Topic : 03/03 Teens and Sex with Bishop T.D. Jakes

We have talked to our 15 year old about issues facing teens since she was a very young child.  We got all the books and used the age appropriate resources that were available.  We had told her about the fact that as a young child (and our bodies are not ready until we are in our late teens) that boys would only use you, and that love is more then a physical relationship.  We had explained that while sex was wonderful and felt good that our body wasn't ready nor were our emotions.

Then our child met a boy that started to pressure her.  He used all the cliched lines about love and blah blah blah, and then our child gave in.  She was convinced by this boy that this was going to be forever and they were going to get married.  The boys mother allowed them to have sex in her home and even though she was telling us that it wasn't happening they had went from 0-100 in a matter of a couple of weeks.  Then the inevitable happened, they broke up.  And this boy passed her along to a friend and she was again pressured into a sexual relationship.  She was 13 years old.  Then she started using drugs and her behaviour changed completely.  We were in our own fairy world and took her word that nothing was going on.

The girls her age shunned her and the boys started to chase her.  She had a horrible reputation and was getting into fights.  We had no idea that she was having a lot of sex until she ran away and we found out on a website that she thought she was pregnant.  That was the day we took her to have a pregnancy test and got her on birth control.  Now 2 years later she has had percancerous cells removed and will have to have a pap smear every 3 months for the next 3 years.  The "abstinence" talk would do nothing because she was swearing that she wasnt having sex until she thought she was pregnant.  All of her friends have either had an abortion or a baby and this does not scare them.  They want a baby that will love them and they can look after.  We offered her a kitten instead.  While most teens do not have sex until they are older, with the images these kids face daily and the pressure of friends and boys, more and more are racing into relationships they arent ready for.

My Mother did not teach me about sex and I dint run off to have sex  just because I wasnt taught! thats not an excuse to have sex!  Yes,many teens are having sex. They do because they want to,they know what the consequenses are (unless they are blind,deaf,dumb and/or illiterate).  So kids shouldnt blame their mothers. Although parents should talk to their children about this.

 Note that I'm not trying to preach here but you will not die if you have sex. But you will go to to hell if you do fornicate and/or adulterate.

with that said,I think it goes back to peer presure. If you have are strng willed and you will not fall into peer pressure but if you decide to have sex at 13 because your bf of 16 wants to  then you are stupid(sorry for being harsh here) because if he really does love you,he wouldnt be asking you to do it. On the other hand,if you decide on your own to do it,then you should accept all the concequences that goes with it. And do not blame anyone else if you get preggers or something.

The first thing that needs to be done is dropping the double standards that seem to haunt girls.  It is NOT OK for a boy to "sow his wild oats" while a girl remains a virgin until she marries.  BOTH need to be more modest and conservative with their bodies, and treat them as though it is the only body they will have because it IS.  When children begin asking about sex, the parent(s) must be honest and up front describing sex in an age appropriate way.  Children look to parents for all of their needs including delicate questions about sex.  If a parent is too embarrassed to educate their own children, then they must get the information from SOMEWHERE.  At least the school would teach them the proper way so as not to confuse them as they would be if they asked their friends.  Both of my Godchildren have come to me to ask me about sex, and I answered their questions honestly, and age appropriately.  Some parents reading this I am sure are shocked that I did not tell my Godchildren to go to their parents-I did and the children wanted ME to tell them because they knew I would not give them a line or blow it off.

I get so tired of hearing people say that teens w/ kids do not raise their children or will be on welfare and/or government assistance.  Who are they to cast judgment on others? 

I was a teen mom.  I had my child when I was a senior in high school. The father was in his first year of college.  We met in high school and started dating.  When I got pregnant, I had no support from my school.  Actually the only support we did have was our family.  Anyway, the father and I married after our child was 9 months old.  We went to college, stayed in married housing, and raised our child together.  There were times when we needed childcare, and our parents provided it.  However, they were paid for it.  They did not raise our child, we did. 

My husband and I have now been married for 13 years.  I have a Master's Degree and my husband is a physician.  We made it w/ the support God, our families, each other, and student loans.  There was a time that our kids received a medical card, but no other welfare was received.  We either worked while going to school or took out student loans to help us make it through.  The assistance that we may have used from the medical card will most likely be paid back through our taxes this year.  W e did not take advantage of this.  We only had it and used it when ultimately necessary. 

So, not EVERY teen w/ a baby ends up on permanent welfare or having their parents raise the child.  People need to stop making these acquisitions.  Being a teen mom who has overcome this obstacle still gets very upset when people come down on teen parents.  What they need is support.  What's done is done and everyone needs to make the best out of it. 

As a fellow 16-year-old high school virgin, I agree with everything you say. I just think that our Sex-Ed classes should actually be SEX-ED classes. We need to know exactly what we're getting ourselves into before we start getting into it. They should be teaching us everything about sex when we're 12 or 13 years old; I know people who lost their virginity at TEN. Yes, ten years old. It's scary to realize this people; a motiviational speaker came to my school and asked everyone (9-12 graders) if they knew somebody who had sex while their parents were in the other room. THE OTHER ROOM. Everyone rose their hand. Every single person in my school knew somebody who had sex while their parents were practically right there. I myself know a few people. We need to be taught this stuff and hell, if your kids are open with you about what they're doing, then let them do it! Keeping us from doing things just makes us want it more. My parents know about the oral sex I have and I let them know what goes on because I want them to trust me and I want to know that if anything bad happens, they're going to be there.

As kids, we need to be taught everything there is to sex and it's consequences. Don't hold back; give us the NC-17 rated talk because we need ALL the details. We may be kids but we sure as hell don't act like it anymore.