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Topic : 03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

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Created on : Friday, March 07, 2008, 11:34:24 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Over 50 percent of men and only 19 percent of women say they think about it several times a day. On the average, you do it almost 100 times a year. No, you don’t have a dirty mind – the topic is SEX! With the help of renowned OB/GYN Lisa Masterson, Dr. Phil tackles sex issues, and you might be surprised at how much you can relate! First up, Jason says his wife, Sylvia, has two personalities: Sylvia the 6th grade school teacher and Sylvia the sex maniac. Can the couple find a happy medium with what goes on in their bedroom? Then, Robin and Tom have been engaged for four years but haven’t set a wedding date. Tom says there’s something his betrothed won’t do that’s keeping him from saying, "I do." Can Dr. Masterson help Robin rescue her relationship? Next, statistics show that nearly 10 percent of women never have an orgasm through sexual activity. Becki says she had her first -- and last -- in 1998. Could her problem be biological? Be there when she hears her test results after a full examination. And, meet a couple who says they have sex up to six times a day. Is there such a thing as too much? Plus, Dr. Masterson answers your most embarrassing questions about sex. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
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PennyLane78
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March 13, 2008, 3:10 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: gwarrior6

 

Really, sex is a health issue.  Should she be fired because one of the parents saw her at the OB/GYN's office?  Nope.  The show airs when most kids are either A. Still in school, or B. At some after-school activity. 

 

If the parents don't like it, block the show.  Or be there when they're watching TV and change the channel.  If you don't want to hear about your teacher's gynecological problems, turn the station, or mix yourself a margarita and turn it up.  Just don't complain about it when you have a remote control.

THANK YOU!

I have to wonder...what kind of a world do we live in when it's not ok for a teacher to have sex WITH HER HUSBAND.
 
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anirom
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March 13, 2008, 4:01 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

This was a great topic. Rarely is the subject of low libido in women. Even most of the posts are about the men. I have a great marriage going on 17 years. About 5-7 years ago I started to loose interest. We talked about it and thought well I went back to work and our son started school so that was it. It got worse, I went to my regular Dr. who ran blood work and everything was a-okay. A year later I told her it wasn't any better, I had no interest in sex. More blood work, hormones, sugar, thyroid, everything, all was okay. I went to a phsycologist for 6 months, the only thing she could find was I need a little more help around the house. We had a great marriage. I went to a GYN specialist, had acupuncture, tried homapathic remedies, and all the jells and oils out there. I told the Dr. at one point if someone told me there was something selling on the street that would help I might consider it (never would though). I told my husband to please get a girlfriend because I would feel less guilty. He supports me 200% in everyway, we have a wonderful marriage and a great life, it wasn't fair to him. He said no way. I exercise, we eat healthy and I take vitamins, don't smoke and occasionally have wine with dinner. Through an unusual discussion my husband had it was suggested I take B-12. Well we tried everything else. It has helped, I feel much better and we're haveing a little more sex, it's only been 5 weeks on the B-12. I told the Dr. who was perplexed as to why that would help. We're hoping things will continue to improve and we'll get back to our state of normal 1 - 2 times a week. Ladies need to talk about this more. It's a common problem. Women are often miss diagnosed or put off by their doctor's and spouses that it's us or we're crazy. Thank you Dr. Phil for having this discussion on. Often it is emotional, stress (worried the kids will come int, etc.)physical or medical, but sometimes there's just not an easy explaination. I didn't give up and if it's the B-12 or something else I'm still trying to find the answer and keep myself feeling good, working to keep both of us and our family happy and heathly.
 
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cdallas
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March 13, 2008, 4:02 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: danik2112

I am 26 and been married for 1 1/2 years, I couldn't imagine having the types of problems that you are having. Are you sure that there's nothing else going on between you that is causing the problems? Do you fight about money? sex? spending time together? not getting enough alone time? or all of the above? There has to be something underlying that is causing you to feel this way. In your past, did you have a boyfriend or someone you thought you loved call you ugly, or treat you badly because of your looks? That could cause you to think your husband is just saying those things to you just because he feels he "has" to because he is your husband. Why don't you talk to him about pleasing you? Ask him about spending a night only focused on making you happy. Get massage oils, an egg (those things are great!!) and have him only work on you, don't do anything, if he wants to be pleased, then you have to be.

 

I'm not a psych or anything (I did study it for 2 years, but didn't quite make it) but I had a boyfriend, my first love, when I was 14. I was 5'4" and 105lbs, just like you and he called me "thunder" because I he thought I had big thighs and he knew they bothered me, I always thought I was fat. After two years of that, I am still to this day very self-conscious and still think I'm disgusting, now that I'm pregnant though, all of those thoughts seem to be put to the back burner and my main concern is my baby. Anyway, I really think you need to have your husband focus on you and making you happy. Mine does that every once in awhile and it makes you feel great about your relationship and yourself. Maybe it will help you with your self-esteem too!!

I may have been rambling on too much to make any sense in my previous post. Actually, it's the sex part that bothers me most. Since he never seems to want to have sex with me, I hate him calling me beautiful. I know it sounds kind of shallow, but I think I need sex to be a part of our relationship to feel beautiful. Every other part of our relationship is great except the sex...because there is none. He's a great honest guy, with terrific morals, christian, and a hard worker. Now that it has been nearly two years since we have had sex, I just think it would be weird to have sex with him. Embarrasing as it may be, I take 'baths' to get what I need...but I would much rather it from my husband. Lately, I have been feeling really depressed, & the only thing that keeps me going is that other people depend on me. I don't have children, but my employees depend on me for a paycheck.
 
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cdallas
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March 13, 2008, 4:09 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: cdallas

I am only 27, been married for 3.5 years, my husband & I have have not had sex in almost 2 years! I also think that I am a pretty & attractive girl, but I don't feel this from my husband. He always calls me 'beautiful' and I actually hate that because I feel it is a pet word, but not really how he feels about me. I think I would ever cheat on him, but I do get very frustrated. We tried counseling about 2 years ago, and we would just go home & get into arguments & he would just threaten to divorce me when he became too frustrated saying that I deserve someone better. I would tell him over & over again that he is the only one that I want, but he just doesn't hear it. Since I don't want to get divorced, I feel my only option is to live in this marriage this way. Before counseling we would have sex maybe once every 1-2 months sometimes shorter sometimes a longer stint. However the sex was very short & he never seemed to try to put any effort into trying to please me. Ever since counseling, we have not had sex (nearly 2 yrs ago). What's even worse, is I feel that I am starting not to care how I look. I have always taken pride in the way I dress, my appearance, exercising, etc. I used to be 105 lbs & 5'4", & in the past year I have gained just over 15 lbs! I just don't think I care anymore. I am also starting to feel really guilty about having thoughts of being with other people because I love my husband & I don't want anyone else or want to be with anyone else, but I feel so neglected & undesired....and I don't feel 'beautiful.'

I may have been rambling on too much to make any sense in my previous post. Actually, it's the sex part that bothers me most. Since he never seems to want to have sex with me, I hate him calling me beautiful. I know it sounds kind of shallow, but I think I need sex to be a part of our relationship to feel beautiful. Every other part of our relationship is great except the sex...because there is none. He's a great honest guy, with terrific morals, christian, and a hard worker. Now that it has been nearly two years since we have had sex, I just think it would be weird to have sex with him. Embarrasing as it may be, I take 'baths' to get what I need...but I would much rather it from my husband. Lately, I have been feeling really depressed, & the only thing that keeps me going is that other people depend on me. I don't have children, but my employees depend on me for a paycheck.
 
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PennyLane78
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March 13, 2008, 4:18 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: cdallas

I may have been rambling on too much to make any sense in my previous post. Actually, it's the sex part that bothers me most. Since he never seems to want to have sex with me, I hate him calling me beautiful. I know it sounds kind of shallow, but I think I need sex to be a part of our relationship to feel beautiful. Every other part of our relationship is great except the sex...because there is none. He's a great honest guy, with terrific morals, christian, and a hard worker. Now that it has been nearly two years since we have had sex, I just think it would be weird to have sex with him. Embarrasing as it may be, I take 'baths' to get what I need...but I would much rather it from my husband. Lately, I have been feeling really depressed, & the only thing that keeps me going is that other people depend on me. I don't have children, but my employees depend on me for a paycheck.

You're only 27, and you've only been married a few years.  I think you guys should try therapy again, or maybe you should call it quits. I know, I KNOW, divorce isn't a great option, but please....

Think about the you in 10 or 20 years....YOU WILL REGRET LIVING THIS WAY. The 37 or 37 year old you will have wish the 27 year old you had just admitted that perhaps this marriage was a mistake.

Yes, I understand that he is a great guy in every other way...so make him your friend then. Sex IS an important part of a relationship. No, it's not everything in a marriage, but if you are THIS unhappy you should be doing something.

And, don't be upset about feeling weird about having sex with him...if he DOES go to therapy and it DOES work then you should not feel bad about wanting to take it slow, get to know each other in a romantic sense again.

But, you husband is the one with the problem. Not you. Are you sure you want to be attached to this problem for the rest of your life? Do you want kids? Are you sure, even if you somehow had kids, that you would want to bring them into a marriage that you are not happy with?

You're only 27...You're young and healthy and vibrant and you SHOULD get to have sex!
 
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housewife52
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March 13, 2008, 4:26 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: rainpainrain

THANK YOU!

I have to wonder...what kind of a world do we live in when it's not ok for a teacher to have sex WITH HER HUSBAND.
You know, when I was in high school 68-72, teachers were not allowed to teach while  they were pregnant. I mean married teachers. I never did find out the reason why. Also, girls, married or not, were not allowed to attend school if pregnant. Not allowed to walk in graduation procession and get their diploma if pregnant. (Maybe it was an insurance thing. I don't know. Maybe they thought we would look at a pregnant woman and "know" what they had been "doing" and be affected negatively?)
 
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March 13, 2008, 4:33 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: housewife52

You know, when I was in high school 68-72, teachers were not allowed to teach while  they were pregnant. I mean married teachers. I never did find out the reason why. Also, girls, married or not, were not allowed to attend school if pregnant. Not allowed to walk in graduation procession and get their diploma if pregnant. (Maybe it was an insurance thing. I don't know. Maybe they thought we would look at a pregnant woman and "know" what they had been "doing" and be affected negatively?)
...I am SHOCKED.  It bugs me that even now pregnant teens are treated like they have the plague, but...there is nothing wrong with a pregnant teacher!

...just a big WOW from me!
 
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theorganicgeek
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March 13, 2008, 4:37 pm PDT

Hmmmm-I'm not sure all this fits us

Quote From: annehs321

I know people often say that most women don't orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone but excuse me it takes both for me to get off.  If I am masturbating or having sex with my husband of 20 years I need both clitoral (with a high powered vibrator) and vaginal stimulation.  I can only remember once coming with clitoral only stimulation.  However with both areas stimulated at the same time I have 3-4 orgasms everytime I have sex with my husband and more if masturbating.  Often after coming once wait a few minutes to let your clit become less super sensitive but then start right back and the second always comes close to the first.  Remember that your vagina has lots of nerve endings and there is also the G-spot.  I think if after 10 minutes if nothing is happening you need to try something else.  I used to read sex help books and racy novels until I got good at climaxing.  You need to spend some time alone to discover what your body needs.  I sometimes even watch porn while masturbating and it can be amazing.  I can tell you want to have a good sex life and I am sure with practice you will succeed.  Invest in two vibrators.  One for your clit and one to use to simulate sex at the same time.  You have two hands for a reason.  Best wishes.

Thank you for commenting.  I know many of the things you said, especially about anatomy are true--both from experience and from book knowledge. I am grateful for you well wishes. I'm pretty familiar with my own body.  I don't enjoy toys, but you are right that stimulating both the clitoris and internally at the same time can feel incredibly good. 

 

It's not that I don't get any kind of pleasure--it's just the big O that is hard to come by. :)  I experience PASSION and I can enjoy being intimate with my husband.  However, I've stopped trying so hard to personally experience an orgasm. If I didn't get ANY pleasure, like the guest I related to, I'd be tempted to stop having sex all together. For me, the closeness and intimacy I experience makes it worth entering into act of lovemaking with my husband. And because I love him I want to pleasure him. I feel sad for him because I know he has his own internal struggles about the difficulty I have with having an orgasm.

 

I AM actually learning some meditation and relaxation techniques for other purposes that I may be able to apply to this part of my life. If my mind can just rest.  If my thinking can just stop.  If I can FOCUS. That is for sure part of what I think the problem is--I just can't focus long enough.

 

I believe every couple has to determine for themselves whats right and wrong for them in bed--porn and racy books just aren't my thing.  As a matter of a fact--if you want to turn me off  and shut down thats the way to do it.  I could conjure up some pictures in my mind or think about some erotic situation from my past-but I really do like and love my husband.  Part of the problem is that I am thinking about everything else except what's going on at the time. And I really want to be present with HIM in our bed and not escaping to another person or situation.  He and I have reminisced about a "HOT" moment we've experienced-and it often creates another HOT moment, if you know what I mean. 

 

Thanks again for commenting.
 
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March 13, 2008, 4:51 pm PDT

03/12 Let’s Talk about Sex

Quote From: hpmx59

About Doctor Let's Phil Sex Talk. What sex? What are you talking about? Everyone know about sex and------

marriage anyway. See you on Wednesday March 12th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------

Reply to your comment:  "What sex?  What are you talking about?  Everyone knows about sex and marriage anyway."

 

There was this article on match.com that listed 5 compatibility issues on the subject something to the effect of:  1) morning vs. night  2) frequency: daily vs weekly etc.   3) mild vs. wild  4) fast and over vs slow

5) loud vs. quiet 

 

I think it is a good subject to discuss especially before you are committed to someone.  I am single and would rather "talk" about it than get stuck with someone who has habits you are not compatible with....  I'd rather it all be out of the closet upfront and early on....

 
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March 13, 2008, 5:03 pm PDT

HELP

I so loved this show. I need so much help in this area. I am 24 years old and recently got married in december, we are very happy...............except for one fact.....SEX..which i am afraid hurts everything.  I hate it. I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life. The problem is I have never had an orgasim and sex hurts.  I also some times get freqent bladder infections following sex.   I need help I dont want this to keep affecting me.

 
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