While viewing the show "internet cheats" I couldn't help but notice the parallels between the engaged couple and my life. I've been married for 16 yrs have 3 young children, a nice home and, I thought, a loving, faithful husband. He's always spent time on the computer, I never thought twice about it. Never thought he would cheat on me, no less "virtually." I trusted him. Everyone loves my husband, he's outgoing, personable, witty, smart, nice looking, etc.....He became obsessed w/the internet. At first it was adult sites, then he expanded to 'chat' rooms, then, apparently personals and dating sites. We've had problems in our marriage and he has had issues w/depression, anxiety, and anger. He has made it clear that he hasn't been happy the last few years and I need to change. I've tried, I thought to make things work. I do everything around the house, take care of the kids, car pool, shop, dinner, laundry, yard work, etc...so when he comes home from work and his long commute he can relax a bit. I am no slouch either. I exercise, take care of myself and am quite attractive, but he's looking for something more.....Looking back I realized I just made it easier for him to cheat on the computer. He started chatting w/someone he met online through a dating service (I've found several profiles of his), they were having internet sex (via IM mssgs), she was sending photos of herself and video via her webcam. He would be up late at night (he was always a nightbird, whereas if I make it to 9:30, its a miracle) on the PC talking w/her. Eventually it led to a "real" meeting, where they took it to the next level. At first she thought he was divorced, I don't know how she could be so naive, for the most part he was always home, but I contacted her (via email) and told her he was indeed married w/children. You'd think she would back off, but instead she told me she loved him and would only leave if that was what he wanted. I was, and still am, devestated. I told my husband I would work through this w/him, but he had to break off the relationship. He told me he'd take care of it. Well, two months later, lots of arguments, crying and yelling, she is still in the picture. He doesn't know what he wants from life. Can you imagine?? How does someone wake up after 16 yrs of marriage, 3 kids, etc...and decide this isn't what they wanted?!?!?! I am trying to be patient, I am trying to learn to trust him and I am trying not to hate him. Yet he hasn't given me anything to hope for. He gets testy when I question where he is during work hours, he has another "work" phone that he keeps hidden and he is still on the computer and still has dating profiles out there. I know, I am an idiot, but I do love this man and leaving him would destroy my kids and turn our lives upside down. I gave up my job a few years ago to stay-at-home, so I am not financial independent. That is a huge concern of mine. Yet I cannot stand to lay next to him and night and listen to him sleep so peacefully while my mind is in turmoil. He has said he never meant to hurt me, but has never said he was sorry. I get the impression that he is avoiding me lately. He stays at work very late, goes to our kids sporting events on the weekends, even ones they are not in. I feel as if I'm the one being punished even though I haven't done anything. I keep trying to talk to him about it, but he does want to. I've told him he needs to make a decision, to stay or leave. His reply is he doesn't know what he wants. In reality I think he is just a coward and doesn't want to make the move and look like the bad guy to the kids and our family by leaving. He says he loves me, but is not IN love w/me. What is that?!?! I always thought marriage was a roller coaster ride, ups and downs, and I always thought I'd be married til 'death do us part'......I'm in my mid-40's and the thought of starting over or being alone w/my kids is very scary. Everytime my husband sits down at the PC I cringe. He spends hours upon hours on it during the weekends and he always has an excuse - the kids sport teams, stats or taxes that he does. I know its theres more than that going on, he practically keeps the cabinet closed around him while he's on. Even my kids pick up on the fact that he's always on the computer. I see windows being hidden as I walk by, pictures being closed, etc...and he gets angry if you're near him while he's "working"....I know, everyone that is reading this probably thinks I the loser for putting up w/it, but when you are the one in the middle of a situation it is very difficult to make a decisive move, especially when the consequences will not be good. I feel like someone has died - him, the person I use to know and I am going through the grieving process. First it was disbelief, then I was consumed w/sadness, now I'm trying to fix it and hopefully I will eventually get mad. Our marriage, which ever way this story ends, will never be the same again. But I am not yet giving up hope that we can get through this, if he'd only let us. Thanks for letting me vent, maybe this will open the eyes of someone else out there.
Dr. Phil talks with an engaged couple who can’t agree on what is appropriate online behavior. Tameka wants her fiancé, Keith, to shut down his three MySpace profiles that she says he uses to flirt with other women. She says he’s addicted to the social networking site and has already cheated on her twice with women he’s met online. Keith says he uses his profiles to promote his business as an entertainer, and flirting is just part of the job. He says getting rid of his profiles would be like cutting off his arm! What happens when Tameka creates her own provocative profile? Will it give Keith a taste of his own medicine? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with this couple one month later. Tameka says she’s still suspicious of Keith’s fidelity. Keith says he’s willing to do anything to prove that he is being faithful, but will he take Dr. Phil up on his offer to take a lie detector test? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
