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Topic : 03/31 Bruised and Battered

Number of Replies: 137
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:25:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Brutal assaults, violent outbursts and death threats -- not the behavior you would expect from your spouse. But what if the person who's supposed to love, honor and cherish you becomes the person you fear the most? Dr. Phil's guests say they know what it's like to live with a ticking time bomb who could snap at any moment. Jaycee says the man she married was a calm gentleman who never raised his voice. When his controlling ways became apparent just months into the marriage, she became suspicious but never expected him to hunt her down, shoot her and leave her for dead. Her ex-husband is now behind bars, but why does Jaycee still fear him? Jaycee's three children were traumatized when their mother was gunned down and still worry for her safety. What does Dr. Phil implore her to do in order to heal her family? Then, Keri says she's been beaten and choked by her husband, Henry. She says she fears dying by his hands, so why has she taken him back numerous times? Henry admits he's pushed his wife around but says Keri always strikes the first blow. He wants to reconcile with her, but are they ready to live under the same roof? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 31, 2008, 6:03 am CDT

"I've Been There

Fortunately I lived thru the worst 4+years of being violently beaten, kicked, punched, ran over, broken bones...squirted with lighter fluid,,,,you name it.  It changed me for the rest of my life..because of this excuse for a man....i have a very limited relationship with the daughter we share, who is soon to turn 18. i do not look forward to telling her that the father she thinks is so perfect, was a monster to me.  my heart goes out to these women because it is not easy to get out once you are in.  It took me a very long time. I did not leave with out both physical and emotional scars.  There is a race (for lack of a better word) of us out here.....The healing goes on and on.  I still find it very difficult to watch these shows.  I feel like i can spot an abuser a mile away.  You never forget......ever...

 
March 31, 2008, 6:26 am CDT

SAFEHARBOR

 I AM IN SAFE HARBOR FOR BATTERED WOMEN. I AM TRYING TO START OVER AGAIN.

  I AM IN SC , I NEED TO WORK SO I CAN GET A HOME. BUT WITH NO JOB THAT IS GOING TO HARD.

 HE WATCHES ME ALL THE TIME. HE IS A COP IN GREENVILLE, I CAN NOT GET HELP FROM THEM. THEY CALL HIM AND INFORM HIM I Was going to take out a stalking on him.

 
March 31, 2008, 6:29 am CDT

03/31 Bruised and Battered

another comment as i am watching.  The systems fails alot of women..it failed me.  on one particular occasion he had beaten me for about 6 hours...tried to run over me....he even kidnapped our daughter who was a baby....i jumped out of our car at a redlight in our town ....no one would help me....an angel picked me up and drove me to the state police dept.  from there they took me to the county....i had two black eyes, bruised everywhere.....i was begging them to please find my daughter.....after 4 hours a deputy, who i will never forget listened to  me and put the search thru to t he next county...they found him at amotel....when me and a friend went to get my child.....the deputy physically went to get her because i was afraid....he was still threatening to kill me.  i ended up in hospital in another town , i had to get about 6 -8 inched cut from my hair because he pulled so much out. the lady that cut it cried as she did it.  I  showed up for my court date, he was facing battery charges.  the magistrate asked him why he  had hit me..he said "i dont know"...that was it...he never served a day......he walked away.  how pathetic...of course this was some time ago...but come on......the police, officials, et c  need to step up.>>>>>>>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
March 31, 2008, 6:39 am CDT

a sad truth

I feel sad for Jaycee's family. She seems like a strong woman with great adult kids and none of them deserve this monser's rath. I hope they get the help, and protection, they need.

 

As for the second woman, she needs to understand that this is not something anyone should put up with and get her kids away from this guy.

 
March 31, 2008, 6:47 am CDT

safe harbor

 i am in a safe house now for battered women. he is a cop in greenville sc. i was in it for 30 years! i was told he had papers on my, meaning the marriage papers. he always said be fearful of him, be very fearful.

 he called me 20 to 30 times a day. he told me what to wear and who to talk to. he said i dumb. ugly, i was a freeloader, i was hit knocked over the sofa. i had to call him sir. he is going to kill me i know. but death will be better than looking over my shoulder 24 -7.  the police called him when i tried to take out a stalking report. saying , () is a good ole boy. he would never do that!!!  so ,, no report!!!!

 talk about the brother hood!!!! this not joke they stick togather, i have no hope.

 
March 31, 2008, 7:03 am CDT

Battered my 1st honeymoon night!

I am a survivor of 2 D.V. relationships. I married as a christian home-girl, professional, and virgin at age 21. I was the youth leader of my town and church that everyone looked up to. I was an elementary ed. school teacher and all I awaited was for prince charming to make me a happy wife and mother.

 

Guess what? The experienced 24 year old man that I married lost it my 1st night of honeymoon, since he became impatient; I was too darn "virgin" and penetration became  impossible! I was beaten on the bed as if I was a little girl being punished. I was called names as he spanked my body and his hands trembled in anger. I was in an emotional fog, shock and total confusion through out my whole week of honeymoon!!!

 

I attempted to call home (long distance-no cell phone back then), my parents weren't home.

Hence, the "go along with the drama-play" began. I had to fake that everything was well and try to smoothen his anger and make things work.Well for 7 years I tried, and dealing with his personality and bipolar issues never made our marriage work. I was able to survive a lengthy (3years) divorce torture.

 

However, as I claimed freedom from one nightmare, little could I realize that I stepped into a 2nd relationship, which eventually was a horror to my life, my 2 little princesses, and my family. I also survied 7 years with the 2nd love of my life, whom was really a thorn in my heart.

 

Now recently, I managed to forget about public criticism and stigmas, to overcome the fear of financial stressors, and in the name of my children, my students, my family, and the community whom I serve also as a part time Therapist, I walked myself to the court and filed myself for protection and for divorce.

I must thank the Lord that he put me in grace unto the judge and that judge took charge and made wise decisions to enforce protection for me and my children. Now I can say that I am 40 years old and feel like 20. I am married to God, my beautiful, talented, and excellent children.  I have been thru breakdowns in the privacy of my home. I have allowed myself to hurt. Hence now I feel free and can breathe peace. I am guiltless and remourseless, since it was I that Loved and wanted Love. When God created Man, I was his 1st fan to admire his masterpiece. Yet, it is sad that we must be cautious in selecting them!

 

Women must learn that these violent relationships do not improve. The probability for it to improve is MINOR yet the risks are Greater. I am blessed that I didn't pass away while I was being choked in a closet, that I am not paraplegic from the numerous pushed to the floor (even while 6 months pregnant) that I received. That I didn't die in a car accident as he sped under anger and wanted to die!

 

 I look forward to opening a Domestic Violence Support Center with the assisstance of my daughter when she finished Law School.  Since, the most difficult stage is the initial one; getting help and walking  out!

My heart goes out to all the victims!!!

 

Clara

 

 

 
March 31, 2008, 7:40 am CDT

The Ruby Slippers

Quote From: tashadog

 i am in a safe house now for battered women. he is a cop in greenville sc. i was in it for 30 years! i was told he had papers on my, meaning the marriage papers. he always said be fearful of him, be very fearful.

 he called me 20 to 30 times a day. he told me what to wear and who to talk to. he said i dumb. ugly, i was a freeloader, i was hit knocked over the sofa. i had to call him sir. he is going to kill me i know. but death will be better than looking over my shoulder 24 -7.  the police called him when i tried to take out a stalking report. saying , () is a good ole boy. he would never do that!!!  so ,, no report!!!!

 talk about the brother hood!!!! this not joke they stick togather, i have no hope.

 

        Yes, you do have hope.  Do you remember the movie The Wizard of Oz?  

        Girlfriend in South Carolina, you got to get yourself your own pair of Ruby Slippers.  The Good Witch of the North placed them on your feet.  It is the power to change your own life.  Your ex may be very upset, and raving a bit like the Wicked Witch of the West.  Let him.  That power belongs with you.  It is not his property.

       Get revenge by living a happy life.

 
March 31, 2008, 9:00 am CDT

Been there done that

It disgusts me, when women whom have never been in a D.V. relationship can sit there and point a finger at us, and say that we're stupid for staying, going back, and that they would never allow themselves to get into that kind of relationship. They obviosly have no idea what happens. It's not like our prospective partner at the time came up to us and said hey guess what im going to beat you down emotionally, beat you up physically and just for kicks i might rape you from time to time. Do these women honestly think that we would have just jumped right into the relationship had we known this? When I met my ex, he swept me off my feet and impressed ALL of my friends and family. EVERYONE loved him, but then as the relationship progressed I saw a little bit of a temper, and I would think, oh he's just having a bad day, he didnt mean it, and than something else would happen, and you think, Oh he's stressed out at work, he didnt mean it, and the next thing you know, and not untill it's too late, you realize that you were being groomed. emotionally abused, groomed to lower your self esteem, and to make you feel like you deserve the attacks. And soon his anger turns to violence, maybe not directed at you first, but throwing chairs, or punching holes in the wall, and when you see that anger in his eyes, and you hear the truth in his voice when he says your next, you believe him. And why dont women leave right away? Money is a big one, especially if your abuser is the main provider, or lack of family support because he's probably isloated you and you have no one to turn too, imagine that when you want to leave with children, but mostly fear. Because when you've been set on fire, like i have, raped like i have, beaten while pregnant and had a loaded gun pointed at your belly like i have, you have no doubt in your mind that if you leave, he will come through on his promise to kill you. And statistics show that the most dangerous point for a victim of domestic abuse is when she leaves. Leaving increases her chances of being killed much more than staying in the relationship. But I left, and I am okay, and my son is okay, and we are safe for the time. It's been almost 3 years, have moved three times, have switched phone numbers over a dozen times, and yet he still stalks us. But I have a house, and a job, and great family support now, so dont judge me and call me stupid for this relationship. I have learned such a great lesson, and so should you, never say never.
 
March 31, 2008, 9:06 am CDT

03/31 Bruised and Battered

I will NEVER understand why these women continue to live in these abusive relationships for years and years, and go back so many times!!

 

I've been in that situation....I got out! That's what you do. You don't put your children in jeopardy; you don't stay because you don't want to get out in the big bad world and go to work; you don't stay because you want to live in a "nice" house; you don't stay because it's "easier", or you're scared, or whatever. You GET OUT!! If you don't want to do it for yourself, you find the strength to do it for your children!

Go to www.nononsensegrammytree.blogspot.com, click on January and find the article titled "Even A Turtle......" for some ideas on how to leave an abusive relationship. Also, go to February and find "Before You Say I Do" and "But I Love Him".

Women today have so many more resources than I had back in the 60's. I was only 18 when I left, and we had a two year old son. My husband never put a hand on me in anger until after we were married.  I didn't grow up in an abusive home so all this was a shock to me.....but, I got out.

 

 

 
March 31, 2008, 9:26 am CDT

WITHOUT CONSCIENCE - RECOGNIZING THE REMORSELESS

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes sociopaths more charming or interesting than the other people around them.  They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Female Serial Killers:  How and Why Women Become Monsters by Peter Vronsky OR Serial Killers:  The Method and Madness of Monsters by Peter Vronsky

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg OR Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare

 

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse:  Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence:  Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe  

 

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg OR The Psychology of Lust Murder:  Paraphilia, Sexual Killing, and Serial Homicide by Catherine Purcell and Bruce Arrigo

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Fundamentally, sociopaths are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths learn early on to show fake emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering.  They live to dominate and thrive for the thrill to win.  We all almost certainly know at least one or more sociopaths already.

 

Hope it helps! 

 

 
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