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Topic : 03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Number of Replies: 60
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Created on : Friday, February 29, 2008, 01:18:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Each year, millions of Americans have their identities stolen, but what happens when your own flesh and blood rips you off? John and Tom haven’t seen or spoken to each other in five years because John says his brother used his name when he was stopped for a traffic violation. John wants his sibling to confess to his crime, but is Tom willing to come clean? Find out why their sister, Joanne, says Tom’s problems run a lot deeper than he admits. Then, Mattie has been recovering from the financial devastation of identity theft for over 16 years, and she says the culprit is none other than her mom!  When Mattie was 6, she says her mother opened multiple accounts in her name. Then she racked up so much debt, Mattie says she had to file for bankruptcy at 21! Mattie’s grandmother, Barbara, says that although she knew about the fraud, she just couldn’t bring herself to call the police on her own daughter. Now Mattie is 23 and says she recently had to file charges against her mom because she's still receiving bills that don't belong to her. How can Mattie protect herself from future fraud, and how does she heal the pain she says her mom caused by stealing her identity? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 4, 2008, 10:09 pm CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

 My inlaws have ruined their  CHILDREN'S credit BEFORE their children were old enough to sign for ANYTHING.
Then when my FIN passed, they USED his credit card to the MAX.
Who is watching this anyway ?
 
March 4, 2008, 11:41 pm CST

WITHOUT CONSCIENCE - RECOGNIZING THE REMORSELESS

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare OR Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg

 

Why is it Always About You?:  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

  

 

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

 

 

Hope it helps! 

 

 
March 5, 2008, 2:57 am CST

You need to protect yourself!

Just remember that you should be more worried that your IDENTITY will be used and abused by a relative (and your bank accounts emptied) than worried about any stranger! This is the SAD REALITY of the crime.

Below is a government link; it has identify theft information, along with additional links that may be helpful and/or just interesting. http://www.ncjrs.gov/spotlight/identity_theft/summary.html

 

My suggestions are:

 

1) Buy a shredder and use it on all financial statements, etc.

2) Lock up your personal information in a home safe.

3) Give your pin numbers, credit card numbers, social security numbers (etc) to NOBODY (especially not your relatives!)

4) Do not allow any waiter/waitress to process your credit card payment out of your sight and do not allow him/her to keep any carbons.

5) Have as few credit cards as possible (we have just a VISA debit card). Tear up the old ones.

6) Do not put outgoing mail in your mailbox the night before; leave it in your box just before the carrier is to arrive. Also, make sure you put a hold on your mail when you will be on vacation, even for just a few days.

 

You can't be 100% identity-theft proof, but you can make yourself a MUCH SMALLER TARGET!

 

 
March 5, 2008, 7:51 am CST

very common identity theft

I manage rentals and have seen dozens of people use their kids identities. I have tried to report them to the utilities, law enforcement, the law directors office, etc. and no one will address it. I tried to have one woman charged with theft of utilities and the law directors office said it was not worth pursuing then years later the city sued me for allowing it to happen! They did NOT win that suit. This is a very frustrating issue for me.
 
March 5, 2008, 9:44 am CST

SIBLING RIVALRY - OR - SIBLING ABUSE

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse:  Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence:  Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe

 

Why is it Always About You?:  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

  

Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare OR Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

 

Hope it helps! 

 

 
March 5, 2008, 10:00 am CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Quote From: anon_slc

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  Theyre more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare OR Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg

 

Why is it Always About You?:  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

  

 

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

 

 

Hope it helps! 

 

I think that you are spot on with this message.  I have a soon to be sister-in-law who is obviously a sociopath.  My SO and I will most likely be moving near his family soon (because we adore all of them, except her) and I am very worried.  I know this show was about identity theft, but if you have a sociopath in your life, identity theft will be just one of your problems.

 

I do wish that Dr. Phil would do at least one show on sociopaths and how to deal with them.  For those who don't know the warning signs that you're dealing with someone who has no conscience, here are two things to look out for.

 

1.  They are usually always "down on their luck" and nothing is ever their fault.

2.  They seem to crave pity, it's very strange but it's true.

 

If you know someone like this, please tread carefully.

 
March 5, 2008, 10:41 am CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

When I saw the show today, it brought me to tears...which isn't easy to do! The man who stole his own brother's identity didn't get credit cards, etc....but he put his brother's freedom in jeopardy, which is way worse! And he did it because he's addicted to alcohol.

 

It made me cry because it just reminded me of the pain,  frustration and heartbreak....and futility...of trying to deal with a family member who is an alcoholic, whether it's a sibling or a parent or a spouse.

 

The anguish I saw on the faces of the brother and sister of this man was just too familiar....I saw it too many times in the mirror when I was dealing with my husband's alcoholism. He did terrible things to me and to our marriage.....and I have no doubt that stealing my identity would have been one of those things if he had been able to! God knows he stole plenty of other things from me, and, at his lowest point,  even money from a church candle money collection box.....which I know he never would have done if he hadn't been desperate for money for alcohol.  We'd been divorced since 1980 and he wound up homeless and on the streets...which is when he stole the money from the church. He died two years ago in his 60's, an addict since the age of 17....still addicted to alcohol.

 

No matter what I did, or how I tried to help him, from the time I met him until he died, it was a lost cause....I wasted years of my life.....no normal person can help an addict; they MUST have professional help, and I'm glad Dr. Phil put this man into La Hacienda. Maybe when he gets out of there he can put his life back together and make amends to his brother and sister and anyone else to whom he's caused grief.  MAYBE. And it's a BIG maybe. It's a proven fact that an addict's development is arrested at the age at which they become an addict....so if it's in adolescence, then you have to know that that is the age level of their ability to reason. How logical will a 17 year old be when reasoning is the last thing in a person's brain to develop, and it doesn't reach maturity until around 25 or so for a man? In a woman it's slightly younger. (That's a biological fact, by the way, not an opinion. Look it up.)

 

To those of you out there who are struggling to "help" an addict....forget it.  It takes a professional. Period. Addicts are soul-suckers and will take your own life away from you, slowly killing you daily. Stealing your identity will be the least  of their offenses!  

 
March 5, 2008, 10:58 am CST

Should your purse be stolen...

Quote From: cmolinger

Do NOT flag them!  It will be a pain to apply for credit, and it will take MONTHS to unblock yours or straighten it out.

This is what the government says to do if your purse is stolen:

 

http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/edcams/gettingcredit/loststolen.html

 
March 5, 2008, 11:31 am CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Quote From: ohiolandord1

I manage rentals and have seen dozens of people use their kids identities. I have tried to report them to the utilities, law enforcement, the law directors office, etc. and no one will address it. I tried to have one woman charged with theft of utilities and the law directors office said it was not worth pursuing then years later the city sued me for allowing it to happen! They did NOT win that suit. This is a very frustrating issue for me.

I got married in 2001. three months later, my mom called me up and told me that  she was 100 days late paying on my credit cards...I say my cards because they were in my name.  I'll start from the beginning. Mom had started building my credit up for me by taking out credit cards in my name when I was much younger and she paid on them faithfully. I understand that it was all for good intention, she didn't want me to struggle building my credit up on my own; HOWEVER, I was marrying a guy she didn't like when I still had one semester of school left, which she also didn't like because she honestly didn't think I would finish.  So she calls me up three months after I got married and tells me that the bills are very late and basically dumps it all off onto me. It was over 22,000 worth of debt that she racked up! I worked two jobs every summer during college to AVOID using the things because I know how dangerous they are.  Anyways, I used one of them once to pay for my GRE which was a wopping 100 dollars?  I think I may have used the other for books once or twice.  My point being that I may have spent 800 dollars total since I had them.  Plus, she always said that she would be responsible for all the debt that she put on there and I put on there since it was her only way of helping me in school. So I had all this debt as a newly wed that didn't even belong to me and because of it, I couldn't go to graduate school, I couldn't buy a house for the first three years I was married, and I couldn't even start a family until six years after we were married! That's how long it took for us to recover from it all.  I have forgiven my mother and in spite of my husband's anger, I didn't sue her; I just let it go. If she ever did it again, I would have to sue her for sure; she almost ruined my life. My life was put on hold and we had to live hand to mouth for a very long time. I will always believe that she put it back on me to see if my husband and I would get a divorce which almost worked; I feel that if I hadn't of married him, she wouldn't have done that. And as far as school goes, she didn't contribute a dime to help me since the debt I spent on the credit cards ( again she said she would pay for to help me out), I ended up paying for anyways. She did end up paying for half of the principle on the cards but didn't help with interest. So my husband and I still had to pay over 12 grand. I love my mother but she has and always will have a control problem. I'm recovered from the debt, but I still haven't been able to go back to school which has always been imortant for me; I'm too busy paying for my undergrad degree and working two jobs to help take care of my son. I'll go back eventually.

 
March 5, 2008, 12:09 pm CST

Tom is hopeless

After watching the intro with Tom, it is of my opinion that he is hopeless.  He seemed so proud of his lying and cheating, not even a hint of remorse.  He of course blamed it on his brother.  I have dealt with people like him in my life and the only thing to do is walk away.  It's sad for the family to feel there is no hope, but sometimes it is the truth.  I wish his family well and I hope that they can protect themselves from this snake.

 
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