures to portray myself.  Many men wanted to "cam" with me, but again I had an excuse for that.  Yes, there were men I was very attracted to and if I did look like the beautiful woman I used in my pictures, I would have probably had  a real affair. 
The sad thing is that my daughter knew about my alternate lifestyle online.  She kept it a secret from my husband.  He suspected, but didn't come right out and confront me about it. 
I would avoid going out with friends or family because I didn't want to be away from my computer.  I didn't want to miss a thing.  I know........this all sounds pathetic and it truly is.
It truly is an addiction....just like alcohol or drugs.  It takes over your life.  It ruins your real life relationships.  It messes with your mind.
One thing I did find........most of the men (and women) I met online were married.  Most were lonely and in bad marriages.  Most were there to escape.  Many were there for the cybersex or to flirt.  Many do use fake pics.  Many want to portray themselves as someone else.  It is an escape from reality.  You know you're in trouble when your internet relationships take priority over your real life realtionships with friends and family. 
I became isolated.  I withdrew from friends and family.  I stayed home all day.  Half the day I would sleep and the other half I would be online.  I gained even more weight during all of this. 
I knew what I was doing was bad.  I felt guilty and ashamed.  Many times I wanted to quit, but I couldn't get up the nerve to give up my fantasy life and deal with reality.  I so loved the attention.
Finally............all of this blew up.  I was in debt big time, overweight and depressed.  I was wiped out physically and emotionally.
I told my husband about the debt and the internet problems. He was not a happy camper.  He was deeply hurt and no longer trusts me.  I can totally understand why.  I started therapy.  I am now on some meds that are really helping me deal with all of this.  I am trying to dig myself out of the debt.  I shut down all my blogs about 3 months ago and I have not looked back.  I have NO desire to go back to that lifestyle.  I will never do another website like Myspace or Yahoo 360.  I rarely chat with anyone from that time...I still hang on to a few, but I know that this is not right.  Over time........I want to be free of that too. 
I also joined Weight Watchers and I am working out at the gym.  The weight is SLOWLY coming off. LOL  I feel like I am digging myself out of a deep, dark hole.  I am feeling better, going out with friends, talking more with my husband.
I can't believe how much time and emotional energy I wasted on this internet addiction.  It will truly ruin your life, if  you let it.

 

    What about here?  How much time do you spend on-line with Dr. Phil? 

    I'm here more than I should be.  I am not working, and it is easier for me to spend time here than out getting a job.  

    I used to be in a discussion group about figure skating.  We were limited to that subject and had a moderator.  It taught me good on-line behavior.  (The usfsa.org is now restricted to members of the United States Figure Skating Association)

    Hang in there for yourself.       

 
February 28, 2008, 7:49 am CST

Why is it so hard to understand?

This behavior is "emotional infidelity".  It cuts to the bone to know that your partner had that type of connection with someone else.  I can tell you from experience, this is an addiction.  He will not stop unless he gets counseling.  This is HIS issue, not hers.  And it wouldn't have mattered if she had been the Queen of Sheba, he still would have done it!
 
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