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Topic : 03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Number of Replies: 60
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Created on : Friday, February 29, 2008, 01:18:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Each year, millions of Americans have their identities stolen, but what happens when your own flesh and blood rips you off? John and Tom haven’t seen or spoken to each other in five years because John says his brother used his name when he was stopped for a traffic violation. John wants his sibling to confess to his crime, but is Tom willing to come clean? Find out why their sister, Joanne, says Tom’s problems run a lot deeper than he admits. Then, Mattie has been recovering from the financial devastation of identity theft for over 16 years, and she says the culprit is none other than her mom!  When Mattie was 6, she says her mother opened multiple accounts in her name. Then she racked up so much debt, Mattie says she had to file for bankruptcy at 21! Mattie’s grandmother, Barbara, says that although she knew about the fraud, she just couldn’t bring herself to call the police on her own daughter. Now Mattie is 23 and says she recently had to file charges against her mom because she's still receiving bills that don't belong to her. How can Mattie protect herself from future fraud, and how does she heal the pain she says her mom caused by stealing her identity? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 5, 2008, 5:03 pm CST

ID Theft & the Alcholic

Again another show about alcholism and again, no mention to the family about Al-Anon.  I am once again surprised & disappointed that Dr. Phil doesnt mention this life saving 12 program for loved ones that have been exposed to this disease.  Having had it in his family, I would have thought he would direct families to Al-Anon.  You cant successfully guilt someone to get & stay sober.  Did anyone notice that when Dr. Phil offered treatment to Tom, all he wanted to know was "how long".  He went because he felt pressured and unless & until he is sick & tired of being sick & tired, treatment wont work.  I was married to an alcholic for 18 years so I recognize the talk and believe me have walked the walk.  Al-Anon gave me back my life, but I had to do the work-FOR ME.  We can have compassion for these sick people, but we must save ourselves.  My husband finally walked away with a bottle in one hand and his arm around the woman he left me for, but because I had 8 years of Al-Anon to sustain me, I had the tools to hold my head up and move on with my life.  Dr. Phil, please share the experience, strength, & hope, this group can offer.  You cant save someone that doesnt want to be saved.
 
March 5, 2008, 8:49 pm CST

State of California exposes its employees

California has allowed the Sacramento Bee to create a database where one can only search by an employee's name and get that person's exact salary, title, and job location.  This is done for all State employees who make over $20K a year.  This list includes law enforcement, corrections officers, tax collectors, and victims of domestic violence.  These folks' names were normally excluded from public view due to safety.  Now CA does not care about the safety of its employees. 

 

There has already been one confirmed threat against a woman as a direct result of this database that has been up two days.  (WEAVE) No one disputes that the salary ranges and positions are public information, but the public is not served by knowing that a particular person makes $32K a year.  Since this database is only useful if you know a name, there can be no other purpose than for snoops and/or criminals.  I am not a public figure- yet California has given away ALL expectation of privacy if you work for the State.  What is next?

 

Basically, no one is safe from identity theft especially if our government is so willing to throw us under the bus in addition to a newspaper that so smugly calls this a public service. This is pure greed.  Once we lose privacy, we never get it back.  A typical Bee story gets 1-10 comments.  This one is going on over 1000 and the Bee already removed the first 500 comments.

 

I am sure that recipients of public aid are the next to be "outted" so the good people of California can see who their tax dollars are going to.

 
March 6, 2008, 7:11 am CST

CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS FOUNDATION-GETTING PAST THE GAMES

According to the best estimates, about one in eight  Americans-more than 30 million-are products of alcoholic homes.  The National Institute On Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism says that 6.6 million children are living with an alcoholic parent now. 

 

What's life like for them?  Growing up is a constant struggle to cope with disappointment and stress and embarrassment.  It's a place where a kid's needs are often downplayed or ignored, and the family life centers on the psychological "games" of the drinking parent. 

 

Until recently, children of alcoholics weren't even considered all that different from other children with problems.  They were often ignored by treatment programs, which focused on the alcoholic parent.  In an alcoholic family, a child's need for love, support, and emotional nurturing is often minimized or forgotten altogether in the endless tug-of-war between the family and alcoholism.  For referral services in your area contact:

 

 

Children of Alcoholics Foundation

www.coaf.org  

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Common problems of children of alcoholics are:  guilt, anxiety, embarrassment, confusion, inability to trust, frustration, anger and depression.  Probably the most difficult step in the healing process is the first one--for the child to openly identify the problem and begin to talk about his or her sadness, frustration, and anger with someone they can trust. 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
March 6, 2008, 7:57 am CST

Dr Phil,s Alcoholic Comments

Hi all,

It seems in this show and other shows where alcoholism is involved that Dr Phil has difficulty with keeping his personal experiences out of the conversation. By personal I mean separating his attitude/experiences from his pofessional comments. For example in this show Dr Phil commented that Tom did not even have the couretesy to refrain form drinking  on the day of the show. As Dr Phil knows, an alcoholic of Tom's status phyisically cannot refrain from drinking without progressing into withdrawl. I totally understand D r Phils anger, I too came from an alcoholic home. I am also a recovering alcoholic, 5 years sober. Displaying some understanding and knowledge of alcololism on the show may help others in their unfortunate situations. Please don't misunderstand me, I feel Tom is wrong in what he has done to his family and himself. But he is also has a tragic disease. Shaming him in front of millions only lowers the alcoholics  already poor self-esteem. And perpetuates the public's mistaken perception that alcoholics can stop on their own and that they have poor self-control.

Just a thought,    Debbie

 
March 6, 2008, 12:10 pm CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Quote From: quadsquadmom

I know you love your mom, but I think you are being too easy on the reality of what she REALLY did...

You said " Mom had started building my credit up for me by taking out credit cards in my name when I was much younger and she paid on them faithfully. I understand that it was all for good intention, she didn't want me to struggle building my credit up on my own..."

In actuality, it was NOT for good intention; it was for her to serve her own purposes. There is no good intention involved in using one's miror child's identity to go into debt; even if she did pay on it at some point.

"So she calls me up three months after I got married and tells me that the bills are very late and basically dumps it all off onto me. It was over 22,000 worth of debt that she racked up!"

This was TOTALLY a manipulative act on her part.  She might as well have said 'here's your debt since I dont like your life choices' Very arrogant for someone who essentially stole $22k!

"...she always said that she would be responsible for all the debt that she put on there and I put on there since it was her only way of helping me in school."

When it came time for you to marry & move forward with your life, she decided the deal was off. Not only did she NOT HELP you with school, she's HINDERED you from grad school via her actions.

"She did end up paying for half of the principle on the cards but didn't help with interest. So my husband and I still had to pay over 12 grand. I love my mother but she has and always will have a control problem."

Deciding to pay back only half of what she stole (EXCLUDING the interest SHE racked up) is again (at a minimum) arrogant & 'control problem' doesnt even begin to cover it. 

Please read the book Boundaries, as your personal boundaries were violated by the very person who was charged with helping you shape yours. I'm happy to hear that you & your DH remained strong & committed throught this.

Best wishes!
wow, thanks for the advice :0) I appreciate the honesty from someone on the outside besides my hubby, lol.  it took us a long time to get over the anger and resentment of 'the debt thing' as Andy and I call it ibut if there's anything positive that came out of it, it's that it not only taught me a lesson on humility but I can also stand up to my mother now, which was something I had NEVER done before I got married. She knows it's my life now and she doesn't offer advice or interfere anymore unless I ask her for advice, which is the way it should have always been, but I digress,lol. Thanks again for the advice, I'll certainly be looking for that book. Take care :0)
 
March 6, 2008, 12:45 pm CST

Identity Theft Through Real Estate

In addition to these types of Identity Theft, there is another big/bad type of theft going on through Mortgages/Foreclosures/Straw Buyers and people unwittingly thinking that they are 're-financing' but end up signing their Deed over (in all the paperwork).......we work in the industry and try to help professionals and citizens in what they can do to STOP this...so that they don't loose their entire life savings and equity in their homes. 

 

Last evening alone we were contacted by 2 different individuals across the US...both different stories as to how they were duped, the illegal things that have been done to them.  The stories are heart-breaking. The end result with both of them is the same.  Consumers need to know how to arm themselves, how to get the information, where to report the bank or real estate agent, or mortgage broker, etc.  There are telephone numbers, websites, and a whole host of resources available to the general public....but the information needs to be disseminated.  People are willing to do the work if they have the resources.

 

 I see that Dr. Phil has an upcoming show on this topic. After seeing the CSPAN broadcast the other day with the Senators grilling all the heads of the banking industries....and how are they going to fix the wave of the over two million people that are going into foreclosure this year....I hope and pray that the show is on sooner rather than later. People need to know what to do ....now! 

 
March 6, 2008, 12:50 pm CST

Identity Theft Through Real Estate

In addition to these types of Identity Theft, there is another big/bad type of theft going on through Mortgages/Foreclosures/Straw Buyers and people unwittingly thinking that they are 're-financing' but end up signing their Deed over (in all the paperwork).......we work in the industry and try to help professionals and citizens in what they can do to STOP this...so that they don't loose their entire life savings and equity in their homes. 

 

Last evening alone we were contacted by 2 different individuals across the US...both different stories as to how they were duped, the illegal things that have been done to them.  The stories are heart-breaking. The end result with both of them is the same.  Consumers need to know how to arm themselves, how to get the information, where to report the bank or real estate agent, or mortgage broker, etc.  There are telephone numbers, websites, and a whole host of resources available to the general public....but the information needs to be disseminated.  People are willing to do the work if they have the resources.

 

 I see that Dr. Phil has an upcoming show on this topic. After seeing the CSPAN broadcast the other day with the Senators grilling all the heads of the banking industries....and how are they going to fix the wave of the over two million people that are going into foreclosure this year....I hope and pray that the show is on sooner rather than later. People need to know what to do ....now! 

 
March 6, 2008, 4:34 pm CST

03/05 Identity Theft, Part 2

Quote From: mgar401

I just want everyone to know I have forgave my mother, but I dont trust her with any of bills or personal information. It was a long road to get my credit back to normal and there wasnt a day that went by that my Grandmother didnt not help me out. I managed to get my credit score back up and buy my house, infact the day I flew out to Dr Phil I had closed on it. I will admit the brothers had a bad situation and I hope he finnished rehab because my heart really went out to them. The show wasnt to get my mother hated, it was to get help and to help others. I hope that others realise that this can happen to them by anyone, even the ones who say they love you. You learn to forgive but never forget.....
I am glad for you that you forgave your mother. And I understand that you cannot trust her. I just want you to be vigilant about protecting yourself from your mother. Thank heavens you have had your grandmother in your life to help you along the way. I think it's very likely that your mother will try this again. Your grandmother will not always be here to help you because that's the way life goes. Stay strong, no matter what, and be very careful with your relationship with your mother. Good luck.
 
March 6, 2008, 8:44 pm CST

EX stole my identity but I send her a check every week!

I am in the middle of an identity theft case against my EX!!!????  My EX was awarded our house, half my retirement, child support, allimony, etc!   Have gave up and paid it all!   (only the child support happily though!)   I even pay a month in advance but my EX committted identity theft using my info!   Most people don't know the person or can put a face to the thief....  buttttt I get to add insult to injury by having to send this person a check every week for alimony (child support ended when my child turned 18) !!!!    My EX is charged with 2 felonys!   Has had an arrest warrant for 4 years....  finally turned themself in for social security disability stopped paying for my EX failed to inform them there was an outstanding arrest warrant !!!  (That is why I still pay alimony for my EX claims disability!!?  Seems apparently my EX is able to  processes credit apps online!!??)   Get my EX a job doing that!!!  Know it has been tying up the courts time and wasting our tax dollars for over a year!   11 times on docket!    My EX gets a free public defender of course!!    Why is it that I have to keep paying a person who stole my identity and ruined my credit?   Just because my EX happened to be my ex and knows all my info?  SS #, birthdate, whom we had a motgage through, etc.!!??   Of course they have all this info!!!   We were married!!!   Why do I have to keep sending a check to someone who has committed a felony against me?!!!    Any ideas?!
 
March 8, 2008, 11:16 am CST

THANK YOU EVERYONE

Hi everyone, I am Joanne, the sister  of Tom and John. I just  wanted to say thanks to those who offered  the support and well wishes, and I also want to clarify  something about Tom's quesion of "how long" will the treatment at La Hacienda be.

Tom was concerned about how long the treatment would be because he was concerned it wouldn't be ENOUGH TIME.   That conversation was taped but not put on the air.  Tom was a nervous wreck after the show because he was afraid it wouldn't be good enough treatment.   La Hacienda was a fantastic place for Tom to go, and Dr.Phil was amazing enough to send not only Tom for the month, but also his daughter,  myself, John and our father there during "Family Week" where we got to learn about alcoholism / addiction and meet the staff, he paid for our stay and our flight there and back.  Absolutely a giving man DrPhil is.  I am eternally grateful.   Although 30 days didn't feel like enough time for Tom, and he was scared to leave,  he did stay sober for a while and went thru some amazing issues and then slipped again. He is always starting over and will have a lifetime of struggle I believe.

Anyone with myspace can find me on myspace.com /degarimore

God bless.
Joanne
 
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