Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

I love this post. It is a matter of knowing who you are and what you are capable of. And not every woman is capable of being a mother of a special needs child. I sure as hell couldn't do it.  I am not personally pro-abortion. But if I found out I was pregnant with a severely disabled child...I would be scared enough to consider it. Hell is right. Sorry, but that kind of life sounds like HELL to me too. H E L L. Why do some people get so angry that not everyone is JUST LIKE THEM?  Why is it so NOT OK for some people for there to be personal differences? Different personalities, abilities, likes, dislikes?

I find it ironic that parents of disabled children would verbally attack someone who clearly admits that they aren't "able" emotionally to handle something like that?

I have my degree in communication disorders and sciences.  I have been working with autistic children for almost 3 years now.  I know that it can be difficult.  With the family who shared their story on the show, I feel, the dad should back up the mom and show or explain ways he uses to get Alex to do the same.  One possible suggestion for mom would be to buy a baby sign language book and become familiar with the signs and every time you say the word or a related word to use the sign and use tough love.  Good Luck and hang in there, these are special children.

Thanks

Tasha

I watched this show and was disgusted. Just disgusted. Especially with Charity, the mother of 4. What was she even on the show for? Do not have children if you can not handle your children and dont know what to do with your children. I am only 22 years old but have been working with kids since I was 14. I was raised by my mother while my father worked full time and she was an amazing mother. She was a friend but she had control over her home. And my fathers mother had 9 children. 9 children! And she did it all on her own while her husband worked full time to support them. And she raised 9 great kids. I am disgusted with the things these mothers have to say. Especially with Charity. Please, get a grip. You have 4 kids theres no going back now. Its pathetic. I am just disgusted. I almost changed the channel but these women are like watching a train wreck, or a really big drug bust on the corner, its hard to look away. Again, do not have kids if you cant handle them. And I was appaled when the mother of the handicapped boy said he was her worst nightmare. Some people do not DESERVE to have kids. It makes me sick. My aunt has a child with down syndrom and she has a yougner child who is healthy. And she makes sure she showers her children the same, and has no problems at all. It is all the way you deal with your problems. Either wallow in your pitty or pick yourself up off the floor and deal with your life.

Wow so much knowledge you have at 22. Try having some kids yourself and seeing what its like to love, worry, care for, protect 24-7 and then see how disgusted you feel towards a mom who was expressing she's not perfect and gets stressed. I too am a mother and yes there are times when I just can't wait to take a break and have some time for myself. I heard her say she felt guilty for wanting to take a break and when she did try and take a break she felt guilty for leaving the kids. What did Dr. P say?? She needs to take breaks. Kids need to learn mom will leave and come back. I know I am going to take those words to heart. I felt her frustration and pain. You can't be around them 24-7 but when you do "take a break" you feel bad. Dr. P told her she needs to take time for herself and not feel guilty, He said the kids are better off when mom goes to re-charge her batteries instead of running on empty. I hope she does. I know I'm going to try but yes it is hard. So I'm glad your vast knowledge on motherhood is contained to this message board and not on a TV show where people are asking you for advice.

The "mom" who adopted the two little girls should be ashamed of herself. That poor child had already been through enough and this mom didn't seem like she felt that it was necessary to step up and try to heal that child.  Alyssa is not unlike "real" or "natural" children.  She's depressed for crying out loud! She needs professional help not a whiny "mother" who wanted to satiate her need for acceptance and unconditional love by adopting a special needs child.  I wonder why she didn't have children of her own, maybe it wasn't meant for her to be a mom at all! She didn't even seem to have compassion for the childs plight.  The child is not a dog or stray cat.

I've got to give you lots of credit for being blatantly honest, especially on a topic that is sure to bring out alot of criticism from others. You are right that it is not an easy thing. I might add that there are also alot of rewards that come from the experience, but respect that not everyone is going to feel the same way about this.  Few have the guts to admit their feelings on such a controversial topic; you did it though.

 

 I am the mother of a special needs child. As much as I love her, I admit it has been a very difficult road.  She had severe behavioral problems including huge temper tantrums, and is mentally handicapped as well. Thank goodness things have become easier in the behavioral category as she  has grown, though her cognitive disabilities will be with her lifelong. It was hard hard work to get her where she is today. It requires alot of time and patience and repetition.  And cooperation and communication between home and school. The many years of doing this has paid off in our case. We are now at the point where we can take her just about anywhere, including travelling.

 

There is a huge range of disability types and functioning levels, and each child differs in his/her potential.  What worked for us may not work for the next person.  Parents differ too, including their capacity to deal with this type of situation.

As a Mom who raised two kids I agree with you about mothers needing breaks and time to recharge.  We shouldn't feel guilty about needing our free time. I don't think people can fully understand this if they have not experienced motherhood themselves.  I don't mean to criticize the 22 year old that you are responding to; I just want to say to her that watching your Mom raise children and actually doing it yourself are 2 different things.  Until you have that 24/7 responsibility you don't truly know what it is like.

That doctor who mentioned too many antibiotics for the 12-year old boy with Downs Syndrome and autism seemed on the right track and was going to talk with the parents afterwards.  I would have been interested to hear more of her thoughts, but the show had a lot to cover. 

 

Many children with regressive autism respond well to a casein free, gluten free diet.  In such an old child though, it might take months or more to see improvement.  I don't know. 

 

Also, the boy might have a problem with yeast overgrowth which the antibiotics exacerbate the condition but he gets sick a lot so he gets antibiotics.  Jenny McCarthy's autistic son got sick all the time and had lots of antibiotics and immune system was shot, but she gave her son anti-fungal medicine and removed all yeast and sugars that yeast like to feed on.  Then her son got kind of crazy and way worse, so she knew she was on the right track because his stools were full of painful yeast and that's what happens, then afterwards, he got better and with the GFCF diet and yeast-free diet, he became "normal".  Her book is Louder Than Words.  Also, in the Parents magazine February 2000 issue, Karyn Seroussi's excerpt from her book "How I Cured My Son's Autism" is great too!

I have to admit that I was taken aback by the post you quoted.  So, I re-read it a couple of times and I honestly felt that it was not meant to offend, but to explain a feeling.  We don't know why some people can handle one thing and not another.  I have seen parents who have lost children and they go on with their lives, being able to find joy.  I do not think I could do that.  Hope I'm never tested, because I think I would be useless.  The estrangement from my daughter almost finished me, to a point where some accused me of NOT caring about my other two children.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but does love for one diminsh with the love for others?  Some seemed to feel that way.  I just don't, so I cried my eyes out...anyone not liking it..too bad.  Odd, my younger daughter told me it made her feel my love was deep and sincere...she would have doubted me had I behaved diffferently, because the love I always professed to have couldn't just "go away" unless it wasn't real.  My son felt the same, so if they accept me, what more could I ask?  So who am I not to accept someone's feelings?  Maybe a bit "phoney".

The post was in keeping with the tone of the show...had the topic been the victories of special needs children, I'd say it was callous and inappropriate.  The show was horrible!  I'd rather a person be honest, not adpot a handicapped child from another country than to see how a person who did it, is living a hellish life...now she'd like to send her back.  Wouldn't it have been best had she KNOWN herself, and not gotten involved.  Maybe Alyssa would have been placed with a better equipped family...different personalities can do different things.

Now what we saw with Alex...I don't know if he was ignored from birth, or this is where it's at for him...I like to look for hope, but nobody gave any promises.  His mother said she may not have had him, if she'd known.  I'm really on the fence with abortion.  I'm lucky that I was not put into a position of having to make that choice.  When I read about the days of backstreet abortions, I lean toward pro-choice. 

It's very wrong to say to someone that if I were you, I would have aborted...but I don't think that's what was said.  To me, it sounded more like "I myself would have had an abortion"...not telling anyone they SHOULD have.  There's a big difference. 

Who knows what that poster has had in her personal life?   Different people, different abilies. 

I'd rather see honesty, as I thought more about this, than what I saw on that show. 

If you know yourself well enough to know you can't, why do it to be a hero,  and live every day with resentment...also end up doing a horrible job...you can't you can't.    As long as the decision is not forced onto other people who feel differently, it is a personal choice, and I can't see any offense intended.