Message Boards

Topic : 03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Number of Replies: 392
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, March 07, 2008, 11:34:24 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Over 50 percent of men and only 19 percent of women say they think about it several times a day. On the average, you do it almost 100 times a year. No, you don’t have a dirty mind – the topic is SEX! With the help of renowned OB/GYN Lisa Masterson, Dr. Phil tackles sex issues, and you might be surprised at how much you can relate! First up, Jason says his wife, Sylvia, has two personalities: Sylvia the 6th grade school teacher and Sylvia the sex maniac. Can the couple find a happy medium with what goes on in their bedroom? Then, Robin and Tom have been engaged for four years but haven’t set a wedding date. Tom says there’s something his betrothed won’t do that’s keeping him from saying, "I do." Can Dr. Masterson help Robin rescue her relationship? Next, statistics show that nearly 10 percent of women never have an orgasm through sexual activity. Becki says she had her first -- and last -- in 1998. Could her problem be biological? Be there when she hears her test results after a full examination. And, meet a couple who says they have sex up to six times a day. Is there such a thing as too much? Plus, Dr. Masterson answers your most embarrassing questions about sex. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 8, 2008, 1:14 pm CST

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: jeanice56

In our marriage the problem is that I feel like having sex, often, and my husband says he does,  but, we haven't  had sex for four years. We have been married for over twenty-five years and we have had some wonderful intimate moments in those twenty-five years. The problem that we have is when we try,  nothing happens, for him. I have tried many things and it just doesn't happen. I can't turn him on. This problem has been throughout all of our marriage. I love my husband, and I want sex to be a part of our marriage. Even with the problem that we have we have stayed together and are faithful to each other. We would like to know how we can overcome this and bring the closeness and initmate moments, that we both want, into our marriage.

 has he tried going to the doctor about this,I know most men find it humiliating to admit but it is a common problem.
Most of the time its not even anything too serious, I know one man who kicked himself for waiting so long,hehe, I think his wife kicked him instead, and then if it IS something serious, it would be a good thing to KNOW that as well.
Maybe a complete physical workup could help, and maybe get to the root of the problem.
Good Luck
 
March 8, 2008, 1:26 pm CST

I THOUGHT I WROTE THIS LETTER, and then forgot I wrote it!!

Quote From: jeanice56

In our marriage the problem is that I feel like having sex, often, and my husband says he does,  but, we haven't  had sex for four years. We have been married for over twenty-five years and we have had some wonderful intimate moments in those twenty-five years. The problem that we have is when we try,  nothing happens, for him. I have tried many things and it just doesn't happen. I can't turn him on. This problem has been throughout all of our marriage. I love my husband, and I want sex to be a part of our marriage. Even with the problem that we have we have stayed together and are faithful to each other. We would like to know how we can overcome this and bring the closeness and initmate moments, that we both want, into our marriage.

Your letter could have been written by ME! I am also the one that wants to have a sex life, and when we discuss it, my husband says yes, he will be interested, BUT, he just doesn't think about it anymore, until I bring it up. It has been a year since we have tried, and it was wonderful and exciting at that time, and before that, it was almost three years.  I have told him time and again that we need to find help to get us straightened out (no pun intended!) and get back on the road to intimacy. He is an excellent friend, provider, husband (minus the sex), and he does have ED from his prostate cancer treatments. I try to be very understanding, but after I while it just gets me to angry, and then I tell him we could talk about it again, and again, and the response will be the same, so he should just remember all I have said it the past, and ditto it. I understand that he had cancer, I understand he has the mental block that he might not be able to perform, and I sympathize with that. What I cannot understand is that I have told him how I feel rejected, and hurt and lonely without him, and he still doesn't even make an attempt! I know, without a doubt that there is no one else. I trust him, and I know where he is and how to reach him, every second of every day. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would want to satisfy him in anyway that would not hurt me, just so that he would know he is loved so much, even after 24 years. He does have Cyalis (SP?) and has tried other ED meds, but they give him a terrible headache. He is also on testosterone, because he basically does not make it naturally. I can (and do) pleasure myself, but there is no satisfaction if what you are truly longing for is the love of your life touching you! I won't cheat, even though I feel cheated, and he knows it. I wish that he wasn't so secure in my love for him, that he would get concerned enough to approach this whole thing differently. He will not go to counseling with, or without me, because he was raised strict Catholic, and gets very uncomfortable, even talking sex with me. I recently sent through the Internet for a "cock" ring. I don't mean to be vulgar. That is the only way I have ever heard it addressed. When it arrives, I am hoping that he sees I am truly wanting this to work, and maybe even a little excited, knowing I bought this for "us".
 
March 8, 2008, 1:34 pm CST

AGE DOES NOT MATTER

Quote From: blueyes45

I am 55 and remarried in November of last year after being divorced for seven years, during which time I dated and was sexually active.  I knew my new husband from high school days and we reconnected when I moved back to my hometown and his wife had filed for divorce and moved to another city.  Our romance began in April of 2006.  I expected a normal sex life with him because we love each other very much.  However, I was shocked to find he is impotent.  We made a couple of attempts at intercours but, even though he said he had an orgasm, there was no semen.  He told me his doctor said there is such thing as a "dry" orgasm.  He also said the medication he takes for blood sugar, Metformin, prevents him from being able to take Viagra.   He visited his doctor and a urologist to have the issue checked out.  He claims there is nothing physically wrong with his body, it just doesn't respond as it should and the doctors can't do anything for him.  The subject was pretty much dropped.  Still, we love each other so much that we got married after being together for a year and a half.  Now I just feel sadness.  He is a wonderful man and I love him dearly.  But I am sad when I think that we can never physically express our love like normal couples do.  I miss the intimacy of making love, but I would never think of cheating on him.  Now I am not sure what to do.  I had a friend, my age, ask me if we necessarily needed anything more than love and companionship at our age.  Her point being that she saw nothing wrong with settling for a sexless relationship.  She lost her husband of 30 years to cancer just three years ago and hasn't really had the desire to date or move forward with her romantic life.  So I can understand how she might feel that I have all I need in a relationship.  I am no longer physically attracted to him and I feel guilty for that even though it wouldn't help if I was still attracted to him.  I'm not sure what will eventually happen to our relationship.  I have found, from past experience, that you may have good intentions in the beginning of making things work, but problems eventually wear on you.  Now what?
My parents are 80 and 84. My parents are also my friends, and I confide in them about a lot of things. I am 55 also, and one thing you don't really like to think about is your parents having sex, but..... my mom commented on something last time they came here for a visit, and what she said to me that day REALLY surprised me. They are still actively engaged in intercourse. My dad is still interested in visiting her in her bedroom once in a while. Mom says for her, she can take it or leave it, but Dad isn't ready to call it quits. I was amazed and delighted to hear that after being married almost 62 years, they are still IN LOVE and still MAKING love! It is wonderful!!
 
March 8, 2008, 2:31 pm CST

Sex?

I have been married for nearly 30 years and I hate to say it, but we don't have sex any more. We (tried) last year but it always hurts me too bad to continue. Don't know if its lack of hormones or what. I really don't miss having sex anyway. I think the less you often you have sex, the less you care about it anyway. 
 
March 8, 2008, 3:13 pm CST

I have a HUGE question!

I had a complete hysterectomy in 1997 (10 1/2 years ago). I am a married woman with a husband I really love and that treats me well. After my hysterectomy, I lost all interest in sex and it has actually become very painful to have intercourse because of my extremely dry vagina. I have tried everything! I couldn't be on hormones for very long as I have a history of breast cancer in my family. I have tried herbal remedies, a kind of hormonal sponge, and nothing seems to work. Even testorone doesn't work. What can I do? My husband misses this aspect of our marriage as do I. What can we do? Thanks for your help.

Kathy

 
March 8, 2008, 3:41 pm CST

talk about sex

Quote From: durbinda

I congratulate you for being the type of woman most men dream of. I have been married 34 yrs to a woman that does not desire nor did she ever desire sex. For the last 25 yrs we average having sex 6 times a year. Yes I said 6 times a year. That is an average. Last year was only 4 times and so far this year is only once. I have tried everything suggested by therapists, psychologist, and/or pschiatrists with no better results. I have had many a person say why do I stay with her? My answer is always "I married her for better of worse" not until it got worse or only for the better.
Well I have the opposite, I'm a woman with a man that I have been with for 7 years this year and it's been 4 years since we have had sex....and I do mention it to him and make snide lil remarks when the opportunity comes my way
 
March 8, 2008, 3:45 pm CST

lack of SEX

  • What about relationships that have no sex in it???????
  •    Am I the only one out there that has just grown to except this in mine????
 
March 8, 2008, 5:13 pm CST

OMG

Quote From: tralph

My husband is in great physical shape, no health problems, does not take any medications, doesn't smoke, drinks occasionally.   HIs main problem is that he rarely shows emotion and doesn''t like to talk about anything personal or emotion ladened.  He is 46 years old and I am 42.  It seems that our sex life was fine prior to him turning 40 and then it started to go downhill. What I mean is that he doesn't seem to be in the mood as much.  We have been together for 8 years.  I am lucky if we have sex monthly.  I have attempted to initiate it, but he puts me off, saying he doesn't necessarily like me coming on too strong. He is involved with playing computer games and plays on the pc from the time he gets home from work until the time he goes to bed with a short pause to eat dinner and walk the dogs with me for about 30 minutes.  I try to talk to him about it and he says he doesn't want to discuss it and that I just expect too much out of him.  He thinks it is age related.  I try to tell him that it isn't age related that it would possibly be biologically related but the number of years old you are related to low libido is a myth.  What can/should I do to encourage more sex in our relationship?  I would like to have sex at least once a week.  Sometimes he will initiate sex when he knows I am tired and then will tell me I dont' get enough sex because I always say no...which is NOT the case.  I've even gotten so crazy as to mark the dates on my calendar of when we have sex to prove to him that it is a long time between episodes.. 

omg, this is almost a carbon copy of my life! If we have sex once a month, I would call it a miracle. my husband might as well ne married to the computer, because that is where he spends the majorityof his time. we are 45 yrs., and have been married 24. I am at the point now, where i could care less now. If i never had it again...who cares. I have been so aggravated over this, that  i finally decided, it wasn't worth if for me to get so stressed out. I have been so disappointed with so many things in my life, that one more thing, is no big deal
 
March 8, 2008, 5:16 pm CST

NO

Quote From: cherie0129

  • What about relationships that have no sex in it???????
  •    Am I the only one out there that has just grown to except this in mine????
I am right there with you, sister, it is not worth the aggravation.
 
March 8, 2008, 6:33 pm CST

I'm in the same boat

Quote From: cherie0129

Well I have the opposite, I'm a woman with a man that I have been with for 7 years this year and it's been 4 years since we have had sex....and I do mention it to him and make snide lil remarks when the opportunity comes my way
 We have had sex ONCE in 2 years (only married 2 1/2 years!).  That one time was because I finally attacked him ... while he lied there like he was dead.  I've tried talking to him about it ... he thinks we're normal.  Are you kidding me?  A sexless marriage is not a marriage!  AND if he refuses to talk about it or seek help, what does a woman do?  I've told him that this is important ... he just shrugs his shoulders.  I don't want to go off and have an affair, but this is ridiculous!!!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last