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Topic : 03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Number of Replies: 60
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 29, 2008, 01:18:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Each year, millions of Americans have their identities stolen, but what happens when your own flesh and blood rips you off? John and Tom haven’t seen or spoken to each other in five years because John says his brother used his name when he was stopped for a traffic violation. John wants his sibling to confess to his crime, but is Tom willing to come clean? Find out why their sister, Joanne, says Tom’s problems run a lot deeper than he admits. Then, Mattie has been recovering from the financial devastation of identity theft for over 16 years, and she says the culprit is none other than her mom!  When Mattie was 6, she says her mother opened multiple accounts in her name. Then she racked up so much debt, Mattie says she had to file for bankruptcy at 21! Mattie’s grandmother, Barbara, says that although she knew about the fraud, she just couldn’t bring herself to call the police on her own daughter. Now Mattie is 23 and says she recently had to file charges against her mom because she's still receiving bills that don't belong to her. How can Mattie protect herself from future fraud, and how does she heal the pain she says her mom caused by stealing her identity? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 5, 2008, 12:39 pm CST

resentment

I just watched to the episode (actually I'm watching) the show on identity theft.  The brother's have a bigger problem, since obviously the brother doing the stealing has recognized that it is wrong and Dr. Phil I think you went a bit far passed alcoholic to sociopath.  Cornered practicing alcoholics will do ANYTHING to stay free and obtain their "drug of choice" which alcohol is A DRUG.  The family needs to forgive.  That doesn't mean they need to enable.  Forgiveness is for the person giving not the receiver.  No one is staying up all night worrying about how they crossed you on their last drunk.  You shouldn't lose sleep over it either.  Resentment is like eating rat poison and hoping the other guy will die (not mine).  The brother needs to go into a treatment program.  The fact that he drank the day of the show is normal for him! Would you rather he'd gone into seizures on your show?  He needs detox and treatment and he needs to choose it.  His family needs to know love and forgiveness do not equal enabling I suggest the whole family check out alanon even if the brother who is sober is in aa he still needs alnon to help him deal with his brother's alcoholism.

 

My family has forgiven me...thanks be to God...and I am sober.  Nothing is ever the same though.  I would never want to go back there and my prayers are with that family.

 

 
March 5, 2008, 1:11 pm CST

What if it were a parent?

Having been through this, it is important to follow all the things LEGALLY required to get out of identity theft. It will be hard. Yes, it will take a long time- but just because it will take a long time, doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Unfortunately, my husband's father stole his identity. His father used his SS# to take out 6 credit cards in his name and rack up LOTs of debt. He used the cards and never paid them. A court found my husband guilty- but he never got the order to apper in court because the papers were sent to his father. Lots of problems.

What is really difficult is the question of whether or not to go to the police. How does someone turn in a parent? My husband didn't. Unfortunately, it is making it incredibly difficult for him to flag and contest his cards. But in the past year, his credit score has risen over 100 points. its getting there.

If he had files a police report then a lot more could happen. He could get a new SS# and maybe clean up his credit more. Its a constant worry. But the man on the show made the hard choice- he turned in his brother. But its a tough choice.

Checking a credit report won't do it. But these are hard choices, and we shouldn't jusge the hard choices it is if you are RELATED to the person who stole your identity- someone you trust.
 
March 5, 2008, 1:25 pm CST

tom

I HAD A BROTHER THAT USED TO SIGN MY NAME TO CHECKS AND CASH THEM AND THEY CAME AFTER ME FOR IT.THERE WAS A WARRENT FOR MY ARREST SO I WENT TO THE POLICE AND TOLD THEM I DID'NT DO THIS.WELL THEY DID'NT BELIEVE ME.UNTIL TOM MY BROTHER CONFESSED AND GOT ME OFF OF THE CHARGES.IT DOES HURT THE FAMILYWHEN I WAS MAKING MY STATEMENT I TOLD THE COP.IF I GO DOWN FOR SOMETHING I DID'NT DO SO IS MY BROTHER TOM GOING DOWN.I HAD A SON THAT WAS AROUND 3 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME.SO I CALLED MY MUM AND DAD AND ASK THEM IF THEY COULD LOOK AFTER MY SON.BUT LIKIE I SAID TON FINALLY CONFUSED AND I LEFT THE POLICE STATION VERY MAD AT MY BROTHER AND THE WORLD.BUT I GOT OFF BECAUSE FINALLT TOM SAID HE DID IT AND I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.SO NEEDLESS TO SAY TOM WENT TO JAIL.FIRST COURT OF COURSE THEN JAIL.I DID'NT TALK TO HIM FOR A VERY L;ONG TIME.NOW WE BEST FRIENDS.I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSSE MY BROTHER.BUT I DID'NT HE GOT HELP AND I GOT MY BROTHER BACK.THANK YOU DR.PHIL FOR DOING THID SHOW IT IS IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW IT CAN HAPPEN AND DOES.TOM WAS MY FAV.BROTHER.NOW TOM IS DOING FINE.I HOPE THIS TOM GUY REALLY GETS THE HELP HE NEEDS.PLEASE TAKE DR.PHILL'S HELP

 

                                             CUDDLES05

 
March 5, 2008, 1:29 pm CST

Sociopath,hmmmm,sounds familiar.....

I knew someone who was just like that. He'd do whatever was good for him and had not an ounce of remorse.   Scarey people to deal with.      This guy really need a lot of help to  quit the booze. He's way too far gone. He spent most of his time trying to defend against what he's done like he can't believe he did it. I hope he gets the help he needs. Its unfair for these siblings to try to deal with it alone. He's completely numb and his sister is being torn apart. I feel really bad for them.I hope the get the help they need right away. Very sad
 
March 5, 2008, 1:53 pm CST

Thievery to me, is one of the worst crimes.

... I understand and agree, however, In the case of the brothers, HE IS SICK, and is an alcoholic, but Dr Phil, you should know then, that he is not able to NOT drink and come to a show just because he is visiting the show, or he is meettng his victim face to face for the first time in a while.  I would prolly  have had a drink or two  as well, He needs help in that reguard in order to fix the other, but why is there a need to insult him into instantly becoming free of the addiction? You admit he can't do it on his own, but that was AFTER the insults. Help him help himself first, and thanks,,,,
 
March 5, 2008, 2:41 pm CST

Tom and John

What does Dr. Phil expect, Tom came onto the show to get help, but Tom is an Alcoholic!!! He drank because he's addicted to alcohol... that doesn't mean he doesn't want to get help, HE NEEDS HELP! I hope Dr. Phil offers a rehab for Tom so he can stop drinking... It is possible, my father drank all of his life, it ruined his marriage and our relationship with him,,,,he actually seemed better when he was drinking, his body needed the alcohol, it's a sickness, and unless Tom gets help, things will not change. My father, quit and then would go back to drinking, finally the last 7 years of his life he spent in a home in a "Dry" County so he could NOT get alcohol, he was picked up by a local Christian Church and was Baptized into Christ and was changed forever!!! We were able to spend quality time with my father the last 6 years of his life before he passed away in 2005 and I thank God for that.... I know these people have been through alot, but don't give up Tom. It seems like the sister is spiritual and God would never give up on you... I pray that Dr. Phil will offer some help to Tom and that Tom will take it and that these relationships can be restored...

 
March 5, 2008, 2:48 pm CST

C Daisy, its ID THEFT, pure & simple...

Quote From: crazydaisy

I got married in 2001. three months later, my mom called me up and told me that  she was 100 days late paying on my credit cards...I say my cards because they were in my name.  I'll start from the beginning. Mom had started building my credit up for me by taking out credit cards in my name when I was much younger and she paid on them faithfully. I understand that it was all for good intention, she didn't want me to struggle building my credit up on my own; HOWEVER, I was marrying a guy she didn't like when I still had one semester of school left, which she also didn't like because she honestly didn't think I would finish.  So she calls me up three months after I got married and tells me that the bills are very late and basically dumps it all off onto me. It was over 22,000 worth of debt that she racked up! I worked two jobs every summer during college to AVOID using the things because I know how dangerous they are.  Anyways, I used one of them once to pay for my GRE which was a wopping 100 dollars?  I think I may have used the other for books once or twice.  My point being that I may have spent 800 dollars total since I had them.  Plus, she always said that she would be responsible for all the debt that she put on there and I put on there since it was her only way of helping me in school. So I had all this debt as a newly wed that didn't even belong to me and because of it, I couldn't go to graduate school, I couldn't buy a house for the first three years I was married, and I couldn't even start a family until six years after we were married! That's how long it took for us to recover from it all.  I have forgiven my mother and in spite of my husband's anger, I didn't sue her; I just let it go. If she ever did it again, I would have to sue her for sure; she almost ruined my life. My life was put on hold and we had to live hand to mouth for a very long time. I will always believe that she put it back on me to see if my husband and I would get a divorce which almost worked; I feel that if I hadn't of married him, she wouldn't have done that. And as far as school goes, she didn't contribute a dime to help me since the debt I spent on the credit cards ( again she said she would pay for to help me out), I ended up paying for anyways. She did end up paying for half of the principle on the cards but didn't help with interest. So my husband and I still had to pay over 12 grand. I love my mother but she has and always will have a control problem. I'm recovered from the debt, but I still haven't been able to go back to school which has always been imortant for me; I'm too busy paying for my undergrad degree and working two jobs to help take care of my son. I'll go back eventually.

I know you love your mom, but I think you are being too easy on the reality of what she REALLY did...

You said " Mom had started building my credit up for me by taking out credit cards in my name when I was much younger and she paid on them faithfully. I understand that it was all for good intention, she didn't want me to struggle building my credit up on my own..."

In actuality, it was NOT for good intention; it was for her to serve her own purposes. There is no good intention involved in using one's miror child's identity to go into debt; even if she did pay on it at some point.

"So she calls me up three months after I got married and tells me that the bills are very late and basically dumps it all off onto me. It was over 22,000 worth of debt that she racked up!"

This was TOTALLY a manipulative act on her part.  She might as well have said 'here's your debt since I dont like your life choices' Very arrogant for someone who essentially stole $22k!

"...she always said that she would be responsible for all the debt that she put on there and I put on there since it was her only way of helping me in school."

When it came time for you to marry & move forward with your life, she decided the deal was off. Not only did she NOT HELP you with school, she's HINDERED you from grad school via her actions.

"She did end up paying for half of the principle on the cards but didn't help with interest. So my husband and I still had to pay over 12 grand. I love my mother but she has and always will have a control problem."

Deciding to pay back only half of what she stole (EXCLUDING the interest SHE racked up) is again (at a minimum) arrogant & 'control problem' doesnt even begin to cover it. 

Please read the book Boundaries, as your personal boundaries were violated by the very person who was charged with helping you shape yours. I'm happy to hear that you & your DH remained strong & committed throught this.

Best wishes!
 
March 5, 2008, 2:56 pm CST

I forgave her

I just want everyone to know I have forgave my mother, but I dont trust her with any of bills or personal information. It was a long road to get my credit back to normal and there wasnt a day that went by that my Grandmother didnt not help me out. I managed to get my credit score back up and buy my house, infact the day I flew out to Dr Phil I had closed on it. I will admit the brothers had a bad situation and I hope he finnished rehab because my heart really went out to them. The show wasnt to get my mother hated, it was to get help and to help others. I hope that others realise that this can happen to them by anyone, even the ones who say they love you. You learn to forgive but never forget.....
 
March 5, 2008, 3:14 pm CST

ID Theft by Alcoholic Brother

 Dr Phil,
I couldn't disagree more with your using of the word sociopath in reference to your first guest.  In case you or your viewers aren't aware, the general symptoms of antisocial behavior, or sociopathy, are:
       not learning from experience
       no sense of responsibility
       inability to form meaningful relationships
       inability to control impulses
       lack of moral sense
       chronically antisocial behavior
       no change in behavior after punishment
       emotional immaturity
       lack of guilt
       self-centeredness
Interestingly enough, these are the same symptoms as alcoholism.
so with the evidence presented:
5 DUI's
drunk in public
drinking a fifth a day.
and on and on....
Rather than state the obvious, you ask him if he knows what a sociopath is?
Does that just sound better to the audience?
and two quick things.....
Smuggling booze into jail doesn't mean he's mentally ill, IT MEANS HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC!
Drinking on the morning of the taping doesn't mean he's disrespecting you,
IT MEANS HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC!
Alcoholics "CAN'T NOT DRINK", even if they are going on the Dr Phil show.
At the end of your show, you did acknowledge that -- that an alcoholic does not simply stop drinking by willpower. When a person has a ong-term problem with alcoholism, that person's physical health is dependent on getting the alcohol to survive. It's not a craving, it's a need-- or the body suffers extreme illness, including D.T.s and shock and even death.
So when an alcoholic comes on your show and you rail at them for "drinking before the show today" -- of course they're going to drink before the show! Otherwise, they wouldn't even be able to get to your stage! They'd be vomiting, having diarrhea, tremors, cramping, passing out and all sorts of very serious physical reactions to the deprivation of alcohol.
So PLEASE don't yell at these people and try to shame them. They're doing what they HAVE to do -- providing the body with the toxins it needs to be able to get out of bed -- the same toxinsthat will eventually KILL them.
That's the paradox of alcoholism. The person comes to NEED the poison that's slowly killing him, but well might kill him immediately if he just cold-turkey stopped drinking it.
 
March 5, 2008, 4:49 pm CST

Identity Theft

I lived with a man for 2 yrs and found out that he was using his dead fathers ss#, his sisters, and serveral other ss#'s , not there names just there #'s . When I went to the police, they asked if any of the #'s were mine or my somebody that I knew, at that time I had no idea who any of the #'s belonged to, they would'nt talk to me or even take the ss#'s . When I went to the SS ofice I got the same reaction, so I did my own investagation work, got him arrested, they gave him 4yrs, he had 6 felonies, that I had handed to them, but they would not investigate him to see if there were others and got him to plead guilty to 2 felonies. He has made threats towards  me and my family and has quite an ugly past and the system is here to protect, I think only the guilty. Why isn't this a Federal offense, aren't they the ones who created ss#'s! 
 
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