Quote From: gwarrior6
I remember Jennifer/Jeffrey, I'm so glad that creep is out of their lives. I hope that she carries mace, a gun, or some way to protect herself, as restraining orders don't mean that much anymore.
I agree with your first post BTW,about the narcissism. NPD-ers change VERY slowly, if at all, making therapy with them frustrating because they don't see themselves as the problem. I hope Deanna stays away from him at least until he finishes his therapy, which may not be for many years. The bully husband from last week did the same "message board" game, as if he could convince us that he wasn't the problem.
into the world of abusers & particularly narcissists. A narcissist can and does go to therapy/counsling & they "learn from it" how to manipulate *better*. They can start to abuse & still "look like a great guy. At the time there were many people coming on line just like they did the other day (or maybe last week) when it was that woman Karen with her husband. Dr. Phil had called that senaro for Karen and her abuseive husband exactly what it was and he had the effects of the abusive narcissist on it's victim/prey. He had the "why they stay" & how it's gradual & escalates etc. But back when it was Deanna & Mike IMO it went very different & frankly I thought Dr. Phil was another counselor/therapist who'd been taken by a narcissistic abuser. *they always have to be right* & if there is something they are doing wrong it's because *someone else made them do that*.
I'm going to give you the links to the shows so you can read a bit for yourself the basics of what went on. A big note here is that Deanna says she hates the look in her sons eyes when he knows he's going to get in trouble, but the recap does not recall the sons *anxiety* knowing his father was on his way home from work! This is why Dr. Phil brings Robin on stage to speak of how she feels about "home life" & she speaks of how when Phil is home then it feels "completel" because all are there. Deanna & her son would be feeling anxious & on edge as they knew Dad was on his way home & I believe her son would be going and sitting some where nearly catatonic. Here's the link for the first show
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/482
In the second show they say that they split after they went home from the first show & Mike had gone back to live with his mom..... as you read through take note how all you hear is him speak about himself....... "During that time I spent at my mother's house, I realized how much I missed my family" It was Dr. Phil who'd pointed out in the earlier show that Mike acts the way he does because of the way he was brought up & (like most therapists in counseling a narcissist) gives him the theory & vocabulary to benefit him & so mike is able to shift the blame & of course is careful not to say this was *the only reason* but he says "He realized that his parental legacy played a part in the way he treated his wife" The term "parental legacy" came from Dr. Phil.
While Mike "looks to change" all he is doing really is changing his tactics. His concern isn't how he treats his wife or even his kid. He didn't see his wife with respect in that she just doesn't do things the same way as him & still sees her as "inferior" but doesn't give into the "urge to correct her".
To quote him from the 2nd show
"The couple decided that Mike would move back in. "As soon as I came home, I decided that some of my ways weren't working," he says."
I guess now that *he decided* his ways weren't working then it really was the case? I mean prior to that with someone else saying this to him it was all in question? And what about what Deanna had "decided"? And now this was the "honeymoon phase" that many abuse victims experience when the abuser feels they need to change a stradige. They will change things *for the time being* So they are looking great again & RIGHT. Everything he saiys is I I I I me, me, me, I missed them, I did this, I did that, in true narcissistic fashing it was *all about him*.
The whole time they were on the 2nd show was basically on *Mike's* accomplishments And he didn't do any of this because he of his wife & son but when everyone on the *message baords* reemed him a new one he took the position OF THE VICTIM (classic for an abuser) & sets out to "prove them wrong" & THAT is what the show was for! It was the show of "You're wrong I'm right" aimed at the people on the message board from a narcissist! They are not ever wrong..... here are his words from the next link I'll give you.
"I couldn't believe that anybody would think that about me. It hurt my feelings very bad. There was some good that came out of that because I was bound and determined to prove they're wrong."
Notice how he wasn't concerned about loosing his family as people were urging Deanna to leave but how he was "very distraught that people would even say half of those things. These people depicted me as a villain. I couldn't believe anyone would think that about me" So he couldn't imagine telling his wife he's the "king of the castle & when she's told to shut her pie whole she should just do it" would make him look like a villian? It wasn't "his words" that depicted him that way just all the people online! LOL THAT is a narcissist.......... never their fault & the blame is always passed onto others.............
"the good that came from it" wasn't his family in a better place but all of the accomplishements *he's made*
Deanna as most victims of abuse had taken him back in & was defending him & this is actually very common with abusive marriage. It makes it even more painful for the victim because if the "villian" was just a villian all the time it would be easier to think of him/her that way, but when they throw a bone to the victim every once in a while it gives that glimmer of hope that "maybe he can be that person I really love". It's just part of the dynamics you know? Deanna was confused at the time & thought that just because life hadn't "been like this for 9 years" it really hadn't beenlike that. it was like that she just didn't see it escalating. abusers can be very smooth when they want to be.
There were many that just like we worried for Jennifer we all worried for Deanna. That last show was in 2006 & now it's 2008 & I have to wonder if Dr. Jekyle hasn't turned back into Mr. Hyde. And if Dr. Phil had started to check into some of the things that people were trying to educate with right here on the message boards & realized that the narcissist is a whole different thing when it comes to therapy. I don't believe that any of the reference material was on his site back then like it is now...... Now he comes right out & says that the chances of changing a narcissist is next to nothing & that's because he knows it's true...... not because the people on the message boards are just being meanies..... Now you'll hear Dr. Phil tell those viewers who use the message boards "We want to hear from you & know what you think". We can all learn things when we're listening & on our toes...
Anyway here is the link to the piece on the 2nd show.
I'd love to know where these people are now & how things are going.
After six seasons and over 1,000 shows under his belt, Dr. Phil has met many memorable people. Today, he follows up with some of his most-talked-about guests. Rochelle and her husband, John, first met Dr. Phil nine years ago, when she became the poster child for controlling wives. She tracked John's soda intake, told him how to hold utensils and didn't want him to sweat while he slept. You won't believe the new demand Rochelle has for her husband! And, hear her message for all women who criticize her controlling ways. Next, the Dr. Phil staff traveled thousands of miles to the jungles of a third-world country in search of Mollie and Allene, who were taken by their father a year prior. Both girls were returned to their mother. Find out which daughter chose to return to the German Baptist lifestyle with her father and why the other is having a difficult time adjusting to her new way of life. Then, Shawn had earned one million dollars and spent it all. He was in debt almost $750,000 when his fiancée turned him in to Dr. Phil. Did he sell off his prized possessions, and did he and his fiancée finally tie the knot? Plus, 10 years ago, Jo Ann was struggling with the unsolved murder of her 18-year-old daughter. When she met with Dr. Phil during his appearance on Oprah, she revealed her plan to take her life. See how she's doing today and the surprises Dr. Phil has in store for her! Join the discussion.
