Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

I have to admit that I was taken aback by the post you quoted.  So, I re-read it a couple of times and I honestly felt that it was not meant to offend, but to explain a feeling.  We don't know why some people can handle one thing and not another.  I have seen parents who have lost children and they go on with their lives, being able to find joy.  I do not think I could do that.  Hope I'm never tested, because I think I would be useless.  The estrangement from my daughter almost finished me, to a point where some accused me of NOT caring about my other two children.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but does love for one diminsh with the love for others?  Some seemed to feel that way.  I just don't, so I cried my eyes out...anyone not liking it..too bad.  Odd, my younger daughter told me it made her feel my love was deep and sincere...she would have doubted me had I behaved diffferently, because the love I always professed to have couldn't just "go away" unless it wasn't real.  My son felt the same, so if they accept me, what more could I ask?  So who am I not to accept someone's feelings?  Maybe a bit "phoney".

The post was in keeping with the tone of the show...had the topic been the victories of special needs children, I'd say it was callous and inappropriate.  The show was horrible!  I'd rather a person be honest, not adpot a handicapped child from another country than to see how a person who did it, is living a hellish life...now she'd like to send her back.  Wouldn't it have been best had she KNOWN herself, and not gotten involved.  Maybe Alyssa would have been placed with a better equipped family...different personalities can do different things.

Now what we saw with Alex...I don't know if he was ignored from birth, or this is where it's at for him...I like to look for hope, but nobody gave any promises.  His mother said she may not have had him, if she'd known.  I'm really on the fence with abortion.  I'm lucky that I was not put into a position of having to make that choice.  When I read about the days of backstreet abortions, I lean toward pro-choice. 

It's very wrong to say to someone that if I were you, I would have aborted...but I don't think that's what was said.  To me, it sounded more like "I myself would have had an abortion"...not telling anyone they SHOULD have.  There's a big difference. 

Who knows what that poster has had in her personal life?   Different people, different abilies. 

I'd rather see honesty, as I thought more about this, than what I saw on that show. 

If you know yourself well enough to know you can't, why do it to be a hero,  and live every day with resentment...also end up doing a horrible job...you can't you can't.    As long as the decision is not forced onto other people who feel differently, it is a personal choice, and I can't see any offense intended. 

I disargee with Madison50, I think if she knows she can not handle a child with a disability, then she needs to have no children at all, because not all disabilitiys come from birth, and then she spreads her weakness on to her children.

Children do not come with guarantees, and you can't return them when times get hard. I think people forget what family is, and it not a ride on the lazy boy, family do for eachother because they love eachother.

I was 25 when my mom became really sick, and I bathed her feed her  took care of her. I didn't have any abilitys that others don't have, I just did because it was right thing to do for my mother the woman that took care of me and loved me showed me this is what family is about. Madison50 is a cop -out we all are can do more then we know we just have to be willing and not selfish about it.

Quote from madison50 "it's not in  me" Well if its not in her she should not marry or have children, because life happens and she could be placed there, and if she know she can't give that much of herself then she shouldn't enter into any commitment that she may have to give more then she is willing.

J.

Some people think that when they have physically and mentally "normal" children, life will be The Brady Bunch.  My children are all what would meet a standard term for "NORMAL", yet we got a slam, turning us into very challanged people.  Had I known, or had HE known, that he was incapable...my husband would NOT have had children...not with me anyway. 

It wasn't in him...and he did nothing but feel sorry for himself...truth is, he would have been happier if my kids and I were dead...not that he said it, but you look at Robyn, and Cyndi on the show, there he was.  You'd THINK that from a bigger family, he would have been more able to pull it out, and that my being the only child would have lead me to curl up in a ball...people do take to their beds and don't get up if they crack...but for whatever reason, not superiority...just a different make-up, I found the strength to go into this with full force.  He was good for making sarcastic comments, maybe picking up school supplies...but to handle this...NO!  He would have been the ORECK of sweeping it under the rug.  You DON'T know until you face it...I know now...and I hear a lot of Madison in him, him in her...but SHE is honest...true, I feel that a personality like that is better off not having children...like playing roulette.  I do admire her for telling up straight...her husband won't feel a draft if he thinks someone's got his back, cause he won't expect that.  I felt the Arctic blast, and I expected to have a human shield...so maybe they have it covered, as a couple...but I think the lady was being truthful.

I was watching THE MEMORY KEEPER'S DAUGHTER.  The one twin had Downs Syndrome...the father gave her away...I saw her, and my heart just wanted to take her...love her...O.K. this was a movie, but really, I didn't think I'd ever have extreme emotions for any child other than mine...but WOW!  IMPACT!

So, you really don't know..just have to tip my hat to Madison for telling how she feels.  It really took a lot of courage on her part to put it "out There"

K.

What courage ???  She has children and she feels this way,  courage is not knowing your limitions but pushing past them. We don't give soldiers medals for running away or cheer when someone gives up before the race even starts.

I hope her children stay healthy, so they don't have to face their mothers truth, and whats not in her to give to them.

What courage ???  She has children and she feels this way,  courage is not knowing your limitions but pushing past them. We don't give soldiers medals for running away or cheer when someone gives up before the race even starts.

I hope her children stay healthy, so they don't have to face their mothers truth, and whats not in her to give to them.

I have to admit that I was taken aback by the post you quoted.  So, I re-read it a couple of times and I honestly felt that it was not meant to offend, but to explain a feeling.  We don't know why some people can handle one thing and not another.  I have seen parents who have lost children and they go on with their lives, being able to find joy.  I do not think I could do that.  Hope I'm never tested, because I think I would be useless.  The estrangement from my daughter almost finished me, to a point where some accused me of NOT caring about my other two children.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but does love for one diminsh with the love for others?  Some seemed to feel that way.  I just don't, so I cried my eyes out...anyone not liking it..too bad.  Odd, my younger daughter told me it made her feel my love was deep and sincere...she would have doubted me had I behaved diffferently, because the love I always professed to have couldn't just "go away" unless it wasn't real.  My son felt the same, so if they accept me, what more could I ask?  So who am I not to accept someone's feelings?  Maybe a bit "phoney".

The post was in keeping with the tone of the show...had the topic been the victories of special needs children, I'd say it was callous and inappropriate.  The show was horrible!  I'd rather a person be honest, not adpot a handicapped child from another country than to see how a person who did it, is living a hellish life...now she'd like to send her back.  Wouldn't it have been best had she KNOWN herself, and not gotten involved.  Maybe Alyssa would have been placed with a better equipped family...different personalities can do different things.

Now what we saw with Alex...I don't know if he was ignored from birth, or this is where it's at for him...I like to look for hope, but nobody gave any promises.  His mother said she may not have had him, if she'd known.  I'm really on the fence with abortion.  I'm lucky that I was not put into a position of having to make that choice.  When I read about the days of backstreet abortions, I lean toward pro-choice. 

It's very wrong to say to someone that if I were you, I would have aborted...but I don't think that's what was said.  To me, it sounded more like "I myself would have had an abortion"...not telling anyone they SHOULD have.  There's a big difference. 

Who knows what that poster has had in her personal life?   Different people, different abilies. 

I'd rather see honesty, as I thought more about this, than what I saw on that show. 

If you know yourself well enough to know you can't, why do it to be a hero,  and live every day with resentment...also end up doing a horrible job...you can't you can't.    As long as the decision is not forced onto other people who feel differently, it is a personal choice, and I can't see any offense intended. 

What courage ???  She has children and she feels this way,  courage is not knowing your limitions but pushing past them. We don't give soldiers medals for running away or cheer when someone gives up before the race even starts.

I hope her children stay healthy, so they don't have to face their mothers truth, and whats not in her to give to them.

I knew when I posted I would be judged.  I also knew in being honest, admitting my weaknesses, there were men who wouldn't want to be involved.  So, is it better to lie and let a person down so you don't lose them, or to tell your true self and give the man a choice, but at least that choice was made in knowing the truth?

My children mean the world to me, and I would be there for them no matter what.  We have bonded, I am their mother.  I am a realist.  Anything can happen to anyone, although you don't wish it, things can get rough.

Why invite a pre-ordained problem into you life, not knowing the other events that could come in the future, if you know yourself, know that having a sevely handicapped child would sap the life out of you, making you totally useless to the other people in the family?

I saw Cyndi and Robyn, as well as their children.  I am better able to face other problems in life than they are today.  If they had that special quality that I admit to lacking, their lives wouldn't be hellish, the thought of giving Alyssa back would not be on the radar, and Alex would have had a third, fouth and fifth opinion about where he should be and how to get him there, and it would have been done long ago.

I hope my children stay healthy because I love them.  What normal mother wishes her child illness?  If it happens, I can face it.  Would I call it a blessing? no I would not.  I hope that Cyndi's daughter remains healthy, mentally and physically.  Her mother neglects her because of Alex.  If that girl gets sick, or has a serious injury, I think Cyndi would break. 

Why go out of your way to break yourself down, knowing what you can't do, so it keeps you from doing what you can? 

I don't want anyone to cheer me on or give me a medal.  I am no hero, not a runner, and I'm not looking to go into battle.  I just want to live my life and be strong enough to meet whatever the future brings.  If I had what Cyndi and Robin have every day, I would be useless, and I admit it.  Sorry if I offended you.  We are different people, with different strengths.

I have heard many people say they feel the same as I do, it's just said in whispers behind closed doors.