Topic : 03/17 Bishop T.D. Jakes

Dr Phil never touched on one aspect, I believe, motivates men to cheat and women to say with them. That's the feeling of power, men/women in high postions have; people with a lot of power, have a lot of prestige, control, and influence. Power can be intoxicating. If the man/woman is powerful their spouse has power and influence as well. It's not easy to give that up.

The great unknown factor is always, every coouple is different, in terms of what they considerr morally offensive and morally intolerable. They may have an open marriage?    

After reading more about the former governor of New York and the discussion about his wife, I believe that perhaps she was forced to stand at his side like a "good little wife" and just keep her mouth shut.  I believe that he is a "control freak" and that she is his victim.  She does as she is told, much like many wives of men who have power and money.  God bless Robin for voicing her opinions and letting all women know that it is okay to use one's mind and not worry about what others may think or do. 

I hope that you get to read this. I went through a very similar time in my life. I was a PO for 20 years. I was accused of something I did not do because a boss can say wherever he wants. I was cleared in trial but fired anyway. I went into a depression of feeling guilty that I was the ultimate bread winner yet I failed at my ability to provide. Like you I have someone that has stood by me and has helped me through this. I am now trying to reposition myself because I cannot allow the job to take hold of my life. The saying goes "It is better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6" only you know what happened that night. Only you know the fear you had when faced with the possibility of not being able to go home at the end of your tour and be there for your family. Well, you were vindicated in trial but the job still will not take you back. That is there loss. But your life does not have to end because you are not a cop. Forget it. You are home to see your kids.

Forgive yourself. Appreciate that you are home for your children. Appreciate that you can grow old with your children. You think you failed once but in reality you are failing right now. You are depressed because you think that you could have only been a cop. Most cops get into that mode and think this is the only thing they could do. That is not true.  You can do anything you want. You can be anything you want. The PD is not the only thing you ever could have done.  Go out there and find something to do that you like. Get out of the cop mode. Get out of the cop thing. It is over. I understand that you will not get your pension, so what.  You came home at the end of your tour like you wanted to do. You did what you set out to do. You came home to your family. Would you have rather have that the perp got the best of you. NO. You came home at the end of your tour.

You can get through this but you have to put the job behind you. Just say to yourself that when you went out at the beginning of your tour your goal was to come home at the end of the day. You did that. It is over and done with. You are not a failure you are actually a real hero because you did what you set out to do at the beginning of your tour, you came home to your family. Screw the job, you are alive because of your training and your skills and your ability to come home at the end of the day. You are an example to every officer that you used your training and came home. No one can decide what was going through your head when you were faced with possible death. No one.

I hope you understand and you can always email me to talk because I understand exactly what you are going through. But it is not the end of your life it is the start of a new life. It is the beginning of your new life. Forget the job. The job lost out when they got rid of you.  DO NOT LET THE JOB GET TO YOU. That is what they want. They want you to be a failure. But you are a hero and you are not giving yourself the proper credit for coming home at the end of your tour. So now I want you to say to yourself I came home at the end of the day and did what I set out to do. Thank God I am alive because of my training and my will to survive as well as my ability to come home and be with your family.  Who cares what everyone else thinks. What is most important is what your family thinks of you. Maybe you should reposition yourself by getting out of the house your in and move. Either out of the town or just into another house. The house you are in is bringing you down because that is the house the job was paying for. Maybe for you, you need to start over in a new house. I hope and pray for better days. You will get through this as soon as you process that you did exactly what you set out to do, you came home at the end of your tour, your are a hero. You can email me anytime. RGSE90@aol.com. We can chat about this problem. We can work it out together because unless you have been through this job no one can understand the mind set that we were in because we were cops. It is almost a personality that you cannot change. But that is because we allowed it to be that and over take us that way.

I understand what you are going through. I understand how you feel and how the job got a hold of you. But today is the beginning of the first day of your new life. You need to get rid of everything that reminds you that you think that being a cop was the only thing you could have done. You are a hero to your family. You are strong and you are well trained. Use that knowledge and put it into something else now. Know that you are a hero and be done with that. If you look like you made a mistake and it was your fault people will think and treat you like you are guilty and not want to hire you. Screw that. You are a hero act like a hero and move on. When you go for a job and need to write PD as a reference put in there that you did your job and came home at the end of your tour for your family. You acted in self defense as you are taught by the job. The job because of their need to bow to public pressure and the need to be political rather than be caring and nurturing for the cops let you go because of the politics involved. The perp was going to take your life and you used your training to stop him. Remember that you did not set out the beginning of your tour to take someone's life. You did your job and the job failed to be there for you. Now it is time to start something new. Thank God you are alive to talk about it and thank God you were properly trained to protect yourself and maybe other lives, because this perp could have very well went out and killed more people, had he got the best of you. So like I said you are a hero for acting as you did.

Now put it behind you. And find something you like and put your efforts into it. I have a few books I want you to read so you understand that you are more than just a cop and that you can do more with your life. Email me if you want to talk more about this, because only other cops can understand what you are going through. Only other cops can understand how you can get through the guilt the job has laid on your mind. The job uses brainwashing techniques to keep you under their thumb, so you do not try to explore your likes and dislikes while you are a cop, but that you only act as they tell you to act. Take stock of your life, remember that you are a hero to your family and that you not only saved your life but probably in all honesty saved other lives this perp would have taken had he gotten away. But due to your training you were able to stop the perp the best way you could given the set of circumstances you were given.

Thank God for training and thank God for your ability to protect and save people as you did. Now forget about the job. or at least put that behind you and lets start over. I too am starting over and it is hard but it is challenging and it is worth it because you know that you are a good person and you have a good heart. Now lets be there for our families and lets not judge each other anymore. Stop second guessing yourself to see if you could have done anything different. That is what you are doing, you are second guessing yourself either knowing or unknowingly. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You are a father and husband and that is a job in itself.

 I have gone on too long as it is. If you feel the need to email me we can chat about this and get through it. But either way please remember you are a hero and treat yourself as such. If I do not hear from you good luck and be well. And remember yout are not the first to be terminated from the PD and you are not going to be the last of getting accused of something you did not due. Here in NYC they use cops like porn's in a chess game to control the lives of cops just to be able to use them like puppets. They attempt to take away your manhood while you are under their thumb and they throw the pension around like it is the winning lotto ticket and unless you kiss their ass for the 20 years you are not getting your share. They also use politics as their guide for success rather than the ability for cops to be themselves. You did good. and remember look at the politicians that also take an oath to serve and protect in other ways and look how they are failing their jobs left and right. You did not invent this situation. You are a hero. Thank you for protecting the people and doing your job. Contact me and we will talk. If you want. Good luck.

I have depression too, but I wonder if the book can help someone who has a biochemical disorder.  Behavioral mod can be very helpful though, think I'll have to read it.

Who is the avatar?

DR. Phil,

   Thank you for allowing airtime to Rob's problem. You have done what no other TV show has ever done. You put the other side of the cops story on the air. Hundreds of cops a year get terminated and many are terminated because of politics and public pressure. Many other cops get terminated because of false accusations that others can make against cops as easy as it is to make that phone call. Every single accusation is taken seriously and acted upon and the job, because we are so sinister, we just think everyone s guilty and that is it. we attempt to make everyone guilty. As cops we get sinister through the years and because the police departments use cops to investigate other cops, these cops that are investigating other cops already have placed in their minds that the cop is guilty. Many internal affairs units use this investigating mode to get promoted. The more cops you can get the better your chance to get promoted. It is a technique that is so quite but used so extensively that people really do not understand that when we take that oath we do the best we humanly can to protect and serve and we all make mistakes in our personal lives as well as in our jobs.

Dr. Phil you actually were brave enough to talk about the other side of the problem for cops.  I went through a very similar situation and I understand what Rob is feeling. I got accused of something that I did not do and was vindicated. But because the job was hell bent on getting me they just kept at it and at it.  they used everything they could to come against me and when they realized that they had nothing on me they made up stuff.  They literally lied and made up stuff against me to hurt me and get me fired. I even had volunteered to take a lie detector test to prove my innocence put the job said no because they knew they had lied. But because the NYPD use cops to investigate other cops, uses cops to file charges against other cops, Uses cops to prosecute other cops, and uses commissioners to listen and decide guilt or innocence against other cops, cops do not have a chance to be found not guilty. The police commissioner pays all of these people to go after other cops and no one is going to go against the police commissioner to prove a cops innocence. They get paid from the person sitting a few floors up hoping to make an example out of us and prove that no cop is going to win.

After years of public service and years of doing our jobs a simple accusation can ruin your retirement because they take away your pension. This is a money saving technique that the NYPD is using to cut their budgets as much as they can. we are porn's in their game of chess. It goes a lot deeper than this. But I just wanted to extend my thanks on behalf of all the cops in this great country that take an oath to protect and serve and than when they use their own minds to make a decisions the job terminates them to make examples out of us and show the rest of the force they are in control and we have nothing to say.

No one is going to understand the mechanisms of the inner circle of the police departments in this country unless you have been a cop. It is so deceiving to believe that as cops we are protected by our own. It is so far from the truth, The police department wants to control peoples thought processes and they o this by making examples. Than when you have something like the Spitzer mess, where the person who went after so many people and got them arrested, fired, or worse, than ruins their reputations is committing offenses of the same category himself. But the damage was already done and people get hurt. The same is true for the pd. No matter how well you do your job you will not win your innocence no matter how hard you try,

Understand that when we take the oath to serve and protect we are going out in the streets to possibly get shot. We are targets right from the start and some people get very crazy when they see cops. It si so hard to go ut in the streets and decide other people's problems, make decisions for other people and than go home to our families and try to be normal for our familles we are not taught how to separate the job from reality of our own lives. So many cops cannot have conversations with other people unless they are cops because cops get into a mode of being judgmental towards everyone and not trusting anyone and we cannot be social unless it is with other cops when we try to talk to others we find ourselves trying to solve their problems, trying to give them solutions like we are at work. But the reality is the job sets us up for failure. We do not get taught how to separate the 2, we are not taught how to not be judgmental, as a matter of fact we are almost all taught that our gut feelings is what we go with and everyone is guilty of something. This horrible way of life destroys so many people.

Most cops are good people. They did not start out their day to hurt anyone. Rob did not start his tour knowing he wanted to kill someone. He used his training to protect himself and he possibly saved other lives because this perp could have very well hurt other people had he gotten away. Rob is a hero like so many other cops who find themselves in Rob's position. Unfortunately cops can be their own worse enemies. and than we find ourselves alone and not knowing how to solve our very own problems, because we are not trained to handle our own situations.

Dr. Phil I do not think you really understand how many cops needed to hear your message yesterday. I only hope that you do another show on the other side of cops lives. Because we only tried to do what we were trained to do and when we do something that the job does not like we get fired simply because they can do whatever they want and they get away with it. It makes us depressed, feeling like we are failures, like we can do nothing else, like being a cop was the only thing that we could have possibly done, we feel that everyone is going to judge us badly like we had done as cops, so we do not and are unable to go out and find another line of work because we think this is it. But it is not it. we are human and we are goo people and we need people like you to help us understand that we are not bad. Thank you.  it was a revelation for me and I am sure for other cops who watched your show.

Part of the lessons we need to learn is not be judgmental towards anyone. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. we are human and police departments should teach us to not judge anyone, and learn to separate the job from our everyday lives. But at least someone is talking about it and you did just that. Thank you