Topic : 08/14 Hitting Rock Bottom

I married my EX-HUSBAND at the age of 22 and we had a beautiful daughter.  Come to find out she too had a disability, epilepsy.  The doctors believed it was due to his excessive drinking and substance abuse in his younger years (and come to find out, for many years while we were together).  He would drink a gallon of Southern Comfort a night and pass out.  Many times, he would urinate in the bed, or the laundry hamper, or pretty much anywhere else in the house.  The final blow came when in a drunken stupor, he threw the phone through the sliding glass door and attacked me.  I had urged him to seek help, AA; I even went to the AL ANON meetings for family members of alcoholics.  When they told me, the best thing was to wait it out for two years before making a life changing decision, I decided it was not for me.  I booted him out, found a job (I was a stay at home mother) and started my life again, caring for my daughter, alone.  To this day, he does not call, write or have anything to do with his child.   Fortunately, it worked for me.  My daughter outgrew her epilepsy and financially, I am fine.  No one has to deal with living with ANY kind of addict.  There is help for people who truly need and want it.  Don't raise a child in an unhappy or unhealthy home.  The children are more important than anything else.

Shauna'a husband is an alcoholic.  My husband is two years sober.  He no longer blames me for "causing" his drinking, he understands that my reactions are based on his actions.  If he's going to be late, he calls me, not because I ask him to, but because he acknowledges his past behavior and feels that I still may wonder.  In 1999, I lost my daughter, who was special-needs all her life.  That is a huge emotional, physical, and financial responsibility.  Her husband's alcoholism adds to her stress.  Let him go.  If he chooses to, he'll get it right...as my husband did.  She can't fix him.  I believe she's hanging on to him because she fears being alone with her child under the circumstances.  If he doesn't get it right in time, he'll have regrets.  What time is he missing with his terminal child right now, when he's in his alcoholic state?  He needs to put his child and family first.  He's selfish...as all alcoholics are.

I just want to say that I understand what they both are going through and pray that they can make it through these trials.  My husband of 4 1/2 years and I have a son that passed away in Oct 2005 from a inoperable brain tumor.  His case was undetected, so his passing nearly happened overnight.  I really don't know if  we would have made it had we known earlier and seen him suffering.  I commend them both for having the strength to do the treatments and take care of their son at home.

 

On the other hand, I can relate to Shauna's feelings of being all alone in the situation.  My husband drinks daily and never seems to think of me or our daughter.  His drinking kept him from spending time with our son... not knowing that we would only have him for 21 months.... and it continues to keep him from spending time with our 1 year old daughter.  I also think that Shauna's disapproval with Kevin in all areas results from the drinking and grief.  If she feels like I do, the anger over the drinking and what it does to their life, pushes her to "hate" much more about him.  My husband is not who he once was either. 

 

I must say she seems so strong, but I know that a person can only handle so much on their own.  I hope that with Dr. Phil's help and the help of the Lord, their marriage can be saved.  I live by the blessed hope that through Christ's sacrifice at Calvary many years ago, I will see my little boy in Heaven one day.  Jesus loves the little children!!

I have been married to a gambler at times he is in remission and other times he is actively seeking a fix for his addiction.  I can tell you that many times I have wanted to walk away two years ago I seeked out a facility for gambling addicts.  I felt my husband would benefit from a facility that focuses on the addiction of gambling. I found a great facility in Baltimore Maryland called Harbor Pointe it was one of the best things that he did with his life well that was two years ago and to begin to tell you what this addiction has done to our lives financial, emotional, and spritual it was and has been devastating I have been taking Oprah's class new earth and have finally but it into place for me especially now I can now see his pain body. I am sad to say and glad to say my husband had a slip about a month ago he can return to the facility free of charge for more treatment but has decided to do counciling here and I hope he will one day find peace with himself I highly recommend Harbor Pointe and will be grateful forever to them it has started the road of recovery for both my husband and myself and our family good luck

..beating Kevin to death! My heart is broken for this couple. Their child is dying. No one should ever have to face that, but where does that leave her?? Where is HER escape?? She's desperately trying to care for a dying chld, and she also has to deal with his drinking??

 

My son is autistic. I have serious neurological conditions that can kill me, and for four years, my husband hid at work, even when he didn't have to because he couldn't face life at home. I screamed at him that if I died, so would our son because his father couldn't get his head out of his ass.

 

Thank God he listened. Our son is better, I am better, and our marriage is solid, but this one will fail if he doesn't wake the hell up.

 

LIZARD :(

   DRUNKS ARE NO FUN MY EX WAS A DRUNK AND HE BET ON ME AND IT IS NOT FUN.

AND WOMEN PUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE YOU CAN DO BETTER AND DR PHIL

  YOU SHOULD OF TOLD THEM JUST THAT.

DON'T YOU THINK THE KIDS ARE HAVING FUN AND OUR KIDS AND GRAND KIDS ARE SMALL FOR A

VERY SHORT TIME.

AND LISA YOUR OLDEST IS GOING TO HATE HER FATHER LATER IN LIFE.

  AND ONCE A DRUNK ALWAYS A DAM DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND WHY WOULD THESE WOMEN PUT THEM THREW THIS???

 I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT IS ALL WAYS THE WIFE'S DOING ISN'T IT THESE MEN CANT STAND ON THEIR OWN DAM FEET??? WHATS UP WITH THAT??

AND DR PHIL SHAM ON YOU!!

                                                                                  i HOPE THAT GOD WILL BE THEIR FOR THE WOMEN AND KIDS

I love Dr. Phil and do respect his viewpoint.  However, I think he threw this gambler that was on the show under the bus by not offering him immediate help.  Does this guy need to "earn" help, maybe.  But no more so then the alcoholic that appeared on todays show.  I am an addidtions therapist so I'm not ignorant of the disease.

 

Dr. Phil, I understand your point.  But will be you please reconsider getting this guy some much needed help?  Now?  If not for him, for his family?

My husband works everyday, two jobs, no children in the home, pays the bills, and doesn,t cheat. So you ask "What's the problem?' the problem is that he is a drinking "lighetweight". after beer 3 he enters into a "zone" that he can go from "happy buzz" to "mean drunk". He is on the fight. He lashes out verbally until there is a definate confrontation. He refuses to "stop" the beratting. He brings up events that are not accurately discribed. He hates me for everything and yet 'swears' he loves me while he is crushing me.

In the grand scheme of things.................your are right. What do I have to complain about. Just terror in my heart everytime I hear him 'slur'.

      I have been where she has been . I put up with his gambling for three years. I never knew if we were gonna have a place to live or electricity or a phone. So I finally filed for divorce. I could not love him anymore. He has not seen his kids in 10yrs. My oldest son graduated and he did not show up.I don't know what else to say but I am still angry at him for not staying in touch. He never has payed child support.He always said he would get help.I wish at that time I had Dr.Phil.

 

I agree with the quote above.  I was disheartened to see the difference in how Dr. Phil treated the African man with an addiction compared to the caucasian man with an addiction. I too think he "left this guy hanging out to dry. "