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Topic : 08/14 Hitting Rock Bottom

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Created on : Friday, March 28, 2008, 02:28:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/02/08) Is your life in the ditch, and you can’t see a way out of the quagmire? Dr. Phil's guests say they've lost money and careers, and now they fear losing their family. Lisa says she feels betrayed because her estranged husband, Anthony, is leading a double life. She says Anthony had a great career as an accountant, but was secretly gambling their money away. Now he’s jobless, homeless and living in their minivan, which is about to be repossessed. Anthony invited the Dr. Phil cameras along to capture his life on the streets, and you won’t believe where he winds up at the end of the day! Anthony says he knows his gambling addiction is out of control and says he wants to be back home with his wife and four kids. Can he cash in his chips for good, or will his addiction cost him his family? Then, Shauna says her life is unbearable. She and her husband, Kevin, have filed for bankruptcy, the IRS is knocking at their door, and they’re taking care of a terminally ill son. Shauna says Kevin’s heavy drinking only adds to the chaos, but Kevin doesn’t think he has a problem. Is Shauna overreacting, or is Kevin an alcoholic in denial? Can this marriage be saved? Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.


 
maddies_mom08
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April 5, 2008, 8:44 pm PDT

Can you really judge their marriage a mockery in 20 minutes?

Quote From: ramair

Alcoholism is high on Dr Phil's list of marital deal-breakers. If Kevin is an alcoholic, especially if he's in denial, there's no sense in saving this mockery of a marriage. Hasn't he dragged Shauna low enough already?

Two questions:

   Are your married?

   Is your child terminally ill?

 

If your answer to either if these is no, then you are ignorant to the situation and really should not speak.  If you think that your marriage would not be strained by watching a person you love more than anything suffer (potentially at your hand while performing a procedure, and potentially with them in a state that they don't know why they hurt, just that they hurt - have you ever heard that cry?  I have, it is haunting and very sad), then you are delusional.  These conditions are very difficult, and the love that these people have for their child is obviously immense.

 

I think that if they can find a way to work through this, they will have a marriage stronger than most can imagine.  They have faced down the worst possible scenario.  This is  a real problem, and is not easy at all.
 
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peterspumpkin
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April 6, 2008, 8:40 am PDT

I wouldn't tell them that...

Quote From: fromthesquare

Pumpkin- I have 5 kids too.  I don't know how you do it with this problem that you are treating on your own.  Imagine how great you could be if you didn't have this inner turmoil!  The part of your post that worries me is the part where you say that you would rather have your kids find you hung over than hanging in the closet.  Maybe you were just making a cute play on words.  If you really consider killing yourself, show up in an ER and they send you home after telling them that- then you need to move.  They are required to admit you if you are a threat to yourself or others. 
You can rest assured I wouldn't kill myself for 2 reasons. 1 is I wouldn't want my children to go through that and 2 is I'd just screw it up anyway! I wouldn't tell the ER that though, they would commit me and I would surely lose my kids. My ex is just waiting for something like that so he can swoop in and finish the job. He's been trying to get them for 3 years which is alot of the reason I'm so screwed up right now. I don't have a lawyer and the battle is taking it's toll on me. If he gets them, I won't have any reason to hang around this world. So partly, it was true, but as long as I have them, we're safe.
 
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peterspumpkin
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April 6, 2008, 8:43 am PDT

I was not trying to discount her pain...

Quote From: maddies_mom08

I think that the mother's training as a nurse puts her in a more difficult position.  She has to be clinical and detached professionally, and seeing this detached side of yourself expressed toward your children creates a huge internal rift, and probably makes you hate yourself a little inside every time you see it.  I guarantee that at this point, he is a nurse for all practical purposes, especially regarding caring for a child with his son's conditions. 

 

I think that this is a real problem, not a make believe silly problem to stew over like most people have.  I think that sometimes there is no silver lining at the end of the day, and that what you experience as the parent of an ill child literally tears you apart from the inside.  I think that it is very, very difficult.

She is a mother above and beyond all else. I was not trying to take anything away from the pain she is feeling. What I was trying to say is that some people are cut out to do that kind of thing (give babies shots and such) and some are not. I don't see that I could ever do something like that. I couldn't even be in the room with my kids when they were getting their immunizations! I know, I'm a big wimp, but I also know that I'm not the only one who is like that. All I want people to understand is that he's not this Alcoholic Monster. He's an alcoholic, yes, but he's a loving father who's world has been torn to shreds. He's just not handling it well. He needs somebody to help him handle it, not criticize him for handling it the wrong way.
 
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determined08
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April 7, 2008, 9:13 am PDT

Denial

Did anyone else see this show besides me?

 

Kevin is in absolute denial about being an alcoholic.  He blamed Shauna for everything and used that to justify his addiction.  This marriage will not make it if he doesn't claim his role and take necessary action to make changes.  Shauna sat on that stage and admitted her short comings but I did not see that from Kevin.  Nothing can change until the addiction is admitted and addressed.  Addiction is highly destructive.
 
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ramair
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April 8, 2008, 2:01 pm PDT

04/02 Hitting Rock Bottom

Quote From: maddies_mom08

Two questions:

   Are your married?

   Is your child terminally ill?

 

If your answer to either if these is no, then you are ignorant to the situation and really should not speak.  If you think that your marriage would not be strained by watching a person you love more than anything suffer (potentially at your hand while performing a procedure, and potentially with them in a state that they don't know why they hurt, just that they hurt - have you ever heard that cry?  I have, it is haunting and very sad), then you are delusional.  These conditions are very difficult, and the love that these people have for their child is obviously immense.

 

I think that if they can find a way to work through this, they will have a marriage stronger than most can imagine.  They have faced down the worst possible scenario.  This is  a real problem, and is not easy at all.

If I shouldn't speak on this message board, neither should you! I'm an American exercising the same rights of self-expression as you. And, I'm doing so at Dr Phil's invitation. Extended to every viewer with internet access. Whether you agree with them or not. And, I'm not the only poster who thinks Keven's drinking is good reason for Shauna to leave him. Have you replied to the rest of them? As you have to me?
 
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debuinpeaks
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April 9, 2008, 12:31 pm PDT

Can we help?

 I know Shauna and Kevin have out of desperation chosen some bad coping mechanisms like Dr. Phil suggested, but I couldn't help but see incredible love and dignity in both of them beneath their behavior.  Is there any way to create some kind of fund to help them?  Personally I could only offer $25, but there is strength in numbers!

I've never written to a show before, but then I've never felt so touched like I was by this dear couple.
 
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violettsun
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April 9, 2008, 3:54 pm PDT

Wine Drinker

There is no question that you need to be relieved of your pain. But remember the end game . I don't know you but I say give it GOOD GO  . If you feel that you need to drink ,have a glass of wine. Heck have a LARGE glass. But only ONE. When the feeling of comfort comes through Via the Wine ...feel the gratitude of God

giving you some peace.  God knows we need to take the edge off somehow!  Then Stop I am not kidding stop and FEEL. If you start to drink more pour your wife a glass yes just one then make love or pack your little one up and take a walk together.,find a beauty of Nature and gaze into it TOGETHER.  Anything to get a healthy release. We all have a long road ahead of us.Hold hands and do it together.
 
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fromthesquare
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April 9, 2008, 6:05 pm PDT

You go Ramair!

Quote From: ramair

If I shouldn't speak on this message board, neither should you! I'm an American exercising the same rights of self-expression as you. And, I'm doing so at Dr Phil's invitation. Extended to every viewer with internet access. Whether you agree with them or not. And, I'm not the only poster who thinks Keven's drinking is good reason for Shauna to leave him. Have you replied to the rest of them? As you have to me?
Certainly everyone does not know what it is like to care for a terminally ill child.  It must be the worst kind of pain.  But certainly getting drunk is not helping the situation.  It numbs the pain for the one doing the drinking.  For the short term any way.  The poor mother is left with a terminally ill child and a drunk husband.  I am sure that she needs the support that only he, as father, can give.  I hope he gets the help he needs.  If not he is in the way and distracting the mother from the child.  You have the right to your opinion.  We don't need to all have the same problems to give suggestions.  Sometimes it is easier to see things from the outside looking in.

To the mother that you are responding to- you are in my prayers.  I know that you have had a rough road.
 
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lmhawk1
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April 9, 2008, 8:37 pm PDT

I thought I was the only perso who felt this way

Quote From: nicky1

 I agree the gambler needs help just as much as the alcholic

 If a gambler or any addict can quit using only  their own will power for 30 days there would'nt be the need for AA or Ga groups.

 Come on Dr, Phil get a grip here.

No matter what the addiction is,  every addicted pereson needs help to quit!

 I'm usually very much in agreement with the "swift kick in the pants" that he usually gives a guest when they need it, but not offering the gambler help until he can "prove himself" just didn't seem fair.  It even seemed harsh in contrast to how he responded to the second guest.

Seemed like he ripped the gambler a new tush hole, told him he was an MBA so he was smart enough to get his act together and then moved him right along.  I just think he was way too tough and instead of helping the man get to the root of what might be wrong and offering counseling and follow up...he kinda just said "get outta here".

So why did the alcoholic get help?  Isn't he destroying his family and himself in much the same way?  Now he did give him some "tough love" Dr. Phil style, but was he more reserved because the man's son has a terminal illness?

I was left wondering if the gambler pissed Dr. Phil off during one of the commercial breaks or what?  Seemed like he just wanted to get him off the stage.
 
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jacksvaughan
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April 9, 2008, 8:43 pm PDT

eye opening

I am married to a man who has both, a drinking and gambling problem, his hang up is scratch offs. He to drinks to escape stress and cope. Dr. Phil said alot of things that touched home. This show made me even more thankful for my two healthy, perfect kids. I was inspired to seek outside help, I realize that we cannot fix these problems on our own no matter how much we would like to. I also felt less alone in dealing with this and also a little afraid at the same time. We are down, but we arent out yet. Thanks Dr. Phil for giving me and my family hope and inspiration. I will be saying a prayer for that woman and her child, and also thanking God for my children, and asking for the strength to overcome these problems and be a happy family. 
 
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