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Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

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Created on : Thursday, March 20, 2008, 12:38:55 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Dare: 03/25/08) Motherhood isn't always about the good times, like baking brownies and having game night with the family. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they can’t cope with their children, and they’re running out of resources. Robyn adopted her 10-year-old daughter, Alyssa, six years ago from the Ukraine and says she actually has thoughts of sending the girl back. Robyn says that Alyssa hasn’t bonded with her and doesn’t know how to love anyone. She says her daughter screams, cries, yells and even threatened to kill herself! Robyn’s husband, Joe, can’t imagine living without his adoptive daughter and intends to stand by his commitment to the child. What's the real reason Robyn never bonded with Alyssa? Then, Cyndi says if she’d known her 12-year-old son, Alex, had autism and Down syndrome, she may not have brought him into the world. She says he hits himself, screams, grunts at the top of his lungs and wears two pairs of diapers at a time because he’s not potty trained. Her husband, Ulis, says he doesn’t find it difficult to care for Alex, but Cyndi says she’s exhausted and overwhelmed. Should the boy be institutionalized? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Plus, meet a mom with four kids who’s already left home twice. Now she’s scared she may leave again — this time for good. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 22, 2008, 2:03 pm CDT

08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: madison50

Why are we trying so hard to prevent teen pregnancy, then turn around and say that most people are sympathetic to teen mothers?  Teens are not ready to be mothers.  If teens get married because of a pregnancy, it is much more likely that the marriage will end in divorce.  If there is no marriage, then who does raise the baby?  The teen?  Only if they live on welfare.  So, it would be daycare, or a grandparent, maybe a combination of supports if the the teen is lucky. 

It is so unfair to an unborn child brought into this world with more challanges than the average, which are enough.

I would favor giving the baby up for adoption, if abortion was against the teen's beliefs, ( not the family beliefs) the one who must carry the child, and bear the responsibility.  HER CHOICE! 

What happens to education?  Unless the family is well off, that child and that teen are really not given a fair playing field.

I don't look down on pregnant teens, I feel very sorry for them. Criticize is a harsh word, but don't we as parents, encourage our teens not to become pregnant?  So in saying that, isn't it being critical of the situation, just not any individual?  Don't get pregnant...use protection...all these things we tell our teens are critical by the fact that we put teen pregnancy into the negative.  Why?  Maybe because teen pregnancy is a negative.

Being a mother is hard.  How does a teen have time to know if she is mother material when those of us who have much greater maturity have trouble in deciding?  Very often, even with having a husband and planned pregnancy, children are very draining, and we stop after one or two because we know it is just not in us to have more.

Child abuse is higher amongst teen mothers.  The maturity is not there.  I hope that the stresses of motherhod are not undermined by Bristol Palin's teen pregnancy.  It is not fashionable just because it was flaunted at the Republican Convention. 

Being a mother is hard, and when the word selfish comes up, who could be more selfish as a mother as Sarah Palin?  Her career took priority over her daughter's privacy.  Mothers make sacrifices?  Some do, some don't.  Some get called lazy when they cave under a joyless life.  Others get applauded when they forge ahead with their career at the expense of their child and grandchild.  That unborn baby will have no doubts he or she was conceived out of wedlock, and neither will anyone who meets him or her. 

We seem to be very selective in which mothers we judge and which mothers we call selfish. 

I was called many things for stating my opinions that were honest.  Even someone as "selfish" as myself, would not do that to either of my daughters.  They would come first, as would my grandchild, and I would keep a low profile out of respect for the privacy of the innocents. 

Maybe I am not such a selfish mother as some people think.

First of all we also try to teach our children not to drink and do drugs.  We try to teach them good work habits, we try to teach them that they should wait until they are married or at least in a serious relationship before having sex and yes we teach them to protect themselves against diseases and pregnancy.  We also teach them to brush their teeth and to wash their hands before eating and after using the restroom.  Do teens always listen to this good advice?  No, they don't.  Even my children had to "prove me right" on a lot of the things I have taught over the years. 

 

You talk about the babies being put in day care and watched by grandparents and I would like to know how that is different then the children of older married couples.  I worked a lot of years as assistant director at a day care in town and I can tell you that being older and married doesn't always make the better parent.  We had teen mothers who were wonderful and loving and we had older mothers who were either guilted into giving the child everything they wanted or were impatient with the kids when they were picking or dropping them off. 

 

Sarah Palin is making a lot of sacrifices for her career, we all have to agree to that.  One thing she does do for her family that a lot of high profiled women don't do is make sure she takes her children with her, she is the one who tucks them in at night, she is the one who is cooking for them when they are home, she is the one who is raising them even though it is in the spotlight.  She doesn't have a nanny who keeps them back in Alaska while she is on the road, she deals with situations that comes up, including the teen pregnancy.  She doesn't put her life on hold or act like her career is over because she is going to be a grandmother to a child who was conceived out of wedlock to her 17 year old daughter, that isn't a bad mother, it is a realistic one.

 

 
September 22, 2008, 2:09 pm CDT

08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: jewelsf

Wow, talk about a subject getting off topic! How did this particular topic go from being about mothers with physical or mental handicaps to jumping leaps and bounds into abortion and politics? I actually have something to say that has to do "with" the original topic and has been touched on briefly here recently. It concerns women who know if they are or are not mother material. What I would like to know is, if a woman "knows" she's NOT mother material, then why in the world would she bring an innocent baby into this world in the first place? Life is rough enough as it is without being born to  a woman who finds it too difficult to raise you. And one other thing, I find it incredibly amusing when I read mother's who talk about how having one measly child takes everything out of them! These women sure couldn't have made it a hundred years ago or even 50 years ago. Women actually had large families back in those days and were quite capable of handling, caring for, and loving each and every one of them without it "knocking them on their butt".  And as to the notion of a woman knowing she's not mother material? Fine, don't have children! It's as easy as that! It's not the 20's or even the 50's. Women have been able to choose their own path in life for at least 40 years now. Many women have chosen to fore-go children and actually manage to do it without criticism. For those of you who feel that you were pressured by society to have children, that is simply not true. You pressured yourself! I can easily name 10 women that I know off hand who decided in the 70's to NOT have children for whatever their own reason is and they have never looked back. One final thought, so far I haven't seen any positive spin put out due to Palin's daughter being pregnant, but I have heard plenty of jokes about it!

 

I agree with you about the women who have one child and talk about how hard it is.  My kids were born in the 80s and my first two were 17 months apart and I don't remember ever questioning things like moms do now days.  I belong to a board that is set for mothers and grandmothers and the young mothers question everything from how to handle putting a baby in the room with an older sibling to how to move them from cribs to beds and how much to feed them, when to feed them and so much more.  It sure makes me wonder if mothers now days are that much of perfectionists or if they are that insecure that they don't listen to their own motherly instincts.
 
October 10, 2008, 3:58 pm CDT

08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: grandmashari

I agree with you about the women who have one child and talk about how hard it is.  My kids were born in the 80s and my first two were 17 months apart and I don't remember ever questioning things like moms do now days.  I belong to a board that is set for mothers and grandmothers and the young mothers question everything from how to handle putting a baby in the room with an older sibling to how to move them from cribs to beds and how much to feed them, when to feed them and so much more.  It sure makes me wonder if mothers now days are that much of perfectionists or if they are that insecure that they don't listen to their own motherly instincts.
Why do you judge somebody with one child?maybe young mothers today didnt have a good role model. as for motherly instinct-at least these young mothers are asking questions.GOOD parenting is hard work whether you are responsible for one young life of six. i hope you are more understanding with these young mothers than what you show here
 
November 16, 2008, 6:25 am CST

I agree

Quote From: blueeberri

Well it is great that your kids turned out nice. Try being the mother to a problem child or a handicapped child. IT is draining and NOT rewarding. Especially when you have to work all day and come home to a problem every night. It is not what it is cracked up to be for everyone. Give her a break.  It is easy for you top talk to talk, but walk in the shoes of someone with a difficult child. It is not that rewarding.

I agree with the Mother who has challenging children. I have worked with these children for 30 years.  It can be very hard at work but, after 6 hrs they go home.  It is very hard for the parent and I thank God daily my kids are fine.  I pray for all you parents who struggle daily with their challenging children.  There will be a special place in heaven you all the children and their parents and care givers.  God Bless you all.
 
November 25, 2008, 2:17 pm CST

Autistic and food allergy

I wonder if the autistic boy ever had his body examined for food allergies. I know a infantile autistic boy that "came out of his shell" and stopped banging his head against the wall and stopped screaming and hurting his younger brother when they discovered he was allergic to gluten, milk and sugar. His body couldn't break down these kind of food, and that kind of food acted like poison to his system.
There was changes from day one, and he was also put on physical challenging training.
Today he is well functioning, going in an public school with normal children.

 
August 28, 2009, 7:41 am CDT

08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

Quote From: afmomto2

I would like to explain something.  First let me say that I have a very mild form of Aspergers.  That being said, no matter how much you explain it to the OP this PP is referring to, she is not going to get it.  People with Aspergers, myself and my husband included don't intuitively understand empathy.  For me I get empathy, and I have learned after years and years of struggle to empathsize with people, it doesn't feel natural for me.  My husband on the other hand, doesn't emphasize at all.  This comes off as being somewhat self absorbed.  It's just the way Aspie's are.  I can tell the OP with the utmost of confidence as a fellow person with ASD, you will not truly "get it" unless you have children.  The feelings are different when you have children, and if I don't take care of some of my needs (like if for some reason I need to stim on something), my children suffer because of it, because I don't have the patience or the where with all to take care of them.  You have to go beyond what you felt as a child, I was diagnosed at a very late age (31 years old to be exact), and before that I suffered from the labels of anxiety, depression, dyslexia, and sensory processing disorder.  The children being described are much more severe than we are.  No one knows my issues unless I tell them, these children have issues so severe that it's apparent when people see them.  They can't live on their own ever.  Also when you become a parent you have to transcend from the self centeredness and do things for your children.  What good is Cyndi if her back is so severely injured that Alex has to sit in his own feces all day, because she can't properly lift him anymore?  That's what these parents are faced with.  They are neither stupid or lazy or ignorant on what the child is going through.  In fact they are very caring.  Having a child with severe issues is very very very very different from what we have.  My AS is sometimes an inconvinience in odd social situations, or it's a problem when I get anxious about things that bother me.  My son's autism fully effects him-- to the point where if the lights are too loud he must cover his ears.   And my son is no where near the severity of these children.  Unless you are living it and breathing it, you are not going to understand it.

It's been so long since you've replied to this msg board, I'm not sure if you will get this message or not.  I'm the mother of a 28 yr old whom I believe has Asperberger's.  She, like so many, was give an overal IQ of 72 many years ago (verbal 67) but there is a wide range in her developmental skills.  I would like to talk with you if you have the time.  Thanks.  Deb
 
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