Quote From: psalms100 I think before people start judging others they should be more informed to know exactly what they are talking about. A sex offender is a human being whether you want to accept that fact or not. And "sex offenders" is not even the right term to use because many of them have only offended once and yet they are called sex offenders as though they will always offend. And as far as labeling people, why don't they have labels for drug addicts, drunk drivers, and other felons who can harm our children? Why do we squirm at the word sex offender? We squirm because we hear all the "bad news" about those few who are sick and who would offend again and again. So does that mean we should treat them all the same? I don't think so. I think the law is so unjust when it comes to so called "sex offenders." It is bad enough that they can't find anyplace to live, and that they have to register, but for the police to send out fliers to the community is not only wrong, but it puts the person and their families in danger. How many people have been harassed or killed because they find out a "sex offender" has moved near them? Maybe you don't even care and think it serves them right. But you do not even know them or the story behind their arrest in the first place.
I have children and grandchildren and my heart goes out to those who have gone through some horrible experience because of a sex offender. But they are not all the same. And many are never given a second chance. They have to die with that label. And no matter what their story is- behind all the hysteria- some have been punished more than anyone should ever be punished. Some have never seen their grandchildren because the law prohibits any contact whatsoever with children and this is for all sex offenders, whether they are pedophiles, whether they offended once, whether it was a 19 year old that was turned in by a 17 year's old mom, or whether they were drunk and urinating and someone saw them and turned them in. There are way too many reasons why people are labeled sex offenders and to treat them all the same is totally unjustifiable.
And do you really feel comfortable knowing where they all live? Can't this give people a false sense of security? Sex offenders of all sorts are walking around every day. They may be someone in line in front of you at the bank. They could be someone you had a nice chat with at the grocery store yesterday. They could be someone cleaning your carpets.They could be anyone you come in contact with on a daily basis. So what now? Do we register where they work or what they do for a living? Wake up, people! We have normal everyday people who can have a clean record and all of a sudden may wind up killing, raping, or molesting someone. What parents and the community needs to do is take care of their children and do the best they can to keep them away from all danger. We will never have a perfect world. We are all sinners. That is how it will always be. We cannot go on picking on one class of felons and make them our main focus. I wish the world was safer for our children, but it is not. We will always have drunk drivers, killers, rapist, burglars, drug dealers, and all kinds of law breakers no matter what we do. I just wish people knew more about sex offenders before they classified all of them as being evil or being sociopaths. I feel sorry for those who can't see what they are doing as being totally wrong. And I feel sorry for those who are so ready to cast the first stone. I sure wish Dr. Phil would have talked to me for this show.
First, I agree with you about the mis-use of the Registry. I would not feel uncomfortable living next to some jerk who was caught peeing in a bush...he doesn't belong in the registry. The TEEN thing going on...well, if the Forum concerning teen sex is any indication of what is going on, then this registry should not include the "semantics" of the age of consent...an 18 or 19 year old does NOT belong registered as a sex offender for having relations with a 16 year old...you are talking about a 2 or 3 year age difference, no force, and if you can give a 16 year old birth control, you must realize that she is consenting to sex. That being said, I would like to see the Registry used for its intent, that is to keep track of child molesters...not play games of its severity, by padding it with nonsense.
Now, as for the true pedophiles...they must carry this forever, IF they are convicted. That is really too bad, my heart goes out to them.
I have, or should say, HAD 3 children. My oldest was 14 when I finally conceived again...another girl, 20 months later, a boy...and I was so blessed. The oldest met a seemingly wonderful young man in college. They dated, became engaged, and married in 1999. I loved him. 9 months after the wedding, when he was not here so often, my son, then 10 told of "games" that he used to play with my son-in-law...it was oral sodomy. I took him to a therapist immediately, who asked to see my younger daughter and she too, had played the game...oral sodomy..on children who loved him, trusted him, and saw him as "family". I had to tell my older girl...the hardest thing I ever had to do...and she turned against us...called her siblings "deranged liars", me a "lunetic". From this close loving family where I thought we did it all right..no drugs, drinking, and completion of college...she's a teacher...we turned into adverserial cut throats! He was arrested, never convicted, as the statute of limitations had passed by 12 year old girl by, and we had no physical evidence. The he said/she said cases have a less than a 5% conviction rate in New York.....so, he turned this family upside down. My younger ones cried until they were over 16...today, he's 18, she'll be 20 in May...they are academicly and socially well adjusted...only thing missing is their sister...oh, yes, her two little girls also, who we learned were born, after this disaster...and it was through a random meeting when my friend ran into her in a mall...they are out of our lives because of her belief in him...will not speak to us..he never said he was sorry...guess the $100,000.00 wedding was his grand finale after taking that amount times a million from my children...his future sister and brother-in-law, when they were 5,6, and 7.
My daughter believes I SAID THIS to break up the marriage...denial is a powerful defense. So, it is almost 8 years later...my one girl is in college, my son graduates High School this June and will enter College in Sept..........all the milestones were minus their sister...my daughter...and their neices...my grandchildren.
My husband just 2 years ago, recovered from a severe depression, as the result of this....he almost lost everything, and we had two more children to educate...our marriage is shot...therapy did not help, and we went for three years as a couple. I went for my kids, my husband and finally, was able to go for myself...and still am going to sift through what this did to me...before, there WAS no time, now, I'm lucky that I have it. Over 7 years of my sentence has been served. I'm in my early fifties, so if I'm lucky enough to die young, maybe I have 20 years left to go. If I follow in my family's footsteps of longevity, it will be more like 35 more years of my life sentence. If he blew out my brains, it would have been more merciful. He got me in my only truly vulnerable spot...and he got all of them in some way...my children, then, my greatest dream of that first Grandchild...he took that also. BUT, my kids, my life...he hurt all 3, and if ANYTHING terrible were to happen to him, you think I should show compassion?
As a form of healing, I work with victims of pedophiles, speak out for changes in our laws, and hope to find better ways of coping. Through my efforts, I came to see that our situation and our experience with a pedophile was one of the "better" ones...seriously, it did not come close to some of what I've learned. Now, mine is good...imagine the others...Do you think we care if they die with a stigma? Do we care if they work, where they work, if they live or where? Only in so far as they are kept from doing to another person/people what was done to us. I have no compassion for them. They seldom serve time, and when they do, in most cases, depending on the State, the sentence is not punishment that fits the crime. On the show SAVING GRACE, a feature of Dr. Phil's, a grandfather did less than a year for molesting his 6 year old grand-daughter. This is what we call justice?
So while I'm with you in how I feel WHO goes into the registry, I'm not at all sympathetic to the ones who truly belong in it carrying a lifetime stigma for what they have done. We will carry our scars to the grave. We were guilty of loving the wrong person...extending to him kindness, trust, and welcome into what was once a warm, loving fun-filled family. Give me that stone, I'll cast it his way and feel justified. Am I "totally wrong"? I really do not care.
Don’t miss Dr. Phil’s exclusive interview with Brianna Denison's mother who is speaking out for the first time since her daughter's body was found. Nineteen-year-old Brianna made headlines when she was kidnapped while she slept on a friend's couch. Brianna's killer – an alleged serial rapist -- is still on the loose in Reno, NV. And, a controversial issue is heating up the headlines: Where should registered sex offenders live when they’re released from prison? Residents of Long Beach, California say not in their neighborhood. They’re outraged that an apartment building is allegedly housing 13 registered sex offenders, and the building owner is reportedly receiving $1,000 per month to house them. Former tenants, James and Getania, were disgusted to learn that the sex offenders were living in their building, and local residents weren’t happy either. Dawna owns several properties near the apartment complex. She says she’s losing tenants and the sex offenders are stalking others. Then, Jake Goldenflame, a registered sex offender who was convicted of molesting his daughter and young boys over 25 years ago, says he's still attracted to teenage boys, but says people like him have no resources and need to live somewhere. What does Dr. Phil think? Should the sex offenders be forced to leave the community, or should their neighbors just learn to live with them? If it's happening now, Dr. Phil is going to deal with it now! Join the discussion.
