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Topic : 03/24 "You're Not Who I Married"

Number of Replies: 101
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, March 20, 2008, 12:37:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When you walk down the aisle and say "I do," you look forward to a life of wedded bliss. But what if your bride or groom turned into your worst nightmare? Trish and Matt say their wedding day two years ago was full of love, joy and hope, but just months into the marriage, Trish became full of rage. She lashes out at her husband up to 15 times a day, and their physical fights often occur in front of their two young children. What's really at the root of Trish's rage, and should this couple ever have gotten married? Then, Tracy says when her husband, Shawn, lost 350 pounds, she lost her sweet, humorous spouse, and their five kids lost their loving father. She says Shawn is now an angry man obsessed with his appearance. Why do they both say that if they had met today, they would never have married? And what must Shawn do to get this marriage back on track? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 24, 2008, 5:59 am CDT

Glad You're Getting Counseling

Quote From: trishdemkiw85

Hey everyone, it's Trish.  The one on the episode "Youre not the one I married"

First off. Let me just point out that yes I do have problems, but doesnt everyone? I never surfaced HALF the problems that go on with us.  I never mentioned half the things he does to instigate the problems.  Regardless, since the show we have had our ups and downs, but regularly attend marriage counselling and for myself, psychology. It has helped better us as people, as parents, and as a couple. Marriage counselling does wonders for people, and I recommend it to anyone, even people without issues.  I love my husband, I love my children, and I would do anything for them.
 Hi Trish.  Thank you for sharing w/ us.  I'm glad to know that you're getting the help that you both need to make your relationship work.  Counseling helped both my hubby & me deal w/ issues.  May God's blessings become more obvious to you as you both choose to change for the better.
 
March 24, 2008, 6:36 am CDT

Comment

You're Not Who I Married - Boy oh boy will I be watching this show!  That is my life.  My husband went from a sweet, kind family man to a mean, negative alcoholic who degrades, insults and verbally hurts me everyday.  He thinks nothing of calling me names, saying horrible comments about my parents and brother in front of our children.  When he drinks he gets mean - very verbally mean.   When I ignore him, the comments get worse. He has even said, "Ignoring me huh?  It will only get worse for you."

 

The kids don't want to be around him.  He never compliments them or asks how school is.  All he does is nag, complain and bark orders at them.  If they are home, he says they need to get out of the house and do something.  If they have plans to go places w/ friends, he complains about having to run kids places and about the cost of gas.  

 

Why do I stay?  I wish I had the answer to that.  He works second shift so he's not around the kids much but weekends sure are the pits.  Maybe one of these shows will give me the insight/courage/strength to just say enough is enough.


Renee

 
March 24, 2008, 7:30 am CDT

I have the Tee Shirt

This is true.  Things change and people do also.  I married a very loving man 19 years ago.  But you would only hope and pray that you would grow closser with time.  I remember the long talks that we would have and holding hands the walks and just sitting and watching TV together was a joy.  Now I am lucky if I get him to say hay to me some days.  You would think with all that we as a family and couple have gone through we would be closer than ever but this is not true.  He spends more time with Hanna(his dog)  than with me.  And now it is to the point that we do not even share the same bed room.   Hanna is his sleeping partner. He refused to shave and bath and this is more than I can handle.  I always wondered why my dad stated with my mom and he would say for you girls.  Yes you do a lot for your children. 

 

I do pray a lot that I am given the grace to go on and I live for the day that the compaion that I married becomes just that my companion.

 
March 24, 2008, 7:34 am CDT

Phil also missed a major component here

Trish is displaying the classic components of a mental disorder.  This means she did not deserve to be bushwhacked by Dr. Phil and her less than deserving husband on national TV; that's just going to make it ten times worse.  The woman needs medical intervention that dingus of a husband is not able to supply.  She'd also be far better off getting better on her own than having to explain herself to a jerk who does not love her.

 

I myself have a form of bipolar depression.  I can guarantee you that Trish has the exact same problem.  You fly off the handle at the least little problem, whether real or imagined.  You crave attention but fall apart at negative attention.  You kill yourself to make people happy, then completely lose it when someone voices displeasure with you.  I've spent my entire 34 years trying to keep everyone in my life happy, and the second they are displeased with me I am suicidal.  A REAL doctor can help Trish define her problems, come up with a positive way to treat her illness, whatever it may be, and move past her abusive husband and his horrible ways.  Then she can focus all of her attention on those beautiful children and let the overgrown child that married her raise HIMSELF!  Go back to your friends; you make a TERRIBLE husband!

 
March 24, 2008, 7:50 am CDT

Oh, yes, he changed

How did my husband change?  He became mean to me.  I could do nothing right.  I was constantly being blindsided by his rage that I was hurting him.  When we  dated, he was mister sensitve, but I found out that was all a cover up.  People would hurt his feelings and then I became his target once we were married.

Well, we finally split and now he LIVES WITH HIS GAY LOVER.  Talk about being taken for a ride.  He left with the equity that I brought to the marriage (my bad- no prenup) and is now happy as can be.  I'm still dealing with anger issues about it because he wasted 9 years of my life playing his little game.

 

 
March 24, 2008, 8:56 am CDT

03/24 "You're Not Who I Married"

Quote From: samnrenate

You're Not Who I Married - Boy oh boy will I be watching this show!  That is my life.  My husband went from a sweet, kind family man to a mean, negative alcoholic who degrades, insults and verbally hurts me everyday.  He thinks nothing of calling me names, saying horrible comments about my parents and brother in front of our children.  When he drinks he gets mean - very verbally mean.   When I ignore him, the comments get worse. He has even said, "Ignoring me huh?  It will only get worse for you."

 

The kids don't want to be around him.  He never compliments them or asks how school is.  All he does is nag, complain and bark orders at them.  If they are home, he says they need to get out of the house and do something.  If they have plans to go places w/ friends, he complains about having to run kids places and about the cost of gas.  

 

Why do I stay?  I wish I had the answer to that.  He works second shift so he's not around the kids much but weekends sure are the pits.  Maybe one of these shows will give me the insight/courage/strength to just say enough is enough.


Renee

Renee, Dr. Phil has said many times: "The only thing worse than being in a bad marriage for one year is being in it for one year and one day!"

 

Get out! Don't be discouraged by the big picture; take it one day at a time.


Go to my website: WWW.NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM , click on January archive and go to the article: "Even A Turtle......." for some guidance on what steps to take to get out.

 

No one deserves to live a miserable life.....most especially your children! You owe them...and yourself... some peace in your lives!

 
March 24, 2008, 9:02 am CDT

03/24 "You're Not Who I Married"

Quote From: cowvin76

I also want everyone to know to keep an open mind. We were on the tail end of the show and it was very overwhelming for me so I didnt get to ask some things that I wanted to get out. Shawn and I do not want to discorage anyone from doing what he did to lose weight. If you have a good support system and get help as soon as the surgery is done you will have a better chance. Whether we make it or not the important thing is Shawn has a new lease on life and we have such wounderful children. We are truly blessed. We purposefully kept our kids out of the show because they have been through so much already. After we got home our house sold and that was the perfect time for both of us to part ways as friends and move on. We didnt. We purchase a new home 4 days later and decided to do anything we needed to do to stay together. We decided to stay together not because of the kids, staying for them would do more harm then good, we decided to do it because we love each other. We look forward to hearing what you have to say and we wish you would have been able to know more of what the whole story is. We hope someone out there benefits from our story. And to be perfectly clear I am very happy Shawn lost the weight. I am his biggest fan and I am not jealous of him or his weight loss. Also Shawn is NOT nor has he ever cheated on me and neither have I. He also likes the opposite sex for those that commented otherwise. I am happy that he has pride in himself that is well deserved. He is an inspiration to those out there that struggle with mobid obesity. But he needs to address his addicition to food, his depression, and getting coffee intake under control. I need to stop belittling him and make some long needed changes in my own life. He changed, I didnt. I have too if this is gonna work.

Well, it's always tough when people change.

 

Only the two of you can make the decision whether or not it's a good thing to stay together..and you know that in your hearts. People, too often,  just don't listen to that inner voice, especially when it's telling us something we don't want to hear.

 

I wish you success.

 
March 24, 2008, 9:14 am CDT

03/24 "You're Not Who I Married"

Quote From: oldbdynumind

Why did Shawn lose that much weight?   Since he is so weight conscious and is obscessed with his appearance, my guess is  that he is having an affair. 

That is a really ignorant statement!

 

Give the man credit for going through that very difficult surgery so that he can live a longer,  more productive life. For you to make a blanket statement like that based on the fact that he chose to lose the weight that was killing him, and that now he just wants to enjoy looking good for probably the first time in many many years, is truly thoughtless of you. 

 

Just because people want to improve their health and appearance does not automatically mean they are having an affair!

 

Jeez!

 
March 24, 2008, 10:00 am CDT

This is tracy

Quote From: cndrlla

That is a really ignorant statement!

 

Give the man credit for going through that very difficult surgery so that he can live a longer,  more productive life. For you to make a blanket statement like that based on the fact that he chose to lose the weight that was killing him, and that now he just wants to enjoy looking good for probably the first time in many many years, is truly thoughtless of you. 

 

Just because people want to improve their health and appearance does not automatically mean they are having an affair!

 

Jeez!

Thank you so much for what you said. Shawn is happy to have lost the weight and prolonged his life and so am I. He is still self conscience about his appearance due to the excess skin that remains due to the weight loss but he sure likes to look good, and he does.  That i not easy to accomplish when you are nearly 600lbs in a 8x shirt and size 66 pants. now he is in a size 32 pants but still wears bigger shirts to hide the skin. he will eventually be getting plastic surgery, insurance permitting. Shawn's distance from me is not due to an affair. think about it. He would leave. Why would he stay if there is fighting at home. He has had ample opportunity to make that choice and he has not. Change is difficult. Both of us never foresaw what changes were a head of us and despite the problems if he had to do over he would have the surgery again and i would suppor him a 150 percent. Now Shawn will be here to see our children grow up. 2 years ago that was never a possibility. One thing we have been able to maintain with each other is complete honesty, even though we have a serious lack of communication. Its been 3 months since the show taped and we have made progress. Remember you are only seeing a small glimpse of a bigger picture.
 
March 24, 2008, 10:22 am CDT

I thought I married a great partner!

Jim and I date in '92 for two and half years. We had a great relationship. However, he wanted to spend more time with his chidlren, which I understood.  So during the break up I dated others, which I could have married.  Unfortunately, my heart remained set on Jim.  In Dec. of 2000, I ran into Jim and we connected like we had once b4.  So we began dating again and were married that November.  I knew he was the one, so loving, caring, would do anything for anyone.  A man a woman dreamed for.  This was my first marriage and had a wedding of my dreams.  I was in my early 40's and believed in one marriage and live Happily Ever-after. Well, after a brief honeymoon, the long nights started.  I kept it to myself, which was wrong. PLEASE talk to someone ASAP!  The very first night at home, I noticed he was influenced w/ something, but he denied everything!  So for first months of my marriage I was a detective, tryiing to figure out what he was doing behind my back.  Well, as it turns out he was drinking behind my back and he promise he would change!  And you know how that goes broken promises lingers on and on.  Unfortumately in 2004, he was arrested for domestic assault.  Probabation for one year w/o alcohol.  I wanted the court to send him for treatment, but my requests were not brought up in court.  Was that a violation of my victim's rights???    And I felt the probabation w/ okay, however he was never tested!!  Is that a wrong-doing of the court system?  Of course he drank and still does.  I finally moved out last year, since I had no respect from the real Jim.  At least once a week I selpt in my car and had to lock myself in the bathroom.  I was praying and hoping he would keep his promises, but you only can forgive for so long.  Please if your in a bad marriage right away, please GET OUT RIGHT ASAP  I did waste six years of my life, but I can not turn back.  Now I'm so happy living life once again.   Haven't filed for divorce yet.  YES, IT IS LONELY, but please get involved w/ anything your heart desires!!! Jodene
 
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