Topic : A male friend made negative comments about black women...

March 14, 2008

A male friend made some very negative comments about black women to me over the phone last night, which I’ve given much consideration to. I realized that most of his comments were directed at me anyway. I listened to everything he had to say, even when he stated rhetoric about the man being the head of the household. He said that Jesus is the head of the church, the man is the head of the woman, and that men are supposed to be in control. "Too many black women want to be in control in a relationship, and they won’t let men be men," he said. "There are a lot of single black women in Atlanta." He was referring to me when he made this comment. He also said, "All the brothers are not in prison. They’re dating white women."

I met my friend in October of 2005. We dated briefly in 2006. At some point, I told him that I no longer want to be in a relationship with him. Unfortunately, I don’t believe he took this very well. I think it was shortly after this when he began consistently making negative comments about black women to me. We’ve even argued many times because of this. Last night, he went on and on about black women are this and black women are that...white women aren’t this and white women aren’t that. He said that he just can’t relate to black women, because he just wasn’t around a lot of them earlier in his life. He said most black women are only after a man’s money, and black women don’t respect black men.

Now, I’ve known my pal for two years and five months. We’ve never been sexually intimate, never asked him to pay any of my bills, never required him to spend ALL his cash on me, and never sought to control him. However, when he and I began dating in 2006, I felt that he wanted to control me. I felt that he believed he could change me. I’ve expressed to him many times that he has a controlling and jealous spirit. "I don’t deal with guys that are controlling," I said to him one day. "You’re asking me way too many questions right now," I also said to him another day.

Already knowing that I was raised in the church, he felt comfortable in quoting Bible verses to me last night over the phone in reference to the man being the head of his household. However, he misinterpreted those scriptures. Please note that the man is only the head of his household IF HE IS MARRIED. Ephesians Chapter 5:22-25: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..."

When speaking about the man being the head of the household, this entails that he’s providing for his wife and children financially as well as physically and emotionally. He is looking out for his family’s well-being. He brings order to his household. The wife is not working, because he provides financially for her. Instead, she is at home caring for her young.

How the hell can a man be the ruler of his household or "head of the household" when his wife has to work, and pay HALF the mortgage and bills? Or worse: pay ALL the mortgage and bills. God commanded husbands to love their wives ONLY. Why the hell are many husbands fvcking everything that moves? Yes, I know: "I’m a guy"..."men are programmed that way"..."if a man sees an opportunity to cheat, he will." I’ve heard this bullshyt countless times.

If husbands are supposed to be the head of the household, then they should be faithful to their wives. Don’t have "pregnant wifey" working a job. Don’t physically, sexually, and emotionally abuse your wife. Care for your children financially, physically and emotionally. Do what Jesus told you to do.

If all black women are golddiggers, then all black men are selfish and cheap. If all black women are hoes, then all black men are equally hoes. Remember, it takes two to tangle. If most black women have children out of wedlock, then most black men also have children out of wedlock. These black women didn’t get pregnant through immaculate conception, like Mary (mother of Jesus Christ) did. They were fvcking someone. If all black women are controlling, then all black men are equally controlling. Do you see the folly in all the above misconceptions? If a man ask a woman out to dinner, it is common knowledge that he pays for her dinner, movie ticket, theater ticket, and/or opera ticket, etc. There are women who may not want a man to pay anything for her, and she will make this clear to him upfront. Now, if you meet a woman today, take her out on a date tonight, and three days later you want to fvck her, don’t be surprised if she ask you for money.  This is where many guys go wrong: they want to fvck after knowing a woman for only three days, then get angry when a woman want something from them.

As recently as 2004, I had some very negative opinions of black men.  What changed my viewpoints about black men is the fact that I began seeing ALL PEOPLE for who they are.  All races (particularly in America) are similar in many ways (although we have our differences).  I’ve become less judgmental of people over the past four years. I also saw how this country has systematically mistreated black men.  I see how black men and black women are in the trenches together (on a huge battlefield), and together are fighting opponents that are consistently working to destroy the Black American family unit.  Also, destroy the black father from the home and leave black children fatherless (also motherless in some cases). I used to say horrible things about black men.  Now, I just see a man for who he is.  If I don’t like him, I don’t deal with him.  At least now, I don’t carry dislike in my heart for black men anymore.