Topic : 08/14 Hitting Rock Bottom

 What Dr Phill said is right on. I hope you sought treatment For your Family & your sake. I am a recovered alcolic. Thanks To God & AA. Your Son & Wife Need you. So Please Get Help.

Why are you not mentioning Alanon and/or AA for this couple? These programs have a high success rate and I think they should be mentioned as an option.

Alcoholism is such a terrible disease. I also grew up with an alcoholic father and now have an 18 year old alcoholic daughter. She has been out of her second rehab for a little more than 2 months and after a few weeks of being home she relapsed and has been drinking ever since. She does nothing but lie to me and steal from me and my other two kids. She was arrested last week for being drunk in a car with a drunk driver and having open booze in the car. This is not her first arrest but it is her first arrest as an adult. I finally had to say to her that she either needed to get back  into treatment or live somewhere else because we can't live this way anymore. She chose to leave and it is breaking my heart. I hope someday soon she will see what her life is becoming and decide to get some help and be a part of her family that love her so much. The only one that can make that decision is her.

My ex-husband was exactly the same way, living in his car, stealing from friends and family. He even stole from our child's piggy bank two weeks after the child was born.  He disapears for days, weeks, even months. He has put his family through hell. He is not a part of our child's life, nor does he pay a penny in child support.  I left him when our child was two weeks old. I gave him numerous chances prior, and when he took off for vegas when I was nine months pregnant, I let him stay for the birth and that was it. In spite of losing everything numerous times, as he continues to lose people all the time, he has not changed a bit.  He sounds exactly like this guy from Dr. Phil! arguing over stupid things, like whether or not he gambled $60. It's just a way to avoid the topic.  Ironically, after my child turned four and I was under stress for many reasons, I slowly progressed into becoming an alcoholic.  It started the same way as the other guest. Two glasses of wine per night, which eventually led to two bottles over a long period of time.  When I realized I was affecting my ability to provide a safe home environment and I owed my students a teacher who was coherent and with it during the day-I sought help.  I have struggled with it for over a year and have had one relapse.  The fact of the matter is EVERYONE has stress, a lot of us have had rough childhoods, and a lot of us have lost people or relationships, been betrayed, and all the above.  However, it's not just about YOU.  I struggle with alcholism everyday, but I refuse to ever give up, because I have a beautiful child, people who depend on me (family and students) and I owe them and myself. I used to think I was too hard on my ex-husband, but now that I struggle with an addiction I am all the more convinced I did the right thing, by my and my child.  I work to not drink, and yes it's hard, but overcoming an addiction is possible for everyone, and I am more disgusted with him six years later than ever... No one with an addiction deserves slack, including ME! We ARE FULLY aware when we have one, you become a slave to the habit, you tell yourself you will stop but you don't. No one is in denial, they just deny it, so they don't have to stop doing it. People make mistakes, I do not doubt that I could easily fall again, maybe again, and again, but you don't give up and you don't use your addiction as an excuse to abandon the people who love and count on you!  There is my two cents!

Uhhhh, he did, pay attention

My son's father died a violent death this past March.  He was drunk & fell & hit his head & died.  His body was not found for 4 days later.  Everyone had everyone had washed their hands of him. My son had to go to California & take care of his apartment & his bills & clean everythng up. It was not an easy thing for him to do. His sister went with him so he wasn't alone. His father was a very smart man & he did not die with dignity. People die or go insane or both.  This is the worst death anyone can go through. I am angry because he knew that there was help out there for him but he chose not to take it.  He left his son with a new pickup & a watch & bills.  This man was 59 years old & he died in a cheap aparment & nothing else. It was sad. I was still in touch with him. We had been divorced for 30 years. I went to school with him & saw what alchol did to him.  It's a very ugly life & a very slow death.  He hurt his son & the rest of his family to the point that they are still angry with him.

I love Dr. Phil abd don't kow if he has ever read the 'Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous' As a recovering alcoholic myself I am compelled to write this suggestion as found in the Big Book. It is simply the acceptance found on page 449, third edition of the Big Book of A.A. It is as clear and as simple as I have ever known anything. It may not be easy but it is simple and that's what works for me. It goes something lie this

"Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place or thing,or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place or thingor situation as being exactly the it is  supposed to be at htis moment. Nothing absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake." This is staight out of the BB.  I can not change the world but I can change me and how I react to the world, that is my thought as I watched the show today. Once we accept life on life's terms then at that point I am ok today because that is all I have is today. The AA suggestion for the read is the first 164 pages is a must read for anybody even if nothing is wrong with them. This is what our sponsors tell the newcomers. 

lauirevw59

You mention that the first 164 pages are good for anyone to read even if there is nothing wrong with them. I am not an alcoholic or an addict but I am disabled and my pain is getting worse. Actually, it is getting to the point to where it is no longer tolerable. I assume this would be a good read for me, what do you think? And if so, where would someone find this book? Thank you!

 

P.S. I need all of the coping skills that I can find!

This sounds like a very sad situation and I feel for your children. My father was not an alcoholic but worked out of town due to the profession that he was in. This story reminded me of when he too died suddenly from a massive heart attack at the age of 47. He had just arrived back in Fort Collins Co. the very day he died. My brother was with him and they were traveling back to where my father worked and my brother was supposed to go on to South Dakota to the Air Force Base where he was stationed. They had both just spent two weeks at home for Christmas. Anyway, they had just arrived that morning and my father was showing him the golf course that he was building when he died. My brother and one of my older sisters had to fly back to Co. to pack up my dads place and drive his pickups back home to Calif.. That is very difficult for any child to go through. Plus they were still fairly young at the time, just past 20 or so. It's heartbreaking!

 

I can't imagine how it must have felt for you and your children to know that he hadn't been found for 4 days. It a shame what alcohol can do. But I have to state one thing that I feel is incorrect. It really isn't the worst death that anyone can go through. It's definitely a difficult and heartbreaking way, and the misery along the way is extremely sad. Again, my heart goes out to all of your family and I hope they are able to on get with their lives and recover from the anger that they feel.