Topic : 03/17 Bishop T.D. Jakes

I TOO FEEL AS IF I AM FIGHTING A BATTLE THAT I CAN;T WIN AND WITH NOBODY THERE TO HELP.  TIRED OF FIGHTING AND GETTING NO WHERE.  I'AM BREATHING,BUT I AM NOT ALIVE.   PLEASE DR.PHIL, I AM BEGGING YOU.

I have the same problem but it is due to  being Sexually Abused from the age of 4 until I was 25 by two different men.  I am lost and have been for years.  I did have a job and loved it, but when I turned 28, my world came crashing down.  I wanted to take my life.  I ended up in the hospital, received a little bit of councelling, and tried 3 times to go back to work and each time I lasted a shorter period of time.  I have been in every inpatient program in Ontario and still am no better.  I have asked for Dr. Phils help, feeling as if there might be something better for me in the states but he has never responded.  I have done everything that I could possibly have done, and now my last and only option is shock treatments.  I am on medication for anxiety so I have to be weened off of those first, but that is my last resort.  I risk losing parts of my memory, but that is the chance that I have to take.  I have come to the end of the road.  I don't know if I always knew what was going on with me when it was happening, and just blocked it out or chose not to think about it, regardless I don't remember any real happy times in my life ever.  I had always felt different than the other children.  I do not laugh ever because I find nothing funny, and I din't know any emotion until I was 29 other than feeling flat or depressed.  I had to learn how to feel through my body.  I learned that when I get angry, I feel as if I want to jump out the window and my left arm always hurts.  That is about as far as I have ever gotten.  I know sadness, but don't cry.  I know happy, because I lived it for one day and that was my wedding day.  That happiness didn't even last for 12 hours.  I am lost and have been for years.  I feel empty and alone.  I can no longer leave my home, and rarely answer the phone out of fear and I am not sure what that fear even is.  I only communicate through e-mails.  I feel like an empty body going through the motions of life.  I am breathing but I am not alive.  I hoped and prayed that Dr. Phil would find someone to help me, but I know that this is never going to happen.  I am still married, but the marriage has had infedelity.  I lost about 30 very close family members when I charged my uncle.  They all turned on me even though he admitted to them that it was true.  I trust no one.  I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD and I believe that I have some borderline traits.  I have been told by the most reputable hospital in Canada, that my depression is medication resistant, thus is why they are leaving me with shock treatments as my only option.  I have done everything else.  I have great insight, and I also have 2 years of psychology behind me, so I have the knowledge, but I just can't make it better.  I always feel the same.  Empty and depressed, or just flat.  I never feel happy.  My abuse came out after I witnessed another Trauma so that is how this all came about.  I have gone through so many things in my life, from a distant not available mother that knew that I was being abused, the friends wife knew that her husband was abusing me and he even raped me when I was 6, but neither one of them ever did anything about it.  As for my family?  We were so close, that some of us even lived on the same street.  My aunts were more like mother's and my cousin's and I were like siblings. and now they are gone.  It was easier for them to take his side.  Regardless, my point to you here is that you are not alone.  I feel the same way and have for over 10 years.  I have been on disability for 10 years and will turn 40 this year, and I am so angry with myself that I can't "get it together".  Although anyone that has met me never knew that there was anything wrong with me.  I have hid for so many years.  I was a model and a dancer, so looks are not a problem for me...well, it is, but logically I know that it's not.  I am not stupid.  So I don't know.

Is it possible that you have PTSD?  I believe that  the cop has PTSD and I do not believe in any way shape or form, that he is feeling sorry for himself.  I thought that was a cruel judgement.  Whether you logically know what is right and wrong, but it still affects you negatively, to the point where you so desparately want a life, and to be normal....that is not someone feeling sorry for themselves,  they have PTSD.  I am where he is, and where you are.  Most days I don't even get dressed.  I now go for weeks without bathing and I was a model and a hairstylist as well, and all that I ever thought that I had to offer people were my looks.  Which was crazy all in itself, because my self worth is so low, and I know that I judge myself by my looks. my home all of which have gone down hill.  I want a life, I want to want to go out and have friends, I want to know what it feels like to be happy and want to feel alive, but my psychomotor retardation just won't go away, and it appears to get worse everyday.  I just want some one to help me, because if I have to live the next 40 years of my life, feeling like I have the frst 40?  I want no part of it.  Nobody would ever be able to say that I didn't try and fight because I have.  I have just gotten nowhere.  I have lost any friends that I had because they don't understand my illness, and even Dr Phil not responding to me make me feel even more worthless than I already do.  I wish you all the best. That is all that you can do, even if you are trashing yourself everyday for what you have become.  So to you and the policeman.......you are not alone.  Dr. PHil knows the best of the best and I have prayed that he would pick me to help, but I lost out on that too.  It doesn't mean that your story will end like mine has.  You just have to keep fighting.  I have just fought so long and so hard, and have done everything that I am so tired of fighting a battle that I feel that I am never going to win.

• Black-chinned Hummingbird
• Broad-tailed Hummingbird
• Rufous Hummingbird
• Calliope Hummingbird (migration through the end of summer)

Like the Police department that fired Officer Rob, you just judged him without listening to the facts! Attempted homicide, that means nobody got killed. He did not try to drive off, he tried to run officer Rob down, is that not attempted homicide?  I know officer Rob personally, he is one of the most unselfish persons I know, he has lost alot because of this incident. Yea I get real ^%^&^ off when people sit back in there easy chairs and pass judgment on others. Officer Rob was a very dedicated officer. And very good at his job. He was also very proud of the oath that he took to protect you and your right to sit and stuff your face in front of the TV and pass judgment. I am very glad to see that he is getting the help that he needs. I have prayed for him for many years now, and hope that he will be able to let someone heal him. Like most officers he is a proud man and put his whole heart and soul into his job... You can say that his soul was his job and he took great pride in that job... Rob, heres to ya bud...take this opportunity and let Dr, Phil and his team help you out. If anyone deserves a chance at happiness again it is you...

Thank you Dr. Phil for helping Rob and his beautiful family... They have been through hell...

CK. 

I was one of those women, Like Robin, who use to say that if my husband ever cheated on me I would kick his ass to the curb.  Well 4 years ago it happened to me. My husband had an affair that lasted almost 9 months before I found out. I guess all along I suspected something, and when I questioned him about it he was always quick to tell me that he loved me dearly and would never do anything to damage our relationship. So needless to say, I found out accidentally and it was a moment in my life that changed me forever. I was devastated beyond belief!  It was the worst I had ever felt in my life, including the death of my dad, and believe me that was extremely painful. It felt like all of my dreams, my life, my future, my past, had all died along side with the events that unfolded before me. I told him to get out, I threw his clothes in a hamper and told him he was to leave this house by the end of the evening!  Well needless to say, I ended up calling  911 for emergency medical service as when I went down to his home office to tell him to leave again, I found him lying flat on his back on the floor grasping his chest. He was rushed to the E.R. where they ran all kinds of tests and figured out he had suffered an extreme  anxiety/panic attack that had to be controlled with medication. I had alot of pondering and think to do after that episode, and eventually I decided to work on our relationship and forgive and try to move on. It has been almost 4 years since that fateful day, and I often think back to those horrible times in my life. But during all of the pondering and thinking that I went through, I had to realize that the decisions I made in my life at that moment were not only going to affect me and my life, but those of my precious boys.  They were 13, 14, 25, and 26 years old. I also had to think of all that I was set to give up, and ponder all of the reasons for staying. My husband is a good man, very forthright, honest, hard working, excellent father, great husband, that I made a personnal choice to reconcile and try to make our marriage work. We have made some excellent progress and are moving forward in our life together. So before anyone out there can be judge and jury on a person who has made a bad choice, that doesn't mean that they are not good people through and through. So until it happened to me, my eyes have totally opened up a new understanding on why some women choose to stay, and other opt out. It is a choice that has to be made individually, with counciling, therapy, and lots and lots of prayers, hope, faith, and love. I think I have made the right decision for my circumstance.  So do not judge, lest ye shall be judge.

The Bishop said something ironic --given the circumstances--yet true.  I'm afraid I'll have to paraphrase:

'I can't understand how people can make their private business public.'

What a wise man!

What I was alluding to was the fact that almost all of the show's guests have very personal matters that they disclose in public.  They 'wash their dirty linen in public', so to speak.

By saying what he said, it is evident that the Bishop feels that this is wrong.

I watched this show today (I live in England, so the show is a week old.).  I completely relate to this man.  I received a poor performance rating on my job.  It has never been explained.  During that year I had received an excellant on a very important inspection and sponsored a training seminar that went very well.  I was expecting my best ever rating.  It was such a devestating shock I can not get past it.  It shadows everything I do at work. I am very cynical in my thoughts.

I am just about at the end of my career, but I sure hope that young man can get the support he needs.  He started crying at the end of the show and I think I know why--he finally met someone that was willing to believe in him and give him a helping hand to regain his feeling of worth.  Supportive family members are great but someone to give pracitcal support and is willing to get involved in the  process is what is needed. 

Bless you for helping that man to get pass this blow,  It is very, very dificult even if you know you can not change anything..