Topic : 03/03 Teens and Sex with Bishop T.D. Jakes

I am FUMING mad about some of the opinions I heard on today's show.  While I do agree that it is the parents' responsibility to educate their children about sex, I think that Bishop Jakes is making a HUGE assumption that all or even most parents have the time, energy, and willingness to do so.  Also, because I am a social worker by trade, I have seen  hundreds of parents who are abusive and neglectful of their children.  What are those children supposed to do?  Where should those children turn?  Although it is sad but true, there are many children for whom school is the only source for which to turn.  Look at how many children have to attend school just to guarantee one or two meals a day.  If kids can't get fed at home, what makes Bishop Jakes or anyone else think that they can get the information necessary to practice abstinence in that same home?

I grew up in a Roman Catholic family and sex was not only not discussed period, it was also not even a remote possibility to get any form of birth control.  I also attended and graduated from Catholic school, where abstinence was the only option in the schools' view as well as a majority of the parents.  I also know that quite a few of the student body was sexually active and had no means of birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies or STDs.  This left almost all of the sexually active students defenseless against life-changing consequences.

For my internship as a social worker, I worked at an agency that focused on parental education, specifically at the adolescent parenting program.  Out of dozens of teenage girls that I worked with, I can only remember two that came from a two-parent home.  Most of the girls came from single parent, low-income homes.  Many of the girls' parent(s) were working multiple jobs to provide for their families.  Unfortunately, this left several girls to raise themselves and some to parent their younger siblings.  I feel that these students shouldn't be left without information or contraceptives when they have no say in whether or not their relationship with the parental figure allows for discussions about sex or birth control.

While I was frustrated with the idea that the schools should not be allowed to educate and/or provide birth control, I was FURIOUS with Shelly, the parent who believes that high school mothers should not be allowed maternity leave.  This is so ridiculous I can't even begin to describe it.  First of all, the statistics prove that most mothers who fall into the low-income category and/or receive public assistance have never finished high school or received their GED.  The best way to insure that these mothers become successful is to make sure that they graduate. 

Secondly, Shelly clearly shows that she has a VERY limited knowledge of the workings of public assistance.  If she thinks that these teenage girls possess the knowledge to apply for and receive housing, food stamps, Medicaid, and financial assistance, she's living in a dream world.  If she thinks that ANY of these benefits can be processed quickly, she's clearly never known anyone who has tried.  Nothing in the social services system is expedient or provides for such a surplus that those receiving benefits to not want more for themselves.

Shelly also said that teenagers' bodies are more resilient.  What about those girls' who have had C-sections?  What amount of time should those girls be allowed to have?  What about those who have stitches?  At what age do you stop becoming resilient?

One thing that was not brought up but is immenently important was child care for the girs' babies.  Most day cares won't take a baby under six weeks old.  What should those mothers do?  We had a terrible predicament with some of the schools in North Carolina, as most of the schools did not provide ANY leave at all.  The girls were allowed to miss 10 days of school through the whole school year, period.  If you missed more than that, you failed the year.  This left our girls in a terrible predicament.  Shelly stated that the grandparents were going to raise the babies anyway.  This is not necessarily true.  Only one or two of these girls had a parent, grandparent, or guardian who stayed at home during the day and could watch the newborn babies until they were able to go to daycare.  The other girls that had not received special consideration from the school had to choose to stay home with their child and fail the school year or endanger the baby by making unsafe choices.  Adult mothers are protected from this by the FMLA.  Why should teenagers not be provided the same protection?  I would think that the government would provide more protection for teenagers, but sadly, they receive less.

I am sorry that Shelly had to return to work only two weeks after having her baby, but I don't think that it is fair or even reasonable of her to assume that everyone should conform to her experience.  She thinks that maternity leave is all about the mothers, when in reality it is more about the babies.  I'm not fighting for the rights of teen mothers soley for the benefit of the mothers, but also and more importantly for the rights of the newborn babies.  They didn't ask to be born, let alone to a teenage mother.  These babies deserve to have all of the rights that babies born to adult mothers receive.  If people want to break the cycle of poverty, then the first step is to allow the mothers a reasonable amount of time to recover from the birth and to graduate high school.  The second step is to give those babies a running start in what is going to be a more difficult life than those babies born to adult mothers.

Wake up Shelly.  The next time you appear on national television, you might want to do your homework first.

To Bishop Jakes, I would try to keep in mind that however wrong it is, some families depend on the schools to help raise their children. 

You're right on. Just what we've been trying to tell you. But you just don't get it.

Yes, we do experience love making all the time. You are so missing out!

Get it??

WHEN are people going to be held accountable for their actions? All actions have consequences.

Bad behavior should not be rewarded.  Kids are making their own rules as they go along and have no guidance, essentially learning from each other instead of being taught what is proper and acceptable.  Adults have been remiss in teaching, advising, and leading.

What message is being sent to the kids who ARE trying to follow the rules, do the right thing, become respectable young adults?!  WHERE IS THEIR REWARD?   They aren't getting the help THEY need to continue on their path, and they will eventually give in to the acceptance that it's okay to be loose. 

When the acceptance stops, the attitudes will change.  When the supervision and guidance is returned to the school system AND the free time at home, there won't be a window of opportunity for kids to misbehave.  They are bored, so sex has become an extracurricular activity!

Replace the acceptance of immorality with intolerance and then provide a better way for them to spend their time.  The issue of passing out condoms in the school won't continue to be an issue.