After reading some of the posts from the board, I am troubled but not surprised by the judgment of people who "think they know" what it is like to raise a SPECIAL needs child!
My heart and prayers go out to Cyndi and her family. Thanks to Dr. Phil, I believe they will get help that will improve their lives. Unfortunately the help that Dr. Phil so generously provided is beyond the scope of what most families can afford. Insurance would never cover such a facility.
To the people who say, "there is help," "there are therapies," etc., you have no idea the cost of these therapies that most insurances do not cover. Right now, there are States going through the Senate to get insurance companies to pay for such therapies. It is very difficult because the insurance companies know that it takes years of therapy for a mid- to low-functioning child with Autism to learn to dress himself, for example.
When a family has a Downs' child and/or a child with Autism, it is not go "get a prescription and some therapy and he will be fine." These are lifelong disabilities. The effects on a family can be catastrophic, to say the least.
I am a mom of a child with Autism who is 9 years old. I am also a person who has lived with being born with what some people see as a disability (I never saw it that way). I am a congenital amputee (from birth).
NOT WHINING - JUST REALITY:
I lived through bullying as a child in school. I must say, bullying, lack of empathy, discrimination, and utter intolerance for people who are different is much worse than it was when I was a child.
At a young age, I thought I decided hot to have children because of the way I was not accepted by the world. However at the age of 39, I talked my husband into having just one child.
Everything was wonderful until our son reached 18 months. We started the diagnosis dance of Autism. Our son has Autism. We moved out of Illinois and to Wisconsin because Wisconsin had an intensive therapy program offered by the State of Wisconsin that we were sure could help our son.
Our son is doing very well but I still have days, I cannot take him anywhere because of behaviors and because it is very difficult to keep him safe from running in front of a car, etc. It is a work in progress. Our life is better than it has been since his early diagnosis.
My son's condition is not about me. One thing I will say that has been very difficult and some can judge this statement as harshly as you want. Now, I am reliving my childhood in the worst way - watching people treat my son the way I was treated as a child, and worse.
In my experience, the World is not improving. We have a neighbor who removed her daughter from my son's 3rd grade class because she did not want her child exposed to a special needs child. We do not receive invitations to Birthday Parties or play dates or neighborhood parties (with or without children). When my son has a bad day and we are managing him outside the home, I receive the bad looks from Moms who obviously believe I am a bad parent. Recently I have learned to say "It is not bad parenting, it is Autism."
I know Cyndi is not a bad parent and neither am I.
I would say, we love our SPECIAL needs child as much, if not more, than a typically-developing child. To judge someone's love for their child is so unfair.
Cyndi, you are a brave woman to go on Dr. Phil and show the world how bad it can be. I really believe the reason some people judge so harshly is because no one wants to believe that this type of scenario can "just happen" to someone.
In closing, I don't want to make it sound as if there are not wonderful people in this World who treat my son and our family with compassion, kindness and support. However, these people are few and far between.
As people, I know we can do better.
(Original Air Dare: 03/25/08) Motherhood isn't always about the good times, like baking brownies and having game night with the family. Dr. Phil talks to women who say they can’t cope with their children, and they’re running out of resources. Robyn adopted her 10-year-old daughter, Alyssa, six years ago from the Ukraine and says she actually has thoughts of sending the girl back. Robyn says that Alyssa hasn’t bonded with her and doesn’t know how to love anyone. She says her daughter screams, cries, yells and even threatened to kill herself! Robyn’s husband, Joe, can’t imagine living without his adoptive daughter and intends to stand by his commitment to the child. What's the real reason Robyn never bonded with Alyssa? Then, Cyndi says if she’d known her 12-year-old son, Alex, had autism and Down syndrome, she may not have brought him into the world. She says he hits himself, screams, grunts at the top of his lungs and wears two pairs of diapers at a time because he’s not potty trained. Her husband, Ulis, says he doesn’t find it difficult to care for Alex, but Cyndi says she’s exhausted and overwhelmed. Should the boy be institutionalized? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks. Plus, meet a mom with four kids who’s already left home twice. Now she’s scared she may leave again — this time for good. Talk about the show here.
