Quote From: petsteacherMoments before turning on the TV to watch this show, I had just arrived home from the police station. Once again, I sat and begged the Lieutenant to file the charges for a violation of a restraining order. The batterer had someone else call me with vile threats. He has carried out these threats before. I have had the restraining order for over a year and an half, and he has violated it over 12 times. Each and every time he calculated these efforts ahead of time to violate in a way in which it cannot be proven. When we do bring the charges, we lose the case. When we don't, the violation feels twice as bad, because the police won't even try.
Today, I told the police Lieutenant that I thought he had some kind of surveilance in my house. The lieutenant was totally dismissive-- "he is not smart enough, he cant do that, its complicate to "bug" (sarcastic tone) a house" was his response. At the end of the conversation, I asked him who I might call if I wanted to have my house checked for surveilance. "I don"t know, secret squirrel" was his reply.
Moments later I hear your guest say that her batterer had a GPS device on her car.
Put down. Dismissed. Mde fun of in tone, attitude, and then even in words. When I talk to the chief, she defends her men to the death: They take domestic violence very very seriously....."
Ya, right. When the police won't file the charges, when the judges dismiss the charges because the batterer lies and lies on the stand - every woman that has had any experience with the laws knows that they are a farce. And I live in the state with the strongest domestic violence laws in the nation!
Every place that I have turned to, I have been made to feel like I am a participant in the abuse.
I called the batterer's probation officer and told him the story, and his response was "You two have to stop contacting eachother." I answered: NO, sir, you do NOT understand. I would not ever contact this man. This is not a back-and-forth thing. This is an evil evil evil man that is trying to destroy my life."
How much clearer must one be?
WOMEN EITHER DO NOT TAKE ACTION OR SECOND GUESS THEIR DECISIONS BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE A PARTICIPANT, OR ARE EXAGGERATING, OR ARE JUST PLAIN WRONG.
THE LAW DOES NOT WORK. THE LAW CANNOT PROTECT A BATTERED WOMAN, BUT THE POLICE HIDE BEHIND DOING EVERYTHING BY THE LAW.
I did get one thing from this show. I have been insistent on documenting every situation, even if the police will not file the charges. One of your guests mentioned the felony stalking law. I am quite sure that it has no teeth, because all of these violations would probably have to be convictions, but I am going to check in to it.
The irony is that I don't care if he gets punished, I just want him to stay away from me. He gets angered by my filing the charges, but if he would just stay away, he wouldn't have to deal with the police or the courts!!
I am afraid for my safety. I am afraid for my pet's safety. I am afraid that he will destroy my career, because I work with children. And no one can stop it.
I totally agree! We've been down this road with my parents and now my daughter, who's ex threateend to blow up a building AND had (and may still have) access to the explosives to do it and they still do not seem to do anything. The police in a neighboring town, ironically where the courthouse adn my daughter's activity genrally is, despite her calling them numerous times, as well as going to the station AND me calling them as well (I also have a restraining order (CRO, NOT a TRO or regular RO, as he went off the deep end with me as well!) The police do NOT take these matters seriously, and I think the reason may be that this is "OK" at many of their homes, as it seems to be a fairly well known fact in our area that there are those working in law enforcement (or so I am told) who abuse children, wives, husbands and so on... thus they don't see anything wrong with the abuse and craziness.
When I lived in the very town I am talking about, a woman was murdered because of lack of the poice dept.'s actions (this is well recorded) until a wman who moved down the street's ex-husband waiting for his ex-wife (who BTW had a restraining order) and killed her date, had a standoff withpolice for about 2 hours (I STILL don't get why a sharpshooter didn't take him out) then he killed her then himself. It changed not only the family's lives, but changed the entire neighborhood! I didn't know this woman, but I *do* know many of us left the neighborhood very soon afterwards, and as I stayed on longer, I saw that the people moving into the neighborhood were the same sort of people (a lot of drugs and abusers started moving in and we left after our lease was up as well as many other neighbors who left before we did!) Our once peaceful and nice neighborhood had turned into a haven for abusers and the like and from what I can tell, the place never did really recover. I will NEVER forget the gunshots that rang out that night, my friend, who lived behind this event on the next street, calling me asking at around 2am if they could come over, as there was someone shooting behind their house.
I can't even count the times my daughter's ex has broken the restaining order terms, AND come to the realization that he will likely not see more than the day or two he spent in jail. She's moved, changed her phone numbers, etc.
I would add one more VERY IMPORTANT item to the list of things to do when leaving an abuser...
DO NOT USE YOUR MEDICAL INSURANCE!!! (This is how this man found my daughter's address, phone number, etc. out at least once or twice, as the kids were on his insurnace!)
You'd think this guy would be put behind bars for a seriously long time. It took nearly a year for us to get to court and all they did was to give him probation, and the probation officer doesn't care, and apparently seem to have taken no action. We even contacted the licensing agency where he has/had his pyrotechnics license (the state fire marshall), and he called my daughter on her unlisted number to tell her that all he did was have a talk with him & he laughed about it.
VERY scary indeed... The laws need to change as well as adding penalties for law enforcement NOT taking action! (lawsuit only drain the money of tax payers - they don't do a thing for those affectec by abuse those affected by a killing, etc.) ANd certainly not the people who neglect to take action when this stuff is reported...
In our area, the judge and DA will not take a case if it doesn't come down through the police dept., who as I said before, generally will not even so much as take a report....
There needs to be a direct line of communication with the DA's office and the judge if the DA will not act, which they will often not do with even a CRO.
Felony? Who are you kidding? I've decided I have had to take my own action to protect myself, my daughter and grnadkids. Take up target shooting at a local range!
Brutal assaults, violent outbursts and death threats -- not the behavior you would expect from your spouse. But what if the person who's supposed to love, honor and cherish you becomes the person you fear the most? Dr. Phil's guests say they know what it's like to live with a ticking time bomb who could snap at any moment. Jaycee says the man she married was a calm gentleman who never raised his voice. When his controlling ways became apparent just months into the marriage, she became suspicious but never expected him to hunt her down, shoot her and leave her for dead. Her ex-husband is now behind bars, but why does Jaycee still fear him? Jaycee's three children were traumatized when their mother was gunned down and still worry for her safety. What does Dr. Phil implore her to do in order to heal her family? Then, Keri says she's been beaten and choked by her husband, Henry. She says she fears dying by his hands, so why has she taken him back numerous times? Henry admits he's pushed his wife around but says Keri always strikes the first blow. He wants to reconcile with her, but are they ready to live under the same roof? Talk about the show here.
