Message Boards

Home

Message Boards

Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

Number of Replies: 916

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Thursday, March 20, 2008, 12:38:55 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Dare: 03/25/08) Motherhood isn't always about the good times, like baking brownies and having game night with the family. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they can’t cope with their children, and they’re running out of resources. Robyn adopted her 10-year-old daughter, Alyssa, six years ago from the Ukraine and says she actually has thoughts of sending the girl back. Robyn says that Alyssa hasn’t bonded with her and doesn’t know how to love anyone. She says her daughter screams, cries, yells and even threatened to kill herself! Robyn’s husband, Joe, can’t imagine living without his adoptive daughter and intends to stand by his commitment to the child. What's the real reason Robyn never bonded with Alyssa? Then, Cyndi says if she’d known her 12-year-old son, Alex, had autism and Down syndrome, she may not have brought him into the world. She says he hits himself, screams, grunts at the top of his lungs and wears two pairs of diapers at a time because he’s not potty trained. Her husband, Ulis, says he doesn’t find it difficult to care for Alex, but Cyndi says she’s exhausted and overwhelmed. Should the boy be institutionalized? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Plus, meet a mom with four kids who’s already left home twice. Now she’s scared she may leave again — this time for good. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

( Subscribe to this Topic )

californiamom4

User Mood
Silly

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 7:27 pm PDT

03/25 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: samantha276

I have 4 little girls. I have been with my husband for 8 years. WE had our first daughter 1 year into the relationship. Ever since we have had kids my work load has gotten to be bigger and bigger. My husband works and I am a stay@home mom. My husband has worked more hours since we had our 3rd and 4th child. However, it seems I get less and less time to myself now. I am constantly with the kids it seems. I am up during the night with them, with them during the day too. I seem to never get a real break. I get from my husband with the kids some of the time when he is home but not all the time. He thinks his alone time is more important than mine. I told him I was stressed out yesterday when he got home from work because of dealing with the constant fighting, bickering, etc...of the girls. He asked why I fret over the little things. I couldnt' believe he would actually ask me that. DOes he not get it? It's exhausting. I told him I need a break- that I am with them almost 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. I said it would be nice to get some alone time. He told me to get a job and I could have all the alone time I need. How's that for understanding. What a jerk. I left the room and went a cried. I just don't get how he doesn't think I deserve some alone time - a break - SOMETHING. HELP!

I know how you feel and I am appalled at the moms that go on here and say "Your kids are healthy so get over yourself". So everyone who has 'healthy' kids is not allowed to feel stress and guilt? The people who say this are the ones who need to really get over themselves. They aren't perfect either so stop dogging on people who at least admit it!

Read Replies to this Message

californiamom4

User Mood
Silly

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 7:31 pm PDT

This is Charity from the show

Hours of taping gets edited and not in a flattering way. I love my children and would never change them or discard them. They are not unruly ,maybe a bit rambunctious at times. 2 of them are on honor roll. They have discipline and chores and routines. Could I be a bit more strict? Sure but I choose my battles with them. I never said I was the cool parent, I said that's what others call me because they always see me joking and laughing and doing things for my children. I wrote in because for one I was having a difficult morning with my teenage daughter and was venting and for 2 I feel guilty whenever I lose my temper or get so overwhelmed and stressed with the kids that I just want to run away. By leaving twice I had said there were 2 times in the past 13 years that I was sooo overwhelmed that I went to spend the night at a girlfriends house just for the nite to take a break. I have been so blessed and I am so thankful for that but that does not mean I am going to be loving every minute. I had unrealistic expectations for myself and would beat myself up whenever I fell short as a parent. There are some who have it better and some who have it worse. I was only speaking for myself and was saying that I felt alone in my feelings. I see now from so many of you that I am not. Thank you for your words of encouragement. As moms we aren't martyrs but we do have the most difficult job in the world! They bring me FAR more love and joy then stress and I try to always give them all the love and support they deserve but I'm not perfect. For the moms out there who have never had moments where you wanted to run or wasn't sure where to find the strength some days, we all applaud you and bow down. Maybe you should have your own show and tell the rest of us how to be perfect moms.

Regarding Robyn, she came up to me after the show and gave me words of encouragement and support. After all she is going thru she still took the time to reach out to me! She is not a selfish uncaring woman!!

Robyn and Cyndi it was a pleasure meeting you and your lovely families. You all have been in my prayers and I hope things are getting better for you all.

Read Replies to this Message

heathersmama

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 7:40 pm PDT

03/25 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: heathersmama

MY HEART BROKE FOR CYNDI ON TODAY'S SHOW. MY DAUGHTER, HEATHER, AGE 21 HAS DOWN SYNDROME AND AT AGE 16 WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA. IT IT IS NOT AN EASY ROAD. SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SO QUICK TO JUDGE. TAKE A WALK IN OUR SHOES FIRST BEFORE YOU START JUDGING AND TELLING WHAT YOU WOULD DO. IT'S NOT SO EASY. FOR MYSELF, I HAVE LITTLE HELP OR FAMILY SUPPORT. WE HIRE A SITTER SO WE CAN WORK, AND OTHERWISE, MYSELF OR MY HUSBAND IS HOME WITH HER. WE ARE IN OUR 50'S. IT'S EASY TO PEER INTO SOMEONE ELSES WINDOW AND SAY "O-THAT'S SAD." BUT UNLESS, YOU LIVE IT, YOU DON'T GET IT. FOR ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, WOULD YOU OFFER TO "BABYSIT" ONE OF OUR CHILDREN SO WE CAN GET A BREAK. WHEN YOU'RE OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS HAVING DINNER OR A NIGHT OUT, WE DON'T DO THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE A CHILD TO TAKE CARE OF. WE LOVE HER WITH ALL OUR HEARTS AND WE WORRY WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HER WHEN WE'RE GONE. SOMETIMES, SHE JUST SCREAMS AND SCREAMS AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY. SHE STILL SOMETIMES WETS HER CLOTHES AND SPEAKS VERY LITTLE. WE DO THE BEST WE CAN FOR HER BUT I'M JUST ASKING .................BE KIND...BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR CHILD. GOD BLESS CYNDI AND HER FAMILY AND ALL THE OTHERS OUT THERE WHO COPE WITH OUR SPECIAL CHILDREN.

DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW SOMEONE OR HAVE A CHILD WITH D.S. AND SCHIZOPHRENIA?

Read Replies to this Message

californiamom4

User Mood
Silly

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 7:43 pm PDT

03/25 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: dreamer123_07

As for Cyndi,,, she made one statement that really bothered me. It was something about a conversation she had to the doctor about the test she was having done while she was pregnant and how she didn't want a child with problems. I understand that fear becuase NO ONE wants a child with problems. But the situation is here now. You can't change it. But you can do what needs to be done to better it for your son! I'm sure that he doesn't want to be like this anymore than you don't want him that way.
56 years ago my grandmother had a child that the doctors said was mentally retarded, had many other problems and they said she wouldn't live past the age of 10. They tried to make her commit my aunt, but my grandmother refused! My grandmother raised her and treated her as if she was the same as the other 9 kids. She taught her and expected things of her,,, and my aunt learned. When my Grandmother died, my aunt chose to live in a group home, instead of with family,,,,, she became even smarter and learned SO many more things than we ever imagined! My Grandmother got her so far in life and then the group home was able to build on that and bettered her life even more.
As for Charity,,,,, you had those kids and it was your choice,,, not the kids. Why are you punishing them becuase you can't deal???? I have 4 kids and I am a none stop taxi mom! My kids listen, do chores, respect me, love me,,,, and I return that. I do stress on a daily basis,,,, but never would I consider walking away! How selfish!!!! I think you need to Call Super Nanny and get your life in order, instead of running away and leaving your kids to pick up the pieces!

Punishing my kids??? Don't know where you got that. Many statements were taken out of context and by leaving I told them I went to a friends house overnite to recharge, twice in the past 13 years. Never ever would I leave them. I said I feel guilty whenever I get so stressed that I "feel" like running away for awhile. That's all. But thank you for knowing me so well to comment on me after seeing 13 years edited down to under 10 minutes. That's TV for you. I only wanted to shed light on the guilt that some moms feel when they fall short as a parent.

Read Replies to this Message

fulmar

User Mood
Worried

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 8:25 pm PDT

03/25 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: shendr

Watching the Mother with the children from Eukraine, made me so upset. I am home sick with Pnomia and I had to get out of bed and express my feelings. First of all why was she smiling all the time? I didn't see one thing to smile about. I have raised three wonderful children, and I understand that its not always a rose garden, but your children need to know that they are loved and treasured, weather they are are adopted or your own biological . I felt that, that mom, wants that little girl to know loud and clear that she is not loved which is horrible. Its not only with your words you can hurt a child but it also with your lack of word or your actions. I wanted to give that little girl a big hug and tell her that she is loved. ok i feel better I got this off my chest. Thank you Dr Phil .

re: odd smiling

My guess: this is a mother who is barely holding it together. You could see in her eyes that dealing with this out-of-control, violent child had driven her almost to the brink of insanity.

You have to experience trying to mother a severe RAD child to know what it is like. Of course SHE KNOWS that children are to be loved and treasured . . . but RAD kids are not like other children and can absolutely destroy even the most compassionate and experienced parents.

A severely RAD kid never lets up for a minute, they sabotage every minute of the day . . .

Your remarks "children need to know that they are loved and treasured" and "I wanted to give that little girl a big hu and tell her than she is loved" suggest that you believe that the problem here is that the mother doesn't "LOVE" enough.

Please do some research on the nature of RAD. RAD children reject love like anorexics reject food. RAD children do not know how to love. They use love as a means to get things and to hurt people (as they themselves have been hurt). RAD children are locked into behaviors that can be devious, violent, manipulative . . . all to avoid getting close to people. They thrive on conflict and misery.

Dr. Phil did the right thing by treating the mother gently and offering help. The smartest thing he said was, "It's interesting how all the people who spend limited time with her think she's wonderful"

He knew the truth. Being the mother of a RAD child is extremely difficult and this mother has clearly been to hell and back with her adopted daughter.

Read Replies to this Message

roaringredhead

User Mood
Silly

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 8:41 pm PDT

Cyndi and Ulis

Quote From: cyndrea12

For those of you who have supported and believed I am a good mother thank you. I wish that I could respond to each and everyone of you but that is just not possible.We are getting help for Alex thanks to Dr. Phil.My son can learn and I believe that his behaviors can change for the good.It is because I believe in my son when no one else has that I have kept pushing for help.It may have sounded like I want to put my son somewhere but that is far from the truth.What I said is "if we cannot get his behaviors under control I will have no other option." My child is my responsiblity and that is why I haven't given up.It may have sounded mean to others that I said "if I had known he was going to be DS that I might not have brought him into this world". I did say that but not like people took it and not because I would not love him.I knew I would love him he is my child, how could I not love him? But I think it is cruel and unthinkable to have to put a child in a home with people he does not know that may or may not abuse him. Our child is a danger to himself and others at time and if you cannot get those behaviors controlled, what other option is out there? In my state there is no support for behavior theraphy and it is much to expensive to pay for on our own, insurance does not cover in home behavior therapy and that is what my son needed.This child is my worry until die but so is my other daughter.I have to think about her to.What if just once when he hit her in the face and he caused her to go blind? I have a responsibility to protect her.There was no one to intervene and help me teach my son not to have these behaviors. Bless all of you who believed in me without hearing all of the story. Thanks Again and I wish you all the best. Cyndi

There are politicians and movie stars that are forced to take a second mortgage in order to provide at-home care. When you think of obtaining needed resources on that level...well...you can see why those resources are unattainable at times. I hate the word "institution." Institutions have historically been known as a horrible,cold, abusive and uncaring place to put our loved ones. They are completely different places now, and the one Dr. Phil mentioned is one of the best. I would think of it as a private school for children with special needs rather than an institution. The director stated that it would be a SHORT TERM stay. I know why you're hesitant. I don't trust people around my daughter. Not even family members. I can count on one hand how many times we left our little princess with my Mom, and it was never more than a 4 to 5 hour span. Our daughter has virtually no interactive speech, so if I ask her a question she can't respond. She is just now learning to ask individuals their names, or ask for simple items around the house. She and I have developed our own language. She is so dependent on me at times it is frightening. I wonder if she will ever be self sufficient, or will I be living in her college dorm room. (Ow yes, I still believe she will be going to college.) But, if our daughter was 12 or 13 years-old, I would not hesitate to get more intensive help. Many children that age go away to summer camp, or spend summers with relatives. Alex may only be spending a few months there. If anything else, look into a Family Leave of Absence form at work and find a cheap motel nearby. Maybe Dr. Phil's show could help with the cost. I don't believe this to be an unfair request.

Read Replies to this Message

bay218

User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 10:22 pm PDT

Missing the point...

There wouldn't be a doctor Phil show if everyone was perfect. There are two types of people on the show, people that know something is wrong in their lives and need help to find the resources to fix these problems and then those that do not believe there is anything wrong with them and by the end of the show figure it out. I would say all these families love their children dearly otherwise why be on the show. They were the first to say I feel awful about what my family is going through and need to learn better ways to cope with these feelings and better behavior on my part as well. They admitted they were not proud of their thoughts and or behavior and needed to know how to fix it. So why are they being judged? If people were not willing to come on the show to help themselves and others as well there would be no show. What a high price to pay for what is a couragous thing to do. Go critique those that do not think there is anything wrong with their behavior!!!! Leave the ones that do alone...If you do not believe that these people all feel bad enough for how they have felt, then you are sadly mistaken.. What you are all doing does not make sense..Would you prefer there not be a show at all? Why in the heck would anyone in their right mind want to expose themselves to all the criticism that comes along with being on the show? Here's a thought... pehaps to help those out there with similar problems..Hmmm..This is my first couple of weeks visiting the message boards. There should be far more productive things being said then all the mean insulting things...wow!!! Opinions are like....everybodys got one...You all should be so proud, what a compassionate world we live in...

Read Replies to this Message

mustangdi66

User Mood
Happy

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 11:26 pm PDT

12 year old Down Symdrome

I am a parent of a 38 year old son who is down syndrome with autism. He is the second of four sons. He has been the easiest of my four sons to raise. He went to a special school for children with disabilities when he was two, and by the time he was 18 he graduated with his class. It hurts me to hear a mother treat her downs son and talk about him the way she did on the show. Thank god her husband is a good man with a big heart. My experience has taught me things that are not written in a book. I feel downs have an extra sense and can feel feelings of people around them, her son knows how she feels about him. The mom does not see any positive in him and he knows it. If Alex respones to his dad he is feeling the love his dad has for him. The dad was giving positive feedback to get Alex to walk up the stairs to go to bed. I have to wonder why there has not been anyone to come forward to assist the family with services to help them train Alex. It may be a slow process but from what I saw on the tape there is hope for Alex . Part of the success with my son was working with him at early age, we worked with staff and followed up with same training at home. We did not treat our son any different than the other boys. My other three sons have accepted him and have told me that when I am not able to care for him they will take him because we feel it is out responsibility to care for him. He chooses to live with me and I personally enjoy having him in my life. He is always there for me. When I have a bad day, he picks me up and is there for me. I wish so much that Alexs mom could experience the love her son can give back. I have to praise the older daughter too because it can take away from some of her time with parents and again Alex seems to feel positive feelings with her. I hope and pray that something can shift in the moms feelings. I have worked with many downs and have not seen one yet that does not share love when loved. I can't say enough to this family. I wish I could connect with them and share some experiences with them. Thanks to you Dr. Phil for helping them. I hope you have a follow up on the family in the future.

Read Replies to this Message

utwospy

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

March 27, 2008, 11:50 pm PDT

Mother of Ukraine child loves?

Quote From: fulmar

re: odd smiling

My guess: this is a mother who is barely holding it together. You could see in her eyes that dealing with this out-of-control, violent child had driven her almost to the brink of insanity.

You have to experience trying to mother a severe RAD child to know what it is like. Of course SHE KNOWS that children are to be loved and treasured . . . but RAD kids are not like other children and can absolutely destroy even the most compassionate and experienced parents.

A severely RAD kid never lets up for a minute, they sabotage every minute of the day . . .

Your remarks "children need to know that they are loved and treasured" and "I wanted to give that little girl a big hu and tell her than she is loved" suggest that you believe that the problem here is that the mother doesn't "LOVE" enough.

Please do some research on the nature of RAD. RAD children reject love like anorexics reject food. RAD children do not know how to love. They use love as a means to get things and to hurt people (as they themselves have been hurt). RAD children are locked into behaviors that can be devious, violent, manipulative . . . all to avoid getting close to people. They thrive on conflict and misery.

Dr. Phil did the right thing by treating the mother gently and offering help. The smartest thing he said was, "It's interesting how all the people who spend limited time with her think she's wonderful"

He knew the truth. Being the mother of a RAD child is extremely difficult and this mother has clearly been to hell and back with her adopted daughter.

I dont know what you saw but cant you read body language? This mother mentions ONLY herself throughout the show. (close to sociopathy) and her going through hell is another manipulative lie she is telling. It is ALL about her. She isnt going through anything more than what a sit on couch all day and lap spoiled poodle ever does. And she wouldnt have it any other way. She hates or is atleast jealous this child that is not treating her like a princess. She pits her 2 daughters against each other for her own (what else is new?) benefit. The other one learned to play by the rules.Survival instinct not loving or bonding one. It dont make her any better, and for this perfect untouchable from any wrong doing, blame, or guilt princess to talk like she did about the 2 children only shows again there is only one person on this ladies mind and that is herself. Who treats me better is all I heard. This lady suffers from granduerism. The sister is just smarter at knowing how to deal with this self centered ideolistic piece of work her mother has made herself into .This lady is so scripted it almost seems sociopathic. She just doesnt even strike me as real in any humanistic way. She could pass a police polygraph anytime she is so scripted. I will bet she just loves mirrors. You say SHE loves. I say you are right. But only herself. She never got passed herself on the show. All her claims have to be checked out. none the less the fact that all she talked about was herself told me who the non bonding and non loving detached person was. That has been established for all to see.No argument here that is for sure. Maybe Dr.Phil can bring on the accused and we will know the rest of the story but for some reason he never does that.I dont think we will see a very proffessional acting job from the child if she ever gets on which is highly unlikely. Anyway, to think of all the fibs I hear about how children make up stories . God, this lady has got them all beat. grown ups too. But not me.With no OUTWARD emotion or passion I had her figured out in the first 2 minutes of the show.

Read Replies to this Message

utwospy

User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote

March 28, 2008, 12:03 am PDT

kenedys

Quote From: marianparoo

...I assumed we were talking about the tragedy of her retarded daughter -- she certainly could afford help with that poor girl.

You are right they had all the money. But it didnt have anything to do with money. Too much politics and reputation did the kid in.Kid didnt need lab rat labotomy but political powerful father was more worried about reputation than health.Or family.

2 dead?. got off lucky with all they were dealing in.

Read Replies to this Message

First | Prev | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | Next | Last

Recent Shows: Behind the Headlines | "Bring Me Back My Hot, Se... | Teen Mama Drama | Majoring in Failure? | A Father Accused: Who's T...