Topic : 08/19 Tired of Being a Mom

I agree with you completely. We are in a society that suffers from mommy martyr syndrome. We have shows like this where all the mothers do is whine about the position they put themselves into. Unfortunetly, despite how well Dr. Phil did at explaining that the mothers don't have a right to play martryrs, there are parents who will see the title of this show, and feel it's approving of them having a victim mentality about being a parent.

You can't even ask a parent to move their children down a few tables, so you don't have to hear them scream or yell, without a diatribe about how hard their life is and you're not a parent so you have no right to adress them. This is a major problem with our society, we're tellng parents, especially mothers, that they are entitled to acting as if the rest of society is beneath them. Even at times their own children.

I think parents who joke about abandoning their children, should have their children taken from them. They're admitting their child is at risk, of them at a whim deciding they just don't want to do it anymore. They're kids, not virtual pets.

This mother doesn't understand why her son with Down Syndrome/Autism keeps saying "mean!" at her, well it's probably cause she is mean to him. She's not taking the time nor the effort to understand him. She sees the only way to interact with him is through discipline.

If this show had anything positive for it, it showed that the husbands were far better parents than their wives. Like that woman who kept saying I want to leave my family, fine, go. Give her children the opportunity to have a mother who cares. Not a mother who in public says she'd die for her kids, then in the next sentence talk about leaving them at school like sacks of flour.

Do these mothers think their children are unable to hear that they're not in this with full support. Do they think that they don't know their mommy cares about them with the same extent they would care about a object? Why do you think these kids are having problems, cause instead of being raised by their mothers, their mothers are on the phone playing martyr mommy with their friends.

Hikerchick, expect to get alot of angry posts here. As someone who tells parents alot of what they don't want to hear on bulletin boards, I know very well that it's expected that I'll be the target of alot of parent temper tantrums. What I'm saying is, alot of people probably won't agree with you. You are dealing with reality the best way you can. When you tell parents they have to buck up and live in the same world you and I live in, it's easier for them to attack what they don't want to deal with, than to deal with it.

I am disturbed to about the story of the boy with Down Syndrome and Autism.  I have 2 sons with Autism.  They are 4 and 7 years old.  I love them with all my heart.  It hurts me that a mother would feel that she would have aborted her child, had she known about his disabilities.  I have very challenging days.  We had the feces smearing situation for several years that was referred to.  And the dynamics in our household can be very complicated when they BOTH have autism.  Neither of them are completely verbal.  My oldest is semiverbal.  And my youngest is starting to fade a PECS system and uses several word vocalizations to communicate his needs.  The noncompliance is very difficult.  It is very taxing on the primary caretaker.  But, my boys have given me so many blessings.  Before I meet them, I would have thought that I wouldn't be cut out for dealing with special needs.  But, there are so many things about my children that I absolutely cherish that typically are taken for granted.  Not a word goes unnoticed.  Every second of eye to eye gaze to absolutely relished.  I am so incredibly blessed by my boys. 

And as for the lady with 4 normal kids, BOO  HOO!  Grow up! 

Each state is home to at least one parent center. Parent centers serve families of children and young adults from birth to age 22 with all disabilities: physical, cognitive, emotional, and learning. They help families obtain appropriate education and services for their children with disabilities; work to improve education results for all children; train and inform parents and professionals on a variety of topics; resolve problems between families and schools or other agencies; and connect children with disabilities to community resources that address their needs.  Learn how to be an effective advocate for your child and teach them how to become an advocate for themselves.  Get hooked up with a support group for parents of children with disabilities where you can go and develop relationshiops with other families who are experiencing similar circumstances.  Take time to get away and focus time on yourself and with your spouse, even if it's just 30 minutes or an hour to have coffee or lunch.  Make a point to find your child's strengths and help them develop those as opposed to constantly focusing on the areas they are lacking in. 

I feel for these mom's who seem to be in despair and feel overwhelmed by dealing with their children's conditions.  You are grieving the loss of the child you thought you would have, the life you pictured, and it's been replaced by a completely different reality.   But realize that these kids need you.  They depend on you.  And though you may feel inadequate at times to provide them with everything that they need, you can do it.  Don't be afraid to ask for help when  you need it.  There is help out there...it rarely finds you on its own - you may have to do some digging to find where to access the services you need, but they are there and it is worth the effort.  Our children are a blessing from the Lord and I am so thankful for the lessons I am learning through parenting my special needs children and for the person I am becoming because of what I deal with every day.  Through my experiences I have found a passion I didn't know I had - working in special education & disability rights advocacy.  I believe so much is perspective...take time to enjoy just hanging out with your child and find a way to connect with them.  These kids didn't choose to have a disability, they didn't choose for their life to be the way it is, they aren't making your life miserable on purpose.  Step up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and make the choice to make the best out of the cards you were dealt.  You do not have control over your child's disability, but you do have control over how much power you let it have over you.

As the mother of a son with down syndrome, I am disgusted at this womans attitude.  I am hoping that the discription of her situation and attitude is more dramatic than what it really is..  Heh, my response to her is  "Deal with it, he is your son,"  Anyone who states that they wish their child had been aborted ought to be slapped.  Perfect or imperfect. Oh well.  How can you even look at him after making such comments? 

Having a child with special needs is very challenging.  There have been many trials over the  years since the birth of my son.  Not once have I wished that he had been aborted. As a matter of fact, when the doctor wanted to talk to me about "options" the idea was so far form my mind that I didn't even kno what it was that he was asking me at the time.

I have given up my career and my husband and I gave up our previous lifestyles to care for our child. We used to be very involved in our jobs and worked long hours, we went out all the time and we spent money because we had it.   Of course, a lot of that changed but it wasn't just becuase our son has down syndrome.   We both still work, have hobbies and do things that we like to do.  What's this lady's problem?

Do I have bad days?  Yes, but do. I have a lot of them. I get frustrated a lot and to be truthful, a lot of my frustration comes more from other people than with the challenges with him.  The thought that this child might be "institutionalized" frightens me and it makes me want to find these people.  There should never be any thoughts of doing this to your child just because YOU can't handle it. I would NEVER in a million years consider doing that to my son. NEVER.

Get help. There are services available and it's YOUR own fault for not obtaining it.   No child ought to be disowned because you didn't do what you were supposed to.  I'm guessing that the attitude that these people had was bad from the start.  Seems very selfish.

There are a thousand places to get support from other families who are in the same situation that you are. Of course on the other hand, if you're going to be like this then maybe it's in your childs best interest to go and be with other people who are willing to care for him and work with him.   

Some people have the attitude that  just because he had down snydrome he was a lost cause.  Shame on you.  Due to the efforts of my husband, myself and our team of early intervention therapists, teachers etc, he is going to attend school and have a full life.  He enjoys his life.  When I look at him and see him smile and do things that he was never supposed to do, I smile and I know he was worth it.

There were times when I had 4 early intervention therapists in my home a week.  We gave up a lot of our time so that he could have the services and it paid off!!   He did a lot of things before "they" said that he would.

I don't even know if I am going to watch this episode. I'm angry just reading the preview. I can't imagine what the freak out will be like it I sit down to watch.  *chuckles*