Topic : 03/24 "You're Not Who I Married"

I can relate to you too. My husband would move the world for me before we got married. Now I feel like I have to make the effort to most things to work. We have been married for 8 yrs with 3 children.  The difference here is that I decided, after being emotionally hurt for so long;  to change my expectations, see in me who I was and what I could do better instead bagging him for attention. When you get in a certain situation in your life you have to stop and reflect. Talk to a good friend , take a walk and watch Dr. Phil. You would see a big difference it will make. For us to make things work, first we have see whats wrong with us, we are not perfect, there is always room for improvement. From what I went through I realized I was expecting something from my husband which was not going to happen, so if I didn't respected  and excepted him for what he is and see his  positive side. We would not be together by now. You are not alone and you can make a difference in your marriage you have to believe in your self . If all things don't work for you may be is time to move on. To work as a family everyone have to participate.

Do the things you did to get each other...surely all 33 yrs have not  been negative.

DON"T SEE THE MOMMA...you did not marry him because of her (or did you?)

Go back to where you first met...if it doesn't exist...recreate it in your backyard or local hotel spa suites

Get a massage...together

FIND A DRIVE-IN MOVIE...they do still exist!!!

Grief and Fear surround him because of his dad...help him remember the good times they had

Stop talking...Show Him ..........what 33yrs means           if you love him

Do him like we did my dad...plan/pack/and be own your way before he can  say no..get creative

I am nurse by profession with over 25 yrs experience.His mood and behavior will start to affect him physically if it hasn't already.Grandchildren are a JOY. You didn't mention any.He needs to stick around.

My 16 year old grand-daughter made me have a flashback one day.(Oh boy!)...and they love putting on your shoes and clothes...DON"T COP OUT ...LIVE to tell stories that will   embarras them in front of their friends but they will tell their children ...and the saga continues and  find that cousin or nephew that acts  just like   Grandpa!!!          

Trish......ya say Matt is not there for emotionally, etc ( a hug, etc).....it sounds like karma coming back and biting you in the rear end. What did you expect after cheating on him, and all the crap that you've pulled/done in the marriage to him. I wouldn't be there for you either.

Sounds like....your getting what you deserve. It's like Dr. Phil said about the porcupine (sp)....it's not that easy to get close to a porcupine(sp).

Matt...buddy, I wouldn't have taken her back after she cheated. Ya do that, and then they learn not to do it the next time around.

I just can't find a way to be on Trish's side in this. Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect but gee, I wonder why his family hates her? It would break my heart to see one of my grown son's in an abusive relationship like this.

Trish makes an attempt to blame their problems on her needs not being filled  since they married but in the beginning she admits she flipped a switch the day after they got married. so I believe her fits of rage came before his withdrawal of intimacy. I don't see how she can expect him to want to cuddle her when moments ago she threw one of her fits. Fifteen rages a day does not leave much time for peace and desire for cuddling in between. She tries to get out of accepting responsibility  by saying her rages are uncontrollable, and remarks over and over that she get's tunnel vision. It's all a cop out. Unless she grows up and starts taking responsibilty for her role in this nightmare of a relationship they're doomed.

I'm tempted to think this couple should go their separate ways but am concerned for the children if they do. When the husband is not available as a target for her rage she will have to find another target and those kids are way too available to her. Someone who is this unstable should NEVER be allowed to raise children, much less raise them without another adult to protect the children in the household.

the look of joy that came over the first husbands face when the "bet" was brought up regarding how long he'd stay married to this very unhappy woman was plain odd.  I won't pretend to understand it, but hope someone else noted it and will look into it during therapy.  Actually, I doubt therapy will help as much as the "grow up!" comment needs to be applied..    And that wife needs to get a grip and smile, her face is really going to freeze in that frown soon and as she gets older she won't be able to smile.....I've seen it happen....

In fact, as the cameras rolled over the audience after the show, our second husband showed a primo example of a frozen scowl....he really just can't bring himself to smile anymore, what is he so disgusted with?  Couldn't even look at his wife, just sat there disgusted.  Although they were a good team at one time, so I do see hope for them.   Love, Luanne

I have to admit we both changed after we got married, but I think I changed more and he was just coping. I got a much more intense job and and became annoyed when he did not "grow up" and he started to party and drink more in a way to cope with the fact that he was insecure with my making more money than him. So as a result I got a job away from home so that I wouldn't have to be around him and he started to party even more now that he was insecure and alone. There was infidelity on both sides due to the stress and mis-trust. When we managed to get pregnant things got a bit better but then our son was stillborn because of a random medical condition. I went back to work within 2 months to deal with the loss and didn't bother to ask him how he was doing. So, the drinking got much worse and he started getting abusive. I made the lawyers appointment and we started separating. We went out for coffee one day between appointments and we actually talked. That's when I realized how much I had to do with how our marriage had gotten to this point and it wasn't just him being a drunk from a drunk family. We agreed that he would stop drinking and I would come home and finds a less intense job. It's now been 5 months, he hasn't had a drop and I'm just tieing up some loose ends at work. We haven't been happier, we've both become a sober version of who we were before we got married and we talk about problems before they become larger issues. It's great! And we're pregnant again and things are looking good. Now if only I could deal with the in-laws... 

My boyfriend of 6 years, fiancee for 1 & 1/2, had gastric bypass last spring. He lost over 100 pounds, and although he says he understands the need for nutritional suppliments, I am watching his health go slowly going down the drain. He says he understands the need to exercise, but he won't go to the gym regularly because it is inconvenient in the morning, and then he works until late, so it becomes a choice between dinner or the gym. You can guess which wins.

At some point this 57 year old man MUST understand he is playing a dangerous game with his health, but he doesn't seem to understand the difference between verbalizing the appropriate behavior and actually DOING it!

I could handle some bad behavior towards me, or some excessive grooming, if it meant he was taking care of himself. You are right, this was NOT the 'easy way out'. I love him so, but he doesn't seem to love himself very much. How can I help him see what he is doing?