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Topic : 03/03 Teens and Sex with Bishop T.D. Jakes

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Created on : Friday, February 29, 2008, 01:14:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Should schools be allowed to pass out birth control to students? Should teens be forced to take vows of purity? Dr. Phil and Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Reposition Yourself, tackle these and other controversial issues. First up, Ed is an abstinence educator who believes the only safe sex for teens is no sex. But 21-year-old Shelby calls Ed’s tactics “dangerous” and says kids need sex education in schools to stop teen pregnancy. Are abstinence-only programs effective? See what Dr. Phil and the Bishop think. Then, Lisette says if she had had access to birth control when she was 12 years old, she wouldn't have had a baby at 13. Is her school to blame for not handing out birth control? What’s right for your child? Plus, is it realistic for teens to live by purity pledges until they get married? A sexually active 14-year-old and an 18-year-old virgin face off on this touchy topic. And, another issue making the headlines is: Should pregnant teens be given maternity leave? Dr. Lisa Masterson, an OB-GYN and member of The Doctors, shares her views, join the discussion and share your views too!

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 1, 2008, 1:09 pm CST

Dysfunctional relationship with abstinence

Quote From: sundeigo

 I AM A PARENT WHO SENT MY DAUGHTER TO A PRIVATE CHRISTIAN HIGH SCHOOL AND THEY TAUGHT ABSTINENCE. A CROCK! 7TH GRADER PREGNANT BY A 12TH GRADER. THOUGH SOME MAY WANT TO ABSTAIN OTHER'S SHOULD BE GIVEN THE INFORMATION THEMSELVES, TO MAKE THE CHOICE. TEENS WILL EVEN HAVE ANAL SEX TO SAY THEY ARE STILL VIRGINS. GIVE ORAL SEX. ANYTHING BUT VAGINAL SEX TO SAY THEY ARE  STILL VIRGINS.. I FEEL IT IS UP TO THE PARENTS IN ANY TYPE OF SCHOOL TO TELL THE CHILD ABOUT SEX. IF A STUDENT ASKED ME FOR A CONDOM I WOULD GO BUY THEM. BETTER SAFE THEN SORRY. WHAT I SAID TO MY DAUGHTER WAS:   IF YOU THINK YOU ARE READY FOR SEX, KNOW WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT, ORGASM'S, BLOWJOBS, O R U GOING TO SWALLOW. SOME SAY ONCE BUT MEN WANT IT ALL THE TIME. BY THE WAY YOU SHOULD GET A VIBRATOR TO SEE IF YOU MISSED THE ORGASM DUE TO BOTH SHOULD PLEASURE. I WAS SO BLUNT I TOLD HER THAT WHEN A WOMAN HAS SEX MOM'S CAN TELL CAUSE THE GIRL'S WILL WALK DIFFERENT, SHE BELEIVED ME AND SO DID HER FRIENDS. I TALKED ABOUT EVEYTHING. OMG YOU HAD SEX WITH MARY WELL MARY HAD SEX WITH JOE AN  JOE HAD SEX WITH HEATHER AND WOW DO YOU REALLY KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH. WELL I TOLD MY DAUGHTER THAT IF SHE WAS READY I WOULD TAKE HER TO OUR DOCTOR OR THERE IS SUCH A PLACE CALLED PLANNED PARENTHOOD. PLEASE USE THESE PLACES FOR SUCH AS STD'S AIDS. ECT. BUT IF YOU ARE READY I CAN'T STOP YOU BUT I CAN PREPARE YOU. MOST KIDS IN HIGH SCHOOL WILL NEVER FORGET MY OPENNESSS CAUSE THE SCHOOL TAUGHT ABSTINENCE. SHAME BUT WHERE ARE THE PARENTST IN THIS. TALK TO YOUR KIDS THEY WANT TO KNOW. I SAVED ALOT OF KIDS WENT TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY AS A VOLUNTEER SINCE PRE-SCHOOL TO 11TH GRADE. THEY FOUND OUT I HAD SPOKEN TO A STUDENT ABOUT HER ACTIONS NOT MINE. GAVE HER WISDOM AND ADVISE AND WAS ASKED TO LEAVE THE GODLY HOUSE THAT GIRL WAS PREGNANT IN A FEW MONTHS. I LEFT STILL TEACHING MY DAUGHTER AND ALL HER FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL LOTS CAME OVER ON WEEKENDS. WE HAD DISCUSSIONS WITH CONSEQUENCES OF BEHAVIOR. THOSE PARTICULAR KIDS ARE 26-28 AND ARE NOT MARRIED, ENGAGED SOME TO BE MARRIED, NOT PREGNANT WITH CHILDREN NO HUSBAND. I MUST SAY HONESTY IS THE ONY WAY TO TALK TO A TEEN. VERY FEW DOES THAT PROGRAM WORK BUT THEY THINK IT 'S GOD'S WAY WELL TEACH BOTH THEY NEED THE EDUCATION IF NOT IN SCHOOL . ...... PARENT'S STEP UP SAVE YOU CHILD. TEACH TEACH THEM WELL. NOT A GRANDMA YET, TAUGHT MY DAUGHTER WELL W/O SCHOOL. AND TO MAKE HER OWN CHOICES BUT THESE ARE YOUR OPPORTUNITIES AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOU ACTIONS SO IT'S REALLY UP TO YOU. MY DAUGHTER FLURISHED DURING 11TH AN 12TH GRADE, CAME INTO HER SELF. I AM A PROUD MOTHER OF MANY MANY CHILDREN  1 MNE THE OTHER 200 YOUR'S.

I have an extremely religious stepdtr. who  pledged abstinence long ago at her church, and it was never a problem because she never dated. She is now nearly 30yrs old and is engaged to be married and the abstinence that she is sticking to has created the most dysfunctional relationship I have ever heard of. She and her fiance are only allowed to be alone on the rare occasions when she allows him to pick her up to go to bible study or to his parent's or her mother's houses because her house is on his way to those-otherwise she meets him driving her own car  and allows these outings to be only to restaurants etc where there are other people surrounding them. He cannot enter her home. All of this is because of the threat/fear of "physical temptation" and they at one time were going to step up their wedding to get married as soon as possible to get around all this and be able to have sex! (thankfully, his parents stopped that nonsense) They don't even know each other because she won't allow them to spend time one on one alone. They are setting themselves up for failure in their marriage through lack of communication and not learning about one another, all because she promised abstinence at her church and the church put fear into her about being alone with a man. She truly believes that sex is the only thing men and women do when they are alone together and has a morbid fear of "physical temptation". You are probably wondering what guy would go along with this....he has a drug and alcohol past that he thinks church is the cure for and she and bible study keep him out of the bars and away from the parties. (which adds in his side of the dysfunctional) I think that people have every right to make the choice of abstinence until marriage, but I think it is very damaging that they carry it so far that their relationship is totally dysfunctional and they go into marriage not knowing one another.

 

 
March 1, 2008, 1:17 pm CST

I'M ALL 4 IT!!!!

I'M 13 MY SELF AND  I THINK THAT THAT IS A GREAT IDEA TO PASS OUT BIRTH -CONTROL AT SCHOOL!!! IF TEENS ARE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX AND THAT THEY ARE GONNA THEN THEY SHOULD BE ON IT AND IF THEY TAKE IT THEN LET THEM!!! IF THE PARENTS HAVE A PROBLEM THATS TO BAD BECAUSE REALLY THERE IS KNOW PERFECT TEEN OUT THERE AND SO THE PARENT HAS KNOW CONTROL OVER IT !!!!! GOOD FOR ANY TEEN THAT IS ON IT !!! IT IS THE SAFEST WAY TO GO!!!! I ALSO THINK THAT IN EVERY SCHOOL STARTING IN 6TH. GRADE THAT THEY SHOULD BE ON BIRTH-CONTROL!!! I DO KNOW THAT MY CHILD IS GOING TO!!!!!

 
March 1, 2008, 1:19 pm CST

The Subject of Sex Once Pre-disposed,

is senseless, to those who have been burned either way by the torch that sex emboldens, there is no light brighter. To the young girl, who unknowingly accepts a more mature advances, there are no comparisons. It just happens all too quickly and as we turn around, we are forever changed by a single act.

Whether pre-meditated, or briefly spoken about in hidden agendas, taboo subjects, religious beliefs, make no mistake about it, sex is a life changing event.

It is one of the hottest items on the menu, teens actively ralley around their friends eager to share there almost and what if's, but until the actual moment of seduction is met with anticipation there is no idea of the shared relations that allow two people to know one another like never before.

For some the experience is not planned, those will be the ones hit the hardest, to think they may have had a leg up, for choice of a better expression. They did not, they subcumed to pressure by a immature person whether male or female. The person choose to make a intimate contact, with out being prepared, is having a condom reason to believe that you are prepared? Well, if the answere is yes, then so be it, then you knowingly had sex, whether it was the ideal. The two people together walked into the decision of having sex, consenual both in agreement. Whether steaming up windows, or slight conversation, the two people knew they were going to have sex.

Even though the events may seem to unfold quickly, when there is not as much chemistry, and for choice of a better word, lets just say for the sake of sex, then it could turn out to be a different interaction, like, "hey I like you, but" I just don't think right now is the right time. People go through a series of yes and no receptors, even as things are happening, so for two people to induct themselves into a a sexual act,  it is known what exactly is going on.

I would not want to add the credence of religion into this argument, because as young people are, and they may come from fine religious households, it dosen't matter. The role of religion matters when young people are tuned in and actually listening. There are too many examples of males putting pressure on girls to perform sexual acts, and girls being girls may be hormonal, or may decide that they will lose Mr.Wonderful or Ms.Wonderful who ever is laying down the law, that what must be must be. It is totally assign, but it happens. Amongst young men, latino and eurpean especially are ripe for the family conversations that any kid who has ever went though puberty knows sex is kind of everywhere. If your parents are divorced, and have significant others, and there in another room behind closed doors, and there is giggling, or if some long winded conversation is going on, about all the things that are going on in so-and so marraige, kids learn nuances quickly regarding the act of sexual identity, sexual intercourse, and the strange and usually unnavagatable feeling of the naivete of not having sexual intercourse until...people are going to get married. If that could be done on both behalfs, such as was seen with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, unfortunately their marraige broke apart, but I am sure there are others, that are definitely more open minded about the total unpreparedness and potential heartache that could come from promiscious behavior. It is offending to God, but when dealing with teen mentality, and the pressure that young people are under, it is seriously hard to think that we are able to somehow control them, given to their own devices, and with parents working, it happens. Can schools help in this crisis by giving out some form of birth control? I would like to believe on the outside yes, but I think that schools are being placed in the middel. What is worse is that from the point of view of lets say a sixth grader or eighth grade kid, the realtiy has to be, "sex can't be that bad, there giving us protection" even though there may be much more discussion than just that "giving protection" in the mind of a child, and I by no means am no expert, I would stil be hard pressed to believe that a child has a clear idea of "why" the school is doing this.

If the kid is just more level headed, great but those that are level headed I am sure are by far the exception to the rule, than the rule. I would think that the role of religion will be more appreciated, once we fall upon a couple of bumps in the road, to what we call life. That is why religion should not be the model here, the model should come from home, and the examples that are set there. The schools role is to educate children, sex and sexuality, and sexual identity will come under guise as kids continue on through the years at school, but ultimately the school is there to educate. Unless, the Federal Governement would like to give more money and funding, and of course the public approves such funding, then you can have a Planned Parenthood site on the school grounds. Then that leads up to a whole other batch of issues, but the school utlmately is there to teach, and parents should be given more help to form small local chapters of "Lets Talk About It" type hype, that might help young teens think a little bit more about those ever fleeting teen years, that some teens might actually enjoy holding on to, with out the added pressure of "well, I tried to get with so and so last night", but...(some dumb ass excuse comes out instead). So that is where I stand on this rather interesting topic. (Let me just add one more observation, remember the movie that Brittany Spears made a couple of short years ago, "Cross Roads". It had some interesting ideas that shed some light on two recent h.s. grads at a hotel, and thinking that they are still virgins, and that it was a problem, so they should have sex, so this way at the least the "virgin" thing would be no more. But, before making that encounter, they shed their ideas about why, and the most significant out ot the three ideas, is that they are both super smart students, by the end of the hotel episode, they start putting there clothes on, and they actually "both" get the idea, that their reasoning to losing their virginity is senseless and with out merit. It is necesarry to say, the character Brittany plays does eventually "lose" her virginity to another guy, and of course like myraid gold, most things made in HollyWood tend to set into the sunshine, and everybody walks away fairly happy. Well, as we know in real life, there are  the all too many talk shows that shine a lite on this rather obstinate subject, one people can't seem to stay away from, and all too often have been somehow disillusioned about "what it all means" to whom and "why" will be the question that will stand the reason of time.

 
March 1, 2008, 1:31 pm CST

Sexual education a matter for parents and school

Hello, Í am a mother from The Netherlands and I think every parent and every school should teach there children about love, sex, loverboys and so on. Also, parents should not be in denial of their childrens sexual needs. They do have them!

Here in Holland, every school teaches sexual education, so children can understand what it means to have sex and what the consequences are. But also what it means te be loved. How boys should treat girls and how girls should treat boys in every day live even that incest is a wrong thing. I think that is very important!! Every question my 17-year old daughter had about sex or whatever I always answered in a serious responsable way. Of course it is important to answer all questions in a matter that the children understand. Now I am very proud of my 17-year old daughter. Please teach your children!

 

 
March 1, 2008, 1:33 pm CST

Grammar Lesson

Just a head's up -- It would probably be better if you put a comma after "sex" (i.e., "Teens and Sex, With Bishop T.D. Jakes").  The way it reads now it sounds like the topic is yet another scandal in the Catholic church!
 
March 1, 2008, 2:02 pm CST

03/03 Teens and Sex with Bishop T.D. Jakes

my mum signed the permission slip for me to take part in a sex ed class way back in the early 90's. thanks to the MANY books my mum had all of us kids read from very early on,i knew so much about the topic already that my class mates joked and called me Dr.W.  tho it wasnt a joke to me when at barely 14 years old i became pregnant. i lost the baby in the first trimester.i didnt tell anyone till years later about the pregnancy. infact, mum thaught i was a virgin until i phoned her to come clean about stuff from my past.

now,im a busy mum with 6 children ages 8 years thru 2 months.and as they get older, i can only hope that none of them will have to go thru what i did, as young as i did. that is  the hope of every parent im sure. mistakes happen even when all the information has been taught, as i have just given testimonty to.

 so yes, i think sex education should be taught in schools and getting condoms SHOULD be part of the curriculam for the class. perhaps had i recieved them, i would not have gotten pregnant. who knows. but isnt better for everyone to atleast have the option to be safe rather than sorry? which brings me to the whole absolute abstinence scenario. i think this particular program is derived from the religious aspect of things. and, as a believer in christ, i think that the program does have merrit FOR THOSE WHO CHOOSE IT. but the God i know gave everyone the freedom of choice and the gift of forgiveness.  so if one, at any age, chooses to not have sex before marriage, great! but if one chooses the opposit, who is anyone to judge that decision, certainly not me i know that for sure!



 
March 1, 2008, 2:24 pm CST

Oh My

What is the next thing these kids will have to worry with i wonder? Not everyone has a mom like mine. She was always very open about sex. I started my period at 11, by age 12 i was on the pill. She would tell me just because i wasn't ready to say yes didn't mean that some boys would understand the word no. I knew what she meant and i understood that just because i was on the pill didn't mean i should have sex it meant i was protected as much as i could be in any situation. I do think girls should have as much access to protection as boys.

 

 I remember being a teenager and let me tell you not having a condom never stopped a boy from having sex. I think they should teach sex ed in school and i think it shoud start in fourth grade, which is when boys and girls start noticing each other. I think abstinence is just one form of safe sex they should teach but lets face it? How many of you and your friends as teens waited to have sex? My generation was crazy and i know for me personally..i was 14 and i did it because most of my "OLDER" friends were doing it. I was lucky i was on the pill i am sure i would have gotten pregnant otherwise. We did not use a condom and he did not use the pull out method.He said he couldn't feel anything with a condom and"Oh i forgot to pull out" when it was over.

 

 I have 2 boys, ages 16, and i can promise you he knows everything there is to know about sex from me and i have been very graphic with him to a point.he has friends who have gotten pregnant, he knew i was a teen mom and he grew up with no dad. He has to be a better man than the one who helped make him and he knows and understands this. When sex became an issue for him he came to me and said "Mom i think i want to try and have sex."I carried him to our doctor, got him checked out from head to toe and then i had the doctor explain what type of STD's had been happening in our area and then they talked treatments for them and we went next door and bought condoms. He got all the information we thought he needed to know and things went ok..he said..lol...i even made a point of talking to the other person involved to make sure they were informed. She needed birth control and didn't know how to get it. I was shocked. Yes i over stept my bounds i took her to the health department and got her informed on everything she needed to know. It was an eye opener for her because her mother never talked about sex. I will help any young woman who comes to me and needs my help.

 

I am to young to become a grandparent. My other son is 10 and he has started asking questions. I face these head on. By now he knows he got here with more than a kiss. He knows alot of technical terms since he has been reading medical encyclopedias since he was 2. But as he grows he notices the changes in his body and he has found out that girls do not give you bugs when they kiss you. How do you talk abut the changes kids go through with their bodies and not talk about sex? Again i'm glad my 2 boys trust me enough to come to me with these issues. I know alot of their friends can't talk to their parents and thats not good in the long run.

 

So if you want to keep seeing our teens acting stupid and getting pregnant fine, please keep teaching sex ed the way you are, i'm sure there is not enough babies out there with no daddies and with kids for moms that we can stand to have a few more...but i promise you, you won't find my kids in there anywhere.

 
March 1, 2008, 2:40 pm CST

Teens and Sex

 Teens should never be "required" to sign any sort of pledge to virginity.  I think it's wonderful when young people make that decision on their own, but it cannot be forced on them!  This has nothing to do with religion, either.  I am a Christian, but if I had a teenage son or daughter who was having sex, I would definitely rather they would be safe than end up with an unwanted pregnancy or STDs!  Keep the lines of communication open with kids (if possible), and give them advice to keep them safe!
 
March 1, 2008, 2:45 pm CST

Teens and sex

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

It's wrong to keep people ignorant of their own bodies.  Sex ed is a must, but also keep that ongoing talk and expand on it as they grow.  Teens are going to have sex, it's pretty much a rule.  I'd like to think that knowledge is protection.  Doesn't the pastor want kids to be protected?  HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, and Syphilis are 10x more horrible than premarital sex.   It's preventable if they have the info- and there is a myriad of it now- and info is control, control is empowerment. 

 

I don't think the stigmatization of virginity is fair, either.  You can focus sexual energy into immense productivity, which can help achieve your goals.   But it should be a personal, private, informed choice, not something you swear to in public.  It can be a beautiful, spiritual thing if it's kept a personal matter, IMO.  Don't share your sex status with a fundamentalist, NEVER a good idea....

hello someone need to have a long talk with teens having sex too soon because i see female having sex with male over age
 
March 1, 2008, 3:06 pm CST

Quote

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

It's wrong to keep people ignorant of their own bodies.  Sex ed is a must, but also keep that ongoing talk and expand on it as they grow.  Teens are going to have sex, it's pretty much a rule.  I'd like to think that knowledge is protection.  Doesn't the pastor want kids to be protected?  HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis, and Syphilis are 10x more horrible than premarital sex.   It's preventable if they have the info- and there is a myriad of it now- and info is control, control is empowerment. 

 

I don't think the stigmatization of virginity is fair, either.  You can focus sexual energy into immense productivity, which can help achieve your goals.   But it should be a personal, private, informed choice, not something you swear to in public.  It can be a beautiful, spiritual thing if it's kept a personal matter, IMO.  Don't share your sex status with a fundamentalist, NEVER a good idea....

I agree with you. There does need to be a class that teaches children about sex, and there body's. I think it should start in 4th grade. Also they should teach about stranger's, how they try to kidnap. And how pedophiles lower, and threaten kid's.

I think it should be a class EVERYONE takes. Today there's too many people who abuse kid's, and they should have the power to make it stop.

 
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