Quote From: PennyLane78She actually suffered from Postpartum Depression & Psychosis. The only reason I want to clarify is because people like me, who have suffered from PPD are often linked in with those who have suffered from PPP.
Anyway, other than that. Yes, you make an excellent point. I have pity for Andrea Yates. A lot of pity. She should never have had all those kids.
It's good that you don't seem to be taking posts personally, even though people are taking YOUR posts personally. There is a big difference in saying that NO child with a disability should ever be born and saying that I PERSONALLY couldn't raise that kind of child.
I personally don't know how people have more than one child. I really don't. I can't do it and I will NOT do it. Yes, many people try to make me feel like less of a woman because I only have one child. What can I do? I know having another child would be unfair to that child because I know myself enough to know that I cannot handle that. It's not me lacking in character...it's just MY personality. I'm entitled to it, just as you are entitled to yours. You and I knowing where our strengths are and aren't IS a strength. It's not a weakness. So is our ability to look at the world and see individuals...not assuming every woman is the same and if they aren't...they are less than.
I do enjoy motherhood in my own way. And because of that, I am a pretty cool mom. Unique. But there is more than one way to raise a child. But it takes all the effort I have some days. For me to have another child....who could possibly be disabled for all I know...would be the absolute cruelest thing to do. Again, it's a matter of KNOWING yourself. I KNOW myself. I wish others would see themselves as lucky, as special, as strong in this sense...instead of looking down on others like they are lazy. Some people don't feel good until they have found someone to stomp on. Others don't feel good unless they have someone to agree with.
Thank you for your post....because you never know if some mom is lurking who doesn't have the strength to even realize that motherhood isn't something a woman HAS to do. And that there is nothing WRONG with them if it's hard...maybe someone will seek help rather than hiding from harsh judgment. As a woman, as a mother, admitting that motherhood isn't "the best" and isn't "the most rewarding job" on the planet is like putting a target on your back.
The women's rights movement was supposed to free us from these stigmas, but our biggest critics seem to be other women. I also have nothing for Andrea Yates, and cannot help but wonder had she only had one child, would her post partum depression escaled into physchosis? It would seem to me that if it happens once, it has a greater chance of happening again. I was surprized that Brooke Shields took a chance, after having read her book, Down Came The Rain. She was lucky, but Andrea really pushed the boundaries, and in her frame of mind, I think it was what Russell wanted, so she did whatever he said. Look at how that went. Very tragic, and unnecessary.
What is wrong with having one child? This child will be raised with love, by a mother who isn't neglecting her because of too many other children that would be too much. It's quality, not quantity. For those who want large families, can raise them with love, give the attention needed, and do it with joy, nobody is stopping them or criticizing them. So why do they have to take differnt personalities as an afront to their choices?
I wanted two. My first pregnancy was spent bedridden for almost 9 months. I waited until the first had started school, just in case it were to happen again. I had no control over how my body handled pregnancy. The second was not a problem, so go figure. I still feel that my choices in life have been responsible, and I take no criticism personally. I'm the one who has to live in my skin, so I'm the one who has to be comfortable. Same with you stopping at one. It's your business.
I can see where some feel that my attitude means that I think less of a handicapped child, because I said I could not do it. I didn't mean that they shouldn't do it, just gave the other side. After seeing that show, I am convinced for me, my choices would have been right. Why say you can, knowing you can't and end up harming a handicapped child more. I think it's cruel to do.
Knowing I have children, and have no resentment towards them, allows me to make the necessary sacrifices we all make for our kids. I won't do anything daredevilsh because I my children need me. I stopped skiing, never would ride a motorcycle, or go bunji jumping. It doesn't promise me a long life, but I take the steps to control what I can, and the rest, I do what we all do, hope for the best.
I also would vote for any candidate for public office who had a platform to provide better services to handicapped children, even it it meant paying higher taxes.
Instead of judging women who KNOW their limits, and getting insulted, why not ask us to join in a lobby to get more for those who can do this? I'd join in. By saying I CANNOT DO THAT, does not mean I won't help those who do.
I hope anyone who does have feelings of inadequacy about not wanting this full time job, will face their truths, get help to face the ignorance, and be productive in their own way, the best for them as people.
I had hoped that women would support each other in the movement to liberate us from our past oppression. Being stomped on was why women rose up in arms to begin with. Those before us were not lazy, they were brave, and I will carry the torch in appreciation for their efforts against that which made us second class citizens. We all are special and unique, but not lazy or instant baby makers. I support the women who can, as I support women like you and me who know who we are and where are strengths and desires lie.
(Original Air Dare: 03/25/08) Motherhood isn't always about the good times, like baking brownies and having game night with the family. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they can’t cope with their children, and they’re running out of resources. Robyn adopted her 10-year-old daughter, Alyssa, six years ago from the Ukraine and says she actually has thoughts of sending the girl back. Robyn says that Alyssa hasn’t bonded with her and doesn’t know how to love anyone. She says her daughter screams, cries, yells and even threatened to kill herself! Robyn’s husband, Joe, can’t imagine living without his adoptive daughter and intends to stand by his commitment to the child. What's the real reason Robyn never bonded with Alyssa? Then, Cyndi says if she’d known her 12-year-old son, Alex, had autism and Down syndrome, she may not have brought him into the world. She says he hits himself, screams, grunts at the top of his lungs and wears two pairs of diapers at a time because he’s not potty trained. Her husband, Ulis, says he doesn’t find it difficult to care for Alex, but Cyndi says she’s exhausted and overwhelmed. Should the boy be institutionalized? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Plus, meet a mom with four kids who’s already left home twice. Now she’s scared she may leave again — this time for good. Talk about the show here.
