Quote From: PennyLane78How old were you when you got married, if you don't mind my asking.
This is just horridly heartbreaking to me. I have only been married for (almost) 9 years and there was a very BRIEF time when my husbands health made his sex drive disappear...and it was very hard to deal with.
I can't imagine what you are going through.
I can't relate to the religious part. I am an atheist, so please forgive me if I am not being helpful here, but wouldn't God understand? This isn't healthy for either of you. What she is doing is terribly wrong and not very Christian. She is not treating you in a loving way at all. Wouldn't God understand? Maybe talk to a priest and ask them if there is a way to annul?
Again, I am an atheist, so those things I said may or may not be helpful.
But, sometimes I think it's silly that people are bound and tied to a choice they made in their 20's. I assume you got married in your 20's like most people. And some how that choice is supposed to be relevant and right decades later?
Anyway...I don't blame you for not wanting to have sex with a verbally abusive woman. That is demeaning in a unique way.
I wish I could help. I don't want to suggest going behind her back, because as mean as she is as a wife, she's still a human being a deserves to know if her husband is having sex outside the marriage. Maybe bring it up to her and just say "Look, either we are going to fix this mess of a marriage or I am going to go out and get a sex-buddy so I can have SOME kind of intimacy in my life."...let HER make the choice.
I am not an atheist, but am more of a spiritualist, so any conventional religion would shun my views on this. I agree with you. My husband and I went through a rough time with our children 8 years ago. He did go into a deep depression, let his business go to hell, and we almost lost everything. I had inherited a good bit of money which I was keeping in reserve because he is 20 years my senior, and really made no proper arrangements for me when I 'm older...long story, but it's the old world mentality of the woman can be working in the business, but the man keeps the records private. Well, I used all of the money to bail out our family...get the finances back on track...but during the time, I went with him to therapy. At times, he went alone...better still...but he and the professional wanted me there a lot, so I went. Three years and he was able to function at work, so that was a plus. As for the family, he turned on us...called me lovely names, wouldn't assist in holidays, except to make them bleak. He refused any more therapy...I was like a zombie...but had my kids to get through school. They are now 18 and 20...both in college, doing great...and my "husband" has toned down the venim. Life is peaceful, but we are living like 4 room mates. Divorce...it would hurt everyone financially, because like it or not, marriage IS a business. You dissolve it, you lose half...I'm NOT losing half of what I feel I deserve. I tried everything that I could to keep it together...not playing the martyr...the incident was so bad, I don't even blame him...he was a victim of a rotten scene.
One day, about a year ago..kids out...him home, I did present the fact that the love was not here...and I didn't see any signs of it coming back. He agreed that it was not...and also said he would rather be sitting with things as they are, then to break everything apart with a divorce...his age being a key factor. I brought up the idea of finding romance outside of the marriage...not looking for it..but if it came my way, would it be amicable, and if it came his way...my attitude...go for it! We agreed.
3 months ago, my switch was flipped...I don't "flaunt" it...I just enjoy it. My life is not so bitter, I don't resent my husband, I realize the problem that we faced was too much for him, it almost killed me, so a little more compassion is extended to him, as well. He has his interests, I have mine...we don't fight...the kids have their friends...but I DO have a wonderful sex life...a wonderful man came into my life....he knows, until my son is finished with college, I'll do nothing permanent. No lies, no promises...but I feel alive again. Anyone who chooses to judge me, feel free. I told him, gave him options...and nothing is hidden.
Yes, I live an alternate life style, but I'm smiling for the first time in too long. We tried, we couldn't fix it...I did my best...and I'm going to live for me as well as for my kids, my business, my "husband" or in the dark shadows of a tragic event neither of us caused. I hope that man folllows your advice...we do not need to be miserable. I was not going to commit financial suicide because of a bad patch that I did nothing to cause, and tried my damdest to fix. I'm very happy...if that makes me a sinner...well, the only sin is that I didn't do this sooner.
Over 50 percent of men and only 19 percent of women say they think about it several times a day. On the average, you do it almost 100 times a year. No, you don’t have a dirty mind – the topic is SEX! With the help of renowned OB/GYN Lisa Masterson, Dr. Phil tackles sex issues, and you might be surprised at how much you can relate! First up, Jason says his wife, Sylvia, has two personalities: Sylvia the 6th grade school teacher and Sylvia the sex maniac. Can the couple find a happy medium with what goes on in their bedroom? Then, Robin and Tom have been engaged for four years but haven’t set a wedding date. Tom says there’s something his betrothed won’t do that’s keeping him from saying, "I do." Can Dr. Masterson help Robin rescue her relationship? Next, statistics show that nearly 10 percent of women never have an orgasm through sexual activity. Becki says she had her first -- and last -- in 1998. Could her problem be biological? Be there when she hears her test results after a full examination. And, meet a couple who says they have sex up to six times a day. Is there such a thing as too much? Plus, Dr. Masterson answers your most embarrassing questions about sex. Join the discussion.
