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Topic : 03/18 Love Junkies

Number of Replies: 98
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 14, 2008, 02:37:04 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you in love with being in love? Do you jump from relationship to relationship because you can’t stand the thought of being single? Dr. Phil’s first guest, Dawn, says she definitely fits this description. The 42-year-old says she’s been hopping from guy to guy since she was 14, has been married and divorced four times and is now in a three-year relationship and feeling the itch. Dawn’s current boyfriend, Paul, feels like he's being used and says he’s not ready to be her fifth ex-husband! Kurtis, Dawn’s 22-year-old son, says it’s high time his mom settled down. Is Paul really Dawn's true love or should he pack his things and hit the road? Then, Joanne says her cousin, Theresa, is obsessed with her boyfriend, Ken. Joanne and Theresa’s sister, Christine, say Ken is mentally abusive, but no matter what he does, Theresa keeps going back for more. They say Ken threw Theresa, her kids and all their belongings out on the front yard for the entire neighborhood to see, and she still took him back. Joanne and Christine aren’t the only ones who dislike Ken. Theresa’s mom says she can’t stand him either -- to the point where she hasn’t spoken to her daughter in nearly two years! Theresa says she just can’t live without her man, and her relatives will have to deal with their relationship. Don’t miss Dr. Phil’s plan for mending this broken family and talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 18, 2008, 7:56 am CDT

He's not talking about Junk Food.

Quote From: hpmx59

Doctor Junkies Love Phil. What! Are you kidding me? You are not eatting food junk. I Hope not. And espe--

ially not a Junk Food Junkies at all. See you on Tuesday March 18th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaan--

deren.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Phil isn't talking about Junk Food.  This show is about People addicted to love.  Now do you understand?

 
March 18, 2008, 8:33 am CDT

Learn what LOVE is first...

We shouldn't need a show on this topic! LOVE IS EASY.

 

If it hurts physically, it's NOT love. If he makes fun of you or calls you names, it's NOT love. If he belittles you and is emotionally abusive, it's NOT love. If he calls you fat or ugly or dumb or lazy, it's NOT love. If he doesn't want you to go out and have fun with your friends from time-to-time (without him), it's NOT love. If he doesn't trust you, it's NOT love. If he cheats on you EVER, it's NOT love. If you get more emotional support from your girlfriends than you do him, it's NOT love. The same goes for men!

 

Your husband or husband-to-be should be your BEST friend. He shouldn't want to hurt you emotionally or physically. He should LOVE spending time with you, love building you up, love sharing you with the world and love it that you are strong, bright and independent. If he doesn't, it's NOT love. GET OUT!!!

 

Take this from somone happily married for 18 years and with two happy, healthy children age 7 and 13. I have gained 100 lbs since our marriage and my handsome, rugged, successful, fun, gentle husband LOVES me, our kids, spending time with me, spending time with our family, going to church together, having family meals together and JUST BEING A CLOSE FAMILY. We don't want chaos in our lives and don't allow it into our lives to invade our space. BOTH of us came from 2-parent, dysfuntional homes and we made a vow to eachother (prior to marriage) that we would  NOT have a lousy marriage or have our children suffer in a lousy marriage or thru a divorce.

 

Life is too short to NOT know what REAL LOVE is. Sometimes being alone until you figure out WHO you are, WHAT you want and HOW to have a good relationship is what you need. Being alone and happy is much better than being together and miserable!

 
March 18, 2008, 8:36 am CDT

Men and women must share the blame.

Quote From: ramair

I think a lot of men are abusive because they grew up in an abusive environment. Not to excuse then, but they learned what they lived.

And we must NEVER forget that men and women in this country were often raised by their mothers.....mothers who chose the men who lived in the homes where these children grew up.

 

 I wish more women would take responsibility for the choices they make; many of those choices have lasting, sad impacts on their kids. Men often abandon families, which is horrible, but many women often move men in and out of homes/beds and it's the children who suffer. Too often we blame the men and forget about the other half of the equation.

 
March 18, 2008, 9:58 am CDT

03/18 Love Junkies

Quote From: Sioux2462

  When I grew up, my grandmother would always tell me "men come and go, but your children are your children forever". I didn't understand what she meant at the time, now I do, but my daughter doesn't. (By the way, my mother abandoned me for "her man").  I have been a professional for 18 years, and am ashamed to be in this terrible situation. My daughter receives support from the government, but t he government money supports my daughter  and  "her man". The children are a meal ticket for their "love".
As I sit here typing, I am listening to vintage Billy Holiday, and the recurring themes are "me and my man" "he beats me" "I am on my knees" "whatever my my man is, I am his forever more"  "my man, I love him so"...etc.... clearly, this is not a new sickness.  All for "the man she loves". Is that not sick? An adult who will trade everything in life for the "current"  man that treats her like crap. It is mental illness that apparently is like a sunami, no warning, no where to run, and no hope that the grandchildren will survive until she is dead or incarcerated for life.    I do not understand why my daughter has chosen to remain in habitual abusive relationships, as this was not in her upbringing. When this started, I remained of the "tough love" position ( I was punished by denial of seeing the oldest grandson because I refused to fork over money). I watched her father (my ex) enable her behavior/actions, and now there are 2 grandchildren at stake, neither of which chose her lifestyle options. I have been through the legal route with the first grandchild. The legal system does not protect the children and my financial security was devestated, my career jeopardized, and I walked away from my true love (the drama was too stressful).   Now, with the second grandchild (second man), it looks my daughter still has not changed, except that I am alone to carry the burden. I will not jeopardize anymore of my financial security, (my career).... so I wait and try to protect my grandchildren from this sickness as much as I can. I try to hide my exhaustion and frustration from the children. I am physically tired. I "take care" of my grandchildren 80 % of the time. No money to her, just safe haven for the kids. I am seeing no positive resolution to her behavior and the trauma it brings to my grandchildren.    Yet, I must live for at least 20 more years, so that I can raise my grandchildren and continue to pick up the pieces, as I anticipated that my daughter will be dead before I die....  killed by an abusive boyfriend and/or will be incarcerated. I  must candidly admit that I would be relieved if she were dead, as then my grandchildren would be free from this sickness that she brings to our life. Is that not sick also?
So, as I send this letter out to the cosmos..I expect nothing to change. But, if by some chance there is a way to stop this sickness...please share it with me. I saw the list of "self help" books for this situation but can only read one...so which one??


Such a sad situation for you....but, thank God your grandchildren have you to love and guide them, like a light in the darkness!

 

Sometimes we cannot see the immediate impact we have on others, but I promise you, nothing positive that you do for these children is wasted. You are probably the only thing standing between them and disaster. If not for you, they may become lost and their lives ruined. Who knows....because of you and your love and sacrifices for them, they may succeed where otherwise they would have failed. They may become something wonderful; make a difference in the lives of others where otherwise they would just be wandering aimlessly and making poor choices for themselves. Your love for them may make all the difference in the world. 

 

Don't lose faith or hope.

 
March 18, 2008, 10:00 am CDT

3/18 Love Junkies

I can remember when I was a child that I was always looking for someone to love me. Then, when I grew up I realized that the only one you can control is yourself and the one thing you absolutely cannot do is make someone else love you. The only thing you can do is love others and hope that someone will come to love you. If that happens, you will be lucky and if you recognize it, hold onto her with everything you have. Dawn's problem is that she wants someone else to love her but she is not willing to love someone else. In all those years with all those men she was never willing to commit herself. Why should anyone else commit to her when she is unwilling to reciprocate? You have to be willing to take a chance and hope that you can work it out. 
 
March 18, 2008, 10:03 am CDT

To Theresa's Mom

and anyone else in this same situation: It's never a win when you make your child (adult or otherwise) choose between someone they see as their "great love", and family. 

 

If you want to know why, and what to do about it, please go to my website, click on January posts and scroll down to the article I wrote titled "In-laws..And Outlaws".  I've been there!

www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com

 
March 18, 2008, 10:10 am CDT

03/18 Love Junkies

I find it hard to understand why we women are so willing to accept such inferior and destructive men just to avoid being alone!

 

I have written several articles on the subjects in today's show and I'd like to share them with those who may possibly find some encouragement from them.

www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com

 Relevant articles are in the January posts: "Maya Angelou's Best Poem Ever", "But I Love Him", Even A Turtle...." Sex and the Single Mom" and "In-Laws...And Outlaws."

 
March 18, 2008, 10:29 am CDT

03/18 Love Junkies

Quote From: cuzican927

Why are men mentally/emotionally abusive? Reading this site-I thought I knew 2 of them--only to find it's a huge problem in todays society.

 Is it a bully thing?

Is it a to be a guy thing? 

Is it a guilt trip thing?   

How do we change todays boys into tomorrows men?

Good question.

 

"We" can't change today's boys into tomorrow's men unless "we" are their Mother or father.

 

It starts by being responsible with our own selves, not having babies when we are too young to know how to raise them right....or, if we do, making sure we find the resources to help us along the way....and then, making our children our top priority, no matter what!! 

 

If we are single Mothers, we don't allow a boyfriend...or even a new husband...to take over our job. We make our sons accountable, teach them respect, EARN their respect as their Mother by not falling into addictions, whatever form those addictions take...being a good example, and teaching them how to treat women. As Mothers, we don't accept excuses for unacceptable behavior from our sons, and we teach our daughters love and respect for themselves and not to settle for anything less than what they deserve from a future partner!

 

We stay strong; we don't take the "easy" way out by letting some ignorant fool of a man near us or our children just so we won't have to go out into the cold, hard world and earn a living for ourselves and our children.

 

I've been there; I know what I'm talking about. It was hard raising my son and two daughters alone, but I did it and they are wonderful, successful, happily married people today. My son treats his wife like gold, and my daughters have each chosen a wonderful man to be their husband. It starts in childhood; it starts with dedicated parents, single or married.

 
March 18, 2008, 11:40 am CDT

Need Advice... I might be a love junkie

I have 2 children from a previous marriage and remarried in July 07.  My current husband has 3 children from a previous relationship, so we have 5 kids total.  Prior to getting married, we did discuss having one child.  We agreed to get our finances straight and last month I was able to accomplish this task.  The topic of children has come up again and he has changed his mind and no longer wants another child.  I understand that I can not force him or trick him to have one.   If we don't have a child between us, I feel like part of me will hate him for the rest of our marriage.  If we do have a child, he might hate me and the new baby.  I feel like I am in a "no win" situation.  Both of us have even discussed leaving one another (divorce) because we feel so strongly about the topic. 
 
March 18, 2008, 11:58 am CDT

03/18 Love Junkies

Quote From: flthomcat

And we must NEVER forget that men and women in this country were often raised by their mothers.....mothers who chose the men who lived in the homes where these children grew up.

 

 I wish more women would take responsibility for the choices they make; many of those choices have lasting, sad impacts on their kids. Men often abandon families, which is horrible, but many women often move men in and out of homes/beds and it's the children who suffer. Too often we blame the men and forget about the other half of the equation.

Good observation. How can boys, growing up under such conditions, learn how to treat  women? Other than with disrespect? Boys learn, from their mothers, how women expect to be treated. If their mothers settle for a parade of abusive men, they can't learn to treat women any other way.
 
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