Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

How sad... A couple went abroad to get a child, found a beautiful child with bright eyes, so she had a couple of physical flaws...  But how dare she turn out to have mental flaws? 

Come on... did you really want to be a parent?  No one is guaranteed a perfect child -- not even my Mom (although she got pretty darned close, haha). 

I chose not to have children, because I KNOW I am selfish.  I am appauled that no one has looked at this Robyn and said GET A CLUE!  What a selfish, childish person SHE is.  I think that child does need to be away from that woman.  The child has a problem and that Momis making it worse.  If she cannot get some type of psych help to change her approach, she will destroy her family and htat child.  First thing she need to do is have some ownership in this situation.

I work in the adoption community and Robyn's talk of her daughter Alyssa made me physically sick. I completely agree with the statement that not all people were cut out to be parents, yet over time, even the unfit have found ways to raise children -- not to the benefit of the children. I was apalled that Dr. Phil allowed her to continually make comments without remorse that she has considered 'sending her back'. Adoptive parents often take it personally when their adopted child does not bond with them, acting as if this child is punishing them or doing it on purpose. Providing a roof over a child's head and food in their belly does not erase the first four years of Alyssa's life. in addition, if Robyn can go on television and so openly confess that she has considered sending Alyssa back, I imagine her daughter can sense these negative feelings. When someone does not want you around, kids can tell, and why would you love someone who number one is not your 'real' parent, and number two, does not show you you love them.

I think it is the easy way out for adoptive parents to want to send their child back if they're less than perfect. What adoptive parents have to keep in mind is that had they had their own birth children, they may have faced similar feelings or similar behaviors, yet in their minds it's different. It is so selfish to commit to a child, and then take it back -- you cannot end your commitment with a biological child, and I cannot believe adoptive parents could even consider this. Parenting is not easy no matter how you look at it.

I also feel that Dr. Phil did a poor job of addressing the true issues at hand. He should have had an adoption professional to offer some sound advice. The parents are the true problem and should have had to own up to that.

I can't speak from the parent's point of view, but I can from an adult sibling's.

I have a sister that has cerebral palsey.  I remember all of these problems growing up.  My mother was very patient, and my dad was a salesman, so he was gone most of the time.  There were times when my mother was stressed beyond belief.

After my Dad passed away, I moved my sister to a group home because my mother was then diagnosed with advanced alzheimer's disease.  Since then, I have seen and learned so much.

I do know it was the best thing in the world to do to put her in an environment with other girls, her own age, her own level.  She really blossomed.  Yes, I was concerned about her not telling me when things went wrong, so I made frequent surprise visits.  All of the girls liked me, and if they thought something was wrong, they did not hesistate to talk to me about it.

I am willing to talk to any parent or sibling that is dealing with such situations.  Like I said, I have seen and learned a lot in the last ten years.  I do not mind sharing what I know.

I wish all of the parents and children the best of luck.

I don't think I have ever been so angry watching this show. This woman that is complaining about her son just infuriates me. He may have down syndrome and autism, but he KNOWS how is mother feels about him, which is why he acts the way he does. He's not stupid, he has feelings and emotions, and to know how his own mother feels about him, why wouldn't he act out that way? He has no way of communicating how he feels or what is wrong with him, and that is frustrating to him. She's not even trying to work with him, all it is, is "Oh poor me. My son is disabled, poor pitiful me." There are alot of woman out there raising disabled children, and I know they do an excellent job. Yes, it does take time and effort, but that's everything about being a mother. It's not a part time position. It is a 24 hour, 7 day a week job. You can't pick and choose what kind of child you have.

But good for the dad for being a good parent and standing up to her and not allowing her to put him into a home. No telling what kind of treatment he would get in a place like that. She would be amazed at the difference she would see if she would show that child some love and compassion, instead of acting like he is a big inconvinience to her.

As a mother to a 5 month old baby girl, it is unfathomable to me how a mother could say these things about her child. The whole thing just makes me sick.

WOW, double whammy there.  There are programs that help parents of children with developmental disabilities in most states.  In OKlahoma there is a GREAT system.

I give a hug to you because you are trying!  Yes, your emotional response is a part of the routine of the show with you and him.  I do want to say that by asking for help, YOU ARE NOT FAILING.  YOU DID NOT FAIL WHEN YOUR CHILD WAS BORN FLAWED.  You are not failing by asking for help.  These programs work with the kids and help them to get a life where someone non-family does the care for at least part of the day.  This allows Moms and Dads the opportunity to be Mom and Dad to a teenager or young adult instead of the forever infant.  It also gives the child a chance to develop friends and their own interests without constantly pushing the paren'ts buttons.  Looks like he has become pretty good at that which is no different than most kids.

I have worked in the field and I know several co-workers that just hate to see those loud parents coming.  I don't.  I know the parents deal with several layers of grief and if there is one thing I would want to say is forgive yourself if you need to, but YOU DID NOTHING WRONG by having a child who has disabilities. 

Allow someone else to take care of him, if the program exists in your area.  Allow someone else to be the bad guy.  Allow someone else to take care of your son while you and your daughter go get your hair done.

yeah, he will probably do his usual things like scream to the heavens, bang his head or whatever he does,  but you need to tell yourself you have left him in good hands (the people who do this are TRAINED in Oklahoma) and he would probably do that if you were there or someone else was there, then put it behind you and go have a good day.

I disagree with Dr. Phil on the institutionalization.  A home or group home situation is usually  best for people like Alex.  OKLAHOMA HAS MOVED AWAY FROM INSTITUTIONALIZATION!!!  It does not work!  People should not be hidden from the world, but allowed and ENCOURAGED to participate to the best extent possible.  There is no rehabbing then release into the general population... that does not work. 

Do some online research of the activities going on in the field of developmental disabilities and specifically autsm.  Oklahoma is just beginning to really focus on autism, so watch what happens.  There are some talented insiteful professionals and para-professionals in our state that are fascinated and driven to assist people to connect and move forward DESPITE their disabilities. 

THERE IS HOPE! 

I send hugs to all parents, but especially those who are struggling with the guilt, pain, love and frustration of dealing with a child with disabilites, especially those of the developmental nature.  Good luck to you and GOD BLESS>